Chapter 5
What the hell had I been thinking by provoking Wicked? Logan wasn’t someone I’d pick out of a crowd to poke on a regular day, so what possessed me to do so at his club?
I asked myself the question, but I already knew the answer. He was solidly built. Muscled. Attractive. Handsome. So handsome that I routinely found myself flustered around him. No one judged me in Falcon Creek, but I still kept my sexuality closely guarded. I wasn’t hiding exactly, but my family would not accept my attraction to both men and women. I pushed the problem aside for the moment. I had a bigger issue. Logan Wilde promised me a scene tonight.
Walking to the front desk as if we were going for a beer, I casually leaned against it. Logan had his arms crossed in front of him and he raised an eyebrow when I approached.
“I don’t like to be kept waiting,” he said sternly. “Did something more important cause you to be late?”
His tone sounded like a mixture of authoritative dipped in playful banter. If he wasn’t shooting such a dominant look in my direction, I might have fucked around.
“I may have had to convince myself to actually walk over here instead of going straight home.” I shrugged but told him the truth instead of hiding behind my false bravado.
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t know if you’re worth my time.” I looked away and rubbed my throat. Damn it. The lie flew right out of my mouth. I’d been accused of being a cocky, arrogant asshole on more than one occasion because I hid my true self under so many layers. Glancing back at him, I wondered if he knew the truth better than I did.
Logan’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment I thought he was going to walk away, but instead he pointed to a spot on the floor in front of him. “Get on your knees in front of me and apologize for your flippant reply.”
I could feel my heart racing in my chest, not the same way Karsyn had experienced with her panic attack, but faster than usual. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how sweet she’d been when I assisted her, though it was part of my training to focus on the problem and not the person. She’d also kept her eyes on mine, subtly licking her lips as I checked her vitals. That she had witnessed me being a ‘brat with a capital B’ to Logan didn’t help the situation, though Karsyn seemed wildly intrigued about our connection.
I had seen her more than once at the hospital, but we were always working. She couldn’t keep her eyes off Logan tonight either. I pushed the memory of our interaction away and tried hard to stay in the moment. Glancing up at the gorgeous man in front of me, I knew he expected me to listen. That wasn’t going to happen easily. It wasn’t my nature. I cocked my head to the side. “Or?”
“I didn’t give you an alternative, August.”
“I havent given my consent yet. We haven’t started our scene. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do, no matter who you are.”
Logan nodded a few times, chuckling to himself. I would have joined in except there was no humor in his laugh. He straightened and stepped to me, capturing my chin in between his thumb and pointer finger. Fuck. At this distance he smelled so good. A heady mixture of warm, vanilla musk and something uniquely him. My mouth watered as I stared into his incredible green eyes. He aroused me fully with one touch. It should be a crime.
Logan tightened his hold. “What’s your safeword?”
“Radish.” I cleared my throat. “I haven’t consented yet.”
“How do colors work?”
With Logan inches away from my face, I could barely think straight. Who was I kidding? I never thought straight. He and I’d had lots of conversations since I moved here. I frequently attended parties and events. I also volunteered at his club as a medic on my nights off from the rescue squad. But there was always an underlying sexual tension that neither of us mentioned or explored. I swallowed hard.
“Answer me, August.”
“Green for go. Yellow means slow down. Red stops everything.”
“Tell me your limits. Go on. Every single one you can think of.”
I stared at him, wondering how I had gotten in so far over my head. It was like Logan already had an inkling about my wants without me ever talking about anything. He must be an expert at reading between the lines. “This isn’t a negotiation, Logan. No, this is a fucking interrogation.”
“So, you want to do some roleplaying. Is that what I’m hearing?”
“No, Sir.” I closed my eyes. Oh fuck. Double and triple fuck. Logan pulled the title from my lips as if I was always meant to refer to him as such.
“Well, well, well.” Logan clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Your ‘I don’t give a fuck about you’ attitude appears to be a fa?ade. Interesting.”
“That’s your opinion.”
“We haven’t discussed titles yet and you just called me ‘Sir’.”
“It won’t happen again,” I sassed. It was so much easier than allowing him to glimpse underneath the surface.
“What else have you been hiding, August?”
