Chapter 21 #2
Slipping through the crowd, I found a back door that led to a spacious deck overlooking the Whitakers’ property.
The night was clear and cold, stars blazing overhead in that brilliant Montana way that had always taken my breath away, even as a teenager desperate to escape this place.
My breath clouded in front of me as I leaned against the railing outside of the light spilling from the house, grateful for the momentary solitude.
The deck was empty except for a couple chairs that didn’t look like they’d been used since October. I could still hear the music and laughter from inside, but it felt distant out here, like it belonged to another world.
I don’t know how long I stood there, watching my breath crystallize in the frigid air, before I heard the door open behind me.
“There you are,” Cole’s deep voice sent a shiver down my spine that had nothing to do with the cold. “Hiding already?”
“Not hiding,” I corrected, not turning around. “Just getting some air.”
He came to stand beside me at the railing, our shoulders almost touching. “That was good in there. What you said to Mack.”
I glanced at him, surprised by the compliment. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he confirmed, his eyes on the distant mountains. “Honest. Not defensive. Jack would’ve approved.”
The mention of my stepfather made me look away again, focusing on the vast darkness beyond the deck. “Do you really think so?”
Cole was quiet for a moment, considering. “He was proud of you, you know. Even after you left.”
“Bullshit,” I scoffed, though the words hit me hard. “He hated me for leaving.”
“He was angry,” Cole corrected. “Hurt. But he kept track of you. Had Mr. Whitaker look you up whenever he was in Seattle for business.”
I turned to face him fully then, searching his expression for any sign of a lie. “What?”
“He knew about your marketing job. The awards you won. He had a file in his desk drawer with newspaper clippings about your company.”
My chest felt suddenly too tight, like I couldn’t get enough air. “He never called. Never wrote.”
“He wrote,” Cole said without missing a beat. “We just assumed you didn’t want to write back.”
I shook my head, tears threatening once more. “I… I never got them.”
Cole’s face fell, realization dawning in his eyes. “It… It’s alright,” he said at last, patting me on the back. “No reason gettin’ bent out of shape about it now. We can’t change the past.”
“Do you know what they said?” I asked. “The letters.”
Cole shook his head. “I don’t know. He never let me read them.
Just saw him writing them sometimes. He’d get this look on his face.
..” He trailed off, staring up at the stars.
“I found them after he died. A whole stack of them, returned to sender. I should’ve kept them for you, but I was angry…
so angry. I burned them with some of his other papers. ”
The admission hit me like a physical blow. Letters my stepfather had written to me, words I’d never get to read, gone forever. I gripped the railing to steady myself.
“Jesus, Cole.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, and I could tell he meant it. “I didn’t think you’d care. I thought you’d… forgotten all about us.”
“I never forgot,” I admitted softly. “I tried, but I couldn’t.”
The confession hung between us in the cold night air. Inside, I could hear people counting down to midnight, their voices carrying through the walls.
“Ten! Nine! Eight!”
Cole turned to face me fully, his eyes reflecting the starlight. “Jesse, I—”
“Seven! Six! Five!”
“What?” I asked, my heart suddenly pounding in my chest.
“Four! Three!”
He stepped closer, his hand finding my waist. “I’m glad you came back.”
“Two! One!”
“Even though I’m a pain in your ass?” I whispered.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
“Especially because of that,” Cole murmured, and then his lips were on mine.
The kiss was gentler than our usual encounters, almost hesitant, like he was afraid someone might see us. But out here in the darkness, with only the stars as witnesses, I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as cheers and noisemakers erupted from inside.
When we finally broke apart, I kept my arms around him, not ready to let go. “This is more than I ever thought I’d get. More than I imagined was possible.”
Cole’s hand cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear I hadn’t realized I’d shed.
“I’m falling for you, Cole,” I admitted, the words tumbling out before I could stop them.
My heart hammered against my ribs as I watched his expression change, those blue eyes widening slightly.
“I know I told you it was just sex, that it was no big deal but... this is all I’ve ever wanted. Even back then, before I left.”
Cole’s hands tightened on my waist, his forehead coming to rest against mine as a small, disbelieving laugh escaped him. “You always did have terrible timing, Jesse Harris.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked, suddenly unsure.
He shook his head, his nose brushing against mine. “No. Just... unexpected.”
The party continued inside, oblivious to the moment unfolding on the dark deck. Moonlight silvered the snow around us, and our breath mingled in the space between our lips. For once in my life, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
“We should go back inside,” Cole said reluctantly. “Before someone comes looking for us.”
I nodded, though I made no move to release him. “One more minute.”
His smile was soft in the darkness as he pressed another quick kiss to my lips. “One more.”
When we finally broke apart, I felt lighter somehow, like a weight I’d been carrying for fifteen years had finally lifted. Cole straightened his hat and smoothed down his shirt, careful to erase any evidence of our moment.
“You go first,” he said, nodding toward the door. “I’ll wait a few minutes.”
I reached for the door handle, but something made me turn back. “Happy New Year, Cole.”
His smile reached his eyes this time. “Happy New Year, Jesse.”
I slipped back into the warmth and noise of the party, accepting a glass of champagne from a passing tray.
The room was spinning with laughter and music, couples embracing, friends clapping each other on the back.
For the first time since returning to Hell Creek, I didn’t feel like an outsider looking in.
As I navigated through the crowd, I caught a glimpse of movement at the edge of the room. Evelyn stood near the entrance to the kitchen, her eyes fixed on the back door I’d just come through. The knowing look on her face made my blood run cold. How long had she been watching? What had she seen?
Our eyes met across the room, and in that moment, I knew she’d seen everything. The kiss. The embrace. The confession. My stomach dropped as she held my gaze, her expression unreadable. Then, slowly, she raised her champagne glass in a silent toast before turning away.
I stood frozen, champagne forgotten in my hand, as the implications crashed over me. Evelyn knew. And if Evelyn knew, how long before everyone else found out too? How long before the whispers started, before Cole had to face the judgment of the entire town he’d spent his life trying to please?
How long before the whole world came crashing down around us?