Chapter 29
I ndie should have realized he wouldn’t leave her. When he returned, he held a pile of pillows and cushions from her bed. As well as blankets and a nightlight that he plugged in.
Then he settled the pillows behind and around her until she was cocooned. Lastly, he placed blankets over her.
Immediately, she felt safer. As though she could breathe.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Rock always knew how to take care of her. She just wished that she still trusted him not to hurt her.
After turning off the main light, he sat beside her. The nightlight he’d brought with him cast a soft glow in the room.
Perfect.
She wasn’t surprised that he was staying although she did feel bad about how uncomfortable he must be.
“Do you want a pillow? Blanket?” she asked.
He shook his head.
They just sat in silence, but it wasn’t awkward or weird. As her body relaxed, she found herself sucking on her thumb again, her eyes drooping.
“Make up to you?” The words were faint, raspy .
“Hmm?” she asked, startled by his question.
He held up his phone to her. He must have had it in his pocket. He’d written a note to her which she quickly read.
How can I make it up to you? What I did?
“Oh,” she said.
I fucked up. Never forgive me.
He glanced away and she could see that his hands were clenched into fists.
“I’ve already forgiven you guys,” she told him, hating how upset he was. “I don’t . . . I’m not angry or upset at you any longer.”
“No.” He tapped her chest and she was confused.
He tapped a message, showing it to her.
I’ll never forgive myself for not standing by you. For not trusting you. You might forgive me, but I don’t. Can barely look at you without feeling sick and angry with guilt.
Oh.
“That’s why you haven’t been looking at me?”
He nodded.
From now on, taking care of you is my number one job. To protect you from the world. You and the baby.
“Button,” she told him. “I call the baby Button.”
“Button,” he repeated, placing his hand over her belly once more.
Then to her shock, she felt it. A flutter. At first it kind of felt like just bubbles. Butterflies. And she thought it was in reaction to his touch.
But then she realized it was something else entirely.
“Did you feel that?” she squealed. “I think that was the baby moving! I’ve never felt anything before. But the baby moved! Did you feel it?”
He nodded slowly.
To her horror, tears dripped down her face.
Urgh. She hated being such an emotional mess.
“Sorry, sorry,” she muttered as he wiped away her tears.
“Shh,” he murmured .
“I just . . . I was getting worried. I know I had a scan in the hospital but it’s just . . . I hadn’t felt anything. I’m sorry. I’m a bit of a mess.”
He held a finger across her lips and she glanced up to find him frowning down at her.
All right, so he didn’t like her calling herself a mess.
He typed something out.
The baby is just fine. And so are you. You’re not a mess. Remember the respect rule? That applies to respecting yourself as well.
“You know about the rules?”
Of course. I also know that you’re doing an amazing job of taking care of Button.
“I could have lost her or him. Every day for the last few months has felt like a battle, you know? To get up. To keep moving only to get nowhere. And then Billy found me and I thought he was going to hurt Button. I thought I’d failed my baby.” Somehow, it was easier to talk to him like this.
To her surprise, Rock gently picked her up and placed her on his lap, tucking the blanket around her.
Instead of protesting, she buried her face into his chest and burst into sobs, tears wetting his shirt.
He simply held her. One hand rested on the back of her neck, the other rubbed her belly with slow circles.
And he rocked her back and forth until she calmed.
“Sorry.”
He let out a low grunt and she could feel his disapproval at her apology.
“I didn’t mean to lose it like that,” she said.
He typed something on his phone, then turned it to show her.
You’ve had to be strong for a long time. To take care of everything. And now you don’t have to do that. You can relax and let us take care of everything. We’ll hold things together when it’s all falling apart. It’s bound to make you emotional.
Was that it?
Was she letting go of everything she’d held inside because she’d known that there was no one to pick up the pieces if she fell apart? And now there was?
Maybe.
Just rest. Suck your thumb if you need to. Cuddle your toy. I’ve got you.
She sniffled again. “Need a tissue.”
“Here.” He grabbed the bottom of his sleeveless T-shirt and drew it off.
Holy moly.
Rock was bare chested.
He was bare chested and she was sitting on his lap. Right next to all that skin and those muscles . . .
How could she think while he was sitting there like that?
“Blow.”
Huh? She gazed up at him. Then she realized that he was holding his shirt to her nose. She shook her head.
