33. A Cocky Ordeal
33
A Cocky Ordeal
Antonio
Let’s just say I’m not entirely immune to my earlier traumas—or the little I remember of them outside the lies that were told to me by my father and anyone else he could persuade to fabricate horror stories. And, of course, that would only be that one trauma and not the countless traumas that came from being raised by a criminal kingpin.
That being said, I was being entirely truthful when I told Lilith I would fuck her anytime, anywhere. Even in a damp warehouse in front of an unknown number of people whose only goal is to witness the humiliation and destruction of two known enemies.
What they don’t realize is that I will never feel shame or humiliation when it comes to my relationship with Lilith. If, at the end of it all, I get to meet my maker with her beside me, then it can be said that I died content.
Of course, I’m certain Lilith was relieved that our little show was interrupted, even if that tiny, reckless part of me wanted to continue. I’m sure she wasn’t entirely surprised to learn what Irina had in store for us. There’s only a handful of options when one is stripped and drugged, and she must’ve realized what was up as soon as she saw me waiting in my birthday suit.
Lilith showed up like the avenging spitfire I know her to be. She did her best to keep her chin up during the ordeal, but as soon as I saw the first cracks in her armor, I did what I could to help her through. I wanted to wrap myself around her and protect her from harm, even if all I could do was provide some tender touches, a few sweet nothings, and a giant dose of inappropriate humor.
Because, sometimes, inappropriate humor is all we have left.
At the first explosion, I leaped into action. Thinking it was the cavalry coming to rescue us, I wasn’t too concerned with my general flippancy or lack of clothing.
But now, here I am, bareass, in the middle of a gunfight.
With a hard-on.
At a glance, I don’t see even one familiar face, and I’ll admit, a bit of panic attempted to bubble up at the idea that we were truly outnumbered and out of time.
I manage to snag a weapon from the first guy who came at me. I’ll admit it was mostly luck because I’m not feeling entirely too surefooted, but the sound the guy made when he realized he was gonna die at the hand of a naked guy was quite satisfying.
I manage to keep myself upright as everyone scurries, either to fight back or escape, but the urge to laugh is disconcerting, and I can’t believe I look like the menacing sort at all.
The fighting persists around me, and I do my best to keep an eye on Lilith as she cracks skulls and busts balls, earning me more than one scrape for the distraction. She’s paying me no mind, but I also note her looking around frantically, most likely wondering where our people are.
Then, out of nowhere, Tony is beside me, giving me the up and down as he jokes, “This brings a whole new meaning to the term cocked and loaded.”
Antoinette grimaces next to him, looking anywhere but at me. “Fucking hell, Tony. Stop with the jokes and get the man some pants.”
Tony laughs, obviously highly amused by my predicament, and I can’t help but also laugh because this is probably one of the most ludicrous moments of my entire life. And that’s saying something.
A few more people come at us, but they’re quickly dispatched by Tony and Matt. Matt then turns to me and says, “Well, this brings a whole new meaning to going off half-cocked.”
My laughter is cut off by some sort of fabric hitting me in the face. I grab the offending material, glaring down at what appears to be someone’s pants.
“For the love of fuck, cover yourself,” Antoinette hisses, still not looking at me.
Glancing at the garment in my hands, I curl my lip in disgust. “I am not wearing a dead man’s pants. It has to be bad luck.”
Darius appears beside me. “I’ve worn dead men’s pants before, and so far, so good.”
“Are you saying you’ve had the best of luck?” Lilith asks, now properly dressed and a bit blood-splattered. “Because it seems your luck has been kind of touch-and-go, really.”
“Well, I’m not dead yet, so I call that a win—“
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Antoinette interrupts. “He wasn’t dead dead yet, so you’re in the clear. Just put them on.”
I look to Lilith, who shrugs, so I sigh, muttering to myself as I pull the offending fabric up my legs, then button and zip them. Glancing down at my now clothed legs, I say, “Not a bad fit at all.”
Agatha appears behind Lilith, shaking her head. “Could you guys please get serious for one fucking moment?”
Immediately, I straighten, tottering a bit as I overcompensate, but Mickey is there, his hand pressed between my shoulders. “Careful. You’re probably gonna feel more fucked up before you start to feel better.”
“And how would you know, old man?”
Mickey laughs, shrugs, then replies, “Let’s just say I know a thing or two about the types of drugs they used on you and how to use them for good and for evil.”
My jaw drops open, truly surprised. I want to know more, but Agatha asks, “Where’s Irina?”
Lilith shakes her head. “I went right for her and missed her.”
“You’re saying she got away?”
Lilith turns her bemused gaze on me. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying. Not like you were any help with your sword out.”
I go to respond, but I’m cut off by a vibration coming from Matt, who reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. “Authorities are here. We gotta go.”
Darius shrugs out of his suit coat and hands it to me. “Put this on. We should be able to smuggle you out of here without drawing too much attention to you.”
“Yeah,” Tony adds. “At least he’s no longer running around with his dick out.”
Darius and Tony flank me, the two of them attempting to maneuver me toward the exit, but then I stop and exclaim, “Has anyone seen my suit lying around anywhere?”
“Seriously?” Antoinette retorts. “After all this, you’re worried about your suit?”
Eyes widening in horror, I answer, “It’s a custom Kiton,” as if that is explanation enough as to why I would be concerned.
Antoinette stares at me, lips pressed together, shaking her head. But then Darius says, “That’s fair. But no, no sign of any suits.”
I frown, all the fight going out of me. Darius and Tony once again move me toward the exit, and I go, glancing around in the hopes I’ll catch sight of my clothing.
Suddenly feeling tired, I mutter, “I really loved that suit,” and then I allow myself to be led out, unfortunately sans suit.