Chapter 34 #3
“If you listened to me, you’d know that isn’t true.
Yes, I can’t survive you without him. But I also can’t survive him without you.
” She tapped her finger against my chest, gently this time.
“I know both of you hate each other, but I’m sick of trying to pretend this isn’t what I want.
You don’t have to agree to anything, but I need you to know that I’m not going to willingly leave either of you. ”
As much as it hurt to hear she’d never leave him, the other side of her sentence was that she’d never leave me either. Not willingly, at least.
I could live with that for now.
“Okay,” I answered after a minute of oppressive silence. “Do you still want me to take you back?”
“Yes,” she said quietly, nodding. She looked nervous, afraid to make me angry again.
Anger wasn’t the emotion on my mind, though.
Not at her. I was fucking terrified of her, of the vise grip she had my entire heart and soul in.
Chipped black fingernails digging into my flesh, squeezing enough to hurt, with the silent promise that she could kill me if she tightened her grip any further.
“Okay,” I relented, the tightness clawing at my throat again. Dakota climbed off my lap, back into her seat. I turned to face the windshield, then put the car into drive, checking the mirrors before pulling off the shoulder and onto the road.
“But I want you to stay there, too,” Dakota said, laying her head down on my forearm on the center console, nuzzling her cheek against me.
“I’m not sure I want to sleep alone in the guest room knowing you’re in his bed tonight.” My voice came out hoarser than I intended it to.
“I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Are you fucking crazy? You’re not sleeping on the couch.”
“It would be fair that way.”
No, it wouldn’t. Because you’re still choosing his house over my apartment. Because I’m still the intruder into your perfect life with him.
I’m always the poison in the water.
I didn’t say those things, though. I didn’t say anything.
We made the drive back to Micah’s in silence, and Dakota remained laying with her cheek on my forearm the whole way, her breathing evening out and getting slower. She was tired. She was always tired. And I needed to quit being such a fuckup so she could actually rest.
The night after we killed Aamon was probably such a nice night for her. She got to sleep at her friend’s apartment with none of the bullshit Micah or I brought into her life. She got to rest, to be with someone who cared for her in such a simple, uncomplicated way. I’d never be like that.
Dakota hardly waited for me to put the car in park before hopping out of the passenger side and running barefoot up the steps to Micah’s house. I rushed up right after her, my hand landing on her lower back to lead her through the front door.
There weren’t any lights on in the house, but I could see Micah sitting in the chair in his living room. His head was down, but he turned at the sound of the front door swinging open.
Dakota ran over to him and he stood up, instantly taking her in his arms, as if they’d been apart for weeks rather than minutes.
And it was either too dark or she was too distracted because she didn’t seem to notice the wounds still healing on the insides of his arms. One spot was less healed than the rest, still split farther apart. The place where I’d shoved my thumb past his skin to make him bleed worse.
“She thinks she’s sleeping on the couch,” I said, gesturing to Dakota as Micah carefully set her back on her feet.
“You’re not sleeping on the fucking couch. I’ll do it.” Micah shook his head. “Go upstairs. You need rest.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
I stood at the edge of the rug, unsure of exactly what I was supposed to do. Did Micah realize why she’d wanted to sleep on the couch? So I could stay the night here, too? Was he actually agreeable to me sleeping here after what’d happened earlier?
It didn’t feel desirable for me to stay here seeing as the three of us would be separated, and I wasn’t getting Dakota either way—but at least my presence would keep them apart.
If I left, they’d both sleep in his bed.
He’d probably fuck her all sleepy and sweet and perfect, then tuck her in and hold her the entire night.
Yeah, fuck that.
I didn’t wait for him to give me permission before I headed upstairs and into the guest room. If he didn’t want me here, he could drag me out. Dakota was close behind me…with Micah close behind her. I fought not to roll my eyes.
But he stuck to the plan, only putting her in bed before retreating back downstairs. When I focused, I could hear him adjusting on the couch, hear the sounds of the leather under his weight.
The couch where Dakota blew me in front of him.
The couch I’d been sitting on when we jerked off while watching each other.
The couch I wiped my cum on, then licked it off of.
The couch I’d been bent over the back of and fucked until I saw stars.
There was a lot of shit going on with Micah’s furniture.
Sleep came faster than I expected, closing in over my thoughts like an unavoidable blanket, silencing all my anxieties with its heaviness.