Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
They left the shop with Mary and Lydia having bought some fabrics, and Honoria having purchased the old-fashioned ribbon. Only Lydia and Mary looked satisfied. There was a distinct emptiness in Honoria’s eyes.
“Charlotte, Mary, and I would like a moment alone; would you be our chaperone?” Alfred asked, leaning toward Charlotte and whispering.
“Of course,” Charlotte agreed readily.
Nathaniel was on hand to scupper their plans.
“I’m not sure that is wise,” he said. Charlotte thought he had been too far away to hear, but his ears were always peeled.
“Whyever not?” Alfred asked.
“Lady Charlotte is young and unmarried. She would not make a suitable chaperone. I will accompany you,” he said. Alfred and Mary seemed a little disheartened by this. Charlotte could imagine that Nathaniel was incredibly strict with his chaperone duties. Mary gave her a pleading look.
“I believe I can handle the duties of a chaperone. My youth and marital status should have nothing to do with it,” she replied.
“Yet they do,” he said, gritting his teeth.
“I should have thought you would want to spend more time with your betrothed. I would hate to tear you away from her just when you are getting to know her.”
“And I would hate for anything improper to happen when I am in a position to prevent it.”
The fractious energy caused by their disagreement made Charlotte’s heart quicken. It was an intoxicating feeling that pulsed beneath her skin. However, it became clear that he was not going to budge on his position.
But Charlotte still had a plan.
“Then I shall accompany you as well and learn how to be a chaperone so that when I am older and in a position, I will know just what to do. I’m sure that I shall be learning from the best. Or would you prefer me to stay with Lady Honoria?”
Nathaniel snarled and glanced toward Honoria.
“Perhaps it is best you should come. I wouldn’t want Lady Honoria unduly influenced by radical opinions,” he said. Charlotte smirked, having gotten her way. Clearly, he didn’t know Honoria well enough yet because if he did, he would have known that she wouldn’t be swayed.
The four of them departed, leaving Edmund alone with Honoria and Lydia. Nathaniel seemed to believe that Edmund was more of a suitable chaperone than Charlotte, which made her laugh inside.
They strolled through hidden lanes behind houses, meandering through the town with no particular direction in mind. Alfred and Mary leaned toward each other. Although they spoke in low tones, their words were still audible. She and Nathaniel were only a few paces behind.
Nathaniel walked with his hands clasped behind his back, leaning forward with a hawkish gaze. It never wavered from Alfred and Mary, as though something scandalous was going to happen the moment he blinked.
“I think we should offer them a bit of privacy. As much as I love Clara, she is overwhelming, and she takes up a lot of time and attention. I’m not sure Alfred and Mary enjoy as much time together at the estate as they should.”
“Some might say they should not enjoy any time together at all unchaperoned until they are married.”
“Then give them your blessing, and this won’t be an issue.”
“The time is not right,” he said, his tone harsh. Charlotte still couldn’t see the reason. She then gasped and stopped walking. She feigned a stumble. Nathaniel turned. A mixture of frustration and concern danced on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think there’s a stone in my shoe,” she said. She reached down and fiddled with her shoe. Nathaniel looked away, not daring to steal a glance at her feet. She gently pried the shoe away from her foot, just an inch, and made a show of rummaging around.
“I think it’s gone now,” she said. She then pushed the shoe back on, but stretched out her leg and rotated her ankle. “I just need to make sure that everything is working.”
Nathaniel glanced over his shoulder.
“They didn’t stop,” he muttered. “We need to catch up with them.” He then turned, his eyes blazing. “You did that on purpose. You wanted us to stop, so they could continue walking.”
Charlotte sighed and shrugged. “I’m afraid I did. I suppose I’ve failed the first lesson of chaperoning. I still have much to learn.”
“You are infuriating.”
“I’m sure Alfred and Mary feel the same way about you now. You could have watched them from afar and allowed them to speak privately.”
“That would not be proper,” he said. For a moment, it felt as though hostility was going to erupt between them again, and a full-blown, heated argument was going to take place.
But then he took a deep breath and regained composure.
“Now is not the time to argue about this. You played a trick on me, and it worked, but now, we shall return to our duties. Thankfully, they have not gone far, and it won’t take long to catch up with them. Let us not dally,” he said and turned to stride away, but Charlotte wasn’t finished.
“You care more about being proper than you do about your brother’s happiness,” she said.
Nathaniel turned slowly. The look on his face was a picture of pure indignation.
“I have never been so insulted in all my life. You dare to speak about my private matters in the open? You dare to assume you know the inner workings of my mind? My brother’s happiness is linked to propriety. Everyone’s is—which perhaps explains why you are so miserable.”
“I am not miserable,” Charlotte gasped. “And if I am, it is only because of the company I keep.”
He studied her for a few moments.
