Chapter Thirteen
Ipaced while Harley and Rocket started a fairly aggressive game of darts, because even though the door was closed, they were right there, just upstairs, and I think I was more up there than down here right now.
What were they talking about? What needed us men gone from the room?
Was she eating? Was she hiding from the food again?
“Brother, if you’re not gonna eat that, can I?” Rocket reached for my dumplings, and I darted across the room to dodge the greedy bastard.
“Don’t try it, dickhead. I’m eating. I’m just…”
“He’s just trying to eavesdrop on them through that heavy door,” Harley commented to Rocket, who abandoned his attempt at my food as his turn at the dartboard came up.
Harley sipped the beer he’d accepted from the bar, and watched Rocket throwing his darts, while I rapidly finished the last of my meal, before it disappeared down someone else’s gullet.
“I’m just, I don’t know, hoping she’s okay.”
“This is what you wanted to happen, man. She needs girl talk and Nixie cuddles, right?”
“Yeah. I mean, that was part of the plan. I was also kind of hoping the women would talk her out of her crazy idea to challenge the asshole. Now I’m worried they’ll encourage her instead.”
“What’s your point?” Rocket asked, approaching us with one dart still in hand. “You’re saying our women are unhinged and likely to draw her into… shit, he’s right, Harls. Maybe not your old lady, but mine definitely would.”
“Call me that one more time, and that dart goes up your nose.”
“Can you not? I’m serious here!” I snapped at them, because cute or not, their double act was badly timed right now. Was a nickname more important than the safety of the woman I… loved? Yeah, loved. Was I really going to keep trying to lie to myself about that?
“Is this going to make things worse?”
They exchanged a wary look, and I waited for one of them to deny it. Either one. Just someone to fucking say I didn’t screw this up too.
“Jesus, come on! I brought you guys here to help. Did I fuck it up? I keep fucking everything up!”
Harley laid a hand on my shoulder, calmness radiating from him that I wished I could use to soothe my fragmented nerves in this moment.
“Brother, I’m sure they’re just talking up there. Caroline’s not about to encourage anything dangerous, okay? She’s all about safety and… and besides, she’s not likely to let V start anything. She’ll… okay, she won’t stop her, because she’s too…”
“That’s not helping!” I tried to make a dash for the stairs, but they both pulled me back.
It was like they wanted it to go horribly wrong.
No. That’s unfair. They were doing their best to help, I knew that.
I just felt like the tiniest fuck up could ruin everything, push Glory in the wrong direction, and I’d lose her again.
“I can’t lose her again,” I whispered brokenly, suddenly realising I was wussing out in front of them. I dragged a hand over my face, cleared my throat, and pointed at the dartboard.
“I’ll take the winner on.”
“You don’t have to hide how you’re feeling, man.
We’ve all been there,” Rocket said softly.
See, those who didn’t know him like I did would assume the brash exterior, and frankly dickish behaviour, were all he was, but I knew differently.
Just like Harley did. The guy was way more sensitive than most of the others we knew at the club.
His heart wasn’t just on his sleeve, it was in every word and action, except those moments where he deliberately baited people. Those were his armour.
“I feel like I’m losing her again, second by second.
Like every decision has the potential to bring her closer or drive her further away.
I feel like I’m failing her with every fucking breath!
” Were my hands gripping my hair in anguish?
Come on, I’m not that dramatic. I lowered my hands and took a deep breath.
“Fucking hell. I feel like a man trying to cling to the woman he loves, but that’s not how it is with us.”
“Bullshit. That’s exactly what you are,” Harley said quietly, glancing over his shoulder at the closed door up those stairs, where our women were hanging out. Our women, listen to me. Like I even have that right.
“I just meant-”
“She may not see it, but we do. You love her, man. That’s why you’re losing your shit here, and Rocket’s right. We’ve both been through these same fears and moments of pure terror. That’s how it feels when you’re in love, especially when you’re not sure if it’ll work out.”
“Hell, I ran, didn’t I?” Rocket added, rolling his eyes at himself.
“Yeah, I wasn’t that much of a pussy, but-” Harley cut off with a grunt, as Rocket elbowed him in the chest, “Hey, I’m still your VP, man.”
Rocket snorted. “Look, all we’re saying is that you don’t need to hide what you’re going through, okay?
Apparently that way leads to people running off like, I dunno, whatever they called me back then.
A prick, a coward, a pussy. Whatever. I came back, because I’m a strong ass motherfucker, and so can you. ”
I grinned at him, some of the tension leaving my spine as I sunk into the banter with him.
“I was there, man. It was like pulling teeth trying to get you to see reason, but sure, spin it your way.”
He smirked, folding his arms, but I caught those discreet middle fingers in the process.
“Just telling it like it is.”
“Yeah, in your head,” Harley murmured, fiddling with the dart he’d clearly taken from Rocket while I wasn’t paying attention. What, did he think he’d do something with it, or was it his ammo in case Rocket nicknamed him again?
“You gonna take your shot or what?” I asked Rocket, and he smirked.
“Dunno, are you?”
Glory
Without the men eyeing me, somehow I was able to go back to eating a few more bites. Not the plain rice Caroline had offered, but what I’d been devouring until my brain kicked in. My favourite, something that my best friend hadn’t forgotten.
“So you don’t need to tell us about things, but we’re here to listen if you want,” Caroline said gently, while we both glanced at V to see if she was about to declare something too. She was too busy trying to get a whole dumpling in her mouth, and eyed us sheepishly as she chewed.
