Chapter 4 #2
I handed him what he needed and we talked for a while longer.
The truth was, my brother was right. The situation I was placed in was impossible.
Did I wish I wouldn’t have shot my wife in the process?
Yes, but for a nigga to be in my bedroom half-dressed and start blasting at me…
that said something. It didn’t make the weight any lighter or the guilt any better.
My daughter was motherless at the end of the day.
When I left my brother’s spot I headed home, texting Jade and telling her I couldn’t do dinner tonight.
I hoped she understood, but if she didn’t I couldn’t really bother with that right now.
When I made it home, I didn’t immediately go in.
I stood out on my porch for a minute, looking out at the open space and earth.
In the midst of everything going on, my mind was sure to remind me that my problem was minuscule in comparison to others.
I carried the weight of killing my wife and leaving my only child motherless while others carried so much more.
I had just landed from a business trip in Crescent Falls.
I was paid to cook for a boxer and his family for their son’s third birthday party.
I wasn’t supposed to get home until tomorrow, but I figured why not surprise my wife, seeing as how we hadn’t been on the best of terms. I wanted to change that, to somehow come back to what we used to be.
When I walked into the house, I noted the two wine glasses on the coffee table and told myself she probably had friends over. That was her normal motion. She always had somebody in the house because she didn’t do well with being alone. She had been that way since before Aja.
I heard giggling in the bedroom and moved toward it. Something told me to shut up. I did as I moved stealthily through my own home in the direction of the laughter.
Before I turned the knob on the door, I heard a man’s voice.
“You know when it’s just me and you this shit will be so much easier.”
My face immediately turned up as I heard my wife then tell the motherfucker she loved him and didn’t care how long it took before they could be together.
How was she promising another motherfucker forever when we had taken vows for that very thing?
I saw red and opened the door to confront the bullshit I was hearing.
What I didn’t expect was for shots to come my way the minute I entered, like he had his piece in his hand.
She screamed when she saw me and I ducked back out of the room because whoever he was sent enough bullets to take my head off.
My hand went to my gun seconds later. I sent shots of my own into the room, not giving a damn that she was in there. My anger had clouded my judgment so damn bad; her choices made her life insignificant to me.
The sound of wood splitting broke my flashback as I once again found myself unable to think of anything but that night.
I swung the hatchet again, this time totally splitting the wood.
I replaced the wood and repeated the motion a few more times before stepping back and looking at the chopped-up pieces before me.
I had been out here since I made it home and realized sleep wasn’t in the cards.
Once finished, I pulled the blunt from behind my ear and put it to my lips.
With the pocket torch I kept on me, I lit up.
For a moment I stood there before I backed up against the wooden porch steps and took a seat.
My body was exhausted, but my mind wasn’t.
I had tried everything to get some rest. Everything to exhaust myself.
A few days later…
Jade’s face had been ingrained in my brain heavily these last few days.
Something about her whole being felt like light.
I wanted to know her in a way I didn’t know anyone else, shit, apparently not even the woman I married.
I had only been around Jade a few times, but I could tell she had a down-to-earth spirit.
Not only that, but she was a go-getter. She wasn’t the type to sit pretty while anybody did the grunt work.
She did her own grunt work and handled business.
In her I could also see a woman so driven that she didn’t realize when she was running on fumes.
She was everything for everybody, never giving herself the proper time to just be.
I didn’t know all there was to know about her, but something in me wanted her to be whatever she wanted …
with me. I felt her energy from the moment I saw her at the pool party, then at the restaurant when she wore her emotions on her face.
My thoughts of her were interrupted by the vibrating of my phone in my pocket. When I pulled it out and saw it was Lois calling, I answered.
“Exactly what are you doing up at this god-awful time of the morning?” she asked me, then spoke to Kie. “You were right. He’s up.”
“If you didn’t expect me to be up, then why call, Lo?”
“My intention was to leave a terse voicemail reminding you that not only did you need to bring your ass in and cook, but you still needed to tell me what the menu looked like.”
“Food, right. It’s Saturday already?” I asked, now realizing how many days had passed. I had once again gone missing, sinking deeper and deeper into a hole I swore every time I’d never return to.
“Yes, it is. Where have you been? Had I not known you my whole life I’d think you were on a bender.”
I laughed. “Something like that. You know when I get home, I be in my own world.”
“Yeah, you do. Out there catching frogs and shit. I need to put a tracking device on you, because you go missing too much for us.”
