Chapter 18
Lance pulled up to Kaci’s apartment late Friday afternoon with a light heart and a truck full of camping supplies.
Some he hadn’t used in years. Others were new.
Despite being there to pick up the craziest woman he’d ever known, his soul was at peace. His pulse surged in anticipation. Campfires and starry skies and temperatures just low enough to require sharing body heat to keep warm.
Yeah, this would be one hell of a good weekend. Best way to spend his last weekend in Georgia before he deployed.
He took the steps two at a time to her floor and rapped on her door. But it wasn’t Kaci who answered.
Instead, it was her curly-haired friend. “This isn’t a good time.” Her lips were set in a grim line, and her eyes dared him to contradict her. She started to shut the door on him, but Lance was quick with sticking a foot in.
“We have plans,” he said.
“Not tonight.”
What the hell? “Did her ex-husband do something?”
“We could solve that,” she murmured.
He wasn’t too fond of her bloodthirsty undertones, but he’d be happy to take care of Kaci’s ex himself if the jackass was making more trouble.
A sniffle came from inside the room. His heart knocked on his ribs with a pang. He pushed at the door. “Is that Kaci? Why’s she crying? What happened?”
“Tell him to go away,” Kaci called. Her voice was sassless with a watery weight to it.
Lance folded his arms and glared at her friend.
“Oh, yeah, that’s gonna make us both change our minds,” she said. But despite the way she cocked her hip out—just like Kaci would’ve—she also backed away and let the door open wider.
He didn’t wait to ask if that was an invitation.
But when he stepped around her and caught sight of Kaci curled up in the blue-checkered chair beside her couch, her eyes puffy and her chin wobbly while she rocked her ancient cat, part of him wished he’d stayed outside.
“We’re gonna have to reschedule,” Kaci said without looking at him.
A piece of his heart sliced off and flopped to the carpet. “Aw, Kace, I’m sorry.”
“Hush your tongue. She’s not gone yet.”
Her friend sized him up, silently asking if he was man enough to stay or smart enough to leave.
No-brainer. Obviously.
He crossed the room to squat by Kaci’s side.
She squeezed her eyes shut. A tear slipped down her cheek.
That little drop of moisture seared his soul.
She couldn’t sass her way through this. Couldn’t use her bullheaded stubbornness to stop it. Couldn’t even devise a physics theory that would make it make sense.
He brushed a hand over her ponytail and pressed a kiss to her temple.
Her whole body shuddered.
The cat didn’t seem to notice. It lay there in her arms, wrapped in a towel, eyes closed, head lolling like a rag doll with every rock of Kaci’s body.
And Lance didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to fix this.
He wanted to.
Because he didn’t like feeling powerless?
Or because he wanted to fix it for Kaci?
“Please leave,” she whispered.
His chest ached and his throat was thick. “Having a heart doesn’t make you weak, Kace,” he whispered.
Her lips trembled. “I need to be alone.”
Tara tilted her head toward the door. Her eyes were wet too, but the rest of her seemed to dare him to comment on it. “Been here longer than you have, Captain Studmuffin,” she said. “We’ll call if we need you.”
They wouldn’t call.
Kaci didn’t need him.
But it would’ve been damn nice if she wanted him.
And wanting her to want him was the last thing he needed. This was supposed to be casual. A distraction. He was wheels-up on his way to the Middle East in five days.
Kaci was right.
They should’ve just said their goodbyes last week and been done with it.
He squeezed her arm. “She was lucky to have you,” he said.
And he showed himself out the door.
She was gone.
Miss Higgs was gone.
Despite what she’d told Lance, Miss Higgs had been gone for near on ten minutes, but Kaci still couldn’t let go.
The door clicked shut behind Lance, and the floodgates opened. It started as a trickle of tears, and soon she was full-out sobbing.
Miss Higgs had given her last purr to the world.
One day Tara would get a real job and move out and probably find a new man who adored her. Her students would graduate and be replaced with more students with the same problems. Her momma was bound to give up in complete frustration one of these days.
And Kaci would be completely alone.
Tara squeezed into the chair with her and wrapped both Kaci and Miss Higgs’s body into a warm squishy hug. “I’ll go get him back,” Tara said, her voice thick with tears too.
“Don’t leave me,” Kaci choked out.
Tara hugged her harder.
“Ever,” Kaci added.
“Aw, Kaci…” Tara touched gentle fingers to Miss Higgs’s head. “Honey, I don’t think—”
“I know.” Her kitty was gone. Her constant companion through the ups and downs of the past eighteen years. “I just need another minute.”
Or another eighteen years.
