42. Rhett
My condo felt cramped and lifeless. I was already four bottles into a six-pack of beer, slouched on my couch in the dark. Fucking loser. All I could think about was Scarlett, of reaching out to her, of explaining why I’d bolted and begging her to give me a chance. But the words stuck in my throat, and I had no idea how to start. The silence and isolation were deafening, leaving me feeling all alone and unsure of what to do next. Fuck.
My phone pinged and you bet my pulse leaped, thinking it might be from Scarlett. Grabbing it, I stared at the screen blearily. Not Scarlett. Dammit.
Gray: We’re downstairs. Come down for dinner.
I arched my brow. Firstly, what were they doing in Wolfe’s condo in Raleigh, instead of their little love nests in Esperance?
Secondly, why the fuck would they want me there?
Thirdly, how the fuck did he know I was back?
Me: Not in the mood. Fuck off.
Gray: Stef’s on her way up to get you.
Jesus Christ.
Me: I’m coming.
As I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for Wolfe’s floor, I dragged in a breath, steeling myself for the onslaught of questions that I knew were coming. Where have you been? Why did you just take off without a word? Why had Scarlett mentioned to Stef that you were away for work, when that was an outright lie? I wasn’t exactly looking forward to that conversation.
Fuck it. I was a grown assed man; I could do whatever I wanted.
Shaking my head, I stepped out of the elevator and straight into Wolfe’s condo. It looked like everyone was having a whale of a time. Esme and Stef were sitting in the living room with the kids, watching a movie on the big screen. Wolfe and Grayson were in the kitchen, cooking something amazing, from what my nose could tell.
Everyone looked way too fucking happy for my current state of mind.
“Well, well, if it isn’t the prodigal brother returning,” Grayson said without turning around. Leading with some snark. Great.
“Fuck off.” I grabbed a beer from the fridge and leaned back against the counter. “Didn’t realize I needed permission to take a vacation these days.”
Wolfe shot me a look over his shoulder. “A vacation is one thing, Rhett. Dropping off the face of the earth with no word is another.”
Popping the cap off my beer, I took a long pull. The cool liquid did fuck all to settle the unease churning in my gut.
“Just needed some space,” I mumbled, refusing to meet Grayson’s gaze.
His scowl deepened. “Space from what? You think you can just walk away from your obligations?”
“That’s me. That’s what I always do, right?”
“Woah!” Wolfe shot me a look. “What brought this on?”
Another pull on my beer and I still couldn’t look at my brother as I said, “Scarlett and the twins… they deserve so much more than I can give them. I’m just not the man they need me to be.” Holy Jesus fuck. Fucking hell. Fuck. I hadn’t planned on saying anything to either of them about Scarlett, but I guess since she was always at the very front of my mind these days, it just came flooding out. Right now, I was seriously regretting the beer I’d already downed, and the fact that it seemed to have removed my filter.
Wolfe turned the stove down, letting the spaghetti sauce simmer, and leaned against the counter, folding his arms across his chest. “I think what you’re feeling is perfectly normal, but not necessarily true.”
Okay, so wisdom from my baby brother was a little unexpected, but alright, I’ll play along. “Elaborate.”
“I would imagine that most people are afraid of being able to live up to the huge responsibility of parenthood. It takes a lot of work and effort. I mean, be honest, who would have thought I’d be father material to those four kids before I met Esme?” He tilted his head toward the living room.
“Yeah, not me.”
“Me either,” Grayson agreed.
“Exactly. And don’t get me wrong. It’s damn hard work and most days, I feel like I’m barely measuring up. But the kids, and Esme, are so worth it. And sure, it’s terrifying as hell, but that just means you care. Also, you’re not in this alone, you know. We’re here for you, man.”
The self-deprecation was clear in my voice when I scoffed. “Since when have the Rivers brothers ever needed help with anything?”
Grayson chuckled dryly. “Since one of us decided to knock up an environmental lawyer and send his life into a tailspin.”
I couldn’t help but crack a wry smile at that. “Yeah, well, I never claimed to be the smart one.”