I shook my head. “You know where I am, Lo. I’ll text you the menu. I’m bringing the ingredients, just make sure…”
She finished before I could, because I’d likely said the shit too much. It was repetitive. “Make sure the meat is on ice and not frozen. You hate frozen meat.”
“Aight. I’ll be that way in a few hours.”
We hung up less than thirty seconds later.
Suddenly I was tired, so I cleaned up after myself.
I put the blunt out then headed into the house.
A shower later I was laid in my bed on my way to sleep when her face found its way back into my mind.
Knowing it was early as fuck, I found her contact and tapped the FaceTime camera.
The phone rang for about ten seconds before she answered. She was wide awake and wearing a pair of big ass glasses that were only cute on her.
“Why you up, love?”
“My best thoughts come to me at the top of the morning. The real question is why you’re calling me and this early at that.”
“Cause I wanna feed you tonight. Can I?”
“I don’t know. Do you intent to feed, fuck, and ghost me again?”
I grinned unintentionally. “I could never ghost you, Jade.”
She pursed her lips, peering into the camera, giving me that “yeah, right” expression. Nothing I could say would make her think otherwise. I had to show her.
“I promise I ain’t. Scout’s honor. You wanna meet me at the restaurant tonight or do you wanna come by the condo after close?” I asked.
She shook her head. “How about you come here?”
“I can do that. I know you don’t really cook like that, but you have an oven, right?”
She rolled her eyes and I laughed. “And this is why I’m not telling you anything else. Why wouldn’t I have an oven, Oden? What adult is living somewhere without a stove? That is asinine.”
“You’d be surprised.”
“Then it’s set, you’re coming here.”
“Yeah, send me your address.”
When we got off the phone, I closed my eyes for what felt like all of five minutes when the alarm I set for myself finally went off.
Shit was sickening, because anytime I went off the reservation I didn’t sleep at all.
The last few days I’d harvested, smoked, chopped wood, and fished.
Tonight’s menu would have something to do with fish and some sort of garden pasta or salad.
Once I had my truck loaded up, I got on the road. There wasn’t much traffic, so what would’ve been a four-and-a-half-hour drive was only three. That was good because it gave me more time to get into my groove and think about exactly what I had.
During my drive to the city, my mind went to my daughter.
Though she hadn’t called me during my disappearing act, I still should have called her.
I just couldn’t. Shit, when I felt stuck like this, my mind was filled with sorrow and pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
It was debilitating and darkening, no matter how much I tried to look for the light.
It was like I had to come out of it in my own time.
Once I had my truck unloaded and the wooden crates of food in the kitchen, I cut on music and got to work.
My time was interrupted when Lo’s intrusive ass came in and turned my music down. “My apologies for interrupting your jam session, but um, we need to talk.”
I looked up from the fish I was cutting into bites and my eyes landed on her. “’Bout what?”
“What do you mean about what? I am literally your best friend. So, I know certain things, but the woman from the other night. Who was she?”
I smirked. That was that nosy shit right there. I was wondering when her or her wife would start their hounding.
“What are you grinning for? I’m asking you who she is. Kie said she’s beautiful.”
“I’m laughing because you and your wife are nosy as fuck.”
“Um hello, yes, we are. You’re usually irritated when a chick is in your face. Do you remember the investor lady? That bitch nearly plated her pussy and handed it to you.” Kie announced her presence in the kitchen by falling right into the conversation.
I chuckled.
“So, what’s her name and what makes her different? Besides the fact that you were literally feeding her out of your hands the other night,” Lo responded.
“Um, they left together,” Kie added.
I felt both of their eyes and finally looked up from the fish I was trying to focus on. “She’s different and I know her people.”
“Oh… so you know her.”
“Not like that.”
“But you’re trying to.” Kie smiled knowingly. “And she likes you too.”
“Of course she does. You know he used that chef shit. When can we expect to meet her?” Lo asked.
“What makes you think I’m going to let y’all meet her?”
“Pish posh. I know you’re going to let us meet her. We’re your only friends. Plus, she was dressed to the gods. So yes, I need to meet her,” Kie responded, not taking no for an answer.
We talked for a few minutes longer, finally getting to the actual business we needed to be taking care of.
That was good for me, because it allowed me to get back to what I was doing before they came in interrupting.
When it came to cooking, I needed to be in my zone.
I needed to feel every ingredient and placement of what I was cooking.