Chapter Seven
We fell into a pattern over the next few days. Lissa came over the day after her first visit and spent about half the day with Glory, and once again she was drained after the experience, and a little soft and sad, but we went for another comfort movie and she seemed to relax into that again.
The day after, they had a video chat, which I rigged up in the downstairs ‘man cave’ so she could have Lissa on the big screen.
Her face when I showed her that space was a picture.
I started by showing her the blank wall, then poked the latch.
Her eyes widened as she watched the door appear as if by magic.
“This is my secret space, a panic room almost, I guess. If you ever feel unsafe in here, you can let yourself in and pull it closed behind you. Nobody but me will be able to get in, but you can still get out. Okay?”
She nodded, and I led her down into my space, once again wondering what the new eyes saw when they entered.
This time I worried it was too masculine, or even childish, but Glory hadn’t seemed like she disapproved.
She’d smiled, and settled on the sofa with the fleece blanket she’d adopted, and I left her to her call.
Today? Well, today, Lissa was coming over again, and I had to work, but I was doing that from my home office, so I was at hand in case she needed me.
I led Lissa to the hidden room, for the third time in as many days showing off my secret to another person.
“Oh very cool. Ice couldn’t stop raving about your ‘secret spy cave’ as he called it, although he said he’d have a tech suite down there too.”
The thought had never occurred to me, but then I wasn’t as much of a techie as him, so it probably wouldn’t.
“Bottom of the stairs, Glory’s already there, and I set the coffee machine running for you guys. There’s some snacks too. I didn’t know what-”
“Stop, Henley. Breathe. You’re doing great, thank you.”
I dragged a hand through my hair, embarrassed to see it tremble.
“Am I? I feel like I’m treading on nails here, like everything I do is going to make things harder for her. I’m shit scared, Lissa.”
She nodded. “That’s to be expected. Why don’t I have a little chat with you when Gloria’s all talked out?
I get that you’re feeling a lot of things right now, and trying not to let them out around her.
You might also find… what was it Ice called it?
Um… club fisticuffs… yes, that’s it. Something physical might be a good release for you too. Let that stress out safely.”
Huh. She made sense, but I didn’t think getting my nose broken was necessarily the way either. Still. I’d been missing my Muay Thai classes since Glory was here, so maybe going back to that would help.
“Thanks. Uh… take as long as you need. I’ll be in my office at the opposite end of this hall if you need me.”
She smiled serenely and headed down the stairs, while I pushed the door closed behind her. It was easy enough to open from inside, but I figured Glory would always feel safer hidden behind it.
I spent the next hour working through contracts and other complex documents relating to running my own business.
I swear, when I got into this it was because I had investment money, and wanted to do more with it than let it sit in bank accounts.
Now though, it was taking up so much of my time that I wondered if I’d made the right decision back then.
It was my nest egg, my future, but now that I’d found a club to hang with, it felt more like a burden weighing me down.
I’d always had a solid work ethic, but I was nearly thirty and I wanted to enjoy downtime more. Was I just being a spoiled rich kid? Or had I proven to be otherwise by putting in years to build this little empire of mine?
Someone tapped on my door and I called out to them to come in.
Lissa stood there, smiling gently at me.
“We’re all done down there, and Gloria’s staying there to watch something for a bit. Did you have time for a chat?”
I nodded, gesturing to the spare chair beside me. My desk was against the wall, so it wasn’t like I was presiding over it at her. It felt like the right decision in this moment.
“How’s she doing?” I knew she couldn’t tell me details, and I didn’t want her to, but I needed to know if this was working for Glory.
She elegantly crossed one knee over the other, her smart trousers crinkling a little, the only crease in her otherwise impeccably dressed appearance.
“She’s fragile,” she finally said, which wasn’t news to me, of course.
“Is it helping her? Your visits, I mean? Not that I’m denouncing your skills or something, I’m just… Jesus… babbling like a fucking idiot.”
She simply smiled. She was making me feel calmer just by being in the fucking room, when I didn’t even realise I’d been on the edge for so long.
