Chapter 1
CHAPTER 1
ONE YEAR LATER
“ O h, she is just darling.”
Adelaide looked up with a smile for Dot.
Well, Lady Mandrake, but Dot had told Adelaide she should never call her that, for they were family.
In a sense.
“She is, isn’t she?” Adelaide agreed, looking down at the sleeping baby she held. The three months since her daughter had been born had been both the quickest and the longest three months of her life.
“Is she sleeping any better?” Dot asked as she flitted about the clean, tidy, yet plain room, unable to stay still for any time.
Adelaide had never met a woman like Dot. The daughter of an earl, she had unconventionally become a midwife – a profession that she continued even after marrying Lord Mandrake.
Michael’s brother.
Adelaide tried not to think of Michael often, but it was hard when she held the product of the one night they’d spent together in her arms.
The best night of her life.
One that she had the opportunity to repeat over and again if she so chose.
But that would only open herself up to even more heartbreak than she had already experienced. Heartbreak she had witnessed in the past, which she had vowed never to open herself up to, no matter the circumstances.
Including a baby.
“She’s sleeping slightly better as long as she is in my arms,” Adelaide said.
“She loves her mama.”
“I’m lucky,” Adelaide said as Dot finally stopped moving. When she came to sit beside Adelaide on the small bed, Adelaide knew she was preparing for a meaningful conversation. It was the only time Dot sat still.
“Adelaide,” Dot began slowly, but Adelaide already began shaking her head.
“I don’t want to see him,” she said, closing her eyes tightly. “I cannot.”
“He wants to see you and the baby,” Dot said softly. “He misses you. Both of you.”
“I know, and I feel terrible for that,” Adelaide said, looking up and meeting Dot’s eyes. “But it hurts too much.”
“I do not want to pry,” Dot said slowly as she did just that, “but perhaps if you tell him what he did wrong, it would help him understand. One moment, you were living in Mandrake House, having his baby, and the next, you were gone, having run away to our shelter here.”
“I stayed during my pregnancy because I had to,” Adelaide said. “I had nowhere else to go until you opened your shelter. I will be forever grateful that this opportunity arose.”
“But did he?—”
“He didn’t do anything,” Adelaide said roughly. “He didn’t do anything but be the man he is. You know him, Dot, as well as anyone. He said he wanted to marry me, to spend his life with me, but he doesn’t, not truly. He only offered out of guilt. I will not be a burden to anyone. You must understand, better than anyone, what it means to have dreams, to want to see them through. I have plans for my life. I have seen what happens when a woman ties her dreams to a man. Especially me, being who I am and where I am from. He will not want to be with me for the rest of his life. It was a bit of fun, but that is all we were supposed to be together. If I agreed to anything more, he would eventually regret it, and I will be no one’s mistake any more than I already am.”
She took a shaky, shuddery breath as Dot absorbed all that she had said before she leaned forward and placed her hand on Adelaide’s.
“You’re right,” she said. “I do understand what it means to have dreams. Perhaps you could keep those dreams, and he could still see the baby?”
Panic seized Adelaide’s chest. “What if he takes her away from me?” She blinked away the tears that threatened her. “He could. You know that. He?—”
“He won’t,” Dot said. “I promise you that. Even if he tried – which he would never – he would have to answer to me.”
She looked so ferocious that Adelaide would have laughed if she wasn’t so concerned.
“Oh, Dot,” she sighed. “How did I get myself into this mess?”
“Well,” Dot said, serious for a moment. “You see, Adelaide, when a man and a woman?—”
She couldn’t finish as laughter overtook her, and Adelaide couldn’t help but chuckle.
“If only I had considered that better,” she said. “But here we are. And I wouldn’t trade having Mabel for anything, despite the circumstances.”
“Of course.” Dot nodded.
“How is he?” Adelaide couldn’t help asking, although she didn’t meet Dot’s eyes as she did. The truth was, despite the front she put on, she had cared about Michael. She still did. She just couldn’t be with him.
“He is…” Dot hesitated, a flicker of uncertainty crossing her face. “He is not himself. Not since you left. I do not want you to feel guilt for that, for you must do what is best for you and Mabel. But he… well, he misses you. I suppose he thought his life was going in a certain direction, and then it changed so suddenly.”
Adelaide nodded, her free hand picking at the blanket beneath her, her other wrapped around her sleeping baby, holding her close.
“I gave him such a hard time when I was with him.”
“That was not your fault,” Dot said firmly. “Your pregnancy caused you to struggle, at least so Magda and I believe.”
Adelaide had been grateful that Dot and the midwife who had mentored her had understood the darkness that had overcome her, but it still didn’t absolve her of how she had driven Michael away while living in his brother’s house.
She did feel regret, yes. Regret that she had allowed Michael to think there was a chance for them. She had considered it for a time and allowed herself to think it was imaginable until she had been starkly reminded of how impossible it was.
