17. Kai’rin
17
KAI’RIN
I haven't seen the others in days, too consumed with keeping Aren close. When Vhex and Mykael arrive at my door, the familiar scent of leather and steel brings memories of countless training sessions rushing back.
And anger that they are here.
"Kai." Mykael's calculating green eyes sweep the room, no doubt cataloging every detail. "We missed you at training."
"Clearly not enough to stay away." I lean against the doorframe, blocking their view inside.
Vhex's scarred face splits into a grin. "Come on, Kai. We brought your favorite mead."
Before I can refuse, Aren appears behind me. "Please, let them in. I'll get some cups."
My wings tense as she brushes past, the soft fabric of her dress grazing my arm. The way Vhex's amber eyes follow her movement sets my teeth on edge.
They settle into chairs while she fetches drinks. Each smile she gives them, each gentle word, stokes something dark inside me. My magic crackles beneath my skin when Mykael thanks her with that calculated charm of his.
"Here." She offers Vhex a cup, and his fingers brush hers as he takes it.
I grab her wrist, yanking her against my chest. The empty cup clatters to the floor. "Sit." I pull her onto my lap, wrapping my wings around her like a cage. Mine.
"Always so territorial." Vhex laughs, but there's an edge to it. He knows better than to challenge me. At least…I'm hoping he does. I'm partial to my home and it wouldn't survive a fight between the two of us.
Mykael leans back, those observant eyes missing nothing. "We should go. Early training tomorrow."
"Stay." Aren's voice is soft, kind. Everything I'm not. "You barely touched your drinks."
My grip tightens on her wrist. She doesn't flinch, doesn't pull away. Just settles deeper into my embrace like she belongs there. Because she does.
"Maybe we should head out back," Vhex suggests. "It might be good for us all."
And even though I don't want to let go of Aren, I know he might be right.
We move to the training grounds behind my townhouse, the packed dirt still bearing scars from previous matches. My thoughts keep drifting to Aren's morning prayers out here, the way she kneels in the courtyard in the mornings, her voice that I've taken to listening to. The peace in her expression when she speaks to her gods - now about me.
Vhex's fist connects with my jaw. Pain explodes across my face, snapping me back to reality.
"Distracted?" He bounces on his feet, battle-scarred wings spread wide. "That's not like you."
I spit blood onto the dirt. "Again."
This time I dodge his strike, but Mykael's calculating voice cuts through my concentration. "The human's pushing you past your limits."
"Shut up." My wings snap out, knocking Vhex back as I round on Mykael. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't I?" His green eyes narrow. "You've missed training. Your focus is shot. All for some human pet?"
Vhex's laughter grates against my nerves. "Maybe I should take her off your hands. Show her what a real-"
My magic surges before he finishes. I slam him into the ground, twisting his arm behind his back until the bone creaks. The amber in his eyes dims with pain.
"Say that again." My voice drops to a growl. "I dare you."
"Kai." Mykael's tone holds a warning. "Let him go."
The crack of bone beneath my fingers would be so satisfying. One quick motion to remind them both who she belongs to. But Aren's prayers echo in my head - her soft voice asking for mercy, for peace.
I release Vhex with a snarl. He rolls away, cradling his arm.
"Protective much?" He pushes to his feet, trying to hide his wince. "Didn't think you'd actually care about breaking me over a human."
"She's mine." The words tear from my throat. "Touch her and I'll do worse than break your arm."
Mykael steps between us, wings spread. "We get it. She's yours. But you need to admit what's happening here."
"Nothing's happening." But even I hear the lie in my voice.
The evening air settles heavy and warm around us, the scent of roasted vora beast filling the dining room. Aren kneels between my legs, her dark hair a waterfall against my leather-clad thighs.
My fingers sift through the silken strands, the softness a stark contrast to the callouses on my hands. I tell myself it's about dominance, about reinforcing her place, but my touch is gentler than intended. Her head leans into my hand slightly, her deep brown eyes focused on the fire crackling in the hearth across the room.
The light casts dancing shadows over her olive skin, highlighting the delicate curve of her jaw. I can't help but notice how her long lashes cast spiked shadows on her cheeks as she blinks. Her hands, usually folded demurely in her lap, begin to move.
