Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
E arlier this year, I was under the impression that not being able to catch feelings for someone was a curse. Now, I know it’s the opposite. I’d do anything to go back to those cold, empty days. Anything to not feel the pain ripping through my entire body.
The doctor says I was drugged—something was in the beer Krystal gave me. I was stupid enough to drink it, even though I knew better. I don’t care, though. Drugged or not, I broke us. I am the reason for the pain I’m feeling. Worse than that, though, I’m the reason for Connor’s pain.
Every time I look at my hands, all I see is Kenny’s blood. And then the disgust on Connor’s face directed at me. I can’t unsee it.
I stand and rush into the bathroom. I haven’t left Dante’s pool house yet. I can’t bring myself to go home. I can’t pretend that I’m okay when I’m not. And how do I explain to my parents that I’m falling apart because I finally killed someone and it didn’t feel good?
This was what I wanted. To feel something. Remorse, guilt, sadness. Well, guess I hit the motherfucking jackpot, because I’ve got them all.
I push down on the soap pump and cover my hands with the liquid, lathering it under the running water. I scrub at my hands but I can’t get them clean. I can still see it. The blood. It won’t come off.
“Whoa, stop. Aurora.” Dante turns off the tap before grabbing my wrists. “You’re fucking burning yourself.”
“I can’t get it off. I need to get it off,” I tell him.
“They’re clean, Aurora. There’s nothing there,” he says.
“The blood. I killed him. I killed us. Dante, I can’t fix it.”
“You’re a Valentino. You can fix anything.”
I shake my head. “He hates me.”
“He’s not worth your tears, Aurora. No one is worth your tears,” my cousin says. He pulls me against him, his arms wrapping around me. “You are going to be okay. I promise.”
I shake my head. I’m not going to be okay ever again. I don’t want to feel this. “I want it to go away. I want all the pain to go away.”
“I have the solution.”
I turn to see Orlando in the doorway. Next to him is Mabilia. He has a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other.
Moving out of Dante’s hold, I walk over to Orlando and snatch the champagne out of his grip.
Then I walk back over to the sink, smash the top of the bottle on the edge of the counter, and then pour the contents down the drain.
I can’t look at champagne. It reminds me of him. In that hotel room. Licking it off me.
“Ahhh!” I scream as I throw the empty bottle at the mirror.
“Okay then. We’re angry. Good. Let’s go find something or someone to take it out on, preferably an Irish something,” Mabilia says. “I Googled it, you know.”
“You Googled what?” I ask her.
“The recipe for Irish stew. It says to use beef, but I’m sure human meat will cook up just fine. I mean, I wouldn’t eat it, but I’ll happily serve it to the fucker’s parents.” She smiles.
“That’s… Just no. No one touches him.” I point at each of my cousins. “I mean it.”
“You can’t expect us to do nothing, Aurora. He hurt you.”
“He had no choice! I gave him no choice!” I scream at them.
“There’s always a choice,” Orlando tells me. Why does everyone keep saying that? “Right now, the right choice is to get drunk.” He turns and walks out of the bathroom.
“Great idea, as long as it’s not champagne.” I follow him.
“That bottle was worth two grand, by the way,” Mabilia huffs.
I don’t care how much it was worth. It felt good smashing it.
Orlando pours four glasses of whiskey and hands us each one. I’m not a drinker, especially a whiskey drinker. But right now, I’ll take anything that promises to make the pain go away.
Downing the glass in one go, I hand it back to Orlando. “Another.”
Without question, he refills it. “So, revenge, what are we doing?” he asks. “I know you, Aurora. And if this happened to any of us, you wouldn’t just sit back and let it pass.”
“It didn’t happen to you, though. It happened to me, and I’m not doing anything. I don’t want to hurt him. I’ve already done that.” The second glass of whiskey finds its way into my throat, burning all the way down.
“It wasn’t your fault, Aurora. You were drugged, and when you tell him that, he will understand,” Mabilia says.
“We’re not telling him. He discarded me like yesterday’s trash. He has shown his lack of loyalty. I don’t even want him anymore,” I lie. I want nothing more than to have Connor wrap his arms around me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Tell me that he loves me.
“Okay, well, tonight, we get fucked up.” Orlando refills my whiskey for a third time. “Tomorrow, we regret our choices.”
“To getting fucked up.” I raise my glass before tipping it back.
Everyone left. I told them I was going to sleep. I lied then too. I just wanted to be alone. I need to call him. I need to hear his voice. Except, every time I dial his number, it goes to voicemail. He’s not answering.
Okay, well, if he’s not going to talk to me, he can at least read my message.
Me:
I know you hate me. I hate myself right now too, but I need you to know how sorry I am. I love you. I will always love you.
I see the read notification on the message and then nothing. He’s just going to ignore me.
Lying down, I let the tears fall freely. I don’t know if I can make it through this. How can you go on living when it feels like your heart is torn in two? When every breath feels like you’re drowning?
