Chapter 66
I ndie woke up, staring around her.
Where was she? What was going on?
“Hey, you’re all right,” a deep voice said soothingly. “You’re okay. You’re in the hospital suite. Remember?”
Remember?
Yes. It rushed back to her. She’d had her baby just over a week ago. And now that she’d been discharged, she was staying in the private suite the guys had secured. They had a bedroom, living room, and even a small entrance.
It was nice and comfortable. The only thing missing was her baby. But Indie knew she’d have to stay in the incubator for several more weeks yet.
When she wasn’t resting or sleeping, Indie wanted to be with Hope, touching her, talking to her quietly. Reassuring her.
Shit.
She wasn’t sure what had woken her. A bad dream, maybe. She was having trouble getting more than an hour or two of sleep at a time.
“Do you need the toilet? A drink of water?” Quaid asked .
She stared at him for a long moment. Indie knew what she really needed but did she dare ask for it from Quaid?
And where was Rock? Wasn’t he staying with them tonight?
“Rock is watching a movie in the living room. He couldn’t sleep,” Quaid told her as he set his tablet down. “Do you want me to get him?”
She shook her head.
Quaid frowned slightly. “What is it, baby girl? You can tell me anything.”
“I want a hug.”
“Oh.” His eyes grew wide.
Please don’t let him reject me.
Because she felt a bit out of sorts and scared of his reply, she simply pointed to him.
Something filled his face, almost a sense of wonder and relief.
And then he got up and sat on the bed next to her, carefully pulling her onto his lap. “I have you. I’m here. I’ll keep you safe. Did you have a bad dream?”
“I think so. I can’t remember it, though.” She buried her face into his chest and he tightened his hold on her.
“It’s all right. I’ll keep all the bad things away. I promise.” He kissed the top of her head.
Even though she knew that was impossible, she felt a lot safer in his arms. It felt like he could keep the whole world at bay, even if just for a few moments.
Rocking her back and forth slightly, he hummed a tune and she felt herself relax.
“Could you not sleep?” she asked him. She hoped they weren’t burning themselves out taking care of her and Hope.
“No. I’ve been looking into the next stages of Hope’s care and if there was anything more we could be dong. Are you looking forward to holding her tomorrow?”
God, yes.
She just hoped it happened. The nurse said that she was starting to stabilize and they wanted Indie and Hope to have skin-to-skin contact as soon as possible.
“Yes, so much. And I’m a bit scared. She’s so tiny.”
“I know. But we’ll be here for you both. We’ll always be here.”
“I know.”
Rock walked in and came to a stop, glancing at her in surprise. Then he signed something. She didn’t know what it was. She’d barely had the energy to shower, eat, and visit Hope. Anything else was beyond her.
“He said are you okay?” Quaid told her. “The sign language I learned years ago is slowly coming back to me. And I’ve downloaded an app on your phone for when you feel up to it. But only once you are up to it.”
“Thank you,” she told him before turning to Rock. “I’m good. I just couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was excitement about maybe holding Hope tomorrow. Would you both . . . maybe you’d both sleep with me now?”
“Of course we will,” Quaid replied for them both as he carefully settled her into the middle of the bed. Rock climbed in on one side and Quaid on the other side. They surrounded her, grounded her, and kept her safe.
“Did the two of you get any sleep last night?” Slade asked as he and Spencer arrived to take over the next shift with Indie and Hope.
They changed things up so they weren’t always taking nights or days. Rock would come back this afternoon to stay with Spencer for the rest of the day since Slade had a meeting this afternoon he couldn’t push back.
Quaid glanced over at Rock who looked as rough as he did. Then he shrugged. “I had things to do.”
“You need to sleep when you get home. Both of you,” Slade ordered.
Quaid had a few tasks he had to do, but he’d try to get in a nap .
“Is Indie all right?” Spencer asked.
