Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Nathaniel’s stomach swam with anxiety. He clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth, for he was unused to this feeling. Attempts to wash it away with champagne had been unsuccessful. Charlotte had disappeared. This should have been a good thing, but Nathaniel couldn’t help but feel disappointed.
“Mother, may I speak with you about Lady Honoria?” Nathaniel gently pulled Beatrice away from a conversation. They found a quiet spot. Nathaniel made sure to keep his voice low.
“Of course, isn’t she perfect? Everyone has been complimenting her tonight. The two of you are going to make a fine couple. She is everything a duchess should be. She reminds me of myself at that age,” Beatrice gushed, her eyes swimming with nostalgia.
“Indeed, and your wisdom in choosing her should be applauded, but I am wary of making a hasty decision. Perhaps—”
“I was particular in choosing her. There is nothing hasty about my decision to bring Lady Honoria to you. She is a perfect match in every way and can stand alongside the Blackwood women. She will be a fine duchess, a fine wife, and I’m sure she will give you many healthy children.
We must think of the future, Nathaniel.”
There was an edge to her words that reminded him of when she used to scold him as a child.
“Of course, Mother, it’s just that I want to ensure everything is done properly.”
“It has been.” Beatrice placed a hand on his arm.
“I know that marriage will bring about a big change in your life. You are going to have to accommodate another person. But you have waited long enough. It’s time for you to have a wife, Nathaniel.
There is one woman in this hall who is perfect for you. ”
“Yes, Mother,” he said, although he was certain that they were thinking of different women. At that point, Alfred came over and placed a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder. He had a merry glow on his face.
“Why do you look so glum, brother?”
“I’m not glum. I’m thoughtful,” Nathaniel replied.
“And what are you thinking about?”
“Lady Honoria, I should imagine,” Beatrice said.
Tension swept through Nathaniel’s body. This expressed itself in a slight shift of his demeanor, something that was only noticeable for a moment. Beatrice wasn’t paying attention, but Alfred was.
“Of course, well, she is an impressive woman. You have outdone yourself with your choice, Mother. I’m sure she will fit perfectly into the family. I am looking forward to getting to know her more,” Alfred said.
“Coo-ee Bea! There’s someone here I’d like you to meet.” Agatha’s shrill voice pierced the air. Nathaniel watched as his mother visibly shuddered, and her face fell. She looked as though she were about to be sick before composing herself and adopting a polite expression.
Her smile was tight, and her eyes showed no delight at all.
“Agatha, I’m thrilled to be on first-name terms with you, but I did say I prefer to be referred to as Beatrice.”
“Yes, yes,” Agatha said, waving the comment away as though it didn’t matter at all.
“But come this way and meet Lord Goodwin. He has the most fascinating stories about… what was it, dear?” Agatha turned to the man a few paces behind her.
He was unusually tall and gaunt, with sunken cheeks.
His voice was deep, and his black hair was slicked back.
“Taxidermy, Your Grace.”
“He has been telling me about his collection of animals. You must hear his process; it’s unlike anything I have heard before.” Agatha’s eyes gleamed with the novelty of it while Beatrice looked faint. Before she could say anything else, Agatha linked her arm around Beatrice’s and led her away.
“Sometimes I think she’s too polite for her own good,” Alfred said.
“She has been putting herself through a lot recently,” Nathaniel replied, watching how his mother endured these things because it was her duty to do so. Just like he would have to endure marriage to a woman he did not love.
“Agatha is harmless,” Alfred chuckled. “And I don’t think it would do mother any harm to interrupt her orderliness. A little chaos can go a long way, wouldn’t you agree?”
“No, I would not.”
Alfred sighed.
“One of the most impressive things about you is your unwavering consistency, Nathaniel. I believe people could set their clocks by your routine.”
“There is nothing wrong with being disciplined.”
“Certainly not. I’ve learned that from you many times over the years, and it’s why I’m happy to settle into marriage. And Lady Honoria certainly seems to be a disciplined woman. I have not heard her say anything out of place or indeed do anything that would not be expected of her.”
“She is a fine choice.”
“Oh yes, a perfect woman indeed. She already acts the part of a duchess, so it won’t be too much of an adjustment when she becomes one. She can step into your life as though you have been waiting for her to come along.”
“In a way, I suppose I have,” Nathaniel replied. There was a dryness in his words, for he did not mean them.
“Yes,” Alfred took a sip of his wine and then glanced toward his brother. There was a slight hint of mischief in his eyes. “It’s much easier than if you wanted to marry someone who was unsuited to the role. Someone like Charlotte, perhaps.”
At the mention of Charlotte’s name, Nathaniel bristled all over. His eyes widened, and his nostrils flared as a harsh breath was forced between his lips. He swallowed a lump in his throat, and he gripped his champagne glass more tightly.
“Could you imagine her as a duchess? Someone who says what she wants, who thinks for herself, and who never backs down from an argument. No, it’s much better that you marry someone like Honoria. I can’t imagine there would be any trouble with her.”
“Indeed,” Nathaniel spoke the word so quietly it almost went unheard.
Silence lingered in the air. Alfred took another step toward his brother and lowered his voice.
“Be honest with me, brother. You have feelings for Charlotte, yes?”
“I most certainly do not.” Nathaniel recoiled as if he had been slapped. He stepped back, an insulted look upon his face. But there was something else swimming beneath the surface, a fear that he had been exposed.
