15. Shemhazai
Alexa Play: If You Really Knew - acoustic by Joel Ansett
T his human booze wasn’t strong enough. I’d been drinking for days, and I still wasn’t drunk—which was a fucking tragedy.
After embarrassing the shit out of myself in front of Gabe, I’d decided I needed to find somewhere to cool off.
Risking Lilith’s wrath, I busied myself with finding another house to commandeer.
After befriending a little old witch I’d met in a tarot shop, I convinced her to invite me back to her house for some tea and cookies.
Once I was past her protection wards, I killed her and made myself at home.
I would have felt bad, but honestly, she was so ancient she should have been grateful that I relieved her of life… and her booze.
Some of those bottles were so dusty I convinced myself I was doing her a favor, taking it off her hands.
Sitting alone on the dead witch’s ugly sofa, I held up my glass of stolen scotch and tilted it in the direction of her corpse.
“Bottoms up, sweetheart.” I smirked just as all the shadows in the room sprang to life.
Aw fuck .
Here we go.
Ramel and Lilith manifested in the old witch’s cluttered living room, and I scowled at them, annoyed that they’d interrupted my private self-loathing session.
Ram raised a sharp eyebrow at me, his black shirt rolled up to his elbows, exposing his tattoos.
The silver in his ear glinted in the dim light that filtered in from the ancient, stained-glass light fixtures the dead witch had installed in her living room, and his fuckboy haircut was looking sexy as ever.
It was a damn tragedy that the man was straight, let me tell you.
Lilith, on the other hand, was looking less annoyed than my bestie. She seemed more concerned. Her butterscotch hair fell in soft waves down her back, her fist perched on her curvy hips, which were popped to the side under an oversized Sleep Token T-shirt.
Even after she’d been reborn, she hadn’t lost the love she had developed as a human woman for smut metal, and I found it endlessly amusing that the Queen of Hell was a fan of mortal metal bands.
“What the fuck are you doing, Shem?” Lilith asked, her gaze falling to the dead witch’s corpse at my feet.
“This is the second soul you’ve sent to hell prematurely since you’ve been out here.”
I rolled my eyes and swirled the weak-ass glass of scotch in my hand.
“To be fair, Gabe killed the first one.”
“Hazai,” Ramel rumbled, giving me an irritated look.
“You’re being a cunt. You know Lilith hates it when souls fester.
” He gestured to the dead body with a ring-laden hand.
“This one wasn’t due for another decade.
We’re going to need to put her on ice or something to preserve her residual memories. ”
“So? You two are capable of preserving a couple of souls. It’s not a big deal. I needed a place to stay.”
“Ever hear of a hotel?”
I pouted. “They’re all haunted. It’s fucking annoying. I wanted to be alone. Which, might I add, is kind of hard to do with you two here.”
Ramel and Lilith exchanged a glance, both of them softening slightly as I shot back my drink in one swallow.
Staring down at my empty glass, I sighed .
Summoning the bottle to me, I took another big swig in lieu of refilling my cup.
Why was human booze so weak?
“Shem, want to tell us what’s going on? It’s not like you to drink like this.
Where’s Gabe?” Lilith asked gently, coming to sit next to me on the ancient couch.
Ramel flopped elegantly down on my other side, tossing his arm over the back of the sofa and turning to look at me with a concerned frown on his face.
“Probably back at the other house. He hasn’t bothered to come find me, so I don’t really know where he is. Not that I care.”
Ramel snorted, the corner of his mouth cocking up.
“What?” I snapped at him, and he affectionately pinched my cheek, causing me to squirm away from him, which only put me closer to Lilith.
“You’ve always been a shitty liar, Hazai.” He laughed.
I scowled at him, then shivered as Lilith ran her long, ink-soaked fingers through my hair. My skin sheeted with gooseflesh, and I purred, nuzzling deeper into her head scritches.
“Spill it, Hazai. What’s going on?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, too fucking bad, Shem,” Lilith snapped, and I turned to look at her, feeling appropriately chastised at the irritated look on her beautiful face.
“If you’re going to keep killing innocent souls, you’re going to need to tell me why, or I’ll have to ask you to return to Hell, where we can keep an eye on you. ”
“I can’t come back yet!” I protested. “Hec has hidden herself in a human body like a fucking dumbass, and she’s being hunted by Ares… I think there’s someone even worse hunting her, too, but I haven’t figured out who yet.”
Though I had an idea, and if it was who I thought it was, we were all in deep, deep shit.
“Do you need us to stay and help? This is taking longer than you said it would.”
I bristled.
