15. Veronica
I close my journal as quickly as I can when I realize Edith is approaching me. No one can see the things that I write here. Not even Leo.
It would give away everything I am working towards, and then there is the fact that I have written about the filthy thing that took place during one of our sessions.
Once I clicked the little button on the top of the pen, causing the tip to disappear, Edith sat on the couch. She only makes it a point to spend time with me when she wants something.
I hold my gaze on the journal sitting in my lap for a moment longer before I finally lift my eyes to see her mindlessly glancing around the room as if this is her first time here.
When she meets my stare, I narrow my eyes at her in a dumb attempt to scare her away, but it’s Edith. My death glare won’t work on the old woman.
Nothing seems to scare her. She told me she started at Black Lake as a nurse around 30 years ago. Edith has been working for the facility for decades, so who knows the insane things she has seen. Whatever she witnessed in the past must have strengthened her skin.
“Don’t look at me like that, Veronica,” she demands with a shake of her head. “You don’t scare me.”
“What do you want, Edith?” My bored tone is on full display, my eyes rounding out as I give up on the intimidating look. “Can’t you see I am busy?”
I hold up the journal in the air, gesturing that I was in the middle of writing before she rudely interrupted me. Her eyes scan the cover, where there are little drawings that I’ve already made with the silver sharpie, and then she says, “I see Dr. Madden gave you the new journal.”
I inhale a sharp breath before allowing the booklet to fall back into my lap. “Yes. Even though I didn’t ask him for one, he ruined the last book, which means this...” I tap the binding of the book, “was his way of apologizing.”
“I see.”
“What was the reason for your interruption?” I question when my eyes meet hers again.
“There is a… well, it’s sort of an event tonight for the patients and I think?—”
“Pass,” I deny her invitation before she can even finish the offer.
“Veronica, you have no idea what I was going to say.” She exhales a frustrated breath.
“You were going to suggest that I go to this event when you know I’d much rather be alone.” I begin to tell her. “You were also probably going to say that being around the other patients would benefit me. Am I wrong?”
A breath of defeat slips past her lips.
“That’s what I thought. Why won’t all of you learn that I am better off by myself?”
“I understand, I do.” Edith flashes an empathic look my way. “I was going to say those things, but you are missing something.”
“What?” I sneer.
“Dr. Bennett insists you show up.”
Why must that man be this way? And why do I have to feel the need to do everything he says? It’s not because he is in charge of this awful place. I could not care less about his position of authority, but I do these things so that he will get off my back.
Now, it seems I have to stop giving in because it isn’t working out in my favor. They keep asking me back to these stupid gatherings, and I only have it in me to agree to a few occasions.
That time is about up.
“I’ll think about it,” I lie, standing from my seat. I tuck the journal safely at my side.
“That’s all I ask.” Edith smiles sweetly, the lie passing right over her head, and joins me on my exit from the common room.
I can sense him as soon as we step foot in the hall. I’m not sure how. His strong presence? Maybe I’ve become accustomed to his scent and can smell him when he is nearby.
You’re not a fucking dog, Vee.
I shake my head at the silly thought. All I know is that whenever Leo is around, and I don’t see him with my eyes. I can feel him. Throughout my body, blood flows like a rushing stream.
Bumps litter my skin, knowing I’m in the same vicinity as him, and my heart dances behind my ribcage.
My head whips to the left just as Leo walks down the hall. He had been talking to a nurse who works in our ward—no one to worry about.
The man was focused on her and then on his feet while descending the vast hall until his head lifts, and our eyes meet. He stops instantly when he sees me, looking almost panicked at my presence.
“Oh, Leo! There you are!” Edith chirps.
He gives her a soft smile before ungluing his feet from the floor and comes our way. Every step he takes sends a shiver down my spine, adding more goosebumps to my heated skin.
The way he walks is so powerful. I don’t know if that is the word I want to use. He stands tall, with broad, square shoulders, causing his chest to puff out a little. He walks with confidence and assertiveness. It’s sexy.
Leo stops before us, eyes meeting mine briefly before glancing back at Edith. “Here I am. What can I help you with?”
“I was wondering if you would be willing to come early to help with decorations for tonight.” Is he going to help set up this event? ”You’re still planning on coming to it, right?”
“Yes, of course, I am going. Anything you need, Edith. I’m more than happy to help.”
“Good!” She claps her hands together. “With that being said, I do need a favor.”
