Chapter 12
Adelaide was beginning to appreciate her new home, even if it remained confusing.
She knew how to navigate it, and she knew who to ask for assistance with each problem she found. It was becoming easier, save for the fact that her heart sank whenever she saw the Dowager Duchess nearby.
There seemed to be a silent agreement between them: Adelaide would not attempt to engage her in conversation, and in return, the Dowager Duchess would not give any further warnings.
It was not what she had wanted for her relationship with her mother-in-law, but it was how it was, and she had to be at peace with it.
“So,” Lilly asked that afternoon as she styled her hair, “it has been a week since you got married. How are you feeling?”
“Strange. Sometimes, I feel I would forget that I am married altogether if the household were not so different from my family’s.”
“I see. Is His Grace not a good husband?”
“Not a present one. He tried at first, but I know he has other things to do. He does not need to spend time with me. I knew what our marriage would be like.”
“That is quite bizarre, for I thought he looked at you with fondness. I would not expect that from a man who is apparently so cold.”
Adelaide frowned in the mirror. The servants all seemed to know Cassian well and spoke highly of him, and yet her lady’s maid did not seem to know him at all.
“Apparently?” she echoed. “Do you not know him?”
“Not particularly. I know that he has a reputation and that he likes to keep to himself, but anyone here will tell you that he is a good man to work for. That is the very first thing Mrs. Johnson told me. I was to ignore any rumors and see him only as he was.”
“And… how is he?”
“He is kind. He pays us well, and he does not treat us unkindly. He may not be the best husband, but he is a good man.”
Adelaide hoped that was true, for if the Dowager Duchess were to be believed, then she was in great danger.
They spent the afternoon in the drawing room, with Adelaide practicing the pianoforte while Lilly listened.
She had never thought herself a prodigy or anything remotely resembling one, but she enjoyed playing.
It had effectively kept her distracted when she lived in the north, and now she could use it to slow her racing thoughts.
“I do wish that I had learned how to play,” Lilly mused. “I so love music.”
“As do I. I used to beg my father to buy a pianoforte, but he insisted that I use the one my tutor owned. I visited him an awful lot, which I suppose my father liked.”
“Ah, I see. You did not like your father, then?”
“On the contrary, I adored him. I thought that he was the most incredible man in all of England, and that one day I would make him proud. He was a difficult man to please, you see.”
“Then I suppose marrying a duke helped.”
“It would have,” Adelaide sighed, stopping. “Had he been alive to see it, that is.”
Lilly’s hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide. “My sincerest apologies!” she squeaked. “And my condolences. I did not know.”
“You could not have. He has been gone for a long time, and I never quite managed to prove myself to him. It was never going to be possible anyway. Nothing ever seemed to satisfy him.”
“Then it is just as well that you are here.”
Adelaide wanted to agree, but she could not.
She thought of the unkempt woman she shared a home with, who seemed to bask in her own misery and ensure that everyone else felt it too.
As Cassian had predicted, her instinct would have been to offer her assistance, but there was no use.
The Dowager Duchess knew who she was and what she wanted, and there would be no changing that.
“Did you have other plans for today?” Lilly asked. “I thought we might visit the gallery. You told me that you saw it on your tour, but I do not suppose that you spent much time looking at the artwork?”
“I did not. That is a splendid idea, Lilly.”
But as they stepped into the hallway, they were accosted by the Dowager Duchess.
As always, there was no expression on her face. Adelaide wished that there was, so that she could anticipate what was to come, but she was a woman of stone.
“You”—the Dowager Duchess jabbed a finger at Lilly—“go. I wish to speak to the Duchess.” She spat the title, as if it were poisonous.
Adelaide felt a chill run down her spine as Lilly gave her an apologetic look and disappeared. When she was with her maid, it was easier for her to forget where she was. But when she was alone, she could not help but notice.
And with the Dowager Duchess, she might as well have been by herself. If anything, it was the preferable option.
“Come,” the Dowager Duchess ordered, walking away at a surprisingly brisk pace.
“What is it?” Adelaide asked. “Have I done something wrong?”
But there was no response until they were in the parlor and the Dowager Duchess had closed the door. She pressed her back against it, her arms folded in a manner that told Adelaide she would not be leaving.
“You have not left yet,” she remarked.
“I have not. This is my home now, so I intend to stay.”
