Chapter Twenty-Six
“A night of bingo sounds like fun,” Diane said.
“It does!” Liz agreed. “It’s been so long since I’ve played.”
“I don’t think I’ve done bingo since we were kids,” Diane said. “Remember we got a set one Christmas? Mom would call out numbers while she did the ironing.”
“I think she made them up,” Liz said.
As I listened, I was mystified. I didn’t remember bingo at all.
“We had to use pennies then,” Diane said.
“Didn’t Kathleen swallow one?” Liz asked.
No wonder I didn’t remember.
“Um … I think so.”
The pair of them turned to glare at me.
“What?” I asked. “I don’t remember any of it. If I swallowed a penny, I seem to have survived.”
“Yes, but Mom didn’t let us play as much after that,” Liz complained.
“It was hard enough for her to iron and call out numbers. But you were into everything when you were little.”
“Yeah, we had locks on every cabinet you could reach,” Diane added.
“I had to do that for Megan,” I remembered.
“Serves you right,” Liz said.
“I was a kid. You can’t be seriously holding a grudge this long.”
Diane and Liz looked at each other.
“We’ll let it go if you let us come with you tonight,” Liz said.
“As long as you promise not to swallow anything,” Diane added.
“I think they use dabbers now,” Liz said. “You know, those magic marker thingies.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Rodrigo invited me,” I said. “I don’t remember him asking you two as well.”
“He’ll be delighted,” Liz said. “He likes us.”
“Yes. I promise we won’t horn in on your date,” Diane added.
“It’s not a date.”
“And the Pope’s not Catholic,” Liz said .
“It’s a free country,” I said with a shrug. “If you want to go to bingo, go to bingo.”
“Is he picking you up?” Diane asked.
“No. Like I said, it’s not a date.”
“R-i-i-ght,” my sisters chorused.
Truthfully, I was a little relieved they were coming. I was nervous about going. For the last few nights I’d been having nightmares, reliving the arguments I’d had with Michael, my stomach dropping with despair at the memories of our ever-dwindling bank account.
If my sisters were there, I could pretend it was all in fun. Rodrigo had promised he didn’t take gambling seriously, but bingo is where Michael had gotten the bug.
My late husband had gotten a real high out of winning. It was losing he couldn’t take. He’d get angry, blaming the casinos for cheating him, then yell at me for not being more supportive. Once he’d come close to hitting me, but something in my face must have stopped him.
If he’d followed through, I would have left.
At least that’s what I told myself. I’d never had to make the decision.
With a flurry of activity, we got ready and were out the door in time to get to the church at six.
Rodrigo was waiting for me.
“I’m so happy you all decided to come!” he said with enthusiasm.
“Oh, we’re not here to horn in,” Liz told him. “We’ll sit somewhere else.”
“Nonsense,” he said. “You’re family and family sticks together.”
Diane gave me a knowing glance.
After checking to see if anyone else was looking, I stuck my tongue out at her.
She shook her head with a smile.
We paid our money and got our cards. Rodrigo handed out dabbers, and we managed to find four seats together.
“I feel a winning streak tonight,” he said.
I nodded, biting back the fear that statement brought up.
He chatted with Liz and Diane, not appearing to notice how quiet I was.
I could get through this. Rodrigo wasn’t Michael. He couldn’t have built a successful ranch if he had a gambling problem.
Or maybe he was just good at it, like Rhett Butler.
The caller got our attention and the games began. I tried to get into the spirit of the thing, and a few times I almost faked myself out enough to enjoy the game. But then a new wave of angst would wash over me, and I’d be pulled back into memories of the past.
Liz won the first game.
During the second game, I noticed Trixie Lynn. She spotted me about the same time and gave me an expression of disapproval.
I looked back down at my card.
“You missed one,” Rodrigo said, pointing.
“Oh, yeah.” I dabbed absently.
A moment later, he shouted, “Bingo!”
I dropped my dabber, and it clattered to the floor.
As we waited for the card to be checked, I attempted to retrieve it, bending myself into a pretzel shape to get between the chairs and under the table, giving my neighbors an unasked for view of my large bum.
How did I get myself into these situations? Or was it the O’Sullivan curse? Diane kept falling into water when she was going out with Joe. Even Liz had fallen into a pond.
Since I’d yet to take a water-logged tumble, maybe it wasn’t true love with Rodrigo.
“Ow!” I banged my head on the table.
“What are you doing under there?” Rodrigo asked.
“Dabber.” I held it up triumphantly as I emerged, red-faced, from under the table.
“I had extras,” he said.
“No need.”
“Okay,” he said. “Everything okay?”
“Just dandy.”
The next game began. As the numbers were called with no winner, tension ramped up in the room.
Finally, Rodrigo yelled, “Bingo!”