Who else would curl up with her every night for eighteen years? Who else would be waiting by the door when she got home every night? Who else would ever keep as many secrets?
Her gaze drifted to the door.
Lance wouldn’t.
No matter how much she wanted him to.
Tara put her head to Kaci’s shoulder and sighed. “Wish I could blame just the grief for you wishing he was still here.”
Kaci wiped her tears on her sleeve. “Hush or I’ll send you away too.”
“No, you won’t.”
She was right. Kaci would’ve tied her to a chair before she let her leave. “Why is it the one I don’t want can’t leave me alone, and the one I want is willing to give me space?”
“Because men are idiots.”
Men weren’t the only ones. “No comment on the one I want?”
“He seems like a great guy,” Tara conceded. “And I’ll save my buts for tomorrow.”
Kaci pulled Miss Higgs to her chest one last time.
“You know,” Tara said softly, “she’d want you to go to Germany.”
She swallowed another lump in her throat. “I know,” she whispered.
The thing about not officially dating a stubborn, take-care-of-herself woman was that it felt wrong to leave, but also too close to a real relationship to stay.
Getting serious with a woman wasn’t something Lance needed. Though Kaci was into a lot of the same things he hadn’t even realized he’d missed while he’d been with Allison, he wanted the freedom of not being tied up with pleasing someone else.
Not long-term.
But her cat was dying. And he had a heart. He would’ve felt bad for anyone saying goodbye to a beloved pet.
Especially Kaci.
Had to be killing her to hurt bad enough that she let it show. And it had to be killing her that anyone saw her suffering.
The lady didn’t like to look weak.
When he got home, he dragged his tent and a sleeping bag into the backyard.
He could see the stars just as well from here, he reasoned. Didn’t have to add an hour or two on the road to enjoy it.
The fact that he’d be close by if Kaci happened to need—want—him had nothing to do with it.
She was a big girl. She could take care of herself.
Juice Box stepped out onto the patio near the pool. “Thought you were camping.”
“Thought you had a date.”
Juicy dangled a beer can and flashed a cocky grin. “Night’s young. She’ll be here.”
“Nikki again?”
“Yeah, but I’m running out of Nikkis to date. Might have to learn another name soon.”
“Don’t have to try so hard,” Lance said. “Nothing wrong with settling when you’ve found the right one.”
Juice Box tossed himself into a plastic lawn chair while Lance set up his tent. “Who’s looking for the right one? I’m just having fun.”
Couldn’t fault the kid. Lance had said the same thing when he’d been fresh out of pilot training too. “Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Having fun.”
“Fuck yeah.”
“Glad to hear it.”
Maybe Juicy was having the time of his life.
But when Lance had been all over the party scene, it had always felt…flat.
He’d never quite fit in. Not as well as Cheri had.
They’d been together for joint undergrad pilot training in Oklahoma, but then Cheri had left for fighter training in Texas while Lance had been sent here to Gellings.
So when he’d gotten to his first real squadron and met Allison, who preferred Friday night movies at home, baked cookies for fun, and could make conversation with everyone from a guy like Juice Box to a wall, he’d seen the answer to all of his needs.
A woman who didn’t like to party but could fix up a meal to feed an army and engage everyone from freshly enlisted eighteen-year-olds to four-star generals. In short, the perfect officer’s wife.
The antithesis of Kaci, that was for sure.
Except Kaci had something Allison never had.
She had Lance’s full, undivided attention. Even when he’d been on the flight deck this past week, she’d been in the back of his mind.
He’d always been able to shut Allison out and just do his job.
But tonight, he couldn’t get the image of Kaci’s grief out of his mind.
Once the tent was up, he hauled his old charcoal grill from the garage, pulled the legs off, and tossed in his spare firewood.
“Got marshmallows?” Juice Box asked.
“In the truck.”
They roasted hot dogs and marshmallows. Juicy’s date—the same Nikki, obviously—showed up after a while, and the two of them took off. “Be safe,” Lance called after them.
“Yes, Dad,” Juicy shot back with an amused grin.
Kaci didn’t text.
Or call.
Or email.
Lance had been at field training the summer between his sophomore and junior years of college when his family dog died.
Sunflower had only been nine years old. They’d thought she’d live another four, five, six years, but she’d been hit by a car.
He’d told himself men didn’t cry over dogs.
Plus, Cheri hadn’t cried. Hell if he would.
But he’d missed that dog. And he’d spent more hours than he could count wondering if she’d been scared. If she’d felt any pain. If he could’ve saved her if he’d been there.
He poked at a log in the fire.
Kaci’s cat was ancient. She’d had a good life, and she’d obviously been loved.
But goodbyes sucked.