“Anything.” He nods, and then they leave me behind without sparing me another glance.
They continue to walk and talk about whatever favor Edith needs, but I can’t hear a word they say anymore as their voices become distant. If Leo is going to this mystery event tonight, which means I’m going.
You have got to be kidding me.
My feet skid to a stop when I pass through the cafeteria door. The tables are pushed off to the side, where they are now flush with the walls, and the chairs are in the center of the room.
They are in a nice, neat circle with patients already in their places.
A doctor sits in a chair, chatting with one girl. They are smiling and laughing, which leads me to believe this doctor oversees this patient, given how comfortable they are with each other.
Over to the left, on a bare, off-white colored wall, is a long table with snacks and drinks displayed on a dull red plastic tablecloth.
This event is a group therapy session.
“Fuck this,” I mutter.
Spinning on my heels, I have full intentions of marching out of this room to return to the comfort of my little bedroom, but when I try to take a step, I’m stopped abruptly by a brick wall. No… a body.
A grunt leaves me at the impact, and I’m about to yell at whoever is blocking my escape path. The fiery words are on the tip of my tongue until I glance up to see the person I collide with.
Leo stands there with a smug smile, his hands in his pants pockets. His eyes search my face for a moment before he speaks, “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Anywhere but here,” I state and attempt to step around him, but he stops me by mimicking my movement. Now that he is blocking my exit again, a frustrated noise sounds in my throat. “Dr. Madden, let me leave.”
“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head. “This will be good for you.”
“So everyone says.” I roll my eyes. “Look, I’ll come to the next one.”
“No, you won’t.” He calls me out on my bullshit.
Holding up my arm, I wiggle the smallest finger on my hand. “Pinky promise.”
A quiet laugh escapes him before he uncrosses his arms, and his hands meet my shoulders. Turning me around to face the others, his mouth comes close to my ear, “Go take a seat, Veronica. You aren’t getting out of this.”
“And you? Why did you volunteer to be here?” My chest rises and falls as Leo touches me, his breath still hitting the shell of my ear.
“I’m here in case someone gets out of hand.”
He pushes me forward, forcing my feet to the other patients. Maybe if I turn around the scenario in my head, it will make this better.
A circle of chairs. Patients sitting with their hands folded neatly in their laps. This could be a ritual of some sort. A sacrifice could happen tonight! Yeah, right, Veronica. That would never happen here.
“If a patient gets irate, I’ll be here to help.”
“You mean me?” I look at him over my shoulder.
“No... maybe.” He gently squeezes my shoulders. “I had no idea you’d even be here, but now that you are here and as your doctor, I believe you’ll benefit from this.”
I step out of his grasp and spin to face him. “Why does everyone think they know what’s best for me? Do you want to know what I think would be best for me right now?”
“What is that?” His brows furrow.
I move closer to him, our bodies almost touching, and I keep my voice low because others are around. “If you took me back to your office so that we can finish our session from the other day.”
Leo swallows hard, eyebrows shooting up, and his throat bobbles at my words. The calm and collective front he was putting up has now dropped. “Sit down, Veronica. Now.”
A playful smirk shines on my lips, and I dip my chin down. “Yes, sir.”
Clasping my hands behind my back, I walk over to the chairs. There are two chairs left, one by the doctor hosting this fine evening, but I do not want to sit beside her.
I’m hoping if I choose the chair further away from her, she won’t notice me and won’t call on me to share.
When I finally have a seat in the other vacant chair, I hear a shuffling sound next to me that catches my attention, and when I glance beside me, Eliza sits.
Great.
I tear my gaze from her, not paying her any more attention because I don’t want her to notice me either. She probably already has, seeing that I’m literally right next to her, but I would hate it if she spoke to me. I face forward and wait for things to start.
Hopefully, it will soon because I want to get out of here.
Does this type of thing happen often, and I just didn’t know about it? If it is, thank goodness Edith has only invited me to crafting sessions or the games they set up for us outside.
This will be the one and only time I join group therapy. A throat clears, pulling the guests” attention. The chitter-chatter stops when everyone’s gaze goes to the doctor.
“Hello and Welcome! I am Dr. Nelson, but you can call me Suzanna.” Everyone collectively mutters their hellos. I remain silent. Slouching in my chair and crossing my arms over myself. “Dr. Madden will join us tonight. Dr. Madden, would you like to take the empty seat?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I find Leo casually standing against the wall with his arms folded neatly across his chest. Hesitant at first, he eventually strides over to the empty chair.
