Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Charlotte had excused herself from Lord Winstanley’s company. She noticed that he had gone straight to Edmund, clearly not seeking to waste any time. Charlotte’s head was swimming, barely able to believe that she had, in a way, invited a proposal.
Her heart trembled with nerves.
If everyone else was getting married, then should she as well? She was unlikely to find a man as agreeable as Baron Winstanley.
But that did not strike her as a good enough reason to get married.
As she made her way to the refreshment table, hoping to slip away unnoticed, she caught sight of Nathaniel dancing with Clara.
He looked happier than when he had been dancing with Honoria.
Clara was not as refined as older women, for she had not yet mastered the art of dancing.
However, what she lacked in precision she made up for with enthusiasm.
While Nathaniel gave the impression of a man who only thought of duty, there was a softer side to him as well. In her opinion, he should display it more often.
It brought to mind the kisses that should never have been given. They were hidden from the world, but Charlotte could not ignore them.
She couldn’t imagine kissing anyone else.
At the refreshment table, she picked up a drink and spent a few moments gathering herself. When she turned around, she noticed that Mary and Alfred were standing nearby. Mary waved her over. At that moment, Nathaniel returned to them with a beaming Clara.
Charlotte stopped in her tracks, but it was too late to turn away.
“Charlotte, you look like you’re having a fine time so far,” Mary said.
“Mummy, did you see me dance?” Clara asked, fit to burst with excitement. Mary cast an apologetic look in Charlotte’s direction and bent down to address her daughter.
“I did. You were wonderful, and so was your partner.” She glanced at Nathaniel.
“It was an honor to dance with you, Lady Sterling,” Nathaniel bowed to Clara, making an extravagant show of respect. Clara squealed with delight, but clearly wasn’t done. She took Alfred’s hand and pulled him to the dance floor before Mary gently admonished her.
“Clara, remember your manners. A lady is supposed to wait until she is asked to dance. And remember that it is getting close to your bedtime.”
“Oh… yes,” Clara said, then looked up at Alfred. “Will you ask me to dance?”
Alfred chuckled.
“Lady Sterling, will you do me the honor of dancing with me?” he asked. Clara nodded and then yanked him away.
Mary, Nathaniel, and Charlotte all chuckled.
“One day, she is going to be a debutante,” Mary sighed.
“There are still many years until that happens. She is still a child,” Charlotte reminded her.
Mary nodded, although emotion tinged her eyes.
“There’s nothing quite like watching your child grow up. It feels like only yesterday when she was in my arms and… Oh, forgive me. This type of conversation does not befit our surroundings.”
“Is Her Grace ailing?” Charlotte asked. She caught sight of Beatrice walking away from Agatha and a tall, gaunt man with a distinctly pallid look on her face. She clutched her stomach and seemed distracted. “I think she might have heard something unpleasant,” Nathaniel replied.
“Your Grace, thank you again for hosting this ball. It has been most enjoyable. Charlotte and I were just talking about how wonderful it has been,” Mary said.
Charlotte arched her eyebrows, for she had not actually confirmed Mary’s assessment.
“Indeed, it seems there are many interesting people in attendance tonight,” Nathaniel said, looking directly at Charlotte.
“None more so than Lady Honoria. I’m surprised she is not at your side, Your Grace,” Charlotte said pointedly.
She met Nathaniel’s gaze, challenging him to remember the way he kissed her.
Such a thing would never happen with so many people around, of course, but being near him brought the same sensations back.
“I am not her keeper,” he replied in a curt voice.
“Not yet anyway,” Charlotte said.
“Edmund seems in fine form tonight,” Mary interjected, an uneasy look on her face.
“He revels in this type of atmosphere. I’m sure if he could attend an endless ball, he would,” Charlotte replied.
“I don’t know where he gets his energy,” Mary said.
“He has always been the same. Edmund has never been one to enjoy quiet moments. He loves being around people. It’s where he shines.
Other people find themselves more comfortable in the shadows.
That’s when they feel they can be themselves,” Charlotte said pointedly, taking a strand of hair between her fingers and twirling it.
Nathaniel cleared his throat. She anticipated a wry rejoinder, but instead she was taken aback for the second time that night.
“Lady Charlotte, would you like to dance?”
Charlotte stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. The words seemed unreal. The question felt like a dream, or a joke, or an illusion. Nathaniel should have been dancing with Honoria. Why was he asking her to dance?