“But I warned you. I told you what would happen if you insist on staying here. He will not like it.”
“I understand that you think that, but it has only been a week. His Grace has said that he is pleased to have me here,” Adelaide said.
“In so many words?”
Of course, Cassian had not said that, at least not to her. The servants were adamant that he was happier now that she was there, but she had nothing to compare his demeanor to. She hoped that she made everyone happier, though she knew it was not the case for the woman speaking to her.
She did not think anything made her happy.
“I did not think so,” the Dowager Duchess scoffed. “My son is a liar, and even if he did say such things to you, you should not believe him. He will say whatever he deems necessary to have his way.”
Adelaide would not have said that was the case at all. If anything, Cassian had been overly adamant that he would say precisely what he thought, whether it caused offense or not. It was a trait she assumed he had inherited from his mother.
“Very well. Can I ask you a question?”
“No, you will not touch my hair.”
“I do not want to.”
At that, the Dowager Duchess’s expression shifted, but only for a fraction of a second.
“Not to suggest anything, of course,” Adelaide added quickly. “I am aware that you like things as they are, and I do not want to force anything upon you, or even suggest it.”
“Then you are less foolish than I expected.”
It was barely a compliment, but she took it as a victory.
“Forgive my asking, but if you cannot stand your son, why do you remain here? Surely you could stay in the dower house?”
“Ah, so you wish to have me removed, and my son has set you to this, is that it?”
“On the contrary, he wants you here. I am only asking because you strike me as a woman who can take care of matters. After all, you manage this household perfectly fine. Why do you stay here if you hate him?”
At that, the Dowager Duchess dropped her arms to her sides and took deep breaths. Adelaide wondered if she was going to be admonished for speaking to her in such a way. Instead, the Dowager Duchess smiled softly.
Somehow, that was even more unsettling.
“Someone has to watch him,” she replied simply. “Someone has to make sure that he does not strike again.”
Before Adelaide could ask what that meant, she was gone.
The room felt colder than before. Adelaide wished that the interior were not completely white. It felt like a hospital ward, too clean and precise, and even though she was perfectly tidy, she was afraid that she would ruin it all by merely taking a seat.
But she had her room, at least. She had one corner of the estate that was hers, and she intended to hide there even if it was not ideal. There was a desk there too, so it was not as though she was completely alone. She had her friends, as long as she had something to write with.
She went to her writing desk and sat quietly for a moment. She had not discussed having visitors with her husband, but since he had not mentioned it, she assumed it was allowed.
Even so, she would ask him before sending the letter, for she did not need a dispute when their situation was already so delicate.
Dear Cecilia,
I am writing to tell you that we have arrived at Ashford Hall. It is different from your estate, I can say that much. But it should become home in time.
I was also hoping that you would visit me and bring the other ladies with you.
I know that I am supposed to be on my honeymoon, but I have never expected to spend time alone with my husband.
It is not what my marriage is, and I am perfectly happy with that.
We are accepting guests now, and I would like you all to be my first.
I look forward to seeing you. The village here is nice enough, so we can spend most of our time there.
Sincerely,
Adelaide Blackmoor.
It felt strange to write her new surname for the first time. She had almost written her maiden name, and had to stop herself.
It felt odd to be someone else, and in truth, she simply did not feel like a Blackmoor. The only Blackmoors she had met were strange and unreadable, and she was not like that. She always wore her heart on her sleeve, or at least that was how she saw herself.
She sanded the letter, folded it, then sealed it, intending to send it after.
Later that day, she found Cassian in the drawing room. She opened her mouth to ask him about visitors, but her throat closed up, as if it were a terrible idea.
“Are you all right?” he asked, faint concern etched into his features. “You seem unwell. Did my mother do something?”
“Not at all,” she said quickly. “I was actually hoping to ask you for something.”
“Very well. What is it?”
“Well, we did not discuss receiving visitors. I know that the circumstances are not ideal, but I would very much like to see my friends. I thought we might host them for a while?”
She waited for his expression to harden, mirroring his mother’s. She waited for him to sternly tell her that it would never be possible, and to never expect it. Instead, he nodded thoughtfully, before rising to his feet.
He approached her, towering over her in a way that made her heart skip a beat.
“Send the invitations,” he said in a low voice, “and I shall see what can be done.”