His eyes go around the circle when he sits and lands on mine. He is directly across from me. This will be fun.
I can’t wait to make him squirm.
“Hello, I am Dr. Madden.” It is a short introduction, but his smooth voice attracts everyone”s attention. All the women are practically drooling over him.
An uneasy feeling settles in my stomach at how they are ogling him. Why am I feeling like this when I had his lips on mine? When I had his hand between my legs.
None of these other women had the privilege I have, so why am I getting pissy with the way they are undressing him with their eyes?
“Let’s get started.” Dr. Nelson”s upbeat tone pulls me out of my thoughts. “We have some new faces here tonight: Eliza and Veronica. Would you two like to introduce yourselves?”
“No.” I don’t hesitate to answer. Leo’s eyes are on mine as I bore into his. I wish he could tell what I was thinking right now. I wish he could see how badly I want him to take me away from here and have his way with me. Hell, I would even let him fuck me right here in front of everyone if it were an option.
“I will.” Eliza shyly offers.
A smile forms on my face at the thought of Leo filling me up. An eyebrow pops up on his forehead as he tries to figure out exactly what I’m thinking.
Cocking my head to the side, I spread my legs further apart, knowing that everyone’s attention is on the girl next to me.
Ever so slowly and discreetly, I drag a hand down my stomach and to my thigh, letting it rest close to the spot where I want him to be. Leo’s eyes drop to my hand as Suzanna drones on, and I don’t miss how his jaw tightens.
His cheeks flush a beautiful shade of pink, and I can tell it is hard for him to peel his eyes away. But he does it anyway and pays attention to Eliza.
“And are you comfortable sharing your story, Eliza?” Suzanna questions.
“Sure.” She responds sheepishly. This is unlike the woman who is always trying to be in my personal space. “Well, there are these voices in my head. I can usually shut them off and force them out of my mind. Over the years, I’ve gotten better at it, but then those voices became too much one day, and I... snapped.”
My eyes leave Leo’s comfort and slide over to Eliza. Snapped? What could this meek girl have done to end up here?
“My mother was dating this abusive man. He would hurt her, and when he tried to hurt me, my mother would stand in the way to protect me.” She sucks in a deep breath, a memory flashing through her mind, no doubt. “One day, he was relentless. He wouldn’t let up, and those voices in my head grew louder. Loud enough to hear over the television and my mother’s screaming.”
“And what did those voices tell you to do, Eliza?” the doctor asks.
“They uh, t-they told me to kill him.” She admits. “So I did.”
Never in a million years would I have thought that this woman sitting next to me was capable of murder. She shifts in her metal chair, uncomfortable under my dark gaze and all the other eyes on her. I underestimated her.
Does this mean that I want her as a friend? Hell no.But maybe I won’t push her away as much, knowing what she is capable of.
“Thank you for sharing,” the doctor tells Eliza in a soothing tone. “Veronica, you should share at least one thing with us.”
Ripping my eyes away from Eliza, I meet Dr. Nelson’s stare. She is patiently waiting for a response, and hope floats in her gaze. My eyes drift to Dr. Madden, who appears nervous.
“One thing?” I give my attention back to Dr. Nelson, who nods. “Okay. I miss sex.”
Some girls chuckle under their breath. I swear I heard another girl say “amen” in agreement.
“That isn’t what I meant, Veronica. I meant...” Suzanna states cautiously, that hope vanishing from her stare.
“I miss how it feels to have someone inside of me.” I’m aware of what she meant, but I can’t seem to give a fuck. “To feel their hands on my bare skin. Their lips wandering around my body.”
“Preach, girl.” One patient chimes into my right.
“Veronica,” a warning from Leo.
His stare burns into me. “I try my best to get myself off, but there is only so much my fingers can do. God, what I wouldn’t do to feel a man”s tongue between my legs.”
Maybe this is enough not to get an invitation back to this stupid session.
“Veronica,” another demanding warning from Leo. “Either say something more relevant to the subject asked about or don’t speak.”
“My doctor, ladies and gentlemen,” I mutter, causing his eyes to grow darker. Damn, he is sexy when he is angry. “Fine. I killed my sister’s boyfriend.”
Suzanna nods in approval from my honesty. “Would you like to discuss that topic?”
