Chapter 4
Jesse
Itossed and turned all night, not sleeping at all thanks to the thoughts racing through my mind.
Ever since the reading of the will I hadn’t been able to eat, to think clearly, or even draw a full breath.
I wanted to run, to pack up my things and never come back to Hell Creek.
But this time there was a lot more at stake than just my reputation.
When the pre-dawn gray began to fill the sky, I decided I couldn’t lay in bed any longer. I got up, pulled on my clothes, threw on a jacket, and headed downstairs. The lobby was empty with no receptionist in sight, but I didn’t care. Nobody needed to know where I was going anyway.
The drive out to the cemetery was short.
There was nobody around of course, and in a town as small as Hell Creek, the gates were always left open.
Judging by the rust clinging to the iron hinges, I doubted they could close anymore.
I almost wished I could close them though, just to make sure I had the privacy.
Then again, who the hell would come to a cemetery at five in the morning?
I needed to though. I needed to talk to my stepfather.
The gravel crunched under my feet as I made my way between the rows of headstones, morning dew soaking through my city shoes.
Dad’s grave was still a mound of fresh dirt, the flowers from the funeral wilted and sad against the raw earth.
I stood there awkwardly, hands shoved in my pockets against the pre-dawn chill.
“Hey, Dad,” I finally said, my voice sounding strange in the stillness. “This is... weird. I haven’t talked to you in fifteen years, and now I’m talking to you when you can’t even answer back.”
A light breeze rustled through the pines at the edge of the cemetery. The mountains were just shadows against the lightening sky.
“What the hell were you thinking?” I asked, anger suddenly bubbling up. “Forcing me and Cole to live together? To run the ranch together? It’s like you’re trying to get one of us killed.” I kicked at a clod of dirt. “And it’ll probably be me.”
I paced in front of the grave, too restless to stand still. “You know what happened between us. You know why I left. And now you’re making me come back and face all of that? Face him?”
My throat tightened unexpectedly. “I built a life, Dad. A good one. I have a job that’s not terrible, friends who accept me for who I am.
I have Derek...” I trailed off. How the hell was I going to explain all this to him?
“Oh yeah… I guess I never told you that I was gay.” I let out a long sigh, shaking my head. Now he’d never know.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered. “I can’t stay here. This place... it suffocates me. You know that. Hell, you were part of the reason I felt suffocated. Both you and Cole.”
The memories came flooding back… I saw the fights with Cole, the way Jack would look at me with disappointment, like I was failing him by not being the son he wanted.
The way I’d tried so hard to be someone I wasn’t.
Lump that together with teenage hormones and it was a recipe for angst and animosity.
“But I can’t let Cole lose the ranch either,” I admitted. “Not after everything he’s put into it.”
I sat down heavily on the damp ground, not caring about the dew soaking through my jeans. The eastern sky was turning pink now, the first rays of sun catching on the dewdrops around me.
“I don’t want to stay here and I’m gonna be miserable,” I said, not hiding my irritation.
“But it’s Cole that’s gonna suffer the most. You know that.
Cole deserves the ranch, not me. If you hadn’t made this stupid will, I would’ve been happy letting Cole have it all.
And now…” I let out another deep sigh. “Now I’m gonna have to live with that stupid fucker for a year just so he won’t despise you for the rest of his life.
” I glanced down at the grave. “I hope you’re happy, you old bastard.
” I couldn’t help a reluctant smile though.
“You always were one for tricks. I missed that after Mom died. It was like the light left you. But I see you managed to find it again in the end.”
I stood up, brushing the damp soil from my jeans. The morning light was spreading across the cemetery now, turning the headstones into long shadows that stretched toward the west. Part of me wanted to stay here all day, hiding among the dead rather than facing the living.
“One year,” I muttered to the fresh grave. “One goddamn year of my life. That’s all you’re getting from me, old man. Then we’re even.”
As I walked back to my rental car, my phone buzzed in my pocket. Derek. I hesitated before answering, knowing I’d have to tell him eventually.
“Hey,” I said, my voice rough from the cold morning air.
“Jesse? Are you okay? I’ve been worried sick. You barely texted yesterday.”
