Chapter 12 - Jillian #2, Her Arranged Alpha (Honeycomb Valley Alphas #4)

Chapter 12 - Jillian #2

But my mind went there. I thought about it.

How cold I felt. How there was nothing but darkness, nothing but fear.

I remembered the man telling me how I was nothing, how no one actually cared.

And then I was choking Frank. I was fighting him, but I wasn't doing it.

I was just a puppet having my strings pulled.

Maddox walked closer. His face fell. "Jillian…"

I felt my legs give out, but Maddox moved quickly, catching me before I fell. I clung to him, feeling my body going against me. I wanted to be strong, but my mind refused. I kept replaying it over and over.

"I have you," Maddox said, holding me tightly to his chest. "Nothing is going to happen. I have you."

I felt tears break free and tightened my hold on his shirt. I clung to the scent of him, letting it sip in through the cracks of my mind.

I focused on his breathing and his heartbeat. I took in each step he offered and every word he whispered to me.

"I have you. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

I didn't even notice we were back at home until I heard the door shut behind us. I took in the entryway and the silence of the house.

"Hey," Maddox looked at me. "Can you stand?"

I nodded as he placed my feet onto the ground. He looked at me softly, and for the first time, I think he looked at me with understanding.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah… I'll be okay. I just was reliving it all."

Maddox's eyebrows knitted together. "Reliving what?"

I swallowed. "My possession."

***

I sipped my mug of coffee when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

I looked up from my book and spotted Maddox rounding the corner.

My eyebrows went up as I stared at him, taking in his bare chest as he entered the kitchen.

Maddox was built like a woman had sculpted him.

He had chiseled abs and the perfect pecs.

He had muscles everywhere, and my mouth hung open slightly.

I looked down at the track of hair that went below his belly button and on.

He ran a hand over his face, making a moan sound. "God, what time is it?"

I swallowed and quickly looked away from him, looking at my phone. "It's a little past 9."

"Fuck," he grumbled, walking over towards the coffee and pouring himself a mug. "I didn't mean to sleep in that late." He looked at me, really looked at me, and I blushed. I kept thinking about how I admitted to sleeping naked, not realizing it.

I shook the moment off and offered a smile. "Well, you did get home late last night."

Maddox and I had found a routine. We were civil with each other and ran into each other mostly in the kitchen in the mornings and in the evening. Maddox was busy with work and Alpha stuff while I focused on going through my personal belongings and finding something more in this town.

"You noticed I came home late?" he asked, tilting his head at me. A small smirk pulled at his lips. "Did you miss me?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, but you weren't quiet when you entered the house. Or did you forget you kind of slammed the door?"

He frowned. "Sorry, it was windy last night and I was trying to catch it, but I wasn't quick enough."

I nodded. "It was fine, I was up anyway."

"Doing what?" he asked, taking a seat at the island. I chewed on my lower lip, watching him. I looked at his hands, how they held onto the mug and the way his knuckles moved.

I shook my head. "I was looking at patio furniture for the backyard."

His eyebrows went up. "I don't really have a backyard."

I nodded. "I'm aware, which is something I plan on changing." I paused, realizing that I had never asked if he was okay with me changing anything. "That is, if you're okay with it?"

He offered me a smile. "I don't mind. You used to do it for a living, so it makes sense you'd want to change mine. It's not really anything but bare land right now, which brings a question. Do you plan on working soon?"

It was a question I had wondered myself.

I kind of liked not having to work right now, but I knew I would want to go back to something.

I didn't have a degree or anything to use.

I had worked for the city and my sister's shop.

I made good money. I liked what I did. But I didn't know if I could do that here.

"I haven't exactly thought about it."

"Well, if you ever want to, I know that the city is always looking for help."

I pulled my mug up. "Doing what?"

"Landscaping," he stated. "What you were doing in Frank's pack. You'd be a good addition since you've been doing it already."

I nodded. "I'll think about it."

He rotated his neck and sighed. "Well, I'm going to go get ready for some meetings. What are your plans today?"

"I was thinking of taking a long walk today. Take in nature."

His eyebrows went up. "Is that code word for running away?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, it's a code word for walking. I am still part part-shifter, Maddox. I have the same urges to be in nature as you do."

He paused, tapping his fingers on his mug. "That's true…sorry." He ran a hand over his face. "Alright, I'm going to shower." He left his mug on the counter and turned, heading back up the stairs.

I looked down at my mug, tapping my finger against it. I felt off. This was all so new to me. I didn't know what to say or how to react. It was hard to hate Maddox when he was being kind and considerate.

I finished my coffee, grabbed a bag, and headed out for my walk.

I took the pathway I had taken before taking in the neighborhood.

There were kids riding their bikes and mothers pushing strollers.

People waved, and I offered smiles in return.

It was comforting, yet uncertain at the same time.

I was thrown by how nice people were being.

