Chapter Sixteen
“How can we help?” Iron asked when the women left the room.
Jude raked his fingers through his hair.
The sinking feeling in his gut that had begun with the phone call from Jon had only intensified when Ivy chose to stay with him in the waiting room.
His mind had already determined to let her go, but his heart was heavy in his chest. How had she come to mean so much to him in such a short time?
“Are you still in danger?” Sully crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Jude intently.
“Yeah.” He sat in one of the waiting room chairs. “If someone took the risk to silence one of their own while they were being questions by the Department of Homeland Security they’re protecting something big.”
“How did a trafficking organization get their sights on Ivy?” Red sat across from him and rested his heavily inked forearms on his legs.
“Ivy walked into something that she shouldn’t have.
Her discovery has given us a possible lead into a potential child trafficking ring.
” He’d never forget finding her in the forest or her bravado when she armed herself with a skillet.
Then the pain of her sacrifice to help him get away from the landslide.
“Holy shit.” Red leaned back, his hands now braced on his knees. “Is that why her apartment got trashed?”
“Yeah. They got ahold of her identification.” How could Jude have thought that he alone could keep her safe?
That he could build a life with her? After one loss after another, his family, numerous SEAL teammates, how did he reconcile with the fact that everything he held dear was eventually torn from him?
“And you think the same group is responsible for your agent getting shot?” Iron asked.
Jude nodded and massaged the back of his neck.
It seemed like days and not hours ago that he was in the hot tub exploring Ivy’s gorgeous body.
That was over for him. He was a fucking idiot for thinking he could keep her.
“One of the men who shot at Ivy was brought in for questioning. He was eager to talk and provide information about the organization and their plans. Jon was one of the agents interviewing him, and that’s when he got shot. ”
“How the fuck did someone get into the building?” Iron shook his head.
“They didn’t.” Jude pinched the bridge of his nose. A headache was brewing behind his eyes. “Looks like a sniper positioned himself on an adjacent building and took out the man talking.”
“You think Jon might’ve been collateral damage?” Sully asked.
“Or they wanted to erase whatever he’d heard. Although, anyone with knowledge of law enforcement would know that the interview was being recorded.”
“What now?” Red smoothed one hand down his long beard.
“He’s going to pull through,” Jude said.
“Until we can neutralize the threat, Ivy is staying with me.” It was going to be pure fucking torture to have her in his space and not be able to touch her.
Hold her. “I need to keep her safe. I also want to keep an eye on her brother, Ash, and his girlfriend, Jess. Jess’s condo offers good protection, and I have two security details on the building. ”
“And what about you and Ivy?” Iron leaned back in the waiting room chair, looking Jude over.
“I don’t know,” Jude lied. Each man in the room with him had fallen hard and fast. They’d made space in their lives for strong, sweet women. He just didn’t think he was the type of person who could have that.
“Come on,” Red said. “You were there when we met our women.”
Sully angled his body toward Jude. “Tell us what’s going on. We’ve been worried about you for a while now.”
“The past year you’ve been pulling away from everyone.” Red pushed to the edge of his chair and once again rested his elbows on his knees, giving Jude a hard stare.
“Been drinking more,” Iron interjected. “And you know I’m an addict, so there’s no judgment from where I’m sitting.
I get the doubts, the guilt. Of needing to do something, anything, to get all those voices to stop.
When I met Vivienne, I thought there was no fucking way a man like me could or should be with a woman like her.
She was younger. Kinder. Had barely experienced the world.
I made decisions about our relationship before it even started.
In trying to give her the choices she never had, I also took them away from her.
Made her feel unwanted, but fuck if I didn’t love that woman from the first moment I saw her. ”
“This is different.” Jude’s agitation was clear in his tone.
“How?” Sully interjected.
“I’m going to hurt her,” he said, not sure how to make them to understand. “I told her I would try to push her away. I already feel myself closing off. She doesn’t belong in my world. You know how depraved it is. Working day in and day out with the worst humanity has to offer.”
“Without men like you,” Red growled, “those criminals would get away with what they do, and good innocent people like Ivy and her family, like our women, wouldn’t be safe.”