Alfred arched his eyebrow. He didn’t seem to pay much attention to Nathaniel’s denial.
“Is that so?”
“Why would you even say something like that? The woman is impertinent, infuriating, and incorrigible! I would watch her around young Clara, too; she is impressionable. You wouldn’t want her picking up any bad habits.”
Alfred chuckled.
“I have no qualms about Clara spending time with Charlotte, and I have noticed how you have found excuses to spend time with her as well.”
“That is not true.”
“You barely left her side during the game we played, and then you went to fetch the ball together.”
“She insisted on coming with me. I would have happily fetched it myself. In fact, I would have preferred it; perhaps then I wouldn’t have been caked with mud.”
“And in town, you insisted on coming with us even though she would have been a perfectly good chaperone. And the two of you hung back anyway.”
“What are you implying, Alfred?” Nathaniel spoke through gritted teeth, all of his defensive instincts rising.
Alfred exhaled deeply and shook his head. He put a hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder.
“Not everything is an attack, brother. The only thing I am implying is that perhaps there is another woman who has caught your attention.”
“Nonsense,” Nathaniel dismissed curtly. “And even if there were, it certainly would not be Lady Charlotte.”
“Brother, over the years you have given me plenty of advice. I have tried to follow as much of it as I can, and I hope that I have made you proud by doing so. You have always been my superior in every area, at least until now. I believe I finally have an advantage over you, and I would like to share my wisdom.”
“Very well,” Nathaniel said bitterly.
“It’s about love, Nathaniel. When you meet the right person, you have to pursue them, even if they’re not exactly what you thought you would want.
I must confess that I never envisioned myself marrying a widow and becoming a father to another man’s child, but now, I could not imagine being anything else. ”
“Mary is a fine woman, and Clara is delightful.”
“I know, but if I let my ideas of who I should love get in my way, then I would be unhappy. I might even grow to resent myself, especially if I married the wrong person. Thankfully, I have avoided such a mistake. I would not want that fate to befall you.”
Nathaniel drew his hand across his chin as he pondered Alfred’s words. The initial unnerving sensation of having his feelings exposed had passed. It was actually quite refreshing to speak about these things candidly.
“Lady Honoria is the kind of woman that duty demands. You said it yourself. She is a perfect duchess. Everyone here agrees.”
“But we are not just talking about a duchess. We are talking about the woman you will spend the rest of your life with. And there is only one opinion that truly matters—your own. This should be your choice, Nathaniel. For once, think of your own desires above your duty.”
“Unfortunately, I do not have the same liberty as you, Alfred. My choice is not my own. They are for the family.”
“Once you make this decision, there is no going back. Do you want to look at your life with regret or with pride that you did what you wanted to do? Listen to your heart for once, Nathaniel. Despite the rumors to the contrary, I know that you possess one.”
“I… appreciate your advice, brother. I shall think about the matter.”
“Well, don’t think about it for too long. There are rumors,” Alfred said. The look on his face suggested that he wanted Nathaniel to inquire about them further.
“What rumors?” Nathaniel obliged.
“Did you notice Charlotte dancing with someone earlier?”
“I may have,” Nathaniel replied cautiously, unwilling to reveal that he had taken every opportunity to look at Charlotte.
“Well, Mary had a quick word with Edmund, and she told me that he is hoping that a proposal will be forthcoming. Apparently, they are quite well-suited to each other. He even has an interest in the same areas as Charlotte.”
“I see,” Nathaniel replied, the knot inside his stomach getting tighter and tighter. His blood began to boil at the thought of another man spending time with Charlotte.
Would she be as difficult with him?
Would he be able to offer as much of a challenge at cribbage?
Would there be this sense of tension in the air between them? A sense that the world was about to rip itself apart.
“My point being that if you have certain feelings, you should express them before it is too late. Finding Mary has brought true happiness to my heart. I would not want you to miss out on that because of a sense of duty or because you held your feelings close to your heart for too long.”
“I will take your words under advisement, Alfred. Thank you. I mean that most sincerely.” His words were layered with emotion.
“I know this kind of thing does not come easily to you. I have learned a lot from following your example. Please try following mine for once.” Alfred left him with a reassuring smile.
Nathaniel’s heart was troubled. He sipped his champagne only to find that the glass was empty. He scanned the room, and when he did so, there was only one person he wanted to find.
Charlotte.
Whoever this man was, Nathaniel couldn’t believe that he was good enough for her.
Then again, it wasn’t his place to determine that.
But his thoughts did turn to the future.
Two paths lay before him. One was expected and proper—a marriage to a respectable young woman who was the epitome of etiquette and propriety. A marriage to her would be the picture of perfection.
The other was like entering a storm. The unknown beckoned, a fractious, competitive relationship where he would be continually challenged, where every interaction would be laced with tension, and where there would never be a dull day.
His heart was pulled in one direction while his head went in another.
During his search for Charlotte, his gaze found Honoria. She was speaking to Lydia. He studied her for a few moments. There was no quick heartbeat, no prickle of heat, nothing apart from a calm equanimity.
And that should not have been the case with love at all.
It was Charlotte he wanted, and the thought of her marrying another made him want to scream with rage. The shackles of duty were beginning to break. For the first time in his life, he sensed freedom.
If he dared to seize it.