Chapter Twenty-One
Hux is out for the night, so Colt and I are making full use of the free living room.
He’s stretched out at one end of the couch, and I’m lying with my head in his lap while he absentmindedly runs his fingers through my hair.
I now see why Hux is obsessed with this couch because I’m falling in love with it too.
It’s ridiculously comfortable, and with Colt humming along to the movie playing on the television, everything feels effortless, like it’s meant to be.
Then, the front door swings open. Laughter spills into the house—high-pitched, tipsy, and unmistakably feminine—followed by Hux’s voice bragging about some circus trick he can do.
Whatever the hell that means.
A moment later, they stumble into the living room, and Colt stiffens beneath me. Hux has his arms draped around two leggy blondes, both of whom stare at us like we don’t belong. Hux clocks my position, and I sit up, shifting beside Colt to make room.
Big mistake.
The blonde closest to me shoots a smug glance before squeezing herself between Hux and me, nudging me aside in the process.
Colt doesn’t hesitate. With an exaggerated roll of his eyes, he grips my hips and effortlessly lifts me onto his lap.
I let out a startled squeal, my hands flying to his shoulders for balance.
Blonde number one now has all the room she could ever want. But judging by the way her lips press into a thin line, she doesn’t seem too happy about it.
“So, who are you, and do you need to be here?” she says, locking eyes with me.
I freeze, caught off guard by her bluntness.
“That woman is practically my sister-in-law, so if you want to be here, then leave Dee alone. You got it?” Hux states, smiling at me.
Wow. I always thought Hux hated me.
His words land like a curveball, knocking me off balance. Suspicion flickers in my chest as I study his expression, searching for any hidden malice. But his smile, while not exactly warm, lacks the usual edge I’ve come to expect from him.
So, why is he being nice now?
The shift unsettles me. I’m not sure whether to trust it or brace for whatever game he’s playing.
“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” she says, pulling a small baggie from her cleavage.
Of course, it contains a white powder, and Hux smiles. He leans in, kissing her, then snatches the bag from her hand. I can’t cover my shock as she growls, pretending to be a dog, then giggles. Turning to look away, I notice blonde number two’s hand is heading in a direction I do not want to see.
Ew! This is too much.
Turning my attention to Colt, whose eyes are glassy and brows furrowed, I follow his line of sight, which is zeroed in on his brother.
Hux leans over, pulling the coffee table toward him, and empties what I am sure is cocaine onto its surface.
Uncomfortable with everything happening right before me, I lean into Colt’s chest. He’s breathing quickly, and his heart thumps rapidly with such force I can feel it against me.
I flip my gaze back to him. He’s eyeing the powder and roughly swallows like he has a lump in his throat. Nervous, I bite my bottom lip because I’m pretty sure the look of desire is burning in Colt’s eyes. It’s a look I don’t like when it’s not for me.
After Hux sorts the powder into three lines, he looks to Colt. “C’mon, bro. You know you want some?”
Colt’s hands grip my hips tighter.
“Hux, c’mon,” I plead. “Leave him alone.”
Colt looks at me, then back at the powder, his posture tense.
“Well, don’t say I didn’t offer.” Hux leans down and snorts a line, then rises from the table and quickly shakes his head from side to side, wiping under his nose.
When I look up at Colt, he’s clenching his teeth, his concentration unwavering like he’s deep in thought.
My focus is pulled to blonde number two, and I can’t help but follow her movement as she undoes the zipper on Hux’s jeans.
A shiver of disgust causes me to shudder, but it’s not enough to shift Colt’s attention away from the powder.
Unsure of where to look, my gaze bounces around the room and lands back on blonde number two, who has her hand completely inside Hux’s pants while he’s making out with blonde number one.
Even though I’ve been to several of their after-parties and should be used to this by now, I’m overwhelmed. This shit’s too intimate. “I’m going to bed,” I state. Everyone looks across at me as I stand abruptly. Turning, I look down at Colt, who stands, taking my hand.
“You sure you don’t want to join the party?” Hux asks, wiggling his eyebrows as blonde number two pulls his cock out of his pants and jerks him off.
“Holy…” I pour every ounce of emphasis into the next word, “SHIT!”
I turn away.
Colt huffs. “Jesus, Hux. You can’t wait till we leave the room?” He takes my hand, pulling me toward the stairs. His vice-like grip is so tight that my hand is turning white.
“Babe, you’re kinda squishing my fingers,” I tell him as we walk up the stairs toward our room.
