Chapter 65
I ndie sat in the wheelchair, feeling unsure and nervous. The guys were all with her as Slade wheeled her into the neonatal unit.
Apparently, they’d secured a private suite in the hospital while Button was here. This place was like a freaking hotel. It was amazing and she was so grateful that they’d organised it so she could stay close to Button once she was discharged.
Which would hopefully be soon.
At least you’re off the magnesium drip.
And even though she was sore and exhausted, she felt more alert and less nauseous.
Today was the day she got to meet her baby. She was both excited and terrified. The guys kept telling her that she was doing well. But she just needed to see her with her own eyes.
Both of them had nearly died.
A small whimper of pain escaped her. Slade stopped moving to lean down over her. “What is it, Little one? Does something hurt?”
She shook her head. Well, no more than usual. She’d placed a pillow over her stomach to protect her incision.
Her baby was no longer inside her .
Sure, everyone had told her that. But it wasn’t until the fog really lifted that the reality hit her.
Hard.
She was no longer pregnant. She’d had her baby.
And she couldn’t remember any of it. That felt like something that might haunt her for a while. Because it was still hard to process.
Button wasn’t safe in her belly. She was out and she was fighting to survive and it felt like Indie couldn’t do anything to help her.
“Are you scared?” Slade asked.
She nodded. Yeah.
“You don’t need to be scared with us here,” Quaid said, crouching in front of her. “She’s where she needs to be. I’ve been keeping on top of everything that the doctors and nurses tell us. Her treatment, what she needs, and we have the best of the best looking after her. Okay?”
Indie nodded again. She didn’t even care how much it was costing them. Just that they were taking care of Button.
“She’s so beautiful,” Spencer added. “Perfect. Sure, she has to have a few extra things to help her. But she is going to make it. She’s a fighter like her mama.”
Indie sniffled. Right. She didn’t feel like a fighter right now.
Rock grasped hold of her hand and moved his finger around on her palm.
S.A.F.E.
She breathed in deep and let it out. She’d noticed that they were all using hand signals more. They hadn’t mentioned it to her, but she’d seen Slade practicing some signs that he was reading on his phone.
She stared into Rock’s face as he gazed back steadily at her.
God. She wished she could suck on her thumb right now. But this wasn’t a safe place to let her Little out.
“Rock is freaking out already about keeping boys away from her,” Spencer said. “No doubt she’s going to be stunningly beautiful, just like her mama. ”
She had to smile at that. Spencer always knew how to make her feel better.
“We’re going to take care of her and you,” Quaid declared.
It felt like a vow.
A promise.
Finally, she let her fears drift away. Well, most of them anyway.
The NICU was so quiet except for the constant hum of machines. It all looked so technical and a bit sterile if she was honest. Very white and clean, but not exactly homey. But that didn’t matter.
All that mattered was making sure that Button was all right.
They entered a room with an incubator that looked like something out of a sci-fi movie.
There was a nurse close by who smiled at her.
“Hi, Indie. I’m Anna, one of your baby’s nurses.
I know everything looks scary. But she really is doing well.
She’s linked up to a few monitors to make sure she is okay.
She has a feeding tube and also needs some oxygen. ”
“Is she . . . is she really going to be okay? She’s so small,” Indie said.
Far smaller than she’d expected. She looked too tiny to be real.
I need to touch her.
But as she reached out to the incubator, she realized her hand was shaking. She was still so weak. For the past two days, she’d been in a haze, drifting in and out of consciousness. She’d have moments of clarity when she knew what was going on. But mostly, she’d just felt ill and exhausted.
And now she was too broken to hold her own baby.
Slade placed his hand on her shoulder as Spencer crouched down next to her. She was surprised they were all allowed in here.
But the nurse didn’t say a word. In fact, she was looking at Indie with a mix of concern and care.
“I know this is hard and it likely isn’t what you were thinking about and dreaming of,” Anna said to her. “But you can still help your baby thrive. Have you decided on a name?”
A name ?
For the baby?
God. Why didn’t she have a name for her baby? She was the worst mother ever.
“Hey, you don’t have to have a name yet,” Quaid said. “We can look at different names. We can google it or find a book. Whatever you need.”
She looked up at him as he gazed at her worriedly. Then she moved her gaze back to her baby. And it just hit her.
She knew exactly what to name her.
“Hope,” she whispered.
“What, Boo?” Slade asked.
“Her name is Hope. My Christmas Day miracle. The reason why I left him. Why I kept fighting to survive. She’s my Hope.”
“Hope is the perfect name,” Spencer said quietly.
They all reached out to touch her. Slade with his hand on her shoulder. Spencer, squeezing one leg, Rock the other.
Quaid moved behind her to rub her neck.
“Would you like to touch her?” Anna asked.
Um. What kind of question was that?
“Yes. But I don’t want to hurt her,” she said.
“We’ll make sure you don’t,” Anna said. “Let’s just wash your hands and arms.”
Slade wheeled her over to the sink and Anna helped her get ready. “Hope’s skin is thin and she will be very sensitive. So I wouldn’t stroke her. Instead, she needs to feel contained. Place your hands gently over her.”
Slade wheeled her back and Indie waited for the nurse to open the portholes. Then she reached through. She was still shaking but determined to do this.
The room was silent except for the machines around Hope. The guys all stood by, just watching. She was glad they were there but also that they were letting her have this moment with her baby.
Indie placed her hand lightly on Hope’s legs and head. Tears dripped down her cheeks as relief filled her. Comfort and love flooded her, warming her from the inside out .
She could hear her heart beating on the monitor, but now she could feel it as well. Her little body, her soft skin.
“I think she knows her mama is here,” Anna said. “She looks more relaxed and her heart rate is more stable. Good job, mama.”
Good job.
There were times she hadn’t believed that she could do that. When she’d despaired of being a good mum to her baby. But in this moment, she knew that she would do whatever it took to keep Hope safe and happy.
Indie would never let anyone or anything harm her.
The four of them stood staring down at the tiny baby in the incubator.
Indie was asleep on the recliner finally.
She was exhausted and needed her sleep. It had been less than a week since Hope had been born and Indie was still recovering as well.
“She’s so tiny,” Spencer said. “How do we even touch something that small without hurting her?”
“Very carefully,” Quaid told him.
“No kidding,” Spencer replied.
“We have this,” Slade told them. “We will learn how to take care of her and we’ll keep looking after Indie.”
“I should get her to bed,” Quaid said.
But like the other three, he was having trouble tearing himself away from the tiny baby in the incubator.
It seemed impossible that she could be that small. And Quaid could see the fear in the other’s faces, despite Slade’s attempt to be reassuring.
They were all scared of hurting this tiny human who was relying on them.
“I’m going to set up a schedule,” Slade said. “We’ll take it in turns to stay here. ”
“I want to be here all the time,” Spencer protested.
Slade shot him a look. “We all want that. But we also need to make sure that we rest and eat so we’re in fighting form to take care of Indie and Hope.”
Quaid understood that. But like Spencer, he couldn’t imagine tearing himself away.
Rock’s fingers moved and Quaid tried to his best to understand him, but his sign language was still rusty.
“He said he’s not touching Hope,” Spencer told them.
“You’ll be fine,” Slade said. “She’s tiny right now, but she’ll grow.”
Rock just shot him a look of disbelief.
Quaid got it. He felt the same way. Hope was small and so fragile. He’d never been so scared of hurting someone else in his life.
“We use the schedule,” Slade ordered. “We keep ourselves healthy and rested. And we look after our girls. They come first.”
Of course they did. Nothing mattered but Indie and Hope.