12. James
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James
I kept my eyes on the road and my mouth shut.
The silence in the car wasn’t uncomfortable, exactly. It was heavy. Full of all the things neither of us knew how to say. I could see Haley in my peripheral vision, her head leaned against the window, her eyes fixed on the landscape blurring past.
I had no idea what was going through her mind, but whatever it was, I hated it.
Fucking Diane. Fucking Caleb. Fucking all of them.
I had never hated my family more than I did in this moment.
Watching Haley sit on that stone wall, shaking so hard she couldn’t get her keys in the ignition, knowing my mother had put her there. Knowing my brother had started all of this. Knowing I shared blood with people who could treat another human being like an inconvenience to be managed.
How could they do this to her?
She was carrying a child. Their grandchild. My niece or nephew. And they were acting like she was a problem to be solved, a loose end to be tied up, a mistake to be quietly erased.
The anger sat in my chest like a stone. I wanted to turn the car around. Wanted to walk back into that house and tell my mother exactly what I thought of her. Wanted to find Caleb and finish what I’d started in his office.
But Haley was here. And she needed me calm. So I stayed quiet and kept driving.
“Why are you helping me?”
Her voice broke the silence, and I glanced at her. She was still looking out the window, but I could see her reflection in the glass. Her face was tired.
“I told you-”
“No, James.” She turned to look at me, and her eyes were searching, trying to understand. “I know I have the future Sinclair heir or whatever. Or maybe not, given how much your family seems to distrust me. But there’s no reason for you to be this nice.”
What the hell had my family done to her expectations?
“I don’t know.” I kept my eyes on the road. “I just feel responsible in a way.”
“It’s not your fault.” Her voice was soft. “Or your problem.”
“I know, but I should have seen this coming. Caleb has never been serious about anything in his life. I should have warned you before you married him.”
She smiled at that. “And what would you have said? Hey, I know you’re in love with my brother, but he’s actually kind of terrible?” She shook her head. “I wouldn’t have listened. I was too busy being swept off my feet.”
“Still. I should have tried.”
“You can’t blame yourself for his choices, James.”
My hand was resting on the gear shift. I felt her fingers before I saw them, her hand reaching across the console to cover mine.
My first instinct was to pull back. To put distance between us, to keep things appropriate, to not make this more complicated than it already was.
But I didn’t.
I kept my hand there, and she left hers on top of it, warm and steady.
“Again.” Her voice was quiet. “Not your responsibility. You can’t be held responsible for him.”
“Feels like I should be.”
“Why? Because you share DNA?” She squeezed my hand gently. “That doesn’t make you his keeper. You’re your own person, James. You’ve proven that over and over again.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. So I said nothing.
The rest of the drive was silent, but she didn’t move her hand. It stayed there, resting on mine, a point of contact I was hyperaware of even as I tried to focus on the road.
What was happening here?
I had no idea. I had no framework for this, no script to follow. She was my brother’s wife. Ex-wife. The mother of his child. She was going through hell, and I was supposed to be helping her, not noticing how her fingers felt against mine.
But I was noticing. I couldn’t stop noticing.
The guilt was there too, underneath everything else. The guilt of not seeing what Caleb was doing sooner.
The guilt of being a Sinclair at all, of belonging to a family that had caused her so much pain.
I wished I could do more for her. But I couldn’t. All I could do was show up, be present, try to make things a little less terrible.
It didn’t feel like enough.
I pulled into Megan’s driveway and put the car in park. Haley’s hand finally left mine as she reached for her purse, and I felt the absence of her touch like a loss.
“Thank you.” She looked at me, and there was gratitude in her eyes. “For coming when you did.”
“Anytime.”
“I mean it, James.” She held my gaze. “You didn’t have to do any of this. And I won’t forget it.”
She got out of the car before I could respond.
I sat there for a minute, staring at the house, trying to get my head on straight.
The front door opened again and Daniel came out. He was dressed casually, jeans and a sweater, and he walked toward my car with his hands in his pockets.
I rolled down the window.
“She okay?” he asked.
“Not really. But she will be.”
He nodded, processing that. Then he leaned against the car door and looked at me.
“Want to head out for a drink?”
I nodded.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
We ended up at a bar a few miles away. Daniel ordered whiskey. I did the same.