“ No. I don’t need your fucking help. Don’t be ridiculous. ”
This was my game. I wanted to be the one to bring Hecate back. I’d been playing this game with her for thousands of years; I wasn’t about to bitch out now and ask for help .
Ramel took the bottle of scotch out of my hand and examined the label, smirking to himself before taking a swig.
“I want to hear more about why you’re running away from Gabe,” he said wryly, and I narrowed my eyes on him.
“I’m not running from Gabe, dickwad.”
“Liar, liar, whiskers on fire.” He chuckled, his hazel eyes twinkling with amusement.
I snatched my bottle of scotch back from him and swallowed another large, burning mouthful.
“He’s just annoying. That’s all.”
“How so?” Lilith asked, scritching me again right behind my ear. I groaned, relaxing into her. I rested my head on her shoulder and nuzzled into her soft neck, leaving little kisses on her throat to encourage her to continue.
“He just… He keeps trying to make everything so… emotional . He can’t just let me torture him.
He always has to say dumb shit like ‘I care about you, Shemhazai. You deserve to be loved, Shemhazai.’” I made a gagging sound and wrinkled my nose.
“He’s so clingy, and I hate it. He’s giving serious Art vibes. I needed some space.”
Lilith and Ramel exchanged another amused look that just made me grumpier.
“Gabe is nothing like fucking Art, ” Ramel scoffed. “If he was, I wouldn’t be letting him anywhere near Lilith’s cunt, and you know it.”
I mulled this over for a moment, then sighed.
I supposed that was true. Ramel didn’t share Lilith with just anyone. For a long time, I was the only other person he trusted with his wife. He’d been surprisingly open to allowing Gabe into our little polygamous demon family.
“I know you’re afraid of getting hurt again, Shem, but you can trust Gabe,” Lilith said softly, dropping an affectionate kiss on top of my head as she scraped those delicious nails down the back of my neck.
“He does care about you. He got you a fucking Krampus for Christmas. ”
Ramel made an irritated noise and shot me a playful glare.
“Yeah, a Krampus that has suddenly become my problem. That stupid fucker needs so many damn walks. I’m up every morning at six am taking care of your pet because you’re taking your sweet ass time here, running away from Gabe and murdering random mortals. ”
I gasped in indignation. “You better be making sure Krampy gets the care he needs, or you and I will need to have words.”
Poor Krampy.
“Make sure he’s getting enough cuddles. He gets lonely when I’m gone.”
“Oh, don’t worry. Ram complains about it, but he loves that crazy demi-god. You should see them together. They’re really fucking cute.”
Ramel just smirked and swiped the bottle back from me, taking another sip.
“Yeah. He’s alright, I guess.”
“Anyway, I think you need to give Gabe a real chance, Shem. I know it’s hard for you to let people in, especially after Art’s betrayal… but… Gabe is different. The way he looks at you…”
Lilith looked like she was going to literally swoon.
“It’s so romantic!” She basically squealed and kicked her feet, which made me begrudgingly chuckle.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyway. You guys wanna fuck since you’re here?” I slid my hand over Lilith’s chest and toyed with her nipple over her T-shirt suggestively.
“I’m sad. Eating your pussy would make me feel better.” I gave her my best, most innocent ‘let me fuck you’ eyes, and she laughed, glancing at Ramel over my shoulder.
I felt him shrug and chuckle.
“Fine. We have time for a quickie, but then we need to get back. Your beast is going to be pissed if we’re late giving him his dinner,” Ramel lamented dryly.
“You guys are the best.” I grinned, standing up from the couch and stretching.
“Get naked, Lil,” I ordered, my cock already swelling at the thought of sucking on Lilith’s perfect cunt.
Lilith laughed and moved to pull her T-shirt up and over her shoulders .
“You sure you don’t need us to stick around and help with Hecate?” she asked as Ramel reached behind her to undo the clasp on her bra, exposing her full breasts to us.
“I’m sure. Let me get you off, then you can both go back to Hell.”
“Alright, but no more killing mortals before it’s their time. Promise me,” Lilith said sternly as I knelt before her, tugging her black leggings down over her curvy, soft hips.
“Yeah, okay, fine. I’ll stop murdering people.”
So bossy.
Then, I’d spent the next hour or so losing myself between Lilith’s sweet thighs while Ramel held his wife down so I could edge the shit out of her.
That had been two days ago, and still, Gabe hadn’t shown up.
Once I’d run out of booze in that doily-encrusted tomb, I’d wandered out again, looking for somewhere else to drown away my sorrows.
That was how I ended up here, on the Village Tavern patio, glaring at happy pedestrians as they strolled by, enjoying the sunny afternoon.