“No, thanks.” I shoot her a tight smile. She seems defeated by my response, so I decide to add, “I didn’t even want to tell Dr. Madden. Why would I want to share it with a group of people?”
She reassures me, “I won’t force you to speak about anything you don’t want to.”
I glance at Leo and arch an eyebrow as if to say, “See. At least someone doesn’t push.” He shakes his head before focusing on the entire group. Suzanna asks another question, and one of the girls answers. I tune out the conversation because I don’t want to hear any more sob stories. Eliza’s was enough, even if it intrigued me.
Maybe I can use her to my advantage. Or maybe not, because then she will think we are friends. The idea sends a shiver down my spine. Out of disgust. Who needs friends when you are perfectly content all alone?
Then I’m reminded of how much Leo thinks it would be a good idea for her and me to be civil, and if my befriending this woman will push Leo in the right direction, then I can put up with her until I’m out of here.
The meeting went on and on. It took so long that I’m surprised I didn’t fall asleep mid-session. The monotone voices, the crying from certain girls—it was a borefest that I would not be attending again.
After what seems like an eternity, Dr. Nelson dismisses us. I’m the first to stand up, the legs on my metal chair screeching against the floor. When I turn away from the group, the table full of treats calls my name. A snack sounds perfect right now.
Wandering over to the overly decorative table, I scan the goodies. Sugar cookies are neatly placed on paper plates. They are the ones that have the thick frosting and sprinkles on top.
Blue or yellow?
“Yellow.” Leo’s voice sounds to my left. “The blue frosting will stain your teeth and tongue.”
He has a point. We had a carton of these in the house when I was little, and I snuck one. My parents told us it was a treat for my sister”s class since it was her birthday. I figured they wouldn’t notice one cookie missing.
Turns out I was wrong. The blue was all over my teeth, tongue, and lips. I got in so much trouble not only because I ate the cookie but also because my sister cried.
God forbid she ever got upset.
Not saying a word, I pluck up the yellow frosted cookie and take a bite. It tastes the same as it used to, returning the detailed memory to my mind. It’s almost like I can see it playing out with my eyes shut, like a movie—the look of disappointment on my parents’ faces.
Stephanie sobbed uncontrollably when she heard the news. My parents had to go out of their way to get another box to take to her class. Afraid they wouldn’t appear put together if a cookie was missing from the box.
“You, uh... you have a sprinkle on your lip.” Leo points out. My eyes flip open, and I look at him.
“Get it off for me.” I ask sweetly, a hint of sarcasm underneath my tone.
He doesn’t lift a hand to remove it. I knew he wouldn’t, not with other bodies in the room. I bring my finger up and swipe at the piece of sugar, collecting it on the tip of my finger.
Staring at it, I blink my eyes to catch Leo watching me, so I part my lips and slip my finger past them, closing around myself while I swirl my tongue around to clean it off. He swallows hard, and when my eyes drop to his pants, I can almost see the outline of his dick.
Chuckling to myself, I pop my finger from my mouth and pick up a napkin. “Was this group event everything you’d hoped it would be?”
“It is exactly how I imagined it to be.” He answers, grabbing a Dixie cup full of juice.
“You’ve never been a part of a group therapy session?” Wasn’t he doing this before he came here? Surely, his job entailed group sessions.
“Seems like you and I have something in common now.” He takes a sip of the juice. “Back at my old job, it was always one-on-one. We never did these sorts of things. Our boss thought it would make the patients uncomfortable sharing their stories.”
“I think your boss and Dr. Bennett need to meet.”
“Why? Did you feel uncomfortable telling everyone what you did?”
“No.” I take one last bite of the cookie. If I finish this entire thing, I might slip into a sugar coma.
“What about when the others were sharing? Did you feel uncomfortable then?”
“Nope. Their stories were boring. Uneventful.”
A smile plays on his lips. “You weren’t even paying attention.”
I stop chewing and stare at him. “Were you paying attention? Seems to me like you were more focused on what I was doing.”
“I can multitask.” He shrugs.
“Oh, I’m sure you can.” I wink at him, earning a flush of pink on his cheek. Out of the corner of my eye, I find Eliza heading out of the room. “I’ve gotta go.”
I won’t elaborate to him why I need to leave so urgently. His mouth opens to say something but snaps shut when I step around him and head towards the door.
Throwing the cookie in the trash.