“It’s because of people like you, Jude,” Iron said leaning closer and putting his hand on Jude’s shoulder. “That others can sleep at night. That others have no fucking clue what goes on just beneath the surface of society.”
Jude placed his forearms on his legs and hung his head. “I just don’t want her to get hurt because of me.”
“We all get that.” The weight of Sully’s hand clapped Jude’s back.
“We all wanted our women to have something better than the likes of us, but the thing is, none of us can make that choice for them,” Red said quietly.
“I have spent my entire life trying to keep my distance.” Jude shook his head, focusing on the carpet beneath his feet. “I don’t want to get close only to lose her.”
“Bad shit happens,” Iron agreed. “It’s hard to separate what we’ve seen on the job from what we have when we come home.
Honestly, though? You might not want to admit it, but you’re already close to her.
Nothing is going to change that. You’re probably questioning your feelings as we speak.
Thinking of all the reasons that it’s too fast. About the circumstances in which you met.
None of it matters, Jude, because part of you knows you already love her. ”
“You deserve peace, too, Jude,” Red said. Jude straightened slowly and considered the men around him. They’d each been through fucked-up situations, but somehow, they now seemed whole. He knew they most likely still struggled, but how were they able to move past all the shit they’d witnessed?
“I can tell that Ivy is special.” Sully smiled at Jude. “Who the fuck else would put up with your grumpy ass?”
He rubbed his forehead. “Think they’re okay down there getting coffee?” Jude said, changing the subject.
They heard whispers outside the door, and Iron face broken into a smile. “What do you want to bet right now they’re giving your woman a pep talk on how to deal with you?”
“Jesus, you’re probably right. I just don’t know if I can do it. You guys somehow figured it out. I just don’t know if I can.” Jude’s heart constricted tightly at the thought of losing her.
“Don’t let her get away,” Red said with a hint of desperation in his voice.
“She looks at you like you have the whole world in your hands,” Sully added.
“Don’t throw away the love of a good woman.” Iron clapped him on the back once more. “It’ll be the worst decision you’ll ever make.”
Vivienne poked her head through the door, her long blonde hair loose and untamed, and she smiled brightly when her eyes landed on Iron.
“Come here, sweetheart.” He held out his arm, and Vivienne practically skipped across the room and sat on his lap, handing him the coffee. Iron took a sip and grinned. “Extra sweet.”
“Just how you like it.” Vivienne smiled up at the gruff man, her eyes shining with adoration.
The men chuckled at Iron’s show of affection.
Aside from Jude, he was one of the most hardened of them.
Lost in tremendous grief from what he saw in the field.
Now he was married to Vivienne and seeing him with her wrapped around his little finger did them all some good.
Thalia went directly to Red, and Jane sat beside Sully.
His heart pounded in his chest when Ivy locked gazes with him across the room.
Even though he’d been cold and distant in the waiting room, she gave him a smile and brought him a coffee.
He still wasn’t sure if he could make room in his life for Ivy.
If he tried, he had a feeling it would be the best thing he ever did with his life.
If he failed, he knew it would be his biggest regret.
The group stayed and talked for a while longer, and the women agreed to get together for drinks some evening.
He could tell his friends were doing what they could to pull Ivy into the fold and make it more difficult for him to fuck things up.
Still, none of them knew some of the things he’d done so long ago.
Would they still think him worthy of Ivy if they did?
The men would understand his need for revenge against the murderers who’d killed his family.
He wasn’t so sure about the women, though.
When Agent Levine, Cameron, and Ross came into the waiting area, his friends stood to leave, offering words of encouragement as they filtered out.
“We got him.” Cameron’s shoulders depressed as he sighed with relief.
Agent Levine shut the door to the private waiting area and dropped his voice.
“Career criminal who was approached and offered a million dollars for a contracted kill. Half of the money was paid up front, and the bureau is investigating the bank account it came from. Whoever set it up is hiding behind layers and layers of false businesses. One of our tech guys hacked in and was able to locate some other recent transactions. Turns out one is from a woman right here in San Diego—get this, 2.5 million dollars. I want my agents to interview her.”