It wasn’t Michael’s fault. It was who they were, the worlds they were from, and what it could mean for their future. For their daughter’s future.
But Adelaide had a heart and understood what Dot was saying.
“Very well,” she said, coming to her decision, even as her heart raced. “We will see him.”
“You will?” Dot said, her eyes widening with a spark of hope. “Oh, he will be so glad.”
“He is driving you crazy, isn’t he?” Adelaide said, raising an eyebrow.
“Very much so,” Dot said without an ounce of chagrin. “But this will help. I’m sure of it. It’s the right thing, Adelaide. For everyone.”
Adelaide could only hope that was true.
After passing his cloak to the butler who had met him at the door, Michael walked into the drawing room through the dark, refined yet understated entryway.
Only this was no typical drawing room.
Elegantly furnished, the plush sofas, gilded mirrors, rich crimson drapery, and glittering chandeliers were reminiscent of any drawing room in Mayfair. The paintings on the wall, just subtly different enough, hinted at this establishment’s truth.
The paintings were risqué, although not overtly so. But enough that his brother would have fallen over backward at the sight of them.
Michael was momentarily overwhelmed by the smoky air, scented with rich cigars, fine brandy, and expensive perfume, a far cry from the pipe tobacco, ale, and herbal perfumes of another establishment, another night, and another memory.
But that night haunted his dreams, both sleeping and awake.
All because of her.
The woman had given him all he had ever wanted and then had left him as though it had all meant nothing.
As though he had meant nothing.
Which was why he was here – to feel better, even if it was just momentary.
“Mr. Redgrave, what a wonderful surprise.”
The owner of this place, a busty woman with blond, curling hair and a beauty mark strategically placed over her red lips, greeted him with a smile.
“It’s so good to see you,” she said, her words laced with sincerity. “It has been far too long.”
“Yvonne…” He nodded at her. “You are right. It has been some time.”
She placed a hand on one hip, jutting the other out. “I heard you turned yourself into a one-woman man. I could hardly believe it. If there were one man I thought would remain a bachelor for life, it was you. Conventions be damned.”
Michael sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
“I thought the same,” he said before shrugging. “But it doesn’t matter. She’s gone. Left me.”
“Oh, you poor man,” Yvonne said, leaning over and running a hand down his arm. “How could anyone leave a handsome thing like you?”
“I doubt my looks are the issue,” he said, feeling sorry for himself all over again.
“Well, you’ve come to the right place,” she said confidently. “We have everything you need to make you feel better. Why don’t you sit, and I’ll see who is available for you? Do you still prefer Clarissa?”
“No,” he said swiftly.
Clarissa was brunette. The last thing he needed was to be reminded of another dark-haired woman.
“Light features,” he managed. “A woman with fair or red hair. And a drink, Yvonne, if you don’t mind.”
“Brandy?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, but he instantly shook his head.
“Whisky, if you have it.”
“I’ll see what we can do – on both accounts,” she said, with another look of pity as she left him, and he did as she said, sinking into a lush chair in the middle of the room with a sigh.
He looked around the plush, comfortable seats and the other men who waited for a woman to provide company for the night. On some visits, he would start a game of cards, but tonight, he had no wish to speak to anyone.
It was the first time he had been here since… well, since he had met Adelaide, he realized.
Did his return mean that he had finally given up on her?
“Mr. Redgrave?”
Yvonne set the whisky down in front of him before gesturing to the woman at her side. She had found what he had requested. A blonde. Curvy, with an ample bosom and wide smile.
She was the kind of woman he would have once enjoyed and precisely what he should want. The opposite of Adelaide.
Why was she still the only woman he could picture in his bed?
“This is Violet,” Yvonne said, claiming his attention once more. “She is looking forward to spending time with you.”
“Thank you, Yvonne,” he said, taking the whisky and knocking it back in one shot. “Impressive,” he said, referring to the drink.
It seemed Violet misunderstood as her eyes glowed.
Which was fine. He was happy to compliment a woman, especially if it was deserved.
Even if it felt like something of a betrayal.
She stepped closer toward him as Yvonne walked away.
“Are you ready to go somewhere more private?” she asked, leaning over him, causing her breasts to push up and together.
“I—” He stood, and she held her hand out toward him, but he found himself backing up instead of accompanying her.
“I cannot,” he said, surprising himself.
“You cannot… yet?” she said. “That’s fine. We can spend time out here. Have a few drinks.”
“No.” He shook his head. “It’s not that. I cannot… do this. Any of this. I’m so sorry. I should never have come.”
He reached into his pocket, stuffing a few coins in her hand before brushing by her and out the door.
He was a fool. He knew that.
He had told himself that he needed to forget the idea that he had any chance of reuniting with Adelaide. It seemed that he hadn’t convinced himself to forget her or allow himself to move on.
He wouldn’t find what he was looking for at a brothel. Nor another tavern. Nor even a ballroom.
What he was looking for was out of reach. Had spurned him.
And he had no idea what he was going to do about it.