Chapter 34 #2
“I don’t like that you’re fucking always at his house, always in his bed, and I only get to see you whenever you decide you’re up for it,” I cut her off, making her cry harder.
She covered her face with her hands, shoulders shaking.
I needed to stop, but I couldn’t. How could she not see the way I orbited her instead of anything else?
My jaw clenched painfully. “I fucking love you, Dakota, and it feels like you’re ripping my heart out whenever you need him more than you need me. ”
She was practically hyperventilating now, broken sobs tearing out of her chest. She shut her eyes and gritted her teeth as she wrapped her arms tightly around her bent knees, her chest convulsing.
“I hate when you do this to me,” she choked out. “I hate when you make me feel like a terrible person for needing safety from one fucking person in my life! And you’re going to say he’s not safe and you might be right, but he keeps me safe, Mason! You don’t do that shit!”
“Yes I do! Of course I keep you safe, baby!” The words felt like lies as I spoke them, and I couldn’t stand it.
“No. You don’t,” she said, jamming her finger into my chest, her hair falling over my lap as she leaned in my direction. “You lie to me. You hurt me. You make me feel like I’m fucking crazy.”
“And he—”
“It’s not about him right now!” she yelled, louder again, slumping back in her seat angrily. “How come I can’t criticize you without you trying to point out the fact that Micah is terrible too? Can’t you ever just take responsibility for your own actions?”
“I can! Can you?” I shouted at her. “Are you the blameless victim here?”
“I never said that! I never fucking said that!”
“It’s implied, Dakota. You get to cheat on both of us and just expect everyone to be fine with that? To let you do whatever the fuck you want to? And somehow, you’re not in the wrong?” I stared at her, fire blazing in my veins.
“Don’t look at me, look at the road!” She pointed out the windshield. “If we crash, you’re not going to die, but I will! This is exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t give a fuck about my safety!”
“We’re not going to fucking crash!”
She lunged over the center console and grabbed the wheel like she might jerk us off the road, making my pulse spike. I shoved her off so hard I was sure she’d have a bruise from where she slammed into the passenger door.
She was staring at me with so much hatred in her eyes it was difficult to believe she’d ever told me she loved me. I looked back at the road.
“Don’t grab the wheel,” I gritted out. “You know better.”
I heard the sound of her flicking the latch on the passenger door, unlocking it, then glanced over to see her open the handle.
The door only opened a few inches before I’d grabbed her arm and yanked her across the center console back onto my lap as she screamed.
I slammed on the brakes, the wheels skidding on the pavement, until we came to a complete stop on the side of the road.
Dakota’s heart was beating so hard I could feel it in her chest.
“Why the fuck would you do that?” I asked loudly. “Why would you open the door? Were you going to jump out?”
“I don’t know.” Her lower lip was wobbling, tears beading on her lower lashes. “I want to go back to Micah’s house. Please.”
I sighed, hugging her against my chest as she cried softly.
She didn’t understand how fucking badly those words hurt me.
No matter what I did, I’d never escape Micah.
It was impossible to move forward with my life when I was surrounded by constant reminders of the worst thing that’d ever happened to me.
Why him? Why did it have to be him that she wanted?
He was a ghost, haunting every corner of my brain, haunting my entire relationship with Dakota.
“I’m sorry.”
“You make me feel insane sometimes.” Her voice was small and broken. “I’m not sure I like who I am with you.”
“Don’t say that, baby,” I said through the tightness crushing my throat.
Anxiety flooded my brain, swallowing all my thoughts with worry.
I’d gone too far, fucked up too many times.
No matter what path I tried to force us down, the ending was the same.
Devastation. Destruction. I was too unstable to be granted anything else.
“It’s how I feel. I’m not strong enough to fight you all the time, but it feels like I have to do that just to keep my head above water. I’m tired, Mason. I need him, okay?”
“You don’t think I can take care of you?” There wasn’t enough air in the car. She was slipping through my fingers. No matter how tight I wrapped my arms around her, I couldn’t protect her from myself, couldn’t keep her here. I was losing her, and I wasn’t sure I could fix it this time.
“Not in the same way he does.”
“Right. Because you’d choose him. You’re going to choose him. If I take you back to his house right now, is that the last I’m ever going to see of you?” I could barely ask the question. “Will you let him keep you from me?”
“No.” She shook her head, pressing her tear stained cheek to my t-shirt. “I don’t think you actually listen to me.”
“I do listen to you.”