I leaned against the car, watching the sun creep over the mountains. “Sorry. It’s been... complicated.”
“When are you coming home?” The concern in his voice made my chest ache.
Home. Seattle was home now. Not this place. Not anymore.
“That’s what I need to talk to you about,” I said, dreading the conversation. “I have to stay in Montana. For a year.”
The silence on the other end was deafening.
“Derek?”
“A year? What are you talking about? Your job... us... everything is here.”
I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. “It’s my stepfather’s will. He left half the ranch to me, but there’s a condition. I have to stay here and run it with Cole for a year or neither of us gets anything.”
“So walk away,” Derek said immediately. “You don’t even like that place. You’ve told me a thousand stories about how much you hated growing up there.”
“It’s not that simple,” I replied, watching an early morning jogger pass the cemetery gates, giving me a curious look. “If I leave, Cole loses everything too. The ranch, the money, all of it.”
“And since when do you give a shit about what happens to Cole? From what you’ve told me, he made your life a living hell.”
I couldn’t explain it. Not really. Not in a way that would make sense to someone who hadn’t grown up here, who didn’t understand what the ranch meant.
“I just do,” I finally said. “I know it’s hard to understand, but I need to do this. I… I owe it to them.”
“They were terrible to you!” Derek cried back. “You don’t owe them shit!”
I rolled my eyes. This was my own fault. I’d told a lot of stories over the years about how much I hated the family I’d left behind. Maybe I embellished a bit and maybe I didn’t, but I definitely made my feelings on the subject known. Derek was only parroting my own emotions back to me.
“I know that, Derek,” I sighed, rubbing my palm over my forehead in frustration. “But you don’t understand. This ranch represents generations of hard work. It’s a part of who I am. I can’t just let it get donated to charity and torn down.”
There was a long pause. “So you’ve made up your mind then?” Derek’s tone was high and sharp. “You’re staying in Montana?”
“Derek… I don’t have a choice…”
“Well let me give you another one,” he snapped, not waiting for me to finish. “You can either come home to me, or you can stay in Montana and be single.”
“You could move here—”
“Don’t make me fucking laugh,” he cut in, his voice full of anger. “I’m not quitting my six-figure job, packing up all my shit, and moving to bum-fuck Montana for a year so we can both get hate-crimed by your shitty stepbrother.”
“Cole’s not like that,” I found myself saying, although I didn’t know if it was true. We’d never talked much about sexuality. I just assumed he was straight. “It’s just a year—”
“No, Jesse,” Derek barked. “You always do shit like this, you know? Every other month you want to move here or there or pack up everything and start over in another country. It’s almost like you don’t want a home… like I’m not enough for you.”
“Derek it’s not—”
“Make your choice Jesse. Come home now or don’t bother coming back at all.”
Then the line went dead.
I stared at my phone for a long moment, stunned by what had just happened. Derek had hung up on me. Given me an ultimatum. Just like that, my relationship of two years was hanging by a thread, all because of my stepfather’s ridiculous will.
“Fuck,” I muttered, shoving my phone back into my pocket.
The sun was fully up now, casting long shadows across the cemetery. A few birds had started their morning songs, oblivious to my personal crisis. I glanced back at Dad’s grave, feeling a surge of resentment.
“This is your fault,” I said to the fresh mound of dirt, anger twisting in my gut. “You couldn’t just let me live my life, could you?”
I got in the car and sat there, gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white.
My entire world was unraveling, and I had less than two days to decide whether to throw away my life in Seattle or let Cole lose everything he’d worked for.
Maybe I could call Derek back and tell him I’d be home tomorrow, that I’d figure something else out.
I… I could choose him over the ranch, over Cole, over this entire fucking mess.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I tossed the phone onto the passenger seat and started the engine.
The decision had been made somewhere deep inside me before Derek had even issued his ultimatum.
I was staying in Hell Creek, at least for a year.
And if that meant losing Derek... well, maybe we weren’t as important to one another as I thought.
He’d been right too. I’d been looking for an excuse to get out of Seattle for a while.
I just never thought I’d end up back here in Hell Creek.
I drove slowly back toward town, the morning light illuminating the streets in a way I’d almost forgotten.