Before I could say anything else, Stef strolled into the kitchen, grabbed a drink from the fridge and went straight to Grayson, leaning back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her as she snuggled right in. “Hey you,” she murmured, tilting her head back to look up at him, her brown eyes sparkling. My brother absolutely melted, like a giant fucking marshmallow over a campfire. Blech. “It’s very serious in here. What are we talking about?”
“Rhett’s in love with Scarlett, but he’s too chicken shit to do anything about it.”
I stared at Wolfe for a long moment. “Who said anything about love?”
“You did.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Well, not out loud.”
“Jesus fuck, when did you get so smart?”
“He’s not that smart. Everyone knows.” Stef took a swig of her drink, then shot me a smug smile. “You’re not Mr. Mysterious, in case you were wondering. I just gotta say, though, you and Scarlett getting together is awesome. I’m totally here for it.”
“Yeah, well…” This was all getting a bit much.
“Well, what? What’s the problem? Scarlett’s a catch. And way out of your league.”
I winced at that, because yeah, the truth hurts.
“Oooh, like that, is it?”
“Fuck off.” I guess I was an open book these days. One with extra-large font.
“Oh please, Rhett, spare us the pity party. You’re a great catch too, and it’s dumb to pretend otherwise.”
“That’s just it, though. I’m not pretending. Scarlett is way out of my league. She’s a hundred times the person I could ever hope to be. There’s no way I can live up to that, or be the man she needs me to be. She deserves so much more.”
“What is it with you men and your dumb ideas?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, no, I’m gonna be such a crap dad, coz I’m just so useless.”
“I don’t sound like that.”
“Shush. I’m not done. This is your come to Jesus talk, because even though you’re a total loser, I love you to pieces. Plus, I want Scarlett to be my sister. So here goes. Scarlett has been through more emotional turmoil in the past six months than anyone should ever have to deal with.” Holding up her hand, she started counting off on her fingers. “First, banging you. I mean, what a trauma. Then, falling pregnant. Then, finding out it’s twins. Then, finding out they have a rare disorder. Then, finding out the cure requires her to find her birth family. Then, all the stuff with meeting the family, the fallout from her adoptive family. All the while, growing two humans from scratch. It’s a lot, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And who was the one person who absolutely stood by her through every moment of it? Who got all the shit done that needed to get done? Who held her when she cried? Who pulled her back from the brink of breakdown? The one person she could rely on who never let her down, not once? You look like a guppy fish, staring at me like that.”
I snapped my mouth shut as my heart rate picked up.
“I mean you, dumbass. Just so we’re perfectly clear.”
Stef was not the kind of person to give you empty platitudes or say stuff she didn’t mean. “Uh, right. Okay. Thanks for saying that.”
“No problem.”
Grayson leaned down and pressed a kiss into Stef’s hair. “Christ, I adore you.”
“Of course you do. Is that spaghetti sauce nearly done? I’m starving.”
Wolfe grinned at her. “Yep. I’m just about to serve. You wanna let Esme know?”
“Sure thing.” Stef rounded the counter and, on her way back to the living room, stopped long enough to drape her arm over my shoulder and kiss me on the cheek. “You got this.”
As we all sat down to dinner, past me would have thrown up at how perfectly sweet and happy everyone looked.
Grayson pulled Stef close, nuzzling her affectionately before sitting. Wolfe kissed Esme, and the way she smiled at him made me look away. Esme’s youngest sister, Belle, insisted on sitting next to Grayson so she could tell him all about her art class. And Wolfe chatted with the older kids about their upcoming trip to Africa. It was all very wholesome.
I had convinced myself I didn’t need those emotional ties, that I wanted to live my life footloose and fancy free. But watching my brothers, I realized those “burdens” were actually what life was all about- of loving and being loved.
I was pretty quiet through the rest of dinner, giving myself a chance to actually imagine a future with Scarlett. The bone deep longing I felt for the picture in my mind had me all het up. I even thought about going to her right away to tell her. The idea hit me so hard I was halfway out of my chair before I stopped myself.
No, I was going to do this right. I was going to do it properly. I was going to show Scarlett exactly how much she meant to me, in terms she couldn’t doubt.
Once everyone had finished eating, I stood up and helped clear the plates.
“All good?” Grayson asked quietly, joining me in the kitchen.
“Uh, yeah, I think so. But I’m going to need a favor.”
“Name it.”