“She’s talking more now about the things that happened to her, and I’m not going to lie to you. It’s bad. It’s… she’s lucky she got out, because she wasn’t safe. Henley, she will never be safe while he’s alive.”
Whoa. Straight to the point, huh…
“Yeah. We’re working on it.”
She tilted her head at me. “Are you? Because it appears to me like you’re burying your head in work, rather than focusing on what should happen next.”
“Now, wait a minute-”
“No. This has to be said. You’ve been approached about dealing with him.
I know this. I also know you keep brushing it off, and not making a decision.
I can’t tell you the things I know, but this man doesn’t belong in this world, do you hear me?
I’m not normally an advocate for violence, but this situation needs it. He needs to suffer, Henley.”
And suddenly I was seeing the non-calm version of Lissa. She was breathing faster, and her cheeks had reddened with her anger. Her fingers were twisting together as she tried to calm herself.
“Are you okay?”
She released a shaky breath and shook her head. “No. I will be, but for now I’m still reeling from the things I’ve been told. Sometimes my job is the best thing in the world, because I know I’m helping people, and it’s something I can brush off after…”
“But?”
She swallowed hard. “Sometimes I’m so furious, so heartbroken by what I hear, that it eats at me. I go home and cry and want to punch things, and Ice is only too willing to be my outlet for it, but it’s the helplessness that breaks me.” She sighed heavily, swiping at her eyes.
“I’m not here to add to your burden, Henley. I’m just showing you that you would be doing the world a favour by removing him. I know you want to, so I’m not sure what the hold-up is.”
And there it is. The fucking question that’s been bugging me for weeks. Maybe longer, since I hated the fucker from the first day we met. The smug asshole was baiting me the whole time, because he knew he had what I wanted.
“I’m in love with her,” I blurted, and cursed, rubbing both hands over my face.
“I know,” Lissa said simply, shocking the hell out of me. I grabbed the arms of my chair, darting a panicked look at the closed door.
“Does she know?!” Was my voice high for a reason? What the hell.
“I don’t believe so, but even if she found out today, she’s not in a place to process that information in the way you’d expect.
She’s healing, or she’s trying. Some days will be okay, others will be bad.
There won’t be good days for some time yet.
What she needs is stability, support, and unwavering commitment to her. If you can’t give her that-”
“That’s all I fucking want!” I snapped, slapping a hand over my mouth the instant I said it. Why was I losing my temper with her? She wasn’t the bad guy here. I thought it was him, but now I’m wondering if it’s me! I swallowed hard as emotion rose in my throat. Fuck.
“Am… am I like him? Am I as bad as-”
She lifted both hands as she spoke. “No. No no no, Henley. You’re a good person, a good man.
You want the best for her, likely for everyone in your life.
There’s no evil in you. You couldn’t even conceive of doing the things he’s done.
I think that’s what’s holding you back from this decision. Do you see that?”
Fuck me. How did I not see that?
“I’m a coward,” I whispered, feeling like one wrong word would fucking break me right now, “I’m holding off because I’m weak.”
Lissa shook her head. “No. It’s because it goes against everything you believe in, Henley.
I know you can fight, I’ve heard, but I think it’s not in you to use violence unless provoked.
I think it’s a defence rather than something you’d actively use to punish.
This is a huge step for you. A break from the norm, but isn’t she?
Isn’t she the biggest and most important thing in your life?
Isn’t she the person you’d risk everything for? ”
I nodded slowly, staring shamefully at my hands.
I’d been hiding from a decision that should be so fucking easy.
I’d had Micro and Ice, and even Rocket, demanding to know when we’re taking action, them holding off purely because, as her ‘protector’, they were letting it be my show, and here I was, hiding in my office, avoiding my prospect duties, and Jesus…
risking losing my whole fucking club family.
“I’m appalled at myself,” I murmured, my eyes still on my hands, hands that could have dealt with the issue at hand, and given her the safety she needed.
Hands that instead played at running a business that could honestly survive without me for a period of time.
Hands that should be breaking that fucker’s bones, and were simply doing nothing of importance.
Lissa reached over and squeezed my hand, waiting until I lifted my eyes to her and the fact that her face was blurry told me that I was being even more of a coward right now.