Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Charlotte and Lydia were relaxing in Mary’s room. Clara was also present, playing with a doll. She was chatting happily to herself, mimicking fragments of conversations she had heard the previous night. Mary wore a contented smile.
“It was so nice of His Grace to give his blessing in the presence of so many people. I hope that you don’t feel any doubt about his feelings toward you now, Mary. It’s clear he is proud to have you as part of his family,” Lydia said.
Mary sighed happily and clasped her hands together.
“It was everything Alfred and I had hoped for. While we were almost certain that we would receive his blessing, there was still a part of me that feared he would turn around and say that Alfred deserved someone better.”
“There is nobody better than you, Mary,” Lydia replied.
“Thank you, cousin. I just hope I can live up to his expectations. I did mean to thank him for his words, but he stole away rather quickly.”
“He must have been disappointed about what happened with Lady Honoria, I imagine.”
“Yes, I wonder what caused her to leave,” Mary mused.
“I suppose we shall never know, but we shall still have one marriage to celebrate. Are you nervous?” Lydia asked.
Charlotte remained quiet, deep in thought, still thinking about the events of the dance.
It was all a patchwork in her mind. There was the envy of seeing Nathaniel dancing with Honoria, the mixed feelings of having Lord Winstanley declare his intentions for her, and then the complicated feelings elicited by Nathaniel.
Mary laughed softly.
“You may think this surprising, but no. I am just excited.”
“Really? There are no nerves at all?” Lydia gasped.
“When you are marrying the right person, there is nothing to be nervous about. I am more eager to begin our lives in earnest than anything else. I have borne the Sterling name with pride and honor, but I am ready to take the Blackwood name now.”
“It all sounds so wonderful. I hope that I get to feel this way one day.”
“I’m sure you will, dear cousin. Did you happen to meet anyone at the dance last night?”
“No, it seems as though attention was drawn elsewhere,” Lydia said, her words lingering in the air. It took Charlotte a couple of moments to realize that they were looking at her.
“Sorry, did I miss something?” she asked.
“You have been distracted today, Charlotte; is everything well?” Mary asked.
“Yes, why wouldn’t it be?” Charlotte was a little too defensive for her own good, drawing her arms across her chest, leaning back, welcoming a shadowed expression over her face.
“Would you care to speak about anything that happened last night? It was quite a sight to see you dancing with a baron and a duke. I wasn’t sure you were capable of enjoying two dances at a single event.” Lydia leaned forward. Her words vibrated with the sound of laughter.
“Despite rumors to the contrary, I am not impolite.”
“Who was the better dancer?” Lydia asked.
“That is not a question befitting a lady,” Charlotte replied.
“Edmund spoke favorably of the Baron. Apparently, he is interested in courting you,” Mary observed.
“Yes, he mentioned something along those lines to me. I am undecided, however,” Charlotte said.
“It doesn’t seem that men like him will come along often. As Edmund tells it, he shares your interests,” Mary said.
“He does. We have even attended some of the same lectures together.”
“How wonderful! It means that you should never run out of conversation. Please say you will consider it. There is nothing better than being in love.”
“That presumes that she would love the Baron, cousin,” Lydia said with a teasing look in her eyes. “What if there was another who had already stolen her heart?”
“My heart is my own, thank you very much,” Charlotte replied haughtily.
“And yet there is something that has been on your mind today. Don’t try to deny it; I know when you are troubled. What happened when you danced with His Grace? Did he say anything meaningful?” Lydia asked.
Both Mary and Lydia leaned forward, hanging on Charlotte’s words.
“This idle speculation of yours is maddening. I don’t know why you are so fixated on the dynamic shared between me and His Grace.” Charlotte turned away in frustration, although she did feel a desire to open up about her feelings. It was getting hard to cope with them by herself.
“Because there is something between you. What? I cannot define it, but it is there for all to see. Even last night, he only danced with you and Lady Honoria. Doesn’t that suggest some level of affection?” Lydia asked.
“And me! He danced with me, too!” Clara piped up, looking up from her doll.
Mary laughed as she bent down and stroked Clara’s head.
