Chapter 6
Delaney ‘Laney’
I watch Hawke disappear into the woods on the security feed.
He’s not a little man, tall and broad, but he moves like a ghost. There one moment, then gone the next.
Frank said in war zones Hawke always went in first to take out the sentries, even when he was the commanding officer.
He feels accountable for everyone, and he carries the weight of any losses in the field.
He feels responsible for what happened to me. I suspect that’s why he’s put an imaginary wall between us.
Even though I dated before my injury, every boy or man always came up short compared to him. I’ve loved Hawke since the first holiday he spent with my family. After meeting perfection, how do you choose less?
When I finally accepted that Hawke would never see me as a woman, I persuaded myself to get out of my shell.
Unfortunately, my first real attempt, I ended up with Allen, the abusive loser.
Me refusing to have sex with him is what pushed him over the edge.
That was the night he left the marks on my throat that Hawke saw the next day.
And now, I am even more in love with the man who refuses to see me as more than the teenage girl he first met. His best friend’s little sister. Why can’t I get him to see me? The woman.
Mom would say let him see your confidence, your strength. Don’t be afraid to meet his gaze, let him see your interest. A gentle touch goes a long way to letting a man know you’re attracted. A hand on his back, a brush on the shoulder. Nature will take over from there.
And feed them, she’d say. There is a lot of truth to the adage of ‘the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’. It’s the same for women. Basic instincts look for mates that can and will provide.
Is that why I’m so drawn to Hawke? Because I know he can and would protect me with his life? Has protected me when things got rough.
No, it’s more. I see the goodness in him. The way he always tries to help everyone. He’s a protector through and through. Putting others first before himself.
All Frank knows about Hawke’s past is that he was raised by a single mom, no dad in the picture, on the rougher side of Chicago. He enlisted as soon as he turned eighteen. I wonder if he’s ever had anyone take care of him.
Digging through the refrigerator, I come up with ham, Gruyère and cheddar.
Damn, I don’t have my pouch that I used at home to carry stuff from the refrigerator to the counter.
Tossing the meat and cheese onto the counter, I go in search of a bag.
I find a reusable cloth one under the sink and use it to gather the Dijon, pickles, milk, margarine and sourdough bread.
My favorite chips are in the cupboard and there’s tomato soup.
I’ve been given a few days to make him see me without my brother overshadowing everything.
Time for some old-fashioned inspiration and honest conversation.
I have everything prepped and ready to heat up when my phone beeps.
Hawk:
I’ll be there in ten minutes. I’ll knock twice so you know it’s me but check the camera.
Laney:
Roger that.
Thankfully, the counters and appliances are high enough for me that I don’t have to bend. I turn the burner on to warm the soup and start the sandwiches. Coffee is done, plates on the breakfast bar, And I’m a nervous wreck. Just the two of us, alone. I have his total attention.
Two accidents—make that two attempted murders, could have cost me my life. Now I want to live, really live. Go after what I want and not just take the fleeting crumbs that come my way.
You’re taking a chance. He might reject you.
I’m not the same as I was. I’m stronger. This time I’m going after the man I’ve loved for years. I’d rather be rejected than never try. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.
Two taps, I glance at the camera feed and the door opens. He walks in with a handful of wildflowers. “Thought you might like these.”
This is why I love him. Smiling, I reach for the bouquet. “They’re beautiful. I haven’t had flowers since... well, since the last time I saw you.
“Why don’t you wash up while I put these in water. Dinner is almost done. I’ll need your help to dish it up.”
He nods and heads to the bathroom.
When he returns, I have the sandwiches plated and am leaning my hip against the counter as I pour the soup into the bowls.
“Shit. I didn’t even stop to think about how you have to maneuver. Let me take over. You just take a seat. I’ll get everything else on the table or do you prefer the breakfast bar?”
“The breakfast bar works. There’s some beer in the fridge. Do you want one?”
“No, water is fine.”