The mountains loomed in the distance, their peaks catching the first full rays of sunlight.
Main Street was just beginning to wake up, a few early risers heading to the diner for breakfast. It was beautiful in its own harsh, unforgiving way, nothing like the manicured parks and gleaming high-rises of Seattle.
But instead of going back to the hotel, I headed out of town on the opposite side. I figured there was no point in prolonging the inevitable.
Five minutes later, I pulled into Nelson Ranch for the first time in fifteen years.
The ranch looked both exactly the same and completely different from how I remembered it.
The main house still stood tall and proud, its weathered wood siding bleached by decades of Montana sun.
The barn needed a fresh coat of paint, but it was the same sturdy structure that had housed horses and equipment since before I was born.
The fields stretched out beyond, dotted with cattle grazing in the morning light.
But there were changes too. New fencing along the south pasture, an expanded chicken coop, solar panels on the workshop roof. Fifteen years of Cole’s influence, his vision for the place slowly taking shape without me.
I parked near the main house, my rental car looking painfully out of place among the mud-splattered trucks and ATVs. For a long moment, I just sat there, engine off, gathering my courage. What the hell was I going to say to Cole? And would he even allow me to stay?
The screen door of the main house slammed, and a woman stepped onto the porch. She was older, with gray hair pulled back in a neat bun, wearing an apron over practical clothes. She spotted my car immediately, shading her eyes against the morning sun as she peered in my direction.
It… It was Evelyn, the woman who’d been just as much of a mother to me as my own until I ran off without a word. I took a deep breath and got out of the car. She was going to be so fucking mad at me.
Evelyn stood frozen on the porch, her eyes widening as she recognized me. I braced myself for the anger, the disappointment, the lecture I deserved after fifteen years of silence. But instead, her hand flew to her mouth, and she rushed down the steps with surprising speed for a woman her age.
“Jesse Harris,” she breathed, stopping just short of me. Her eyes were wet, searching my face like she was memorizing it. “Look at you. All grown up.”
“Hi, Evelyn,” I managed, my voice catching. “I, uh... I’m back.”
She reached out slowly, her weathered hand touching my cheek as if to make sure I was real. Then, without warning, she pulled me into a fierce hug that knocked the wind out of me. She smelled exactly the same—like fresh bread and lavender soap.
“You stupid, stubborn boy,” she whispered against my shoulder, her voice thick with emotion. “Fifteen years without a word.”
“I know,” I said, guilt washing over me. “I’m sorry.”
She pulled back, wiping her eyes with the corner of her apron. “You’re too late to say it to your father.”
That stung, but I nodded. “I know that too.”
Her eyes narrowed suddenly, and she smacked my arm hard enough to make me wince. “That’s for making me worry all these years.” Then she took my face between her hands. “And this is for coming home.” She kissed my forehead like she used to when I was a kid.
“I’m not staying,” I blurted out. “I mean, I am, but just for the year. Because of the will.”
Her expression softened. “I figured that’s why you’re here.”
“Yeah.” I glanced toward the main house, half-expecting Cole to come storming out any second. “Where is he?”
“He’s out taking his morning walkabout,” She studied my face. “You two talked yesterday?”
“If you can call it that.” I ran a hand through my hair, suddenly aware of how out of place I must look in my city clothes. “It didn’t go well.”
Evelyn sighed, shaking her head. “That boy’s got a lot of anger built up inside him. You can’t expect it to disappear overnight.”
“I don’t expect anything,” I replied, more defensively than I intended. “I’m just here because of Dad’s will. Once the year is up, I’m gone. I don’t give a shit about Cole’s feelings.”
She gave me a look I recognized from childhood. The one that said she didn’t believe me for a second. “Come inside. You look like you haven’t slept, and I’ve got coffee brewing.”
I followed her up the porch steps, hesitating at the threshold.
The last time I’d walked through this door, I was younger, angrier, and running from everything I couldn’t face.
Now I was walking right back into it all, feeling like nothing had changed.
After fifteen years I thought I’d grown, that I’d left all of it behind me.
But the moment I crossed that threshold, I felt like I was eighteen again, and all those feelings came rushing back. Only this time, I couldn’t run.