He looks down and exhales, loosening his grip, but says nothing.
Colt opens the door and slams it shut behind us, kicking it with his foot and finally letting go of my hand. He’s quiet as he heads to the bed and sits on the edge, resting his elbows on his knees and putting his head in his hands.
Concerned and maybe a little confused, I stand at the side of the bed. I’m not sure if Colt’s angry about the drugs, the blondes, or not being able to join in on the party downstairs, and it makes me uneasy.
“Dee, I need you,” he murmurs, his voice barely more than a breath, his head still buried in his hands.
The raw sadness in his tone shatters my heart.
I sit beside him on the bed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, offering silent comfort.
Colt lifts his head, his gaze locking onto mine as he pulls me down with him.
He’s struggling.
And I have no idea how to help.
This is uncharted territory for me.
With a firm yet gentle motion, he shifts us back until we’re lying face to face. “I don’t know why today’s so different,” he whispers as he closes his eyes.
I’m confused as to what he’s talking about, so I ask, “Colt, babe, talk to me.” I bring my hand up to caress his cheek.
He nuzzles into my hand, and his eyes open, looking straight into mine. “I want to go downstairs and join the party, Dee!” I wince. “And it’s only the thought of hurting you stopping me.”
Holy. Freaking. Shit. I don’t just think it, I feel it, every syllable vibrating in my bones. But in my mind, it’s just one word that takes over… SHIT!
Is he admitting he wants to sleep with those trashy blonde birds downstairs?
My eyes burn with unshed tears as inadequacy seeps into my veins like poison. I’m not enough for him. I never was. Deep down, I always knew it. So why the hell did I let myself believe that maybe I could be?
I roll onto my back, my heart pounding against my ribs. A sharp exhale escapes me before I push up, sitting on the edge of the bed, bracing myself against the weight of reality.
“Baby, say something,” he says as tears start flowing down my cheeks. “Why are you crying?” Colt rubs my back, trying to comfort me, but it’s not working.
I’m stopping him from being who he wants to be.
From who he really is.
“I’ll never be enough for you, will I?” I ask, looking directly at him.
His brows furrow, and he shakes his head slightly as what appears to be a look of confusion crosses his face.
“If you want those girls, Colt, don’t let me stop you.” My voice is steady, but inside, I’m breaking. I push up from the bed, putting distance between us, crossing the room as if space can somehow dull the ache.
He looks at me with his head tilted. “What are you on about? Do you honestly think I want those sluts downstairs? God, no,” he replies, standing and walking over to me.
I cross my arms across my chest, holding myself in a way that’s become very familiar to me and something that concerns me.
“Is that what you thought I meant by that?” He takes my cheeks in his hands, forcing me to look at him.
“Isn’t it?”
“Fuck no, baby. I only want to be with you. No other woman compares to you.”
“Then what the hell do you mean that you want to join in the party downstairs if you don’t mean fucking brainless blonde bimbos number one and two?” I say louder than I intended.
He squeezes his eyes shut, then opens them, looking directly into my mine.
“I want to use again. I’m fighting the urge every time Hux comes home with that shit.
But that’s why I’m so grateful to have you here.
I wouldn’t be strong enough to resist it if you weren’t here with me.
You’re my savior, Dee, my angel, and I need you to help keep me on the straight and narrow,” he says.
My heart sinks through my body and spills out all over the floor. My eyes glaze over, and I don’t know if this revelation is better or worse than thinking he meant the girls.
“Baby, say something,” he pleads.
My eyes regain focus, and I look into his desperate eyes. “Colt, I…”
He grabs hold of my shoulders and pulls me to him, embracing me tightly. “I can’t lose you, Dee.”
“I’m not going anywhere, but I am worried about you.”
“I know. But knowing you’re here, I’ll be fine,” Colt reassures.
The thought of being his sole reason for sobriety unsettles me. I want him to stay clean because he wants to, not just for me. But if I’m the one he leans on for strength… how can I turn him away?
“Colt, I’ll help in any way I can. You know I love you and only want you to be happy.”
He kisses me hard, pushing me against the desk. Then he grabs my ass, lifts me on top of it, and moves between my open legs.
His mouth parts from mine. “Say it again,” he whispers, grinding his cock into me. “Tell me how you feel,” he pleads as his hands run up my skirt, pulling down my panties.
I smile even though he’s not looking at me. “I love you, Colt.”