Chapter Twenty-Five
As soon as I swung into the saddle on Star’s back, a sense of peace and rightness descended on me. The Arabian was the horse I’d needed all my life. Although I’d read the horse classics as a kid, books like Black Beauty , Misty of Chincoteague , and The Black Stallion , I’d considered them fantasies. Dad had treated horses like every other working animal on the farm. They weren’t pets, they had to earn their keep.
The idea of keeping a horse to ride, an animal that served no other function, would be crazy to him.
Because I’d adored my father and took every bit of his teaching to heart, I’d treated animals the same way.
Until Star.
There was a connection with the horse that I’d never felt with any animal before. I’d never adopted a kitten or claimed one of the many dogs as mine like Liz and Diane had done. Part of it was the reality of ranch life. I didn’t want to come home one night and find out we were having Jenny-burgers for dinner.
Part of it was a strange reluctance to give myself totally over to anyone or anything.
I’d picked the worst time to change that attitude.
“You’re a good girl, Star,” I whispered, leaning over her withers and patting her neck. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Ready?” Rodrigo asked as he, too, swung into the saddle.
“Yep.”
Once again Antonia had packed a lunch. We were taking the path through the ranchlands that led to the preserve. The gentle clop of our horse’s hooves on the ground was soothing. My body swaying to the rhythm of the horse lulled me. I could almost sense that God was in his heaven and all was right with the world.
If I was being honest, it wasn’t only Star I was going to miss. Though I’d only known Rodrigo a short while, I’d become comfortable with him. There was an ease between us I’d never had with Michael. When we’d gotten the horses ready to ride this morning, there was no need for a lot of chatter. Our attention was on our horses, but the connection between us had still been there. Little things, like stepping to the shelf where the hoof pick was normally stored and having him hand it to me.
While we rode, we knew when to let our senses enjoy the sights, smells, and feel of being on a horse in beautiful country, and when to talk.
It was easy.
I wasn’t sure I’d experienced easy companionship ever before in my life. My relationships with my sisters were sometimes heavy with baggage from the past. As time had worn on between Michael and me, we’d gone in our own directions. There was a rhythm to our daily lives, but it was always underlined with tension.
It wasn’t this.
I smiled without effort. All around me, I could see the buds of the trees beginning to form, months earlier than they’d even think about it in Montana. Songbirds flitted around, on their way from wherever they spent the deepest part of winter to their nesting regions farther north. Even the smell of spring was in the air, that seductive combination of new grass and warm earth.
What if I did come back down in the summer? Or better yet, what if he came to Montana?
Where would I put him? I wasn’t ready to share my bed, even if I did put aside my lifelong belief about sex belonging within the confines of a marriage.
The sexual revolution had passed me by long before I was born.
“Heavy thoughts?” Rodrigo asked.
“Not really,” I said, unsure if that were true or not. “Just appreciating the day.”
“It is a glorious one,” he said. “This is the time of year I appreciate Texas the most.”
“Spring in any place is glorious,” I said. “All that new birth and life.”
“I wonder what it would be like to have a year of spring.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Travel to places that are experiencing spring. Move slowly north as the season travels to the northern reaches of Canada, then pick up again in the Southern Hemisphere as the season begins down there.”
“That sounds fun when you talk about it, but having been on the road for over half a year, I’m not ready to do anything except stay home.”
“You’re right,” he said. “It does sound like fun, but the reality would defeat me. I like the steadiness of living here, seeing what my family has built, and watching the new generation take over.” He shook his head. “Although that isn’t as easy as I’d hoped it would be.”
“What do you mean?”
“Every time Juan wants to change something, I’m resistant. Of course, my father was the same with me. I’d get a lecture about how the family had been running this ranch for centuries, and he knew what worked. It was tough to convince him the world was evolving and sometimes change was good.”
“These days it seems like the world is changing at a dizzying speed,” I said.
“Technology is taking over everything,” he said. “Even things that are better left alone. Next thing you know they’re going to put chips in us to fix what someone thinks is wrong with us. Our differences, which I believe are our greatest strengths as people, will be lost.”
“I agree with you,” I said. “Seems to me we lose more every day in our rush to be faster and more in control of everything. There’s nothing like sitting on a back porch and watching the sun set.”
“No,” he said. “Especially if you are sitting there with someone you love.”
There was nothing I could say. I didn’t think I loved him. But I wasn’t sure. Sometimes I thought I had no firmer grasp of what love was than I did when I was sixteen.
