Chapter 24
“With the storm last night, I suspect a search for the woman will be pretty much useless,” Mr. Wilkins sighed.
Alaric nodded. It was the day after he had discovered the truth and they had searched for Oliver in the pouring rain. Alaric had lain awake most of the night, pondering the events.
His memories haunted him. The man he once was would never have made such a dangerous blunder; how had he failed to see the truth about the woman?
Perhaps if I had not been so blind, Catherine would have listened to her intuition, and this whole mess might have been avoided. He thought of the way Oliver had shaken in his arms, the whimpers he had made as he fell asleep.
Alaric’s eyes drifted upward in the direction of Catherine’s rooms, where he had left them both sleeping peacefully. Guards were stationed outside the doors, and he had given instructions for regular patrols around the estate.
“I am inclined to agree, Mr. Wilkins.” Alaric drummed his fingers on his desk. “You have had words from the farmers and stables—no horses are missing?”
“No, Your Grace. Though several carriages left from the village yesterday.”
“And there is a chance she was in one of them. Or she wants us to think that and has remained close by.” Think, Alaric. His mind turned to Catherine, to her wide eyes and the fear in her voice as she had called for Oliver. “We must treat her as an active threat.”
“She tried to kill a duke, Your Grace. Once she is apprehended, she will be sent to the gallows.”
“Until she is, we must proceed with caution.” Alaric ran a hand through his hair. “I want men at every entrance until she is located. No one is to enter or leave this place without inspection.”
“I shall see it done, Your Grace. I assure you, no one will let her get within ten feet of the estate.”
“It is not the estate I am worried about.” Alaric’s eyes drifted toward the ceiling once more.
“Of course.” Mr. Wilkins nodded sagely. “No one will let any harm come to the boy or Her Grace. And they have you to protect them as well.”
“While they are near me, I fear they are in danger. So long as there is a target on my back, there will be one on theirs as well.” Alaric rubbed his chest, feeling the tightness grow as cold filled his body.
“I will not risk them getting hurt by any attempt to get to me. We came dangerously close to that already.”
There was a knock at the door, and he looked over to see Catherine standing in the doorway. “May I come in?”
His heart sank, and he nodded. The scent of lavender followed her into the room, and he forced himself not to breathe deeply.
“Mr. Wilkins, you are dismissed. You know what you must do.” Alaric inclined his head toward the man who bowed low and left the room.
“Have you slept at all?” Catherine tilted her head toward him, her lips pursed. “I know that you are worried about the situation with Marina. I am too, but you need to take care of yourself as well.”
How is she still trying to look after me when my blindness could have seen her killed?
Alaric caught sight of her reaching toward him and shifted so that he was out of arm’s reach, walking from the desk to the study window.
He ignored the familiar invisible pull to Catherine; he could not indulge that side of himself.
His fingers twitched as he remembered the feel of her against him as they had returned to the castle the night before. “I rested a little. It was sufficient.”
“Alaric, you need more than a little rest. You spent hours in the rain yesterday, just look at you! You look... exhausted.” She took a step toward him.
He knew he should move out of reach, but he could not bring himself to. “You were in the storm as well.”
“I had not been poisoned the night before, and I have slept.” She folded her arms across her chest.
“I have too.” Alaric shrugged, the aches in his body reminding him of just how much of a lie the words were.
“I find that difficult to believe. You are wearing the exact same clothes you changed into when we returned yesterday, and the maids tell me you did not return to your chambers last night.” Catherine took another step toward him, her fingers twitching even as her hands remained folded across her chest. “We promised not to lie to one another.”
Guilt washed over him, and he swallowed, turning away from her piercing gaze. “Sleep eluded me, Catherine. I thought I might as well do something useful with my time.”
“One could argue that resting is a good use of one’s time.” Was that exasperation or amusement in her voice?