I walked off the walking path into the woods and headed deep. I knew better than to try running, but I wanted to at least get a little further into the trees where I couldn't hear the town or the sound of cars.

Once I knew that I was far enough, I took a deep breath and sighed. I listened to the wind blow and the sound of the leaves going with it. I stared at the emptiness and took in the silence.

My wolf was happy, finally being out in nature.

I opened my bag and pulled out my small blanket to relax on. I tossed my bag down and leaned onto it, staring up at the trees. I smiled, taking in the part shade and the sun. I watched the clouds roll by and sighed.

I closed my eyes and basked in the moment. I didn't know how long my eyes were closed for until my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I snapped my eyes open and quickly pulled my phone free.

I realized it was Nina, and I quickly answered it and sat up. "Hey."

"Hey, how have you been? I feel we haven't talked in a while."

I chuckled. "We just talked a week ago at the mating ceremony."

"I know, but we used to chat all the time. It's different when you're not living in town. I can't just stop at your place."

I laughed and rubbed at my eyes. "I know. You can always come down and see me."

"I know we will need to plan something. What are you up to? Have you gotten settled?"

I looked around and suddenly questioned what time it was. My stomach felt ready to grumble, so I must have fallen asleep. "I'm just out in the woods enjoying the quiet."

"You're alone?"

I nodded. "I am a part shifter, so I enjoy nature."

"Well, that makes sense."

I shook my head. "How have things been with Johnny?"

I could hear Nina's voice pitch. "He's such a good baby. God, he's so tiny, and I just want to hold him all the time. Did I send you the photo of him sitting in his crib? He's just the sweetest little thing. And he's got the cutie's little toes."

I smirked, listening to Nina go on and on about Johnny. But then I heard another voice. It was faint, like it was in the distance, and I looked over my shoulder, finding I was still alone.

You're just hearing things, Jillian.

I shook my head and focused my attention back on Nina. I pulled myself up and started to pack up my blanket.

"Oh my god, so I bought him the cutest little blue onesie. It says Daddy's favorite boy. I should send you the photo."

"I bet Frank loved that."

"Oh god, yes, his entire face lit up when I showed him it. He sent the photo to all of the guys."

"Jilliann…."

I felt all the hair on my body rise, and I looked over my shoulder again, knowing this time I was certain that I was hearing someone. I knew it, deep in my bones.

I swallowed, suddenly feeling like there were eyes on me.

"I feel like I could go on and on about Johnny. So, tell me about how things are going there. Have you and Maddox talked about kids? What do you guys want for the future?"

"What?" I realized I wasn't listening to her, didn't even hear what she said.

"Are you listening?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah, I'm listening... I’m..."

I took a slow breath in and looked over my shoulder again. I then heard my name once more.

"Jilliannn…"

I felt panic grip my throat, and my fingers tightened on my phone.

"Jillian? Are you still there? Helllooo?"

I stared into the woods, unable to move. I couldn't speak. I wanted to scream, yet I wanted to just disappear at the same time.

"Hello? Did this call drop?"

The line ended, and I lowered my phone. I took deep breaths, looking around. But there was no one. There was nothing around me.

Was it the darkness coming to get me again? Had it decided to take hold of me for the second time.

I couldn't go back. Lord, don't make me go back. I couldn't do it. I can't have someone taking over my body, taking over my mind, and doing things I would never do. Not again.

Tears burned in my eyes, and I felt my breath quicken, my body starting to shake. I took a step back, feeling my body was losing control.

I then heard the snap of a twig, and I turned as a man stepped out from behind a tree. There wasn't just one but three guys that stepped out. They were all laughing at me. "Wow, that was easy. I didn't think it was going to be that easy to scare you like that."

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't pull air in, and I couldn't let air out.

The man closest to me moved closer, still laughing. "Jesus, and to think someone like you nearly killed Frank. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe the rumors just got a little too big."

I took a step back. "Why would you do that?" I asked, through broken words.

He shrugged, continuing to laugh. "Because it was worth the fun. Everyone is going to love the video." He waved his phone in his right hand, and I stared at it. He'd videoed me.

And just when I thought maybe I had found a place to settle. I'd been fooled.

Suddenly, someone stepped out next to the guy and grabbed his phone right from his hand. The man turned, and Maddox stood there looking pissed. He growled at the guy who took a step back from him.

"Interesting. I don't recall my wife agreeing to be filmed. I don't recall my wife doing anything besides enjoying nature and being interrupted by a jackass."

All of the guys went pale. "I wasn't…"

"You weren't what?" Maddox threw the phone down and pulled his foot up, smashing hard down on it. "You were just on your way out."

I inhaled slowly as the guy practically ran for it. Maddox's eyes snapped towards me, and his face softened. "Jillian…"

I pulled a hand up, feeling my lower lip quiver. "Please…. just stay there."

I didn't want to admit how embarrassed I was, how scared I was. I didn't want to go back to the dark place, and how empty it was.