“Blow,” he repeated.
“I can’t. I’ll go find a tissue.” She really didn’t want to move, though.
Who knew that sitting on his lap could be so darn comfortable?
“Blow.”
There was definite command in his voice this time and she found herself blowing her nose into his shirt.
Gross. But at least she could breathe through her nose now.
He used another piece of the shirt to wipe her eyes gently.
“Sorry, if you leave it with me, I’ll wash it.”
He simply snorted. Hmm. What did that mean?
“Rest,” he commanded, massaging the back of her neck lightly.
Oh.
That was so nice.
She sunk into his embrace as he held her with one hand over her stomach and one rubbing her neck.
“Will you ever tell me about your voice?” she blurted out.
What are you doing?
Why did you say that to him ?
It’s none of your business. And if he wanted you to know he would have told you .
Rock grunted and picked up his phone.
“No, wait.” She grabbed hold of his hand. “It’s all right. I don’t . . . I don’t want you to tell me unless you want to. I don’t want you to feel like you have to . . . to make something up to me or something.”
He moved his hand away from hers and she felt a pang of something. Insecurity? Regret?
But then he typed something and turned his phone to her.
Not keeping any secrets from you. Anything you want to know about me, I will tell you. All you have to do is ask.
“Really? Are you sure?”
Rock nodded. “Yep.”
“Okay.” That was a really nice offer. Anything she wanted to know?
He wrote some more on his phone and when he turned it, she realized that she hadn’t actually been prepared for what his answer might be.
She sucked in a breath as she read it.
I was eleven when my parents died and I ended up with my grandfather. My father had never spoken of him. I didn’t know him. Turns out, my father ran from him at fifteen because he was an abusive bastard.
Oh no.
Already, she was filled with horror and regret. But she kept reading.
Mostly it was just a few slaps. He’d push me around.
But when I got a scholarship for boarding school he lost it.
Said I wasn’t going. No grandson of his was going to some rich boarding school.
I don’t know why that angered him so much.
He had a chip on his shoulder. Hated everyone, was jealous of everything that others had.
Man. He sounded like an absolute peach.
Guess he was jealous of me. The first time that I came home from boarding school for the holidays I woke up to his hands around my throat, strangling me.
I managed to push him off me, I guess he didn’t expect me to fight back, and then I ran to the next door neighbor who called the cops.
Turns out he did a lot of damage to my vocal cords and larynx.
I had swelling and nerve damage. Didn’t talk for close to a year and when I did I could only speak two or three words before I grew hoarse and sore.
Grandfather went to jail and I got to go to boarding school for most of the year, then during the holidays I’d go stay with Spencer’s family who officially fostered me.
Horror filled her.
“Oh, Rock. I’m so sorry.”
He shrugged as though it didn’t matter. But it did. And she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about her baby.
What if something happened to her?
Should she ask Maggie to be Button’s guardian or something? She needed to make sure that Button was looked after.
“Stop,” Rock told her.
He was just as bossy as the rest of them. Just because he told her to stop worrying didn’t mean that she could.
“Be fine.”
God. She hoped so.
“Sleep.”
Yep. Totally bossy.
She leaned her face against his chest. She was going to get off his lap soon. Just as soon as she could take her thumb from her mouth and find the energy to move.
Rock felt her slump against him.
He wasn’t going to let her sleep like this all night, of course. It wasn’t good for her poor, damaged body.
Anger filled him.
Fucking Billy.
Shepherd better find him. Because Rock didn’t think he was going to feel better until he could break every fucking bone in that bastard’s body.
He had to force himself to remain calm. He didn’t want to wake his girl up. Glancing down at her, he wondered why she was wearing a hat. And . . . he was certain that he’d lost that jumper years ago. Had she taken it?
He’d looked at the book and photo when he’d taken it off her. The book was Treasure Island. Quaid’s favorite. And the photo was of her and Spencer on Santa’s lap.
Hmm. Interesting.
He hated how worried she still was. And that she was trying to keep all that worry to herself. She needed to share with them. So they could help take it away.
Rock didn’t want her stressing over anything.
The baby moved again. It wasn’t a strong movement. Just a flutter against his hand. But it was there.
This baby needed his protection too. He didn’t care that Billy was the biological father. That bastard didn’t deserve a baby. Rock was going to be this baby’s father.
Rock and his three best friends.