Blinking my eyes open, I pulled away, refusing to give into my deepest, darkest desires. If I let him top me, even for one scene, he’d reveal them—just tear it all out into the open. I couldn’t risk being so vulnerable. Of course, I trusted him. He owned the club. He was universally respected and a fun person to be around. What bothered me about him the most was the way he acted. Unapologetically himself. It pissed me off. Well, that wasn’t quite true. I admired his bold, brash, in-your-face behavior all while being classy, suave. I’d never heard him raise his voice or show any other side than cool, calm and controlled. Logan had a fierce, protective nature. Underneath the stern dominant exterior there was supposedly a goofy side. But, there was nothing amusing about the way he was currently looking at me.
“Nothing, Logan. This was all a bad idea.” I gulped when he set a hand on either side of me, caging my body in between his.
“You’ve been avoiding me for weeks. Whenever we do talk, you brat in my general direction. Maybe I should sort out your behavior and then we can have a better conversation.”
“I’m not submissive.”
Logan leaned closer. “Being topped in a scene doesn’t make you submissive. Being one makes you one. Why did you say that?”
“I’m not.”
“Are you afraid I’ll do something in our scene that might change your mind? Or is it something else?”
It’s you, I almost replied. Licking along my lips, I tried to form a non-snarky reply. No matter what I wanted to say, it wouldn’t be productive. I might actually push Logan too far. Then he’d kick my ass right out of his club. If I could open up, we would have a good scene, but this felt like so much more.
“Nothing you can do to me would suddenly make me submissive.” Boom. Feeling confident, I cocked my head to the side.
Logan gave me a coy smile and pushed himself forward until his lips touched the shell of my ear. His skin on mine caused goosebumps to prickle along the back of my neck. He was so incredibly hot.
“Right,” he mused. “I can’t make you something that you already are. You just don’t want to admit it. Not to yourself. Not to me. Not to anyone.”
“I’m not into men, Logan.”
“Something else you don’t want to admit.”
“Fuck off,” I said angrily. His hand wrapped around my throat, and he pinned me against the front desk, more aggressively than he had before. I grabbed his wrist, but he had more strength in his hands. I hadn’t given him my limits. I’d refused my consent even though I wanted to give it to him. I could not deny the undeniable spark of pure arousal that shot through my entire body like an electric current. I was not going to come out of this connection with my heart intact.
“If you curse at me again, I’m going to bring you to my office.”
I swallowed hard. His growled threat sounded real.
“I’ll bend you over my desk and spank your snarky little ass, and I won’t stop until you apologize.”
“And then what?”
“Then you can tell me why you’ve been battling me if you don’t actually want a response. Am I understood?”
I glanced in both directions, but I couldn’t see much since Logan had me pinned, his huge hand still wrapped around my neck.
“No one else is here,” he whispered. “Everyone’s gone home for the night.”
He answered the question I’d thought in my head. The stark contrast between the threat and his gentle reassurance drove me crazy. Staring up at him brought heat to my face. Though I’d admired him from afar, having his fingers splayed across my throat had me absolutely melting. I hated the action I was about to take. I hoped he would forgive me.
Though I didn’t want to disrespect him, I believed he understood the heart of the matter. I was too chicken-shit to ask for what I wanted.
No.
It was bigger than that, as he had hinted. I couldn’t show such a raw and vulnerable side of myself. Not just to him, but to anybody. So, I battled. Challenged. Cursed at him. Demanded a reaction in order to stop the terrible fear coursing through my veins.
The true fear was that Logan might actually find me as attractive as I found him. If I could catch his eye, he might agree to a relationship. One where he led, and I followed. Then we’d find our perfect little princess, and the three of us would just live happily fucking ever after. Maybe we could explore it with Karsyn. I’d wanted a throuple for my entire dating life, somehow hoping I’d be able to vocalize it. Yet, I’d never found a man worthy of my submission. Until Logan. I knew he could feel my erection through my jeans since his thigh was pressed against the front of my body. It only turned me on more.
I rolled my eyes. “You can seriously go fuck yourself, Logan.”
He smiled. Damn it all to hell. He had given me a very specific outcome. His smile grew bigger as he stared, making me suddenly uneasy. What if he tossed me out the door? Before I could worry about anything else, he released his hold on me long enough to toss me over his shoulder.