16. Scarlett
Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. No. No. No.
I was trembling, my legs felt weak, and I couldn’t catch my breath. Two blue lines. Two blue fucking lines. The weight of those two little lines was like a leaden cloak, pressing down on me as I gulped in air, trying to steady my shaking hands. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes wide with a mix of shock and rising panic. I couldn’t be... but there it was, stark and undeniable. Pregnant. Jesus fucking Christ.
Don’t freak out. Just…don’t freak out. Get out of the bathroom. Finish getting ready. Go to work. Just like a normal day.
It was all I could do, so that’s what I did.
I forced myself into action, my hands shaking as I shoved the second pregnancy test into my pocket. Then I applied a quick layer of makeup, trying to mask the terror that I was sure was etched into my skin. My clothes felt strange against my body, too tight, too restrictive. Every movement was a reminder of the secret I now carried with me. Talk about dramatic, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
The world seemed to blur at the edges as I hurried to my car, the sound of my heels on the pavement echoing the frantic rhythm of my heart. I couldn’t think about this now. I just needed to get through the day. Work. Deadlines. Meetings. Anything but this. Pregnant. The word reverberated in my mind, a relentless echo that drowned out the morning traffic, the sound of my favorite playlist, the voice of reason that was trying to tell me everything would be okay. But as I drove towards the office, one thought rose to the surface of my mind: my life was about to change forever.
I burst through the office doors with forced enthusiasm, “Good morning, Alice!” I chirped with an exaggerated brightness that made the receptionist jump.
Alice’s head snapped up, her eyes wide behind her glasses. “Oh! Good morning, Scarlett,” she replied, frowning slightly, like she didn’t quite know what to make of my forceful greeting. Me either, Alice.
I flashed her a tight smile, hoping it didn’t look as strained as it felt. My heart was still pounding from the discovery in my bathroom, the little plastic test burning a hole in my pocket. I had to act normal, like everything was fine. Absolutely, perfectly, fine.
Forcing myself to act casual, I smoothed my skirt and made my way to my office, resisting the urge to gnaw my lip raw. Just another day at the office. Reports, meetings, conference calls - the usual chaos to distract me from the tiny life-changing bombshell weighing me down.
One foot in front of the other. Deep breaths. I could do this. I had to do this. At least for the next eight hours, I could be Scarlett Wright, top environmental lawyer, and not Scarlett Wright, an unexpectedly pregnant woman trying not to have a meltdown.
I closed the door, leaning back against it, squeezing my eyes shut.
“You’ve got this,” I muttered under my breath, the mantra feeling more like a desperate plea than a reassurance. “You’ve totally got this.”
I did not, in fact, have this. My office felt tiny and airless. I needed to talk to someone.
I dragged the door open again, my knuckles white from gripping the handle too tightly. Screw trying to act normal - I needed Cassidy. With quick strides, I crossed the hall to her office, not even bothering to knock before barging inside.
Cassidy’s head snapped up, her eyebrows raised in surprise. One look at my face and she was on her feet. “What’s the matter?”
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. How did I even begin to explain? Sucking in a shaky breath, I pulled the positive pregnancy test from my pocket and thrust it towards her with a shaking hand.
Cassidy’s eyes widened as she stared at it. “Oh... oh, shit.” She raised her eyes back to my face. “Are you sure? I mean, have you taken another one?”
Nodding mutely, I squeezed my eyes shut as I willed myself not to cry. Get it together, Wright. “There was another one this morning,” I managed in a hoarse whisper. “Both positive.”
Cassidy’s expression was a mixture of concern and calm reassurance. Exactly what I needed. “Hey, breathe, okay? This is... huge news. But it’ll be alright.”
I barked out a shaky laugh, raking my fingers through my hair. “Will it? Cass, this was not part of the plan. I don’t even know what to think. What to do.”
“Plans change, I guess,” Cassidy said simply, holding my gaze steadily. “And as for what to do…First up, I guess you should make a doctor’s appointment and be sure that everything’s on the up and up before you let Rhett know.”
Fuck. Double fuck. Triple fuck. There actually weren’t enough fucks for this absolute clusterfuck. Rhett Rivers. Baby daddy. It was too much to think about.
“Whatever happens, whatever you decide, everything’s going to be all right.”
God, she was so soothing. So calm. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes and I blinked rapidly, willing them not to fall. “You think?”
“I do. Take a seat. I’m going to make us some tea. Then we’re going to look around for a good doctor for you.”
I plonked into the chair. “I’m freaking the fuck out.”
“I know it.” She rubbed my shoulder as she moved by me. “We’ll figure this out, okay? One step at a time.”
Nodding, I let out a long, shuddering breath, the knot in my chest loosening slightly. Cassidy was right - I could do this. Somehow, I’d make it work. “Thanks, Cass. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”