“Yes, we’re all aware he danced with you, darling,” she said. Clara seemed happy that she was acknowledged and went back to playing with her doll.
“Lydia speaks the truth, Charlotte. Even Alfred has noticed it. And His Grace did seem freer when he danced with you. I think that is the best way to put it anyway.”
Charlotte pressed her lips together before she spoke.
“Then you all seem to be able to see something that I cannot. His Grace is… I am not even sure where to begin. True, we have enjoyed some stimulating discussions about literature, but our opinions differ about the fundamental matters of life.”
“Even Alfred and I do not agree on everything,” Mary pointed out.
“Mother and Father used to bicker sometimes,” Lydia added.
Charlotte sighed and put her hand to her forehead, massaging her temples.
“There are moments when he seems agreeable, and I feel that I can engage with him as an equal. But then there are other times when he is obstinate, and instead of speaking with him, I am receiving a lecture from him. He can change his mood on a whim, and I never quite know where I stand.”
Lydia laughed and brought her hands close to her chest.
“Why are you finding such joy in my predicament?” Charlotte asked.
“Because this is wonderful! I’ve been telling you that this is just like a love story. I don’t know why you aren’t listening to me. In every story, there is tension. All of this drama—it’s exhilarating!”
Charlotte tried to ignore the teasing element in Lydia’s voice, but it wasn’t necessarily easy to do. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.
“Lydia, I do wish you would get these foolish notions out of your head. There is no drama between me and Nathaniel; there’s simply a difference of opinion.”
Mary and Lydia looked at each other. Charlotte wondered what was wrong. A grin spread across Lydia’s face.
“You used his first name!” she gasped with glee, as though this confirmed all of her suspicions. Charlotte felt heat rising to her cheeks, wishing that she could take back her words.
“It was just a slip of the tongue,” Charlotte stammered, trying to recover, but the error had been made, and it revealed much about the intimacy shared between her and Nathaniel.
“It must be love,” Lydia sighed. She made a swooning motion, swaying back and forth in the window, looking angelic as she was bathed in golden light.
“It most certainly is not,” Charlotte replied sharply, her words cutting through the air.
The smile was quickly swept away from Lydia’s face as she bore the brunt of her sister’s ire.
“I have no desire to fall in love. I have no room in my life for love. And if my life shall ever be blessed with love, I cannot imagine it would be anything like this. It’s just all been muddled, that’s all.
Now please, I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making these insinuations. ”
The words flowed out of her in a heavy breath.
Lydia looked downcast, and while Charlotte felt a little guilty for causing her to feel this way, she could not allow herself to indulge Lydia’s speculation.
But there was someone else in the room who was affected by these harsh words, and the tender reaction pricked Charlotte’s heart.
“Charlotte… what’s wrong with being in love?” Clara asked, tugging at Charlotte’s dress and looking up at her with eyes so wide they might well have contained the entire world.
Before she responded, Charlotte cast an enquiring look at Mary, who merely challenged Charlotte to come up with an answer.
Charlotte brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat. She put her arms around Clara and picked her up, setting her on her lap.
“Well, Clara, there is nothing wrong with love at all. Your mother and Lord Blackwood show that every time they are together. However, what is right for one is not necessarily right for another. Some people like jam, for example, and some prefer marmalade. Neither is wrong; it’s just that they have different preferences. Do you understand?”
Clara furrowed her brow.
“I think so… so is His Grace jam or marmalade?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.
“No, that’s not what I meant…” Charlotte tried to think of a different way to explain things.
“It’s just that not everyone wants the same things out of life.
You’ll understand more when you’re older.
Some people want to get married, but others want to travel, and still others want to devote their time to research, like me. ”
“Why can’t you do all of them?”
“I’m afraid the world doesn’t work like that. Sometimes, you have to choose.”
Clara pouted, clearly unhappy with this revelation.
“Well, I don’t see why I should have to choose. I will have everything,” she said and wriggled off Charlotte’s lap. She sank to the floor and started playing with her doll again, giving it words of encouragement. Charlotte couldn’t help but feel a little chastised.
“So, you would not even entertain marriage to Lord Winstanley?” Lydia asked, sounding disappointed.