A part of him wanted to turn, to look at her, but every time he did, he had to fight the urge to pull her close, to breathe in the smell of her and growl his fury at the world. It was an indulgence he could not afford.
Alaric made a noncommittal noise and saw her frown deepen. “Mr. Wilkins and I were just discussing Marina. The hounds have been unable to pick up a scent, and though no horses are missing, several carriages left the village yesterday.”
“I feared that might be the case. She could be anywhere by now.” She perched on the end of his desk.
“Given she has tried to kill me twice, I suspect she has not gone too far. No doubt, she will not move until she knows I have.” He gritted his teeth.
“Twice?” Catherine’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“I told you of my suspicions about the carriage crash. I am convinced it was no accident, and that it was her hand behind it.” Alaric let out a long, low sigh.
“I do not like to think of the staff colluding with her, but I cannot rule it out. There are some whose loyalty is beyond question, and others… Well, I suppose every man has his price.”
Catherine shuddered and wrapped her arms more closely around herself. “It seems the list of who we can trust grows increasingly small.”
“It does.” Alaric realized he had taken a step toward her and hurriedly shifted his weight, moving toward the fire and tossing a log onto it. “How is Oliver?”
“He is a little shaken, but taking it well, all things considered.” She glanced upward and let her hands fall to her side.
The sunlight framed her face, making her seem like a work of art brought to life. He felt an urge to go to her, to brush the stray lock of hair behind her ear, and that terrified him. His voice was hoarse. “Children are often more resilient than we expect.”
“I wish he did not have to be so. Though I think you showing him those secret passages has helped him feel more secure. I suppose we should consider other measures while his mother remains on the loose.” Catherine’s lip curled in disgust at the word mother, as though it were the most unpleasant thing she could imagine.
“I have arranged staff to watch the doors, but there is still a chance she will slip through. If she changed her appearance enough or took advantage of a particularly busy time of day, she may yet sneak in.” The thought made his blood run cold.
I cannot keep them safe, not while they are here.
“And I suppose she does not even need to enter the castle to cause harm. She could hide in the forest or further away.” Catherine shuddered and placed her hand on Alaric’s desk.
“Bath is not safe. There is too much space here, too much I cannot see or control.” He drew in a deep breath and looked away from Catherine, not trusting himself to do what needed to be done while she looked at him with her intense gaze.
“You need to go to London at once, and to take Oliver too. I have asked Hale for the loan of one of his carriages—that should allow you to travel without attracting Marina’s attention. ”
Catherine nodded, a finger on her lips. “If we swap to another carriage halfway, that will help hide our trail . We could stay at the Fox and the Hound. I know the owner, and he is a discreet man. Though I think it best that we all remain in one room.”
“Catherine…” His heart sank.
She does not realize that she must go alone.
A part of him roared not to correct her. He could feel himself getting drawn into her excitement, feel the seductive pull of her words.
We could stay together.
“We should travel light— after all, we can buy more clothes in London, and that way, we might be able to throw that devil woman off our trail even more. Maybe we could also send carriages to some of our other properties!” Catherine’s eyes lit up, and she clapped her hands together.
Alaric’s chest felt as though a vice was closing tightly around it. He felt himself reaching toward her, felt his mouth quirking into a smile, and shook his head.
“I am sure we could ask one or more of Fiona’s brothers to put word out that we are staying at one of their estates up n orth.” Catherine took his hand in hers, and Alaric felt a rush of warmth spread through him. “We can do this. We can make this work!”
He wanted to go with her, but his father’s laughter echoed in his head.
‘You are just like me.’
“No.” He pulled himself out of her grip, his voice harsher than he had meant it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her recoil. “I cannot do this.”
He was breathing heavily, as though he had just run several miles. Catherine’s eyes were wide, and she had a hand on her chest. “What do you mean?”
“I am not coming with you.” His voice was heavy.