Again?
This time I held onto my dabber.
“I like winning,” he said, after his card had been checked. “I could get used to it.”
My chest tightened. All I could do was nod.
A few more games went by. Diane won once, as did Trixie Lynn.
Then Rodrigo won again.
With that game, we were out of cards, which was a relief.
“Guess that’s it,” I said.
“It doesn’t have to be,” Rodrigo said. “We’re having so much fun. And I’m on a winning streak. Let me get us a few more cards. ”
“Um …”
“C’mon, Kathleen,” Liz said. “Don’t be a spoilsport.”
It was my fault for never telling my sisters what had happened with Michael and me. Like them, I’d kept my damned secret to myself, and now I was paying for it.
“Sure,” I said, caving. “But only a few.”
“Bueno!” Rodrigo said and went to get the cards.
Diane inspected me. “You okay?”
“Sure. Just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
Liz examined me. “You do look tired. Don’t get sick now. We’ve got traveling to do, and we need our driver.”
Rodrigo returned with the cards and his luck continued to hold as he won two out of the next three games.
My stomach became more and more nauseous.
Finally, we were out of cards.
“We have to go,” I said, standing up with relief.
“If you must,” Rodrigo said, standing as well.
Was that the gleam of winning in his eyes? Or was I imagining things?
He walked us out. Diane and Liz went on ahead to the car.
“Can I make you dinner on Friday night?” he said. “Our time together is short, and I must work harder at convincing you to come back when summer is done.” He smiled. “Or maybe I can come to Montana to see you?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “There’s a lot of work to do to get ready.”
“But you have to eat,” he said.
“I … yes … but …” The fear I’d felt in the church hall lingered.
“What’s wrong?” he asked gently. “All evening I’ve felt like there’s been something bothering you. Is it something I’ve done? Tell me. We can only fix it if you tell me what it is.”
This was my chance to come clean. He was right. I knew it. Maybe I was only imagining things.
But if I told him, I’d have to admit my failure as a wife. My husband had strayed, not with another woman, unless you believed luck was a lady. But he’d been unfulfilled in some way, so he’d gone looking for the answers in a casino hall, no different from someone who searches for wisdom in the bottom of a bottle.
And as soon as Rodrigo realized what I’d lived with, how our hardscrabble ranch had remained that way because of Michael’s gambling, and I’d done nothing about it, Rodrigo wouldn’t want anything else to do with me .
I shook my head.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said. “I’ll get back to you about dinner.” I took a step away, then remembered my manners. “Thank you for suggesting this. It was fun.”
Even I could tell I was lying.
“Goodnight,” he said, taking my hand and kissing me lightly on the cheek. “We’ll talk soon, okay?”
“Sure,” I said. “Good night.” With an incomplete smile, I extracted my hand and went to join my sisters.
~ ~ ~
Liz and Diane had kept up a constant chatter as we drove home, for which I was grateful.
It was only when we got home that they turned on me.
“What is up with you?” Diane asked.
“Yes, you’ve been downright weird all night,” Liz concurred.
“I told you. I’m tired. That’s all.”
“That is so not all,” Liz said. “Remember me? I’ve lived in your general vicinity for most of our lives.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.
“Something tells me you need to do just that,” Diane said.
“You’re not my therapist.”
“Maybe you need one.”
“Take care of your own business!” I tossed my purse on the couch, not caring that Diane would have to move it before she made up her bed for the night.
“Whoa,” Liz said. “Wait a minute. I don’t know what’s up, but we’re only trying to help. Obviously, something was bothering you tonight, something major.” She cocked her head. “Does this go back to whatever you aren’t telling us about Michael?”
I was too frightened to tell them. The same litany of reasons I’d gone through with Rodrigo ran through my head. True, they wouldn’t leave me in the lurch. They were my sisters.
And Liz’s secrets had been far bigger than my own.
I should tell them.
They stood there, expectant.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
A lifetime of keeping quiet was a habit that was too hard to break.
“Goodnight,” I finally squawked out. “Thanks for coming with me. It was fun. ”
I walked to the back bedroom and closed the door firmly behind me.
Then I lay down on the bed without bothering to get undressed.
What a mess.
I’d really begun to think there might be something with Rodrigo. I’d let myself hope that I’d get a second chance at this love stuff. I could see us together, growing old, watching sunsets on a porch in Montana or a patio in Texas, or maybe even on a beach in Hawaii.
God, how I wanted to experience that deep connection before I died.
But was it even possible for me? Diane and Liz provided good examples, but I didn’t have faith enough I could turn away from the pain of the past to reach for a better future.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
I was paralyzed. As I lay there, I sent out a prayer to Mother Mary to guide me.
Then I got back up and got ready for bed, wiping away my tears as I did so.