“Mwattt,” she mumbled around the mouthful. Caroline giggled, and I almost joined in too. No, scratch that, I did. I giggled. Me. With all the crap weighing on me, I giggled. It was pretty cute too, not my giggle, but V trying to hurry up her mouthful.
“Quick, before she can interrupt. Let’s talk about…” Caroline pondered, then shot her a wicked grin, “how Schitts Creek is way better than Friends.”
A strangled growl came from V, and we both laughed.
Clearly this was a topic they’d been debating before, but here’s the embarrassing part.
Sure, I’d seen Friends, way back in the day, but I’d never seen Schitts Creek.
I wasn’t allowed to watch TV, because wives were supposed to be in the kitchen, or cleaning, or making sure dinner was on the table at six sharp, that the shoes were lined up perfectly in the hall wardrobe, and that…
I realised silence had fallen and both women were watching me curiously.
I swallowed hard, pushing my food away once more.
“Sorry. I’ve uh… not seen it.”
They exchanged a surprised look.
“Which one?”
I sighed. “I wasn’t allowed to watch TV, okay? He was a bastard and I was the pathetic little bitch who let him destroy everything about me that I recognised, until all that was left was this placid, dutiful fucking STEPFORD WIFE!” Was I yelling? It felt like I was yelling.
“That’s my girl,” V said, with a flash of what looked like pride in her eyes.
“So you’re saying we need a Schitts Creek binge session?” Caroline asked, clapping her hands together. The pup was on the chair between them, and yapped with excitement, making all of us laugh.
“Can I hold her again?”
V nodded at Caroline, who picked the pup up, kissed her head, and passed her to me. There was something so comforting about the snuggly warmth of the beautiful little dog, something that made me want to cradle her in my arms and never let her go.
It was strange that I barely knew these women, and yet felt a sense of acceptance, something automatic and unquestioning. Almost like just being Nate, uh Henley’s friend was enough for them to just open their arms and let me in.
“Why aren’t you cold with me?” I blurted out, watching them both frown and tilt their heads in a gesture so similar, it was suddenly so easy to recognise that they were related, even though in every other way they were so different.
“Why would we be?”
I thought back to the people in my life with Sean, the upper classes who always looked down on me, and yet I was joining their circle as his wife. These were just friends of my friend, and yet they’d never even acted like they didn’t already know me.
“I dunno,” I shrugged a shoulder, and the pup caught my sleeve in her teeth, tugging it with a tiny, but ferocious, growl. “Oh my god, she’s so cute!”
“That’s our Nixie, I mean, originally that dickhead tried naming her ‘Baby’. It took me a few tries to change that though. I mean, who’s going to let it slide when he’s running around after her calling her Baby?”
“This is Rocket?”
V nodded, but even though she sounded like she was mocking him, her face softened and I could see the love right there, despite her attempts to hold it back.
“I mean, she is a tiny baby,” I said, stroking her silky cheek as she eyed me victoriously, a mouthful of sleeve soaking up puppy spit.
“Still, because we’re not allowing that, he came up with Nix, and that immediately became Nixie.”
“Was that when you guys were making out in your car?”
V shot a look at Caroline that would have made me gasp, but she simply giggled. She was clearly used to looks like that.
“We were not making out, and nobody says that, and you’re one to talk, little miss I’m innocent but I snog my man’s face off every chance I get!”
I gasped, but Caroline just burst into giggles, ducking her face to hide her red cheeks. My god. It was like being thrown into a family argument, except that they both kept glancing at me and smiling, inviting me into their bizarre little dynamic.
“So…” I started lamely, feeling oddly unnerved when both turned to focus on me, that pinkness still flooding Caroline’s cheeks.
“Yesss?” V intoned, sounding like a gameshow host, and taking the edge off the sudden silence.
“Uh… they all have weird names, right? What’s that about?”
They both laughed, and then began debating those with me.
“Rocket, right? Says it’s because he gets caught speeding so much, but I swear it’s just his pet name for his dick. I mean this from the guy who tried naming his dog ‘Baby’.”
“Oh my god, V!” Caroline’s cheeks weren’t getting less red anytime soon, apparently.
“Okay, and Harley? That’s because he rides one?”
Caroline frowned. “Actually, no. He doesn’t have one. I’ve never actually asked.”
“Jesus, C! What if it’s some weird kink thing he’s into?!”
We all fell silent as our minds probably tried to figure that one out.
“Like literally fucking on Harleys, you mean?” I finally asked.
“Who’s doing what now?” We all turned to see the men standing in the doorway, their faces a picture, because of all the things to walk in on, right?
“I… I mean…”
“Okay, Harley, spill! C says you don’t even have a Harley, so why the name?” V blurted, and he looked from her to his woman, and then me, as realisation dawned on his face.
“And you thought it’s because I like fucking on them?”
“That or actually fucking them,” Rocket said with a smirk, as he dodged Harley’s attempt to slap the back of his head. “I mean, you’ve gotta have a kink or something, brother, you’re too straight laced.”
He elbowed Rocket instead, and the three men joined us at the table again, all eyes on Harley.
He groaned, grabbing Caroline’s hand and squeezing it.
“You’re not gonna protect your man, baby?”
She rested her other hand on his, her eyes wide and innocent.
“I’m too curious!”