Spencer had been quieter than usual lately. Something was going on, but Quaid hadn’t had time to talk to him. Spencer was trying his best to hide whatever was wrong around Indie. Which was good, she didn’t need anything more to worry about.
He hated how stressed she seemed. That she wasn’t getting much sleep. It stirred his protective needs.
“She’s in the bathroom,” Quaid said. “Rock helped her shower, but she kicked him out saying she needed a moment.”
“All right, I’ll go check on her,” Slade said. “The two of you are waiting to say goodbye?”
“Actually, we’re staying to see if she gets to hold Hope,” Quaid said firmly. “We want to all be there for her.”
Rock nodded and understanding filled Slade. “I get that. Let’s get our girl holding our baby.”
Indie could feel herself shaking as she sat on the recliner with Slade’s help. Could she really do this?
This is it.
The moment you finally get to hold her. To feel her against you.
They all knew that skin-to-skin was important. Rock had sent them that information a while ago after reading it in one of his books. And the nurses had also talked about it. Hope hadn’t been stable enough to come out of the incubator until now.
Slade moved closer to her, placing his hand around the back of her neck in a light grip that still felt very certain.
Grounding.
“Breathe, Boo. We’ll help you,” Slade reassured her.
“We’re all here, Princess,” Spencer said from her other side.
Indie nodded. She could do this.
“Ready?” Anna asked kindly.
She nodded.
Spencer removed the blanket she had over her and Anna, along with another nurse, helped Hope settle on her chest. Indie placed her hand on her back gently. Just bracing her. Not rubbing or stroking. And then Spencer replaced the blanket.
Oh God.
She was doing it. This was it. She was holding her baby.
Rock watched Indie with Hope.
The baby looked so small. How could he ever possibly hold her? He had no idea.
And he could admit that he was terrified to try.
But she’s yours. And if she needs you to hold her, then you’ll do it.
He knew he would do anything for his two girls. Something shifted in Indie’s face, she looked so serene. As though this was the moment she’d been waiting for. Holding his fingers apart, he ran them over his face.
Indie gazed up at him, then over to Spencer who smiled down at her. There was a strange look in his face as though he’d been somewhere else. Rock needed to have a chat with him.
“He said, beautiful,” Spencer told her. “And that’s just what the two of you are. Simply beautiful.”
“Do you want to hold her?”
Spencer stared at the nurse with equal parts horror and desire. “Can I?”
While he was freaking out at the idea of holding Hope, he was also filled with excitement. This was the moment he’d been hoping for.
He glanced over at Indie who smiled at him tiredly. She was sitting in the recliner with Hope on her chest.
Had two weeks really passed since she’d been born? It seemed to be a blur. It was stressful and messy, but also beautiful because how could it not be with Hope here ?
Part of him was still racked with guilt that this had happened on his watch. He kept thinking about it over and over . . . how he’d found Indie unconscious on the floor, seizing. Could he have done something differently? Why had he left her? He should have stuck right by her side.
Shit. It was eating him up inside.
Push it down. Don’t let Indie see.
“Of course,” the nurse said. “If you want to, that is.”
Spencer knew he must look like one of those bobble head toys as he nodded, but he couldn’t hold back his eagerness.
Indie let out a small giggle, which made him smile. The nurses took Hope from Indie, who slowly stood before covering herself and moving to the sofa.
Which was a negative. But Spencer tore his eyes from her bare skin, pulling off his own T-shirt.
He noticed Indie’s gaze on his bare chest, which made him puff up slightly. Yeah, he liked the way she looked at him.
Then he sat on the recliner and tried to act like his heart wasn’t going to beat right out of his chest with fear as the nurses placed Hope on his chest.
Fuck.
“Where do I . . . how do I . . . shit . . .” He could feel tears welling in his eyes.
“Just hold her here. That’s it. We’ll put this blanket over her to keep her warm. There you are.” Anna spoke kindly and quietly as she moved around. Then she stepped back. “I’ll give the two of you a few minutes.”