Catherine’s eyes narrowed, and she canted her head toward him, her shoulders tense. “If you want to travel separately, I suppose that makes sense. We could meet in London and– ”
“No, Catherine. I will remain here.” Alaric cut her off, willing a wall into place around his heart. I have to be strong. I have to do this for her. “Your plan is a good one, and it will make you and Oliver safer. It may even make me safer here, at least for a while.”
“But you will be vulnerable here, Alaric. You will be in danger. You still do not even have your memories back; you cannot expect me to abandon you.” She reached toward him, and he tore himself away, gripping the windowsill to keep from turning toward her.
“I remember everything.” The words were an angry hiss. “I have all my memories back. I know who I am.”
“When did this happen?”
“The night I was poisoned. Ironic really, the thing that was supposed to kill me has returned me to the man I was.”
The man I need to be—the man who would never have allowed this to happen.
“Why did you not tell me?” He heard an edge to Catherine’s voice, and he gripped the windowsill harder, not trusting himself to turn around and face her.
“There was no time.” He shrugged.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
“I am telling you now.”
Silence stretched between them, marred only by the sound of birds trilling in the garden. The warmth of the sun streaming through the window did nothing to shift the cold that Alaric was forcing around his heart.
I swore I would not be like him, that I would not be weak. I have to keep her safe.
He searched his memories, reaching for the cold, unfeeling duke he had been.
That was who he needed, that was who he was.
“Marina is cunning, and she is desperate. That is a dangerous combination. I have no idea where she is or when she might strike, but I am certain she will try to end my life again.”
“Which is why you must come with us!” He felt Catherine tug on his coat sleeve, and he turned to face her, losing the little semblance of control he still had.
“The only thing I must do is fulfill my duty. That is to keep you and Oliver safe. He is my brother, after all. I will not let him suffer for my father’s sins. It is not a burden he should have to carry. I am a man; I know how to bear the weight of such things.”
“You do not have to do this alone. Let me share the weight with you.” He saw Catherine’s fingers twitch toward him, felt his own muscles respond, eager to go to her, but he dug his nails into his palms, stopping himself.
“No.” His voice cracked out. “I stopped the payments, I caused this.”
“You could not have known this would happen. No one could.”
Yet I, too, have allowed myself to be undone by the beauty of a woman, and I will not allow it to ruin your life as well.
“I will not allow you to risk yourself by staying here. You will leave with Oliver.”
“I thought you would not give me orders.”
“Then do not make me.” Please. He took a step toward her, but kept his hands clasped tightly behind his back. “I will not beg you, that is not the sort of man I am. It will be better for both of us once you have left.”
You will be safe, and I will be able to think clearly.
He saw her turn from him, her fingers curled against her dress. There were several beats of silence, and then Catherine said, “I will leave then. I have no wish to make things harder for you. And I will take Oliver with me.”
“Thank you.” Alaric swallowed, seeing the tension in Catherine’s body. “As soon as I have sorted everything out and made the necessary arrangements, I will collect him. Since our father is dead, I should be able to act as his guardian. I will raise him in one of my estates up n orth.”
He thought he saw Catherine flinch, but he was sure he was mistaken. “We will go back to our separate lives.” Her words had an edge to them that he could not quite place.
Alaric nodded. “We will finally be free. And we can put all of this behind us as if it never happened.”
“Just pretend it never happened?” Catherine shook her head. “Is that what you want?”
“This was always the agreement.” Alaric turned away from her as he felt the weak, selfish part of him scream at him to go to her.
I cannot be that selfish. That I want to ask her to stay shows only that I am too weak to be trusted around her.
“There is no reason to change it.”
“Clearly not.” He heard a quaver in her voice. “I suppose this is farewell then.”
Alaric nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He heard the sound of footsteps, and then the door slammed shut.
It has to be this way.
This was the right thing to do. Catherine would be free to live her life; she could escape his selfishness and all the mess his father had left him with.
He rubbed at the scar on his head, poured himself a drink of whiskey, and closed his eyes.