“Do you honestly believe that?” he asked, his eye twitching.
“Yes,” she replied. She didn’t really, at least not entirely, but she wanted him to react.
However, instead of getting angry with her, he sighed and moved a few paces away.
He ran his fingers along his chin and looked into the distance.
As yet, he hadn’t made any effort to catch up with Alfred and Mary.
“Alfred is my younger brother. I raised him. I have shaped him. It was my responsibility to make sure he grew into an honorable man. I’m sure you can appreciate that cultivating a strong plant requires the right conditions. So too is it with men.”
“And plants also require space to grow, otherwise they will become stunted.”
Nathaniel laughed.
“Do either I or Alfred appear stunted to you?” he asked.
Charlotte arched her eyebrows and looked to the side, which only made Nathaniel’s face redden and his voice grow more intense.
“I have been responsible for doing things right for both of us. You wouldn’t understand that weight because it’s not something you have ever had to do. You can afford to be lax.”
Charlotte’s head dropped at this because, in fact, she knew about this kind of responsibility all too well.
“You presume much, Your Grace,” she said quietly. Curiosity flashed across his mind, but before he could inquire as to her meaning, Charlotte spoke again. She lifted her gaze and looked deeply into his eyes.
“Perhaps I would understand you if you opened up a little. I’d like to because I cannot understand this slavish devotion to propriety, even when it interferes with your family’s happiness. Is there no room at all for any flexibility in your life?”
She almost asked in vain because Nathaniel had not proven himself to be open to sharing his innermost thoughts. But she asked anyway, and Nathaniel did not dismiss it immediately.
He took a deep breath, and when he spoke, his voice adopted the same thoughtfulness as when they had discussed classical literature.
“Being proper isn’t just about duty. It’s about holding ourselves to a high ideal so that we might strive to be the best versions of ourselves.
And it’s also a shield to protect Alfred.
I have seen many men fall, many families ruined by scandal.
I will not be complacent. I must be vigilant.
It is the only way to secure our future. ”
“And who protects you, Your Grace?”
The tender words slipped between her lips.
The concern and curiosity were earnest. Nathaniel carried the weight of his family on his shoulders.
Although Charlotte wasn’t the eldest, she did think of herself as the most responsible.
For the first time, she began to think that she and Nathaniel were not so different after all.
Nathaniel did not reply at first. He paused, a wave of uncertainty clouding his face.
The streets were deserted around them. They were standing beside a small shelter.
The open entrance was directly behind Charlotte.
Charlotte could imagine him marching away, but she found herself genuinely interested in the answer to the question.
“I only ask because—”
Charlotte’s words were interrupted as he stepped forward, pushing her back into the shelter. Suddenly, the shadows swirled around her, and she was hidden from the world. This part of town was quiet anyway, and the thunder of unexpected excitement crashed through her mind.
Before she could do anything, Nathaniel’s hands were cupping her cheeks, pulling her in, and his lips were upon her once again. Charlotte’s murmurs were swallowed by his mouth. She melted into him, the heat of his kiss making her feel like a candle.
Their breath was one. The second kiss was even more exhilarating than the first. She thought it would go on forever.
And then it was over.
Nathaniel pulled away. A shadow of heat lingered on her lips. She studied Nathaniel’s eyes, searching for any hint of meaning, but they were vague and mysterious. Breath caught in her throat, and it took a moment for her to exhale deeply.
His lips parted. Whether he intended to kiss her for a third time or say something that would shatter her world, she would never know. He clamped his lips shut and then tore his gaze away. He stepped back. It was only one step, but there might as well have been a chasm between them.
“I apologize, Lady Charlotte. I forgot myself. Please forgive this impropriety. I…” His voice trailed away, and then he turned on his heels. Charlotte was so stunned by the kiss that she couldn’t move. She thrust out a hand to steady herself.
After their first kiss, she had been filled with guilt and was utterly wretched with fear. Now, she was confused.
Why would Nathaniel kiss her now, of all times?
Why would he risk the scandal?
Why would he go against all the principles he held so dear?
For a brief moment, he had seemed almost human, showing a hint of vulnerability. But the walls around his heart had been closed swiftly. She walked out of the shelter with her fingers pressed to her lips, a dazed look on her face.
She staggered back to the others, finding Edmund, Lydia, and Honoria admiring a church.
“Ah, dear sister, where are the others?” Edmund asked.
“I must have gotten lost,” Charlotte said. She looked toward the prim and proper Honoria, guilt swimming in her heart. She put her hand to her head.
“I’m feeling quite faint. When the others return, would you mind if we returned to the estate?” she asked.
So many questions swam around her mind, but the answers did not come easily. It wasn’t as though she could ask anyone for their wisdom either. Nathaniel had cursed her with something that could never be.
Was it a sign of his true feelings, or was this just revenge for the way she had wrong-footed him before?