“Care to tell me why you’ve moved into my pool house, Aurora?” Zio Romeo walks in through the glass door. “And why you smell like a brewery and look like shit?”
“Well, gee, nice to see you too, Zio,” I groan as I sit up on the bed.
“It’s always a pleasure to see you, Aurora. I would like to know why you’ve been holed up in here all weekend, though? And if you plan on staying? I can have Zia Livvy make a room up for you in the house, you know.”
“Thanks. I just… I’m going home today,” I tell him.
“You haven’t answered my question.” Zio Romeo is smart. Nothing ever gets past him. But I can’t tell him that I’m here hiding from reality.
“I was hanging out with Dante and Orlando. I fell asleep.”
“Try again. Who is he? Give me a name and I’ll break his kneecaps before I remove his head from his body,” my uncle grunts.
And that is exactly why I can’t tell the oldies in the family what happened. I can’t risk them going after Connor to avenge my heart.
“There is no boy.” I sigh. “And if there were, I’d never tell you.”
“Aurora, whoever he is, don’t ever forget your worth.
Not every douchebag you encounter is going to be able to see it, so it’s up to you to remember.
” Zio Romeo walks over to me, kisses my forehead, and then walks back to the door.
“You can stay for as long as you want, but expect a visit from your father within the hour.”
“Thanks. I’m just going to have a shower,” I tell him. I knew I couldn’t hide out here forever. I just need to wash off. I need to figure out a way to pretend that I’m not falling apart on the inside.
“Good, ?cause you really do smell like a brewery.” Zio Romeo chuckles as he closes the door.
After showering and changing into some sweats I borrowed from Dante, I run a brush through my hair. My reflection stares back at me. I don’t have makeup here, and Zio Romeo was right. I do look like shit. Tired . My eyes are red and puffy from crying. Dark circles are starting to form too.
When I walk into my aunt and uncle’s house, my dad is there. In the kitchen. “Princess, didn’t know you’d be here,” he says.
“Yes, you did.” I roll my eyes.
“You’re right. I did. Come on, I’ll give you a ride home so you can get ready for school.” It’s not a question or an option. It’s a get in the fucking car, you’re coming home kind of statement.
“Okay,” I say before turning to my Zio Romeo. “Thanks for letting me stay.”
“Anytime,” my uncle replies.
My dad is quiet. He doesn’t say a single word for the first ten minutes of the drive. Then it’s like the floodgates open. I’m honestly impressed he lasted as long as he did. “Okay, spill it. What happened?”
“Nothing happened. Can’t I just hang out with my cousins because I like them?”
“You can, but I know you. Something is wrong. I want to know what it is.”
When I don’t answer him, he sighs, running a hand over his face. “You can tell me anything, Aurora. I mean anything .”
“You won’t understand this, Papa.”
“Try me,” he says. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You know that.”
“I know. But I really messed up,” I whisper.
“Messed up how ? I can fix whatever it is if you tell me.”
“I was… seeing someone, and I did something bad. Really bad, and now he hates me.” Okay, that’s a watered-down version of what actually happened.
“You were seeing someone? What the fuck? Who?”
I knew that would be the thing he focused on. “No one you know. And it doesn’t matter. He’s never going to talk to me again after what I did.” I’m fighting hard to not let the tears fall again.
“Then he’s a fucking idiot and not worth your time. You are perfect in every fucking way, Aurora,” my dad tells me.
“You have a very biased opinion of me.” I laugh.
“Maybe, but that doesn’t make it not true. Tell me who he is and I’ll sort it out.”
“You mean you’ll erase him from this earth.”
He shakes his head. “No, I’ll return his body to the earth.”
“It’s fine. I’m not going to die from a broken heart,” I say. “I don’t think.”
“Your heart is broken? Now I’m really going to kill him.” My dad reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I love you.”
“I know. I love you too.”
When we get home, I don’t get to escape to my room like I intended. My dad makes me follow him into the theater room. Orders me to sit and wait for him. It takes five minutes. I’m ready to go and hide somewhere when he walks back in with my mom, along with a tray of snacks.
“I’ve got all the good stuff: ice cream, chocolate, candy,” he says, sitting next to me.
“Why?” I ask.
“If you won’t let me kill him, then this is all I’ve got. We’re going to binge-watch some crappy rom-com and eat our weight in this shit,” my dad says.
Mom sits on the other side of me. “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it will get better. I promise.” She wraps her arms around me, and I let myself lean into her. I can’t stop it. The tears just fall.
“Fuck, just give me a name, Aurora. I won’t kill him. Just hurt him a little,” Papa says. Which only makes me cry harder.
“Shh, it’s okay to cry, baby. It’s okay to be sad and feel everything you’re feeling. We can stay here for as long as you like,” Mom tells me.
“I have to go to school,” I reply through my hiccups.
“Not today, you don’t,” Papa says. “We’re all staying put right here.”
“Thank you.” I hug my mom tighter.
They don’t even know what happened, and they’re ready to take a day off from their jobs to sit here with me while I drown in my heartbreak.