Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“What exactly did she say?” Nathaniel asked.
He was still reeling from his conversation with Charlotte.
There were so many other things he wanted to say, but it was entirely the wrong location.
How could he talk about their kiss in such an open forum?
If the wrong person should overhear, his entire life would unravel.
Beatrice was close to tears. Her hands were shaking, and it was all she could do to remain upright.
“That something came up at home. It was a poor excuse, Nathaniel, so very poor. It’s shameful. Utterly shameful. I can’t believe that she would act like this. I thought she was perfect. I thought everything was arranged.”
“It can’t be helped, Mother,” Nathaniel said. While Beatrice was beside herself with disappointment, Nathaniel felt relieved. He hated to admit it, but everything that Charlotte said was true. He wasn’t sure that a marriage forged by duty would be fulfilling.
For the first time in his life, he was considering his own feelings over the duty he needed to perform. And that was because of Charlotte.
“But I worked so hard. Her parents were overjoyed. She seemed happy here as well. And the way you two looked when you danced… Oh, Nathaniel, I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Mother. She has a mind of her own, and she has the right to make her own decisions. If she did not feel that marrying me was right for her, then she should be applauded for stepping away.”
“But it should have been right. I don’t understand. Everything about this should have worked. It was all arranged.” Beatrice was shaking her head. Her hands were open, as though she were trying to grasp an answer from the air itself.
“Things are not always as straightforward as we would like them to be. Mother, Lady Honoria, and I… Things were stilted between us. I’m not sure it was a natural connection.”
“But it would have developed in time. She just needs to be patient. Perhaps I shall contact her parents tomorrow and see if any misgivings can be resolved.”
“Mother, she has made her decision. We should respect it,” Nathaniel said. Now that he was freed of an unwanted courtship with Honoria, he did not wish to plunge back into it. It was Charlotte he wanted.
He just wasn’t sure how to get through to her.
“But… but…” Beatrice muttered, staring at Nathaniel with disbelief, as though the man before her wasn’t her son at all.
Nathaniel tried to placate her, but after the lengths Beatrice had gone to in order to find a woman who met Nathaniel’s requirements, it wasn’t surprising that Beatrice was confused when Nathaniel did not seem bothered by Honoria’s exit.
“Bea dear, don’t you worry, I’m here for you!” Agatha cooed as she pushed through a nearby cluster of people and came to stand beside Beatrice. She wrapped her arms around Beatrice and put her head on Beatrice’s shoulder.
“I can see you’re upset. Come with me, and we’ll go and get some refreshments and some fresh air. The last thing you need is to be in this stuffy house. Let’s go and talk about it. I’ve suffered many disappointments over the years.” She pulled Beatrice away, and for once Beatrice did not resist.
Nathaniel took a deep breath. He looked across the room and noticed that Charlotte was talking with Lydia.
Her profile was on display. He traced the outline of her dainty nose, as well as the auburn hair that fell around her shoulders.
He cursed himself for not having made the most of the opportunity to dance with her.
Something happened to his mind when they were in proximity.
His thoughts became addled, as though he’d had too much champagne.
Alfred came sidling up to him.
“’Tis a shame about Lady Honoria,” he said quietly.
Nathaniel furrowed his brow.
“Does everyone know?”
“They know she left. I’m not sure everyone knows that she’s not interested in marrying you.”
“Did Mother tell you?”
“She didn’t have to. I saw them talking. Lady Honoria left hurriedly, and the way Mother reacted… it didn’t take much to deduce the truth. I’m sorry that things didn’t work out this time.”
“Are you?”
“I am if you’re disappointed. Are you disappointed?”
It was late in the evening, and Nathaniel had endured many tiring conversations. He couldn’t bring himself to lie. He simply didn’t have the energy.
“In truth, I think I owe her a debt of gratitude for being brave enough to leave. It can’t have been easy for her.
There was a… distance between us. The way she acted, it’s as though she was trying to be the woman I wanted, rather than herself.
I’m not sure I met the real Lady Honoria during her brief visit. ”
“I thought that’s what you wanted—someone to be the perfect duchess.”
“I thought that’s what I wanted as well. I may have been wrong.”
Alfred smirked.
“That is progress, brother. You’re finally willing to admit when you’ve made a mistake.”
Nathaniel’s mouth twisted, but he chose not to rise to the bait.
“I noticed you dancing with Charlotte. You seemed more animated than when you were dancing with Lady Honoria. How was the conversation?”
