Chapter Sixteen #2
Ivy gasped and Jude squeezed her hand. “Do you think she paid for one of the children I heard those men referencing?”
“That’s our hope,” Ross said leaning in toward her. “Because if that’s the case and the money already went through, it’s possible that other logistics were arranged. Like a pickup point.”
“Whoever had the idea to consolidate their illegal dealings into one holding space for the children was a fucking idiot and makes our job a hell of a lot easier,” Cameron said. “If they’ve already started to move the children together, chances are, finding one will lead to the rest.”
“I hope they find them safe,” Ivy whispered.
“Now that we’re here, why don’t you two head out. We’ll update you the second we hear something, Jude,” Agent Levine added.
He ran his hand over his face and nodded. “Update me on any news, no matter how small.”
“You got it, Boss.” Ross nodded.
Ivy said goodbye to Cameron, Ross, and Agent Levine.
Jude waited by the door, simply giving the other men a chin lift.
When they walked out of the hospital and into the parking garage, he told himself he was only wrapping his arm around her to mitigate the threat to her if someone fired on them.
All he could think about, though, was how good she felt pressed into his side.
As they drove toward his apartment, he fought an internal battle. All the reasons he couldn’t have her.
He briefly considered bringing her to Jess’s condo and dismissed it.
Their time in the hot tub kept spinning in his head.
How fucking right she’d felt in his arms. How she made his heart crack open, letting light seep into crevices that had gone dark long ago.
Tension filled the space between them and by the time he parked the SUV in the apartment complex’s garage, he was desperate to get out into the open, afraid the moment he turned off the engine he’d be unable to stop himself from kissing her.
They rode the elevator up to his apartment, walked to his unit, and opened the door.
Once he had locked them inside, he paced into the living area, then paused, feeling her hand clutching his arm.
“Jude,” she whispered. So many questions were laced up in his name, but what he heard the most was the care, compassion, and desire in her tone.
He paused. His heart was pounding as all his blood raced straight to his dick.
In one breath his hands spanned over her waist as he turned her, pushing her against the wall.
He moved his palm over the soft material at the back of her shirt until his hand was fisted in her short, glossy hair.
Her pupils were blown out, making her eyes nearly black and hazy with lust. He stared at her for a moment, then crashed his lips against hers.
The kiss ignited something lethal within him.
Heat rushed through his veins as she buried her tongue in his mouth.
He tugged her hair, angling her head so he could kiss her more deeply.
He swallowed her moan. Or maybe the sound of pure desperation echoed from his throat.
He’d never felt more out of control. He wanted to devour her.
Touch every part of her body all at once.
This woman made him reckless. Made him forget decades of caution with each desperate kiss.
He had no idea how she’d gotten under his skin.
Now that she had though, he couldn’t image her anywhere else.
His body trembled with the need to claim her.
To mark her as his. He braced his hands on the wall above her head and shoved himself away.
Fuck. What the hell was he doing? There was no place in his life for this woman. He couldn’t handle the pain that would come when she was ripped away from him. Her memory would be scorched into his soul, and he’d go mad trying to forget her.
“Don’t walk away.” The words tore from her throat. Made him desperate to turn around and face her. To finish what they started. Once she learned the truth, those decadent, honeyed eyes he wanted to die staring into would go flat.
“I have to.” His voice sounded like it was scraped raw. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“That’s right. Because I haven’t asked for anything. I’ve watched you, wanted you from the start, but I’ve respected your boundaries even when you’ve looked at me the same way.”
He turned to face her. “You wouldn’t be looking at me that way if you knew the truth, and for the first time in my life, I feel regret. Not remorse. That’s something I could never feel. But regret, because I’m not a man who could ever have you.”
“Then tell me and leave the decision where it belongs. With me.” She was breathing hard from the kiss, but she was still calm. How this woman hadn’t snapped on him yet, he didn’t know. She had patience in spades. “I know you have trauma, Jude. Trust me enough to take some of it.”
His own breaths were heaving in and out, and the weight of his decisions, past and present, made his legs buckle.
He went to his knees where he had stood.
Silence ballooned inside the space, making the air thick with tension.
“I told you about my parents and little brother.” His voice was a hoarse whisper, but he couldn’t seem to increase his volume with his throat so tight.
“How they were murdered in our home.” She started to take a step forward, but he raised a hand, stopping her.
“Twelve years into their killers’ life sentence, I received word from my commander that the two men had escaped prison.
I took an immediate leave.” He clenched his fists.
The rage of that moment still had the power to blur his vision in a haze of red.
“I tracked them down, but I didn’t turn them in, Ivy.
” He looked at her with desperation, willing her to understand that he’d had a choice.
“I took them to a remote location. I made them suffer for every millisecond of pain and fear my little brother and parents experienced, tenfold. I kept them alive for days, tortured them, and fell asleep like a fucking baby with their screams still echoing in my ears. I don’t carry a single ounce of guilt for what I did to those pieces of shit.
They died knowing their biggest mistake that night was not finding and killing me, too.
” He forced himself to look up at her. To take the full force of her fear and disgust.
She met his gaze, but her expression was indiscernible as she wordlessly stepped toward him.
Jude was speechless when she went to her knees in front of him and framed his face with her precious hands.
She pressed a kiss to his forehead. Then his cheeks.
Each touch of her lips was slow and measured.
Her way of telling him that she understood exactly who she was with.
That her eyes were wide open and she wanted him anyway.
Pain lodged in his throat, and he wasn’t embarrassed in the least when tears burned behind his lids and escaped down his face.
Ivy caught each one, brushing them away with her lips.
He tasted the salt of them when she licked the seam of his lips.
When she kissed him, he found peace in her lack of hesitation.
Acceptance in each inch of skin she bared as she slowly stripped off her shirt and bra.
She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, and he was desperate to run his hands over her soft stomach and full breasts, but he didn’t dare move.
He was breathless with her trust as she slid the jeans she was wearing over her hips and let them drop around her knees.
She continued until she was completely bare.
He was still fully dressed when she kissed him again.
She’d purposefully made herself vulnerable, trying to give him back a sense of equilibrium.
Ivy was a gift he wasn’t going to take for granted. His chest squeezed, and he knew he’d done what he swore he never would. He’d fallen in love.