They slide up my legs, tracing the ridges of muscle and the rough edges of old scars through the leather. Her touch is light, explorative, and it sends a shiver of unexpected tension through me.
"What are you doing, little flame?" The words escape my lips before I can stop them, my voice rougher than intended.
She tilts her head to look up at me, her eyes reflecting the firelight. "Serving you, Kai. Isn't that what you want?" Her fingers continue their journey, moving higher, the heat of her touch seeping through the leather.
I take a piece of meat from the platter beside me, holding it to her lips. She opens her mouth, allowing me to feed her. Her eyes never leave mine as she chews, her hands now resting on my upper thighs. The warmth of her palms brands me, the subtle pressure making my pulse quicken.
She swallows, her tongue flicking out to lick a drop of juice from her lower lip. "More?"
I clench my jaw, fighting the tightening in my gut. This is supposed to be about control, about asserting my dominance. But with each touch, each soft word, she's turning the tables.
I feed her another piece, my fingers lingering on her lips a moment too long. Her hands move higher, her thumbs tracing the inner seam of my leathers.
My breath hitches, my magic stirring beneath my skin. The air between us crackles with tension. Her gaze drops to my mouth, her lips parting slightly. I can feel her warm breath on my skin, the soft rise and fall of her chest against my legs. The room fades away, the fire and the food forgotten. There's only her touch, her scent, the soft sound of her breath.
And then she leans in, her eyes flicking back up to mine. The world hangs suspended, waiting. She wants something…something I can't give her.
One thing I've never told Aren is that I've never kissed someone. I find the act too intimate, something I've never wanted until I met her. Still, giving anything over to her would be too dangerous, and I can't cross that line.
I jerk back, leaving her to catch herself on the floor. The loss of her warmth leaves me cold, but I can't - won't - let this continue. My wings snap out, creating a barrier between us as I stand.
"Go to the courtyard." My voice comes out hoarse, strained. "Time for your evening prayers."
She rises gracefully, confusion flickering across her features. "Kai-"
"Now." I grip the back of my chair, wood creaking under my fingers. "See if it feels as good being on your knees for your gods as it does for me."
The words come out cruel, mocking. Good. Better she think me heartless than weak. Better she fear me than... whatever this is.
She bows her head, that familiar submission returning. "As you wish."
I watch her leave, my chest tight with something I refuse to name. I listen to her pad outside, and I'm alone with the crackling fire and my racing thoughts.
The spot where she knelt still holds her warmth. I avoid looking at it, at the empty space she's left. Instead, I pour myself a drink, downing it in one burning gulp.
What was I thinking, letting her get so close? Letting her touch me like that? Like I'm something more than her master, her god.
Like I'm someone who knows how to...
I pour another drink. Some things are better left buried.
As I stand, going into the kitchen, her prayers drift through the door. I tell myself that I move closer to make sure she's obeying. That watching her kneel in the moonlight, head bowed and hands clasped, is about control. But her words shatter that lie.
"Please," she whispers to the night sky, "help me reach him. Let me take some of his darkness, ease his burden-"
Magic surges through my veins, violet light crackling along my skin. How dare she? I am not some wounded creature for her to fix. Not some lost soul requiring salvation.
But my body betrays me. Heat pools in my gut at her gentle words, at the way she offers herself up - not in fear or submission, but in genuine concern. My wings snap open, casting shadows across the courtyard below. She doesn't flinch, doesn't pause in her prayers.
"-show me how to break through his walls. How to ease the darkness, even when he tries to hide it-"
A growl tears from my throat. I should stop this. Should remind her gods are worthless and I am powerful, not some broken thing needing repair. But I remain frozen, caught between fury and desperate want.
Her voice grows softer, more intimate. "Let me be his light in the darkness. Let me-"
"Enough." The word comes out rough, raw.
She looks up, those deep brown eyes finding mine without hesitation. No fear clouds her gaze, only that damned compassion that makes my chest ache.
My magic pulses, responding to emotions I refuse to name. The urge to move to her, to claim her mouth with mine, to show her exactly what kind of darkness she's offering to take - it claws at my insides like a living thing.
I grip the frame of the door, wood groaning beneath my fingers. I shouldn't want her gentle touch, her soft words. Shouldn't crave the way she looks at me like I'm worth saving.
But Solas help me, I do.