“So.” Daniel swirled his glass, watching the amber liquid catch the light. “You want to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to guess?”
“Nothing’s going on.”
“Right.” He took a sip. “That’s why you showed up at my house with your brother’s pregnant ex-wife looking like someone had just ripped her heart out. Because nothing’s going on.”
“I found her at Diane’s. She couldn’t drive. I gave her a ride.”
“Noble.”
“It’s the truth.”
“I’m not saying it isn’t.” He set his glass down and looked at me. “I’m saying there’s more to it than that, and we both know it.”
I didn’t answer. I just took a drink and stared at the bar.
“Look, man.” Daniel’s voice was careful. “I’ve known you for a long time. And I’ve watched you around Haley for years.”
“We’re family.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”
I looked at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you look at her differently than you look at anyone else.” He held my gaze. “I mean you light up when she walks into a room, even though you try to hide it. You’ve been half in love with her since the day Caleb brought her home, and you’ve been burying it ever since.”
“She is my brother’s wife.”
“Was.” Daniel emphasized the word. “Past tense. She’s not anymore.”
“She’s still pregnant with his kid.”
“So?”
“So it’s complicated.”
“It’s only complicated if you make it complicated.
” He took another drink. “Look, I’m not saying you should make a move right now.
That would be insane. She’s going through a divorce, she’s pregnant, she’s dealing with your nightmare of a family.
The last thing she needs is you confessing your feelings. ”
“I wasn’t planning to confess anything.”
“Good. Because that would be a terrible idea.” He leaned back in the booth. “But that doesn’t mean you have to pretend you don’t feel anything. You’re allowed to care about her, James. You’re allowed to be there for her.”
“I am there for her.”
“I know. That’s the problem.” He smiled slightly. “You’re so there for her that everyone can see it except apparently you.”
I finished my drink and signaled for another. The bartender brought it over, and I stared at it for a long moment before responding.
“Fine.” I met Daniel’s eyes. “You want the truth? I’m attracted to her. I have been for years. Is that what you want to hear?”
“I already knew that.” He said it like it was obvious. “You don’t actually hide it as well as you think you do.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you can’t stop looking at her, for one.” Then he ticked off points on his fingers. After he was done with his list, he raised an eyebrow. “Need me to continue?”
“No.” I ran a hand through my hair. “No, I get it.”
“So what’s all that about?” He leaned forward.
I was quiet for a long moment. The noise of the bar filled the silence around us.
“I don’t know,” I finally said. “She’s just… she’s different. From anyone I’ve ever known. She’s strong, and she’s kind, and she doesn’t take shit from anyone, but she’s also vulnerable in ways she tries to hide. And every time I’m around her, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.”
Daniel nodded slowly. “That’s not nothing, man.”
“It’s also not fair to her.” I took a drink. “She’s dealing with enough.”
“I agree.”
“So what am I supposed to do?”
“Just be there for her.” Daniel’s voice was serious. “That’s it. Don’t push anything. Don’t expect anything. Just show up and be the person she can count on. Let her figure out the rest in her own time.”
“And if she never figures it out?”
“Then at least you were a good friend.” He shrugged. “Sometimes that’s all you can be. And sometimes that’s enough.”
I turned his words over in my head. He was right. I knew he was right.
I finished my drink and set the glass down.
“Thanks, man.”
“For what?”
I pulled out my wallet and dropped some bills on the table. “For not making me feel like an idiot for having feelings.”
“You’re not an idiot.” He stood up. “You’re just human. Welcome to the club.”
We walked out of the bar together. The night air was cool, and I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head.
“You heading home?” Daniel asked.
“Yeah. Got an early meeting tomorrow.”
“All right.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “Take care of yourself, James. And try not to overthink everything.”
“I’ll try.”
I got in my car and stared at the dashboard.
Haley’s face kept floating through my mind. The way she’d looked sitting on that stone wall. The way her hand had felt on mine. The way she’d smiled when I told her I should have warned her about Caleb.
I couldn’t push anything. I knew that. She had enough to deal with without me complicating her life further.
But I could be there for her. I could show up. I could make sure she knew that not all Sinclairs were monsters.
I started the car and headed home.
And I tried not to think about how much I wished I could do more.