Chapter 6
Adelaide did not like the attention.
She had always hated it, for it made her feel as though she had to pretend to be someone else.
Peering at herself in the seamstress’s mirror anxiously, she wondered just what other people thought when they saw her.
“I must say,” Dorothy said warmly as the ladies looked at fabrics, “in a mere few days, you have already changed perceptions.”
“Marrying a duke will do that,” Cecilia remarked, holding a bolt of fabric up to Adelaide’s arm and then removing it. “That is what happened to most of us, after all.”
Adelaide blinked, watching as the ladies fussed around her. She had known Cecilia for long enough, but the other ladies were strangers to her. They were beautiful, elegant, and poised in a way she had always wanted to be but had always fallen short of.
In any case, they had insisted that she use their given names, and they had all taken her under their wing. She was too grateful to question it.
“Is it difficult to be a duchess?” she asked. “I am told that it is, but I cannot see it being any worse than being a viscountess, for example.”
“It depends on how good a duchess you wish to be,” Emma replied. “If you wish to truly make a difference, then it is tireless. You shall spend your life helping your husband’s tenants, attending events, and running your household. But if you ask me, there is no more enjoyable work than that.”
“It is daunting at first,” Beatrice added, “but once you realize that those around you respect you a great deal, you’ll settle. It becomes much easier with time, I assure you.”
It was better to hear it from Beatrice because she had struck Adelaide as the most timid of them.
Adelaide was not timid by any means, but since her return to London, she had been afraid she would ruin herself entirely, and thus had grown quieter.
She wished it were not the case. Hargrave had had a greater effect on her than she wished to admit, and she hoped that it would change once she officially became a duchess.
She turned to the ladies she would soon call friends to find them studying her intently. “What is it?” she asked.
“You seem to be bursting with questions,” Cecilia noted with a small smile. “And yet you have not asked one.”
“I do not wish to be a burden. You are already doing far too much for me. You do not even know me, except for Cecilia.”
Emma stepped toward her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Though surprised, Adelaide accepted it with gratitude, for she very much needed friends.
“We are here for you,” Emma promised. “All four of us have been where you are now, and we want you to be the happiest you can be. If it means asking us a thousand things that you do not even think are important, that is all the better. We want to help you, Adelaide.”
“Well, I suppose I want to ask about my fiancé. They call him the Dragon Duke, but other than that, I do not know much about him.”
“I have my thoughts,” Cecilia said quietly.
“And yet you are here to help me marry him!”
“Because you insist that this is what you want. I shall be pleased to welcome you into our group of duchesses, but that does not mean that I am thrilled.”
“I am,” Dorothy chirped. “If you ask me, he is misunderstood. I have had several conversations with him in the past year; he is a joy to be around.”
“You only say that because he studied botany.” Cecilia grimaced. “That is hardly fair.”
“He is also kind! Cecilia, I know that you are trying to protect her, but it is not as though you have the highest opinion of men in general. You only like your husband and our husbands.”
“Because it so happens that they are the only ones I can tolerate.”
“Then what issue do you have with the Duke of Ashford? As far as I know, he has done nothing to you.”
Cecilia fell quiet for a moment.
Adelaide used the opportunity to study them. They were older than her by at least a decade, and she knew that they had known each other since they were out in society. They were fortunate in that respect, for she had done it alone.
It was lonely being out by herself. Friends were considered allies, at least until they had to compete for the same gentleman, but Adelaide had never had that.
She did not even know why, for she did not think that there was anything wrong with her.
Then again, given what happened to her, perhaps there was and she had never noticed it.
“Are you all right, Adelaide?” Beatrice asked.
“I am, yes,” Adelaide replied, realizing that her eyes were welling with tears. “My apologies, now is not the time for this behavior.”
“On the contrary,” Dorothy said. “Now is the perfect time to think about everything that is happening around you, and if that feeling is so powerful that it makes you cry, then so be it. It is better not to keep everything bottled up.”
“I hope so, for this is going to be so difficult.”
“At least it will be done and over with quickly, and then you can begin your life with your husband. None of us expected to fall in love with our dukes, yet we did. The same will happen to you, I know it.”
“Have you always been an idealist?” Adelaide snorted, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I wish I had your confidence, but His Grace has already told me that there won’t be affection in our marriage.”
The ladies looked at one another, wry smiles on their lips.
“They tend to say that,” Emma explained, “but it is not what transpires. Men are not half as heartless as they pretend to be, Adelaide. He will change his mind.”
“Especially when he sees your dress!” the seamstress trilled as she entered.
Adelaide flushed scarlet, knowing that people could not hear that her husband did not want her. Everything was precarious, and one wrong step was enough to send her back to the freezing north. Which she could not allow, even if it meant enduring a loveless marriage.
The ladies looked at the seamstress’s design. Adelaide could scarcely breathe. It was a beautiful gown, exactly what she had dreamed of. It must be expensive.
The thought made dread coil in her stomach.
Fortunately, the ladies refused to tell her the price.
After her measurements were taken, they left for Dorothy’s house. Adelaide watched as the other ladies entered as though it were their own home, sprawling over the furniture in the drawing room like cats and helping themselves to the books. They saw her staring and laughed.