Spencer stared down at Hope who disappeared under his large hand. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe she’s here. And I’m holding her.”
He could hear the rawness in his voice. Indie got up and then attempted to crouch by his chair. She winced.
“Do not even think about it,” he told her. “Go sit back down.”
“I wanted to kneel. ”
“You just had a c-section two weeks ago,” he said. “You are not kneeling.”
“I’ll stand then.”
“Princess,” he growled. “Go sit.” He pointed at the sofa with his free hand.
She sighed. “Nope.”
Oh, she was getting herself in so much trouble.
“That sass is going to get your bottom warmed,” he told her.
Inde’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “You’re going to spank me?”
“Obviously not now. But it’s going in your naughty book. We won’t be neglecting that. There is going to be some reckoning.”
She pouted. “That’s not nice.”
“What’s not nice is the fact that you’re still standing here when you should be resting.” He made certain that his voice was firm.
She reached out to touch Hope’s head lightly. “Isn’t she the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in your life?”
“Of course she is. She looks just like her mama.” He stared down at Indie, watching as tears entered her eyes.
She gave him a tremulous smile that he was grateful to see. He cupped the side of her face with his free hand. “So beautiful. I’m the luckiest man in the world. I never thought I’d have beauty like the two of you in my life.”
“Spencer,” she whispered.
“But you need to get sit down,” he added.
Indie rolled her eyes. Such a brat.
“I just needed to talk to you for a moment. To check in with you. Are you all right?” she asked.
“Me? Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” But he couldn’t meet her gaze.
“Spencer, what’s going on?”
“Princess, that’s ten,” he growled.
“Spencer, I’m not moving until you tell me,” she said stubbornly.
He groaned. “Fuck. Fine. I didn’t want to say anything because you’re still recovering and you have a lot going on.
I shouldn’t be burdening you with more stuff.
But I . . . this happened on my watch. I came into the living room and found you on the floor, having a seizure.
I’ve never known terror like that before, Princess.
I was so scared. And I just keep thinking about whether I should have done anything differently?—”
“Whoa,” she said. “What happened was not your fault. Even if you’d been right beside me it still would have happened. There was nothing you could have done.”
“Logically, I know that. It’s just going to take a while for it to sink in.”
“Make it sink in,” she told him. “This wasn’t on you. You’re the best man and Dada a girl could ask for. I love you.” She rested her cheek on his thigh.
He didn’t think that was true. Not yet, anyway. But he was determined to get there.
“I love you too. Now, sit before I make it thirty.”
“Thirty? What happened to twenty? We were only at ten.” She gave him a slightly shaky smile and he could tell she was getting tired.
“We passed ten a while ago.”
Rock opened the door and walked in. Good. Back up. Slade had already left for his meeting.
“Rock. Help Indie sit,” he barked.
Rock gave Spencer a surprised look as he saw him holding Hope. But he reached for Indie, wrapping an arm around her. She leaned against him.
“She wouldn’t sit,” Spencer told him.
“I’m fine,” Indie protested.
“Don’t lie,” Rock barked.
Indie gaped at him. Spencer understood. Rock wasn’t the bossiest or most dominant of them all. Slade was the big boss. Quaid was his right-hand. His enforcer. Rock was the watcher. Quieter. Calmer.
But he’d step in where needed .
And right now, it was definitely needed to get Indie to do as she was fucking told.
Rock carefully picked her up and carried her to the sofa, sitting with her on his lap and talking to her quietly.
Finally, Spencer felt like he could breathe again. He hated feeling torn between Hope and Indie. He really hated feeling helpless. It brought back memories of being at boarding school and feeling like he was fighting his enemies alone.
Until the guys came along.
His family. He fought for them and they fought for him.
And he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Indie looked over at him and smiled. Then she held up her left hand, with the thumb, index, and pinky fingers held up, shaking it. Warmth flooded him before she pointed at her eye, then hugged her chest and pointed at him.
I love you.