Chapter Thirty-Two
Joseph helps me pack my bag faster than I’ve ever moved in my life. My hands shake as I grab whatever I can, stuffing it into my luggage without a second thought. There’s no time to think, no time to second-guess. Just move. Just go.
Across the room, Anna and Johnny are hunched over their phones, voices urgent as they scramble to book the earliest flights. Every second feels like a countdown.
“Dee, I’m so proud of you. But trust me, this is going to be hard.
Fighting for yourself is difficult enough, but fighting for both of you?
” Joseph exhales, his expression tight. “I just hope you’re strong enough, princess.
” His voice is gentle, but there’s a warning in his words, a quiet plea for me to be careful.
He disappears into the ensuite to grab my toiletries while I slip my tablets—including my antidepressants—into my handbag. My fingers linger on the bottles for a second too long. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I don’t even know if seeing me is what Colt wants—or what he needs.
But I do know one thing…
… I can’t let him keep spiraling.
Joseph walks back out and silently tucks my toiletries into my luggage as I fold my trusty pink and white pajamas and zip up the suitcase. When I look up, he’s already watching me.
We don’t say anything.
We don’t need to.
A moment passes between us, unspoken but heavy. He knows I have to do this. I know he’s terrified for me. But his support is unwavering.
Without a word, he picks up my luggage, takes my hand, and leads me downstairs—straight into whatever’s waiting for me.
“The taxi’s here,” Anna calls out as we make our way to the bottom of the stairs.
Danny walks in, looks at my luggage, and then at Johnny and Anna.
“Um… what’s going on?” he asks, coming over and pecking Joseph on the cheek.
“Dee is going to get her man,” Joseph replies.
Danny throws his hands up in the air and exhales loudly. “Well, thank the sweet Lord for that. It’s about frickin’ time,” he almost shouts, taking me in his arms.
Anna and Johnny chuckle as Danny manhandles me in a tight bear hug.
“Ah… Danny, I love you and all, but I need my lungs,” I say breathlessly.
He lets me go and holds me at arm’s length. “I’m proud of you, Dee. I’ve only known you for a while, but I’ve never seen anyone so miserable without their other half. You obviously belong with Colt, so go get him, and when you make up over and over again, take pictures,” he says with a smirk.
“Danny,” Joseph exclaims.
“What? It’s Colter freakin’ Slade, and Dee’s hot. Imagine the steamy makeup sex they’ll have. We totally need all the pics.”
“You need a cold shower,” Anna says with a laugh.
The cab honks, drawing our attention.
I turn to Joseph, and he looks at me lovingly. “You can do this. And remember, if you need me, just call. I love you, Dee,” he says, pulling me in for a hug. “Now get on that jet and fix this damn mess.”
I smile as he lets me go. “Thank you… both of you. For putting up with me. I can never tell you how much you both mean to me.”
They both nod and look toward the front door.
Oh shit! Suddenly, I’m beyond nervous.
Not only am I about to board a damn jet to face the wreckage of my past, but I am about to step outside for the first time in two months.
Two. Whole. Months.
I haven’t so much as touched the outside world in what feels like a lifetime.
And now? Now I’m about to throw myself headfirst into it—into him.
The thought alone sends a wave of nausea rolling through me.
My chest tightens, my fingers trembling as I clutch the strap of my handbag like it’s the only thing keeping me grounded.
I swallow hard, forcing air into my lungs as Anna and Johnny move toward the door, their steps easy, unbothered. Meanwhile, every step I take feels like walking toward the edge of a damn cliff.
Joseph, Danny, and I follow closely behind, but I’m not sure my legs will carry me all the way out.
The cab driver honks again.
Impatient dick!
Anna and Johnny step outside, but the second I reach the doorway, fear slams into me, hard and unforgiving.
Oh, fuck.
My chest tightens. My hands go clammy. My heart thunders against my ribs, my body screaming at me to turn back. To retreat. To stay where it’s safe.
I start to shut down.
Joseph leans in, his voice a steady whisper in my ear, “Just think… in a couple of hours, you’ll see Colt. Isn’t that worth walking out this door for?”
His words anchor me. I cling to them like a lifeline, my pulse still erratic but my resolve strengthening.
I inhale.
And with that breath, I take my first step into the land of the living again. The sun kisses my skin, warm and golden, and for the first time in forever, I tilt my face up and let it soak in. It’s a whisper of freedom. Of something normal. Something I thought I’d lost.
Then—
Honk!
I jolt, my heart nearly launching out of my chest as the cab blares its horn again.