“What’s mine is yours,” Dorothy assured her.
“But if your husband were to see us like this—”
“My husband encourages it. He loves me, and therefore, he loves my friends, which is how I think of you now. Believe me, you may do as you please here.”
“Even if he did mind, he is not here,” Cecilia added. “Wednesdays are ours, and he takes the children away for the day.”
“We must have spent two hundred Wednesdays like this now,” Dorothy said thoughtfully, pouring five glasses of brandy and handing them out. “Here is to two hundred more!”
“Two thousand, more like.” Emma chuckled. “I could spend every day thusly. Would you not agree, Adelaide?”
“I do not know. I have never known friendship like this, nor even half this much freedom. It must be the most wonderful thing.”
“It is, and you shall see that for yourself soon enough.”
“But he—”
“Even if that is true,” Beatrice interrupted, “and he has no interest in getting to know you, that means he will do everything he can to avoid you, which means that you will have more freedom than any of us. It might not be what you wanted for yourself, but it is something. It is more than most ladies will have, in any case.”
Adelaide drank the amber liquid and shuddered, aware that her new friends might not be the best influence. She felt like a fool for being so miserable, for she would have a far worse life were it not for the Duke. Even so, a voice in the back of her head kept telling her that it was all a mistake.
“May I ask another question?”
“Of course.” Emma nodded.
“Did any of you want this? Before your wedding day, I mean.”
Again, the ladies looked at one another, seemingly able to discuss matters without saying a word.
Adelaide hoped, if she was to remain part of their group, that talent would eventually extend to her, too.
“Not particularly,” Emma replied sheepishly. “We knew that it was the best thing for us, so we did it, just as you are going to. I cannot claim that it was a bad thing to do, though. None of us can.”
“That is not why I asked. You see… you must have heard the rumors about me, the ones that started a year ago. The ton thinks that I am a madwoman, that I am violent and unpredictable, and that is all because of a man.”
“Which is why I hate most of them,” Cecilia interjected. “Yes, they know. I told them at the time, and I told them before they met you. The thing is, Adelaide, we do not believe such petty gossip. We are aware that it is hardly ever the truth, and when that is proven, we prefer to be in the right.”
“If we had to guess,” Dorothy piped up, “we would assume that it was the other way around, and that it was the gentleman you were engaged to who was the guilty party. Is that right?”
Adelaide could have cried right then. She had never expected anyone to believe her, for it was a most unbelievable tale, but these ladies did. Her heart soared.
“He was. He was awful to me. They all think that he is a pillar of society, while he is anything but. He is aggressive and quick to anger, and I know that he is not going to let me slip away so easily. When I ended the engagement, I-I did not know what he was going to do. I felt the same when he followed me, and I cannot thank the heavens enough that His Grace came to my rescue, even if it means that I am now bound to him.”
“Bound sounds rather violent,” Emma said gently. “Tied would be best. You shall be joined together in marriage. And if he was willing to come to your rescue, then it must mean that he feels something for you. All of this will get better in time, you will see.”
Adelaide thought about that the following day on the ride home.
Dorothy had graciously allowed her to stay the night, and she had made herself scarce when she heard the Duke return, even though she knew she nothing to fear.
Cecilia had rolled her eyes at her, saying that it would get easier in future visits.
And that, in and of itself, had helped her feel safer.
She would be welcomed again.
“Did you enjoy your visit?” her mother asked. “You seem lighter.”
“I did. The ladies were wonderful, and they have promised to assist me as I grow accustomed to my new role. They were so kind, Mama.”
“Good. I have always wanted you to make friends, Adelaide, but you never quite seemed to—never mind. Now is not the time to discuss your childhood, but your future. Is your gown beautiful?”
“I do not know how the seamstress will manage to make it. The sketch she showed me was simply exquisite. My only concern is that it might draw too much attention.”
“You are expected to wear your best dress, dearest. I would not say that there is a better dress than one paid for by four affluent duchesses. Can you believe it? They are very kind. We shall pay them back, of course.”
“Oh, Mama, do not start that. It is a gift from them to welcome me into their group. If you start fretting about paying them back, they will think that I did not see it as the gift that it is.”
“But we must have pride, Adelaide. I do not like accepting handouts. This is not how we used to live.”
“And it is all my fault, I know,” Adelaide snapped, but immediately regretted it.
She did not mean to speak unkindly to her mother.
Indeed, not once had her mother blamed her for their situation.
She had always believed her and had done everything she could to restore their standing.
It was unfair of Adelaide to take her words as an accusation, for she knew perfectly well that was not her mother’s intention, but that was how it felt.
Everyone had thought little of her, and there was no escaping it, so why would the only person who had suffered alongside her feel any differently?
She waited for her mother to respond, but she did not.
Instead, Lady Wynn tucked a curl behind Adelaide’s ear and smiled softly. “Draw me a sketch of your wedding gown,” she whispered. “You always were good at that. I do not want to be the only person who does not know what to expect, aside from your betrothed.”
Adelaide could not refuse such a gentle request.
She made her way to her bedchamber and sat at her desk, staring at the paper with pursed lips. She quickly drew what she remembered, and then admired her work for a moment before realizing that she had something even more important to do.
She took her quill and began to write.