He seemed to grasp that I was done talking and moved his horse back ahead of mine. Soon we were riding through an open field at a slow canter, a gait that blew the wind through my hair and pumped up my heart rate as I used my muscles to maintain the horse’s rhythm.
We settled down for lunch in the meadow we’d used before, not too far from a stream that was fuller than it had been. There were no mountains nearby. How far had that water had to travel before it reached the part where it flowed in front of us?
Not unlike the lives Rodrigo and I had had to live before we reached this exact moment in time together.
I watched him as he unloaded our picnic. There was economy in his movements, a man used to physical labor and how his body worked. As I waited, I realized my body was sending messages of awareness to my atrophied brain. My breasts tightened and warmth rushed to my abdomen. There was a flush to my skin.
Was I aroused?
It was such an alien feeling I almost laughed aloud.
But like a loose tooth that my tongue could never leave alone, I kept staring at the man. I tormented myself by remembering his kiss and wondering what his work-roughened hands would feel like on my most intimate places. I tried to remember my flesh as it once was, not the soft sagging that aging had brought to my shape.
At some point he looked up and caught me.
My cheeks flamed, and I quickly looked away.
“Hungry?” he asked in a way that clearly played on the double entendre.
“I’m always ready to eat whatever Antonia dishes up.”
His grin was mischievous. “Nothing else?” he asked.
“Not at all.”
“Liar,” he said and leaned over to kiss me. He took his time with it, his lips exploring in a way that hinted at more pleasures that could be had.
It took all my strength not to wrap my arms around him and pull him down on top of me. Never had I felt so wanton, so ready to ignore everything I’d been taught in order to be satisfied in a way I never had been.
Finally, he released me.
“Well,” he said. “That was interesting.”
I lost the battle to ignore the statement.
“Why?”
“Because there was a lot more heat in that kiss than there’s ever been before,” he said. “You’ve always been in control, and I think it just slipped a little there.”
“Everything’s still the same,” I declared.
“If you say so.” He handed me a plate.
I picked through the offerings Antonia had sent, knowing everything would be delicious. It was only after we both had our plates full that I decided to respond to his comment truthfully.
“Okay. Yes. Something changed,” I said. “But I’m not ready to put a name to it.”
“Fair enough,” he said.
“I don’t do flings. I’ve been with one man my entire life. All of this is alien territory to me.”
“While I did have relationships before and after my marriage,” he said. “I was faithful to my wife, so I understand.”
Were you? I wanted to ask. Trixie Lynn’s rumor was still digging at me. But there were other things to discuss. Things that didn’t descend so rapidly into perilous emotional waters.
He propped himself up on one arm and plopped a grape into his mouth. Once he’d swallowed, he said, “I’ve just bought another horse. ”
“Really? Arabian?”
“Yes. A yearling. Barely trained, but he has a good bloodline. I’m thinking of breeding him to Star.”
“Poor Star. Being pregnant is so hard.”
“Yes, but then we’ll have a beautiful little foal. I’ll even let you name it.” His expression became serious. “Let me tell you what I dream about when I’m drifting off to sleep.”
“Sure.”
“As hard as it is for me, Juan’s going to take over the ranch. He’ll move into the big house with his family. It’s only fair. I’ll spend some money renovating the house he and his family have been using, and then move in there.” He smiled at me. “There’s plenty of room for two. Even two full bathrooms so you can have one all to yourself.”
“I—”
“Antonia mentioned how much you liked her nice, clean bathrooms.”
“Traitor.”
“I just reminded her of who pays her.”
I laughed.
“Anyway, I want to concentrate on raising and breeding Arabians. It will give me something to learn. Life is always enhanced by something new, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” I said, wondering what new things I could learn during Butte’s winters.
“Not running the ranch would give me more time.” He looked at me. “More time to see if I could convince the woman I care for to stick around. I could also live in Montana part of the year if that would sweeten the deal for her.
“We could make it work, Kathleen. If you’re willing to try, that is.”
My heart stirred again.
All my common-sense arguments railed against the idea of doing anything with this man.
But in affairs of the heart, common sense rarely wins over love.
“Let me think about it,” I said.
“That’s all I can ask,” he said.
I asked him to tell me more about the new horse while we cleaned up.
Before we got back on our horses, we took a walk to the stream and indulged in more physical exploration.
I was really getting to enjoy this kissing stuff.