12 - Dominic
W e were finally done with this fucking cesspool of a pack. Language, Dominic,I could hear my mate’s melodic voice in my head, and I sighed. She wouldn’t want me to curse this much.
I couldn’t get home fast enough.
David chose me to help dismantle the pack because my mom was from here, and I had family in the pack, which helped us with the transition.
Right now, I was driving back home with three of them in the car, and I could let my mind wander as they sniffed and mourned the loss of their pack.
I really liked working with David, but I told him I’d no longer be traveling for work so much. I’d go to the Alpha Summit and trials, but I’d already arranged for Terrence to take over everything University-related. It was time. I’d been doing three jobs for far too long.
He said he understood and then started talking about not being happy in his royal role. I quickly stopped listening because he’d told me about that a hundred times before.
It was interesting to observe David’s demeanor now that he was mated. His wolf was very clearly on edge, and the male always found ways to insert Regina into the conversation somehow. I got the feeling if I’d told him I had a rash on my ass, he’d just use the opportunity to mention Regina also having an ass. Or a rash. It was hilarious.
What wasn’t hilarious was that he now considered himself qualified to lecture me on my mate. Mine. David didn’t understand what it was like to exist in this state of constant anxiety, of constantly waiting for the next bad thing to happen. What the hell did he know about my life?
Despite that, my wolf was deeply unsettled by our last conversation, and so was I. Could I have ruined things with Penelope? Was she unhappy? She’d been angry when I left, but that was understandable, and it was kind of the point of my leaving. I needed to put distance between us, both geographically and emotionally.
It was so hard to tell what she was feeling now that she was blocking me. I’d gotten addicted to her emotional broadcast. She was so pure both in her sadness and her joy. Feeling her unguarded feelings had healed so much of me, and it had even rebuilt part of my trust.
After her birthday, I’d unwittingly started to let my guard down. I gave in to my feelings somewhat. And then her heat... Fuck, her heat. I’d never experienced anything that intense in all my life. But then that awful trial happened, and as I sat there and listened to all those wolves talking, I was reminded of the fact that all that mates did was torture you and betray you, and then they died, and you were left alone. Again.
And that fucker Larson. I should have ripped his neck out the second he uttered Penelope’s name with his foul mouth. My chest started constricting with the familiar pain as the memory assaulted me.
“ I see your second mate is even more beautiful than your first one,” the fucker said at dinner. “I wonder if Penelope is as good a driver as good old Cassandra was.”
Three Alphas had to hold me back, or I would have killed him on the spot, causing all kinds of paperwork for David. My wolf bristled at the memory but then seemed to remember it was me he was angry at and curled up again, ignoring me like he had for the last three months.
After the first two weeks of being apart from Penelope (fuck, I loved her name), during which I dreaded feeling the stab of betrayal during every waking moment, I’d started to realize what an idiot I had been. An Alpha who was a coward. Someone should call that magazine that Penelope was always reading.
By the time the anniversary of Cassie’s death came around, I realized I no longer cared about solving the puzzle. Remembering her didn’t hurt as much anymore.
Maybe David was right, I thought, and my wolf huffed as if to say, you think? It made sense that a second mate needed to be reassured more.
Without the load of the Alpha work, dealing with the University, keeping my emotions on a leash, and my personal investigation, I’d finally had time to think. I hadn’t lied when I told Penelope the timing of our mating had been unfortunate. I was so wrapped up in protecting myself that I might have acted somewhat selfishly. Now, our anniversary was coming up; I’d give her the letters I’d written for her, and we’d finally be a real mated couple.
As soon as I settled Phillip and his family in their new accommodations, I drove to our house. I could hear loud music and laughter from where I'd parked, three houses down.
The familiar clench of anger took hold of my insides. Was she partying while I was gone? I knew what was coming next, and I shut my eyes in vain as the memories of her drunken nights out mercilessly flooded my brain. I struggled to breathe for a few moments, and then I straightened and made my way to the backyard.
