Chapter 43
I t was official.
She sucked at seduction. None of the guys were picking up what she was putting down.
Her phone buzzed and she smiled as she saw a cute cat meme from Lemon.
Both Lemon and Margo now had her phone number and were in regular contact. They’d come over yesterday for lunch since she still couldn’t go out with Billy still unaccounted for.
They didn’t have any real leads on where he was, but Quaid was out hunting him.
She wished he’d come home so she could see him.
She’d told Margo and Lemon about how she’d been trying to seduce the guys, with no luck. She’d probably told them too much considering that she’d only just met Lemon and hadn’t seen Margo in a long time.
But they’d both been easy to talk to and she didn’t have anyone else.
Her mum had never been the sort of person she could go to.
And that was if she could even be found.
Slade had told her that he’d had a phone call from his father telling him that her mother hadn’t turned up to a meeting last Friday .
That was odd, but not out of character.
She’d probably turn up on the arm of some other rich guy.
Indie wasn’t worried. It was hard to come up with much concern for the woman who had birthed her when she’d never shown much concern for Indie’s wellbeing.
She replied to Lemon, who seemed to really have a thing for cats. Then a message came through from Margo.
Margo: You need this. They won’t be able to resist you in this. And you won’t mess it up with your crappy seduction techniques.
Someone else might take offense at Margo’s bluntness but not Indie. She preferred to just be told stuff.
Then Margo sent through a photo. It was of sexy lingerie.
Very sexy lingerie.
Indie: I won’t fit it.
Margo: You are barely showing. Plus, there’s a maternity version.
Barely showing? Really?
But she did love the silky gown with pieces of lace over the bust.
Then she winced as she saw the price.
Indie: Thanks. But it’s a bit out of my price range. I’ve got a baby to save for.
And at the moment she had no job. So she couldn’t justify a hundred pounds on a scrap of lace and silk .
Margo: I’ll get it for you.
Crap.
Indie: You will not! Do not do that, Margo.
Margo: Added to cart and sent. Enjoy!
Indie groaned. She sat on the side of her bed. She felt out of sorts. It had been close to two weeks since she’d last seen Quaid and that was only briefly.
Both Slade and Spencer had told her that they loved her, but Rock hadn’t.
And she had this feeling it might be because he thought he wasn’t as much a part of their relationship as the other two.
He acted like her bodyguard when they were out rather than her boyfriend.
She grabbed her gargoyle off her bed and hugged him tight. What she needed was to get out of her head. To not think for a while.
She’d hadn’t spent much time in her playroom. Maybe she should just go in there and see how she felt.
Slade was the only one home at the moment. Rock and Spencer had gone into work. Although neither had seemed that enthused at the idea, she was glad they were getting some work done.
Indie didn’t want to be the cause of their businesses suffering.
Opening the playroom door, she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.
“Well, Gary. What should we play with?”
Yes, she’d named her gargoyle Gary. She thought he suited it.
Gary looked at her like she was nuts.
She felt a bit crazy. How would this even work when Button arrived? Would she be able to be a Little? Would this become their nursery?
Bollocks.
She didn’t have a cot or clothes or a pram.
Calm.
You’re supposed to be relaxing. All this stress can’t be good for Button.
She headed to the tea party area, setting Gary into one chair. She grabbed a stuffed dog off the bed and put him on another seat. But it didn’t feel right.
She didn’t feel right.
Maybe her teepee would help?
Grabbing Gary, she headed in there and lay back, looking up at the lights that she’d turned on.
“I don’t know, Gary. Maybe I’m just defective. Crap at seduction. Crap being a good girlfriend and a Little and a sub. Hopefully, I won’t be a crap mum, Button.” She rubbed at her tummy as she said that.
Slade scowled as he stood outside the pink teepee listening to his girl mutter to herself about how crap she was.
That was going down in her notebook. He wasn’t going to have her talk badly about herself like that.
Crap at being a good girlfriend?
He didn’t think so. What was she talking about? She was amazing at everything she did.
Crap at being a Little? He ran his hand over his face. Hmm. They needed to spend more time in here, maybe. Sometimes it felt like there was so much going on in the outside world, it was difficult to shut it all out.
Crap at seduction?
What seduction? Had she been trying to seduce them? Well, she hadn’t tried with him. He’d have to ask the other two.
“Little one?” he called out, crouching down .
He said it quietly, but she still jumped with a cry.
“Sorry, Boo. Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, crawling into the teepee with her.
“I didn’t know you were there.” She eyed him suspiciously. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough to hear you call yourself crap,” he growled.
She winced. “Umm. Oops?”
“Definitely oops,” he told her. “You’re in big trouble.”
She pouted. “I don’t want to write any more lines!”
“Oh, there are going to be lines and this will be going in your naughty girl notebook.”
Indie sniffed. “Well, I don’t have one of those.”
“Yes, you do. Spencer bought you one.”
“Nooo,” she cried.
“Yes. Are you allowed to put yourself down?”
“I am when it’s the truth.”
“No. It’s not the truth. You are not a crappy sub or Little or girlfriend.”
He left off the seduction part. He needed to speak to the others first.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m definitely sure. I don’t know why you’d even say that.” He slid her onto her side, facing him, and reached around to tap her ass several times. Not hard or harsh. But he didn’t think he had to cause actual pain in order to make his point.
As he drew back, he saw how red her face was.
No. He thought he’d made his point without causing pain. Not that she didn’t deserve a hot bottom for the way she’d been talking about herself
He cupped her chin. “Talk to me, that’s what we’re here for.”
“I just . . . I can’t slip into Little space easily. And it’s . . . frustrating. I was too nervous at the club, too self-conscious. Other people aren’t that way, so why am I?”
He’d been thinking about this himself. And he had been remembering that serious girl he’d met years ago who’d hidden herself in a cupboard.
“You had to grow up so quickly,” he told her. “If you didn’t take care of yourself then no one else would, right? How old were you when you started making your own school lunches? Washing your clothes? Getting everything you needed for school?”
“Probably when I started school. I remember going with dirty clothes and the teachers calling Mum. She showed me how to use the washing machine. I was so short, I had to drag over a chair so I could get stuff into it and press the buttons.”
Anger filled him. “Jesus. That bitch.”
She shrugged. “I guess she is who she is. There’s no changing her.”
“My father still hasn’t heard from her.”
“I know I should be worried . . .”
“No, Boo. You should just feel how you feel and frankly she doesn’t deserve your worry. Understood? Do not feel guilty for not caring about that bitch.”
She winced but nodded.
“I think you just have a bit of a block when it comes to letting go of your Big worries and concerns. A lot of people want to go back to the time when they were happiest. Playing games, doing fun things. Or perhaps to being a baby when they didn’t have to concern themselves with anything.”
“And I don’t have those memories? So am I ever going to be able to do this?”
“You forget we’ve all seen glimpses of your Little. She’s there. She just needs some help. A calm environment. Maybe some physical cues.”
Indie gave him a confused look. “What do you mean?”
“Well, for some people they are always their Little. You know what I mean?”
She nodded. “I think so.”
“For others, they might only slip into Little headspace in a playroom, or with their Big, or if they’re wearing a certain outfit. ”
“You think I’m wearing the wrong thing?” She glanced down at her oversized T-shirt and long tight pants.
He thought the T-shirt was one of Rock’s which was pretty adorable.
But they could do better.