Grabbing two waters, I meet him at the table. We eat in silence for several moments. His soup is half gone and he’s devoured one sandwich and is on his second before he pauses and looks at me.
“I don’t know what you did to these sandwiches but they’re great.”
“It’s the cheese combo.”
“I haven’t had grilled cheese since I was a kid. I grew up with one slice of American cheese per sandwich, and I’ve had an aversion since then. But these are amazing.”
“Glad you like them.” Standing, I reach for my plate as he takes his last bite.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m going to clean up.”
He shakes his head. “You cooked. I’m on clean up. Go rest on the couch. Book or video?”
“Actually, I found a book that looks interesting while you were gone. But I can help.”
“Nope. You’ve done enough. Go rest. Do you want me to start the fire first?”
“No, I’m fine.”
Under the guise of reading, I watch him clean the kitchen, wiping down the table and counters as well as doing the dishes. “You do that well, soldier. Learn that in the military?”
He snorts a scoff. “My first job was at a restaurant. I started out busing the dirty dishes then worked my way up to dishwasher then prep cook.”
“How old were you?”
“Officially, fourteen.”
“How old were you really?”
He looks over his shoulder. “Almost twelve. I was always big for my age. My mother sometimes worked at the same diner. That’s how I got my first job there.”
“Busing tables wasn’t your first job?”
“The diner owner had two business next door to each other. The other was bagels and sandwiches. I started out sweeping the sidewalks in front of both restaurants and setting up and wiping down the outside tables before they opened and the same with the inside tables. Then I moved up to sandwich delivery on my bike. After school I’d take out the garbage.
At closing I’d restack the tables and sweep again.
The owner would give me a few bucks every day.
Mom was a full-time waitress for a while. ”
“That’s how you met the owner.”
Finished with cleaning, he wipes his hands and comes to sit on the other end of the couch. “I met him when he came to our apartment to screw my mom. He saw how big I was and asked if I wanted to work. He never asked my age.
“Mom would waitress when she could and bring men home to supplement. I’d go hang out on the roof till they left.
“Other times I’d hide on the fire escape so I could listen and make sure she was okay. Some guys would get a little rough and I wanted to be close by if she needed me.”
“You were a kid!”
“Like I said, I was big for my age. I grew up on the streets. She had a drinking and drug habit she couldn’t shake which caused trouble occasionally.
“The restaurant owner only came a couple times. He and his wife were separated for a few months but got back together. Mom was clean then, but she fell off the wagon soon after.
“That was her routine. She’d get clean for about six months, work until she got a little ahead and then she’d fall off again. The diner owner tried to help her, but no one really could. He kept me on even when he had to let her go. That at least kept our rent paid. He was a decent guy.
“She died in a drunken car accident just before I turned eighteen. He helped me get her a pauper’s funeral from the state and kept me out of social services for the six months till my birthday by letting me live in the room above the diner. He vouched for me when I joined the military.”
“What about grandparents?”
“Never knew them. Mom went to a house party when she was sixteen that was sponsored by her church. There was drinking and drugs. She didn’t remember much about the party, but two months later she was pregnant.
When she tried to tell her parents about the party and waking up in a bed with no clothes, they disowned her for lying about the good church people.
She ended up in a women’s shelter until I was born. ”
“How very compassionately religious of them.”
He looks up at me and grins.
“Did you keep in touch with the diner owner?”
“Naw. He retired, sold the business. He and his wife reconciled and moved to Florida. The military gave me a steady purpose. Team became family. I was luckier than a lot of people I’ve known.”
Luck is subjective. His youth sounds horrible to me, and I’m sure he glossed over a lot. I always had a loving family I could depend on. A brother who was always there for me.
And then his best friend, who watched out for me, like he tried to for his mother.
Could he ever see me as a woman? More than just someone else to watch over? Weighed down by my own hopes and dreams and how my injuries limit me, I’m suddenly exhausted.
“I’m going to get ready for bed. Stay up as long as you like.”
“Is there anything you need?”
Just for you to love me, like I love you.
“No, I’m good.”