It was beautifully decorated with tons of flowers and balloons and streamers. Wolves started noticing me, and the crowd parted to let me through. I could scent her before I saw her. The heady black locust that was Penelope's unique fragrance was mixed with something new, something that made my wolf sit up.
Then, there she was, in the middle of the backyard, sitting on a chair that looked like a throne, my beautiful mate. She was wearing a stunning pink gauzy dress with waves, a sparkly crown on her head. She was laughing with her head thrown back, happy like I’d never seen her before, as she held her huge belly with both of her hands.
I simply stood there until she noticed me. Her face immediately sobered, and her eyes became cold. Someone had the good sense to turn off the music, and silence fell over the backyard. My mother made her way through the crowd and gave me a brief hug.
“Welcome back, Dominic,” she said without her usual smile. She wasn’t too happy with me either. “I think the pup shower is over since I believe your Alpha is tired from his trip,” she told the crowd.
She then turned to Penelope, “Don’t you dare clean any of this up. We’ll swing by later to do it. Theo and Elliot will bring the presents in now, and Sonya and I will pack up the food, but that’s the only thing that's urgent.”
Penelope just nodded. Say something, I begged internally. Let me hear your voice. She was still just observing me. Was it possible to become even more beautiful in only three months?
Her pregnancy had made her even curvier, and if I used to be a weak male before, I was completely done for now. Her hair had grown a bit, still not back to its former length, but I still itched to run my fingers through it, to smell it. I saw her stand up, and in three steps, I was in front of her. She took a step back, and my wolf yelped in pain. I inhaled sharply.
She walked toward the house, and I followed. I could feel disapproving glares on me, but I let it be. I was happy they were on her side, especially after the whole mess in Spruce Mountain. They were a good pack.
“Penelope,” I rasped once we were out of earshot of the others. “Why – how? Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” I finally got the words out, and something flashed in her eyes before she donned the mask of indifference again.
“I tried telling you,” she said calmly, “when I came to your office the last time, but you told me you had to work, so I didn’t want to disturb you further.”
I remembered the incident. I was struggling with myself and my wolf about leaving her for so long, and her standing there, rambling so adorably, was weakening my resolve. So I pushed her away like I always did.
“I’m sorry. I wish you’d felt comfortable enough to tell me. I wouldn’t have left if I’d known.”
She raised an eyebrow to indicate her skepticism but didn’t comment on the claim. She then shrugged and looked away.
“Can I feel him? Can I feel our pup?” I said in a wobbly voice.
What was happening to me?
She reluctantly nodded, and I fell on my knees before her and gently put my hands on the firm bump. He smelled male and strong and like a mixture of the two of us. He was definitely mine. I hated myself for even thinking that.
I reverently put my forehead against her belly and softly greeted him, “Hello, son,” and immediately got a kick in response. I jerked and looked up at Penelope. Whatever awe I felt must have shown up on my face because hers softened for the briefest of moments before it went back to the mask she now wore.
I took her by the hand and led her to the living room. Just that small contact meant the world to me, even if she took it back as soon as she could. I noticed some changes in the house, but the biggest was that the mating ceremony photo of Cassie and me was gone from the fireplace. Thank God.
I kept it there as a reminder for myself and never found the strength to get rid of it. But it was time. Penelope noticed where I was looking and lifted her chin defiantly, expecting me to maybe scold her. I loved that face, and I wanted to kiss her whenever she’d make it, which was tricky, since she mostly made it when she was angry. With me, obviously.
“I’ll shower, and then we’ll talk, okay?” I asked her, and she nodded.
It was so hard getting a word out of her.
When I entered our bedroom, I immediately knew something was wrong. It didn’t smell like her, or better said, her smell was too faint. Like she didn’t live there anymore. Her things were gone from the room, as well as the en suite. The walk-in was still being used. The bed in which I spent so much time looking at her and loving her was empty and cold now, and my poor wolf was losing his mind.