Infuriating. Challenging. Testing.
“It was fine.”
“Did you discover anything about her intentions with Lord Winstanley?”
“She told me again that she is focused on completing her research and bringing it to publication. She reiterated her lack of interest in marriage. She may marry Lord Winstanley eventually, or she may not. As she was adamant in saying, it is none of my business.”
“I see. And is that going to stop you?”
“I would never go against a lady’s wishes.”
“Nathaniel, make use of this opportunity while you have it. Otherwise, Mother will bring another perfect duchess to our door, and the next one might not walk away. You might think you have all the time in the world, but you don’t.”
Alfred walked away, leaving Nathaniel standing alone on an island in this sea of people. He looked out the window and saw Agatha consoling his mother. Across the room, Charlotte and Lydia were deep in conversation. Elsewhere, Edmund and Lord Winstanley were laughing like old friends.
Nathaniel felt as though he was on the cusp of something, but it was just out of his grasp. What he really wanted was to march across to Charlotte, take her in his arms again, and kiss her.
But he couldn’t even tell Charlotte that herself. Every time they spoke, he got caught up in a twisting argument. And how was he even supposed to be honest about his feelings after all this time?
Duty, duty, duty. It shackled him. It strangled him. It diminished him. He was trapped by his title, perhaps forever, and Charlotte was just a taste of something he could not have.
There were some who were not as unfortunate as he. He noticed Alfred and Mary moving as one, how their faces lit up, and how it seemed so natural for them to be together.
He collected a glass of champagne and then strode to where the musicians were playing. He gave them a sign to slow the music down before stopping completely. The arrival of silence caught everyone’s attention, and they all turned to him.
“I apologize for interrupting the music. I can assure you that it will resume once I have made my announcement. First of all, I would like to thank you all for attending tonight. It brings me great joy to see all of you enjoying our hospitality. But there is something I must say regarding my brother.”
He took a moment to absorb the surroundings of the room. Word filtered outside, and so those people were returning inside, including Agatha and Beatrice. He turned to Alfred and Mary, enjoying the hopeful look on their faces.
“He has been a fine companion and a good friend. I would like to officially declare that he and Lady Sterling have my blessing to get married. I can’t think of two people who are better suited to each other.
If the rest of us only get to enjoy half the happiness you two share, then we shall be lucky indeed.
Raise your glasses to Lord Blackwood and Lady Sterling, for soon, they shall be as one. ”
He raised his glass first, and everyone else followed suit.
There was a great cheer that rose up as people turned to congratulate the couple.
Mary blushed, unused to being the center of attention, while Alfred accepted the handshakes and congratulations with an amiable smile.
But he reserved one meaningful glance for Nathaniel.
Nathaniel stood before everyone else, feeling isolated. He would always be an observer of the world, but the least he could do was to give Alfred the happiness that he would never obtain. In another life, he would be the younger brother, and it would be Alfred declaring his blessing. And his bride?
He was looking at Charlotte.
The yearning in his heart was more powerful than anything he had felt before, and yet for all his power, he felt impotent.
He loved her, but he was resigned never to have her.
Duty warred with desire, and he could only see there being one winner.
While he was lost in thought, the musicians were about to strike up another song when Agatha marched into view, waving her hands to quiet the musicians. She turned to the crowd.
“And I would like to make an announcement myself. This occasion could not have taken place without the planning of Her Grace, the Dowager Duchess of Winthrop. I have never met anyone else who possesses such exquisite attention to detail. She has been a gracious host since our arrival, and I am proud to call her a dear friend. Please let’s give her a round of applause. ”
Agatha turned to Beatrice, who was standing at the side of the room, still looking rather emotional. Agatha led the applause, clapping more loudly than anyone else. Beatrice smiled awkwardly as the noise filled the hall.
Nathaniel clapped his hands together firmly, feeling the impact of palm against palm. Beatrice had done so much for him, and he was unable to repay her by giving her a marriage to the perfect wife. Deep down, he sensed that his behavior had played a role in driving Honoria away.
He had been distracted by Charlotte, and he wondered if this would ever change. Perhaps when she returned home, he might find some peace. But even then, he sensed that it would just lead to more anguish.
Ever since their first meeting, there had rarely been a day that passed without him thinking about her. And now that she was on his estate, this only intensified. The world seemed to come alive when she was standing before him.
Did that mean that when she left his company, everything would die?