Laughter ripples around me, and when I open my eyes, everyone is watching—smiling. Like they’re proud of me for simply walking outside. I manage a small, tentative smile back. Then, with another steadying breath, I step forward, one foot after the other, and head toward the waiting cab.
I’m nervous as hell.
Whether it’s the flight, seeing Colt, or the messy, painful mixture of both, my stomach is in knots, and my heart is lodged firmly in my throat. I say my final goodbyes to the boys, and before I know it, we’re pulling up to Heathrow Airport.
Johnny, of course, has managed to secure the band’s jet, which takes the edge off my nerves—slightly.
As soon as we board, Anna and I make our way to my usual spot in the back, while Johnny disappears into the office to make calls.
Tamara greets me warmly, pressing a tablet and a cold water bottle into my hand.
I blink up at her, swallowing thickly. That simple, unspoken kindness is everything right now.
And in that moment, I think I love her a little bit.
***
I’m jolted awake by the feeling of the jet touching down.
Even though I slept the whole way, it’s like Tamara’s tablet has suddenly evaporated from my system because those nerves are back with a vengeance.
“You ready?” Anna asks, taking my hand in hers while the ‘unfasten seatbelt’ sign flashes.
“No,” I reply honestly.
She undoes her belt and stands, holding her hand for me to take.
“Don’t worry, Johnny and I will be with you,” she says with a smile. “Thanks for coming. It means so much to all of us.”
Fear has me paralyzed.
I can’t speak, so I do the next best thing—smile and nod.
It doesn’t take long to get everything sorted, and now we’re in the Hummer, winding through the streets of Zurich toward the Rutherford Regent Hotel.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this physically ill in my life.
My stomach twists. My skin is clammy. Every breath feels too shallow, too sharp.
The thought of seeing Colt after so long—of facing whatever version of him exists now—sends my pulse into a frantic, erratic rhythm.
What if he’s not the same man anymore?
What if the drugs have taken over?
What if he looks at me and feels… nothing?
Anna must sense my fear because she takes my hand and doesn’t let go. Her grip is firm, steady, like she knows I’m on the verge of breaking.
The car is silent, thick with the weight of all the things we aren’t saying.
Because this could go so horribly wrong.
What if he’s happy snorting his way into oblivion?
What if he doesn’t want me back?
What if he won’t change, won’t fight for himself, for us?
And the worst one—the one I can’t even breathe past…
What if I came all this way for nothing?
I don’t take rejection well.
We all know that.
It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s woven into my bones, impossible to shake.
Lost in the storm of my thoughts, I don’t even register that we’ve stopped until the door swings open.
I blink up, my pulse hammering in my ears, as the driver stares at me with a blank expression.
Waiting.
Waiting for me to step out.
Waiting for me to face whatever’s on the other side.
“Dee?” Anna’s voice cuts through the fog, snapping me back to the present.
Right. Yes. Move.
I slide across the seat and step out of the car, my legs feeling like lead, shaky and unsteady beneath me.
The moment I look up, my stomach plummets.
The towering glass facade of the Rutherford Regent gleams under the Zurich sky, pristine and imposing—a stark contrast to the chaos swirling inside me.
This place should feel familiar. Safe.
But right now, it’s nothing but suffocating.
I’m so close to Colt.
Too close.
The fear slams into me first, sharp and unrelenting. Then, right on its heels, comes the excitement—fizzing, erratic, completely uncontrollable.
I don’t know which is worse.
Anna retakes my hand, her grip steady, grounding, and the only thing keeping me from completely unraveling.
We walk toward the entrance, my legs feeling like they’re made of stone.
My heart is a relentless drumbeat against my ribs, and I know my palm is slick with sweat against Anna’s, but she doesn’t say anything. She just holds on.
We step into the main foyer, and the cool, sterile air of Daddy’s hotel chain washes over me. It smells the same—lemon scented polished marble, faint traces of expensive cologne—but everything feels different. Unfamiliar.
Johnny strides to the reception desk, his movements quick and efficient. Too casual for the magnitude of what’s about to happen. He collects a key card for the penthouse suite, then requests another for the suite next door.
Colt’s suite.
The place he’s been holed up in. The place where, if things go right, we’ll be face to face, talking, trying to fix what shattered between us.
If things go right.
But if they don’t… I don’t let myself finish the thought.
Johnny walks over and nods. “You ready?”
I inhale sharply and bite my bottom lip.
Johnny turns and strides toward the elevators, his movements brisk, determined, like this is just another task to check off his list.