Chapter 29 #2
And, yeah, he was including Quaid. Because eventually that dick would get his head out of his ass. At the moment, he was avoiding Indie. Rock understood why. It hurt to look at her and think that she’d never be yours.
However, Rock couldn’t stay away. He might have trouble looking at her because every time he did, he’d remember how he had treated her.
But he was going to have to push past that. Because she needed him. What if he hadn’t been sitting outside her door, watching over her tonight?
Where would she have gone? What would she have done?
It had been clear that she’d slipped into Little headspace. When she was younger she’d always felt safer in a small space. And it seemed she still felt that way. At least when she was Little.
After a while, he stood with her in his arms, careful not to jostle her too much. Her gargoyle slid onto the floor. He’d come back for her things later.
As he stepped out of the wardrobe, he found Quaid sitting on the floor in the room. The other man rose to his feet. Rock paused and stared down at him questioningly.
“She wasn’t in her bed and you weren’t in yours. So I went looking.”
How often did Quaid check in on her? He’d never seen him do that before now.
“Don’t look at me like that. She’s a guest in our house. I’m just checking that she’s well.”
“Not guest,” Rock told him in his husky, broken voice. He’d hated the way his voice sounded after his grandfather hurt him. It was only due to Spencer’s parents and a good therapist that he’d started to speak again.
But he still preferred not to.
He didn’t know how he would have survived without his friends. Which is why he needed to make sure they all stuck together.
There was no way anyone was getting left behind in this relationship with Indie.
Not even if they thought they wanted to.
Quaid had always been a self-sacrificing bastard. Rock could see him trying to step back with Indie. Rock got it. He preferred the shadows to being in the spotlight. But he couldn’t do that with Indie.
He’d thought about it. About just trying to be her friend. To just being her protector.
But as he’d held her in his arms tonight, he’d realized that he couldn’t live that way. That he didn’t want to become a jealous bastard like his grandfather.
Slade and Spencer made much more sense for her on paper. But eventually, they’d have to go back to their jobs. They’d get pulled away from her. Rock could work from anywhere. He could take care of her when the others couldn’t.
Her and Button.
Yeah, he figured she would need all of them.
Including the stubborn bastard who was standing and watching him coolly. As if daring Rock to say anything about the fact that he’d been sitting there and waiting for them.
Would he have waited there all night?
“Is she all right?” Quaid asked, staring down at Indie briefly.
There was a look of such naked longing in his face that it caught Rock by surprise. Quaid never let down his mask.
Then he noticed how tired the other man looked. His shoulders were slumped. There were dark marks under his eyes.
“Nightmare.”
Quaid’s face tightened. “We can’t find the bastard, but we will. And when we do . . .”
Rock grunted in agreement. “Take her.”
Quaid started to reach out for her, then he shook his head, pulling his arms back. “No.”
Quaid had a problem with being touched by anyone other than the four of them. However, when he initiated the touch he was fine. He was in control. Another present from his fucking father.
But he was going to have to get used to being touched by Indie again. And the baby once they were older.
Rock narrowed his gaze. Quaid deserved to be in this relationship. He deserved to be happy. Sometimes Rock struggled with the idea that all of this was his. He had so much that it didn’t feel real. Like he deserved it.
Quaid had grown up with the world at his fingertips. Yet, he struggled with the same demons.
A sense of never being enough.
Not being good enough.
And that was all due to his father. The bastard.
“Yes,” Rock said.
“Why can’t you carry her?” Quaid asked.
“Bathroom.”
Quaid gave him a look like he thought he was full of shit.
Which he was.
But Quaid took Indie into his arms. Which was definitely a win.
“Bed. ”
Rock turned and walked out of the room before Quaid could change his mind.
All he needed was a bit of a push.
Rock was a complete bastard.
And a liar.
Like he had to rush to the toilet urgently. Did he think Quaid didn’t know what he was up to?
Quaid glanced down at the woman in his arms. Well, at least she was asleep. She’d never even know.
He was certain that the last thing she wanted was him touching her.
And he didn’t blame her a bit.
There was no way she’d want a fucking bastard like him in her life. Or her baby’s.
Should she be this light, though?
Wasn’t Spencer supposed to be making sure she ate and drank?
And slept?
It was two in the morning. She had to be exhausted to sleep through him carrying her into bed.
And why was she wearing a hat? And a huge jumper? Was it Rock’s?
“Rock?” she murmured as he laid her down, sliding her hat off. “Rock?”
Shit.
She sounded scared.
“It’s all right,” Quaid soothed. “Rock will be back soon.”
He wanted to brush her hair off her face. To kiss her forehead and soothe away the lines of stress. But he was held frozen by guilt and regrets.
Fuck.
“I want cuddles. Please?” she begged.
Where the fuck was Rock? Quaid didn’t do cuddles .
“Rock will give you cuddles soon,” he reassured her. “Or I could find Spencer.”
That giant walking teddy bear would cuddle her all night.
“Please? D-don’t feel right. Don’t feel safe.” She opened her eyes, staring straight up at him. There was pleading in her face as she held up her arms.
Fuck.
He’d have to be a monster to walk away from her. He could do this.
For some reason, Indie’s touch had never made his skin crawl like others often did.
This wasn’t about not liking her touch. No, it was about not deserving it.
One cuddle. That’s all he’d allow himself.
Kneeling on the floor next to the bed, he drew her carefully against him. “Are you in any pain?”
“No. Not now.” She let out a contented sigh. “You is a good cuddler.”
He raised his eyebrows at the way she said that. She sounded younger.
When he eventually drew back, he noticed that she was sucking her thumb.
God.
She was only twenty-five. She shouldn’t have experienced as much as she had in her short life.
Unable to hold back any longer, he brushed her hair off her face. Then he did something he’d never done to anyone else and likely never would, he leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead.
She’d never forgive him and she shouldn’t.
All he could do now was make sure that any threat to her was eliminated.
That’s what he’d always done. He had always taken out those seeking to hurt her. Or humiliate her.
Or caused her any sort of pain .
Except fucking Billy.
The worst of them all and he’d missed it. He’d missed that that bastard was abusing her.
How?
When he’d taken care of every other issue in her life how had he missed this one?
Well, he’d never done anything about her mother, either. But if he’d done something to Sylvia it would have affected Indie. And once she was out of that house and her mother no longer had anything to do with her, he’d figured why bother?
He'd known that eventually that bitch would do something to destroy herself. And he’d been right. Sylvia didn’t seem to realize that her current cash cow, Franklin, was nearly broke and had latched onto her in the hopes that she’d get something from her divorce with Edward.
But Edward wasn’t a dumb man. He had a tight pre-nup and she wouldn’t get a dime.
Quaid couldn’t wait for that bitch’s downfall.
However, missing Billy and his abuse, accusing Indie of betrayal when she’d been brave enough to leave her abuser . . . yeah, he definitely did not deserve to be close to her like this.
Getting up, he stormed over to the door and found Rock waiting on the other side. He was holding a book, her gargoyle and something else . . . was it a photo? What were those?
“Thought you needed the bathroom?” Quaid said dryly.
“Finished.”
“Right. She was asking for you.”
Rock lit up and into the room. As Quaid passed him, he reached out to grab hold of his arm.
“Don’t do that again,” Quaid warned. “I didn’t like it.”
Rock just gave him a knowing look.
Fuck.
Didn’t seem like he was fooling anyone anymore.