34. Of Darkness and Demons
34
Of Darkness and Demons
Antonio
Several hours later, I’m showered, fed, watered, and considering settling down for a nap. Matt updated us on the scare they’d had with the video and countdown and how all of them would be blaming any newly sprouted gray hairs on us. I tried to make a joke out of it, but not being as well-versed in misplaced humor as they are, it fell rather flat.
We’ve taken up residence at my father’s French estate—or I suppose I should say my French estate, given his recent untimely death. Either no one has been made aware of his demise, or no one cares because when we arrived, the staff took it in stride, making accommodations for everyone in the group in record time.
Most of the drugs are out of my system, but this just leaves me feeling drained and ridiculously paranoid.
Lilith made sure I was all set before disappearing. And while I’m relatively certain she hasn’t gone far, part of me feels an incessant need to hunt her down. To make sure she hasn’t left me.
I’m just headed to the door when it swings open, and I spin around, not wanting anyone to guess what I am up to. Of course, this leaves me leaning awkwardly on a dresser, tapping my fingers on the top of it like a fucking crazy person.
“What are you doing?” Lilith asks as she shuts the door and walks toward me. “You should be in bed.”
“Not without you.”
She gives me a patient look, her eyes warm as she grips my arm and attempts to pull me in the direction of the bed. “Come on now. You need your rest.”
Refusing to budge, I place my hand over hers. “So do you.”
“And I will, I promise.”
Grabbing her hand in mine, I push off the dresser, attempting to pull her with me to the bed, but this time, she comes up short. Turning to face her, I say, “We should get some rest together.”
“Don’t you think,” she responds with some hesitation, “that a bit of time apart would be good?”
“Absolutely not.”
Her expression softens, her lips curving up slightly, but then she pauses, and the beginning of a smile fades. “It doesn’t feel right anymore.”
My heart stops in my chest, my blood running cold as her eyes empty of emotion. “What are you talking about?”
She points between us, features twisting. “This. Us.”
“What do you mean?”
Her expression turns impatient, her hands closing into fists at her side. “We’re all fucked up, Antonio. It isn’t right.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. But then she glares at me, so I say, “We’ve always been fucked up, Lil. Not sure why you’re just catching onto that now.”
Huffing loudly, she practically stomps her foot, and I catch myself laughing again, to which she snaps at me, “How can you be so aloof about it?”
“How can I not?”
“I’m being serious, Antonio,” she sputters, her hands slicing through the air as if she’s trying to emphasize her words. “It’s like you’re not bothered by such things as demons and darkness.”
She stares at me with such certainty in what she’s saying that I’m momentarily thrown off. Having spent the majority of my adult life yearning for someone I never even dreamt I could have, it would take far more than demons and darkness to dissuade me now.
“It took years of self-reflection and hard work to get where I am today,” I explain patiently. “But that in no way erases the dark side of me that still lingers. It doesn’t eliminate the demons ready to squash my general rationality at any moment.”
Lilith rolls her eyes, obviously feeling some sort of way about what has happened or what could happen or maybe some variation of both. “Right. Saint Antonio dipped in the morally grey.”
Raising my brows at her, I contemplate how best to respond. Lilith has always been on the snarky side, ready to give anyone the business at a moment’s notice for no reason at all. But this is different. This feels overtly intentional yet also hesitant, as if she has some kind of agenda she’s still uncertain of. And frankly, it’s pissing me off. “How about you stop beating around the bush here and get to the fucking point.”
Scowling, she shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I prowl closer, enjoying how she steps back each time I step forward, as if she’s nervous about what I’m going to do. “Don’t play games with me, Lil. You obviously have a problem, so why don’t you just spit it out so we can get to the good stuff.”
“Good stuff?”
“Oh, yes,” I whisper, smirking as she backs herself right into a corner. “So much good fucking stuff.”
Eyes narrowing, she sticks her chin out stubbornly, and my grin grows, but then she asks, “Are you still high?”
My smile falls, immediately replaced by a scowl of my own. “No, Lil, I’m not. Stop trying to make excuses for my limitless desire for you and accept it for what it truly is.”