After showering, I found her sitting in the guest room, which she’d apparently turned into a nursery. It was painted a deep dark green and had a crib, an armchair, a dresser with a changing surface on top, and a single bed with a tiny crib-type thing attached to it.
The message was clear: only one pup and one adult would sleep here. I swallowed the hurt and walked around the room, examining the furniture and the walls.
They held framed photographs of Penelope with her friends, her brother, and with her grandmother, as well as photos of Penelope wearing the same gauzy wavy dress as today, cradling her belly somewhere in the forest. She looked like a nymph or some other ethereal being. Again, the writing was on the wall, so to speak.
I cleared my throat.
“I love what you did with the room.”
She dipped her chin in thanks, and then said, “Your mate’s old stuff is at your mother’s house, so you and Heather can decide what to do with it.”
I winced, remembering how I’d dumped all that stuff into this room and just never opened it again. This was after the incident where I rage-destroyed the bedroom.
Meeting Penelope had been so unexpected that I never cleared it out, nor did I stop to consider how she might feel about it. I was just catching up with what life threw at me, reacting to things instead of thinking ahead.
“ You are my mate, Penelope,” was all I managed to drum up in response.
“Could’ve fooled me,” she said in a sing-songy voice that was clearly meant to be mocking and tried leaving the nursery, but I blocked the door with my body.
“I know I’ve been an idiot, but that’s over now. You’ll see. I’ll show you who you are to me.”
That got a reaction out of her.
“I am just a warm body to you, that is who I am. I could have been anyone in the dark. You don’t even know me !” she spat as her chest heaved with anger, but I remained calm.
“I know you hum after your first sip of tea in the morning. I know you like to snack while reading your Nana’s letters, and you hold your breath during really good parts. You always fix people’s hair and straighten their clothes.”
She seemed momentarily flustered but recovered quickly.
“You had access to my thoughts and feelings for a long time, something was bound to stick.”
“None of this was in your head. I bet you never even realized you did these things.”
“Is there a point to this little exercise?” she pinned me with a cold glare.
“There isn’t. I’ll go talk to my mom downstairs. I’m guessing you sleep here?”
She nodded. I nodded back and went downstairs, where I found Mom putting away the leftovers in the fridge.
“How angry is she?” I asked.
Mom shook her head, “I always walked on eggshells around you, Dom.”
Penelope wasn’t the only one who was angry.
“I felt guilty for how I handled your Dad’s passing,” she looked at me sadly, and I clenched my jaw shut.
She shouldn’t be talking about that. Why mention Dad now?
“See? Right there? You still can’t talk about him. And that’s all my fault. I’d hoped finding your mate would heal that part of you, but then Cassie died, and I was even more at a loss for what to do with you.”
“Gee, Mom, you make it sound like I’m a basket case,” I frowned.
“No, not a basket case. To all the world, you seem a high-functioning, capable, strong male. But you’re emotionally shut down and have been for the longest time. And it might have damaged your mating beyond repair.”
The room started spinning. What the hell was she saying?
“Mom, I - ” I shut my eyes and tried to focus. “I will explain things to Penelope. She’ll understand.”
“ I don’t even understand!” she threw her hands up. “But I’m done handling you with kid gloves, done being afraid of triggering you or wounding you more than I already have.”
I remained silent. I was still mulling over what she’d said about my mating. She had to be wrong.
“I hope you manage to pull your head out of your ass before it’s too late, Dom.”
She patted me on the cheek and left.
That night, my wolf slept on the floor in front of the nursery. He wanted to be close to his family. Penelope must have felt his presence because, at some point, she let him in, and he cuddled up to her and his pup in bed. It was understood that he’d be leaving in the morning and that I was to stay away from them at night.
This was done only for her wolf, who couldn’t come out at this stage of pregnancy and who’d missed her mate. I was there with all of them, but I wasn’t. It felt like I’d been cut off from my own family. I’d messed up worse than I thought.