Was this another way to mock her?
But the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice… it wasn’t the same as before.
And she couldn’t say no.
“I would be honored, Your Grace.” She offered her arm. Her heart quickened. Heat rose to her cheeks. Nathaniel bowed his head.
“If you’ll excuse us,” he turned to Mary. Mary met Charlotte’s eyes and smiled warmly, as though something was being proven. Charlotte wanted to cry out to her and tell her that this didn’t mean anything, that all of Mary and Lydia’s speculation had no basis in fact, but she would have been lying.
Nathaniel’s arm was strong. Murmurs and whispers swirled around them. Charlotte didn’t pay attention to any of them. All she could think about was the strength of his arm, his scent pulsing in the air, and the very presence of him that dominated her mind and her vision.
As they stepped onto the dance floor, they turned to face each other. Charlotte had to tilt her head back to look at him. They were so close once more that her breath caught in her throat for a moment as she thought he might take her into his arms and kiss her again.
Not in front of this many people, though. No, here their secret was stronger between them, like an iron chain linking them together.
“I’m glad you are enjoying the ball since I know it is not your preferred occupation.”
“The same could be said for yourself, Your Grace.”
“My duty makes it impossible for me to miss events like this.”
“There’s that word again. I hope that Lady Honoria has a similar respect for duty.”
“I’m sure she does.”
Charlotte quickly turned her head, looking for Honoria, wondering if she would take offence at seeing her and Nathaniel dancing together, but Honoria was nowhere to be seen.
“And what opinion of duty does your dancing companion hold?”
“A different kind than you,” Charlotte replied quickly. Nathaniel bristled and seemed irritated by her answer.
“I’m surprised you have found someone with a similar mindset to you. I would be wary of a man who does not respect the idea of duty.”
“I’m careful around men who place duty on a pedestal and worship it.”
“I do not worship it.” Nathaniel’s nostrils flared as he spoke. Charlotte merely responded with a questioning raise of her eyebrow. Nathaniel turned his head for a moment.
“I would rather a man respect me,” Charlotte said in a low voice. This brought Nathaniel’s attention back to her. Surprise flashed across his face for a brief instant.
“Duty is the backbone of our society.”
“People are the backbone of our society. Duty is just a concept. You cannot marry it. You cannot court it. You cannot ask it to dance. It should not take precedence over people. Even over yourself. May I speak frankly, Your Grace?”
“I wasn’t aware you were capable of doing anything else,” Nathaniel replied. Charlotte ignored the taunt.
“You have been taught to value duty over everything else, but why cling to duty when it has a detrimental effect on other people? I ask again, would a little flexibility truly ruin your life?”
“What other people?”
“Mary and Lord Blackwood, for one. When are you going to announce your blessing of their marriage?”
“When the appropriate time arrives.”
“And what of yourself and Lady Honoria? Would a marriage forged with duty rather than love be fulfilling?”
Charlotte expected another testing reply, but instead Nathaniel remained silent. There was a questioning look in his eyes, almost as though he was pondering the same thing himself.
“I suppose this subject is close to your mind tonight because of your companion.”
“Lord Winstanley.”
“I noticed you were dancing with him. I didn’t think you came to these events to dance.”
“He asked. It would have been rude to decline.”
“So, you have found your manners at last.”
Charlotte pressed her lips together tightly and felt the tension rising inside. He was proving himself to be frustrating again, and while she had intended to maintain a neutral air with him, it quickly became impossible.
“You are a fine one to speak of manners, or are we just going to pretend that what happened in town did not happen at all?”
The comment caught Nathaniel off guard. Color rose to his cheeks, and he quickly looked around, as though everyone might suddenly turn to them and point their fingers, shouting ‘shame, shame!’. He leaned into Charlotte, so close that she could feel the warmth of his breath.
“How dare you mention that here!”
“How dare you not mention it at all, or were you hoping I would simply forget about it?”
“I…” Nathaniel trailed away, struggling to find the right words.
“Because it is one thing for a reckless woman like me to act like that. People cannot help their natures after all,” she spoke with a hard edge to her voice, playing into the image that Nathaniel clearly seemed to have of her.
“So it is even worse that a man like you should commit such a scandalous act.”
“I… I lost myself. It was a moment of madness.”