“And what is it?”
Raising my hand over my head, I brace my forearm on the wall over her head, leaning down so my face is directly in front of hers, eyes locked. “Fate.”
She blinks a few times, brows raised. “Fate?”
Smiling, I lean closer, running the tip of my nose along her cheek before stopping at her ear. “Yes, fate. Destiny. Kismet.”
Her hands press against my chest, and I ease back, putting a bit of space between us. She’s staring up at me, indecision and yearning battling for dominance as her eyes lower to my mouth, which curves up into a feral grin. Licking my lips, I watch her pupils dilate, her eyelids lowering slightly as she leans ever-so-slightly into me.
“But what would you do?” Her question comes out breathless, the heat in her eyes intensifying and her hands now gripping my shirt for dear life. “If I pushed you away and fought against you, would you take what you wanted?”
“Like, for real, take it?” I ask slowly, wanting to make sure I know exactly what she means. “As in, you tell me no, and I ignore it and take what I want anyway?”
She nods, indecision crossing her features. Then she nods. “Yes, exactly that.”
“What is this about, Lil?” I ask clearly, moving back so the only place we’re touching is where she’s still gripping my shirt.
Again, she shrugs, but the look on her face doesn’t match that shrug as she replies, “It doesn’t matter what it’s about. Would you do it?”
Trepidation runs down my spine, instantly battling with those dark demons who are always happy for a chase, even if it’s definitely a bad idea. “That is entirely up to you, Lil.”
She glances away, brow furrowed. “How so?”
“You’d have to promise to use your safe word.”
Her eyes meet mine, her frown deepening. “Of course, we’d have a safe word.”
I touch my fingertips to her chin, forcing her to meet and hold my gaze. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it. You know I will do anything you want me to, anything you need me to, but in agreeing to this, I’m entrusting you to follow the rules and not intentionally sabotage a situation where you feel fucked up. This means you have to promise to use your safe word if you reach the limit.”
“I promise,” she responds without hesitation.
So, I repeat, “I’m serious, Lil. If you’ve ever made a promise to anyone before, let it be now.”
She watches me for a moment as if she’s thinking it over for real, but then she nods, her hands releasing my shirt and flattening against my chest. “I promise. I swear it.”
Relief runs through me, only to instantly evaporate when her eyes narrow, that quintessential Lilith persona rising to the service. She tilts her head, her eyes scanning down my body and back up again, a dark smile on her lips that has my cock hardening in my pants.
“I don’t think you’ve got it in you anyway,” she says evenly, rolling her eyes in what appears to be disgust that has me bristling. “Even if you agreed to it, the first sign of distress would have you giving up, quitting.”
“Is that so?”
“Yup. You’re too scared, too worried it will backfire.”
“Is that so?” I repeat through gritted teeth, knowing she’s goading me and unable not to take the bait.
Lilith nods, her mouth curving into a cruel smirk. “Or worse. Terrified you’ll find out you’re the exact monster your father always accused you of being.”
White-hot fury rushes over me, and my hand snakes out before she’s even finished speaking, locking around her neck. Baring my teeth at her, a low rumble erupts from my chest, and, for a moment, she appears worried, even fearful, but then that challenging glint is back in her eyes, the stubborn tilt of her head and twist of her lips.
My hands squeeze her throat, and my heart pounds in my chest, her scratching fingers on my wrists only increasing my urgency as I whisper, “The only word you need to remember right now is red .”
Slowly, she stops fighting, her hands moving to grip my wrists firmly. Eyes searching mine, a low sob escapes, and I ease up on her throat, my fingertips stroking along her neck gently. I raise my brows at her in question, and after a moment, she nods, at first slightly and then with certainty, so I release her and step back.
She straightens, her eyes focused on my face. Her hands move to her neck, rubbing the reddening skin before dropping to her sides.
I take a deep breath, exhaling it slowly as we stare each other down, the question in her eyes slowly shifting to awareness. I take another step back, motioning toward the door with a low growling chuckle, that has her eyes widening in surprise.
“Run.”