Chapter Ten
Lucky
How can I stay when I will only end up hurting her? -Lucky
By the end of the next week, I’ve learned quite a few things about Rose.
I’ve learned that she likes scrambled eggs with cheese in the mornings, that she snores (but in a soft, cute way), and that she absolutely hates asking for help with anything.
I caught her trying to fix my sink when she heard a dripping sound.
She was looking up solutions on YouTube.
To her credit, she almost did it. But I also nearly had a heart attack when I heard her scream from the kitchen because the water blasted out suddenly in her face.
I’ve also learned quite a few things about myself. Like that I’m crazy in love with this woman. My friends have started teasing me about the dopey smile I wear on my face twenty-four seven. Even now I’m sitting with my morning coffee staring into space wearing that smile like a fuckin’ moron.
The knock on my front door startles me out of my sweet musings about Rose. My heart picks up speed. Maybe it’s Rose? I doubt it though. She’s working a shift at the bookstore today.
I swing open the door to find myself face-to-face with Bob Alderman, Rose’s father. What the hell is he doing here?
“Mayor Alderman,” I acknowledge, nodding my head towards him, “nice of you to come visit. Wasn’t really expecting company.” I’m sweating buckets suddenly, unsure how to treat the father of the woman I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with.
The side of his mouth curves up into a sneer. “Not here for small talk, Lucky. We need to have a conversation. In fact, it’s probably long overdue.”
I stand up straighter and hold the door open. “Come on in, Mr. Alderman. I’ll be happy to talk about whatever you need to.”
I lead him into the kitchen and tell him to have a seat at the table.
“Coffee, mayor?” I feel oddly nervous. I haven’t felt like this well…
ever. Even when I would get sent to the principal’s office, I didn’t really care about the outcome.
But this man is the main guy in my Rose’s life.
His disapproval or approval would mean a lot to her.
His mouth tightens. “No need for all that. Just sit down.”
I do as he says and then there’s silence for a moment as I try not to squirm in my chair like a little kid.
“I know you’re seeing my daughter,” Bob says in a hard voice. “And I want it to stop. I want it to stop now.”
I cock my head to the side and just stare at the older man. His brown eyes remind me of my Rose, but besides that he looks like every other authority figure in my life that I’ve told to fuck off. I struggle not to say those words again. He’s important to Rose.
“Rose and I are friends. Good friends.” I swallow roughly. That’s one way to put it. “I respect her as a person, and I think she’s probably old enough to say who she wants to see and who she doesn’t.”
“Rose is a kid trying to live out some kind of adventure. She thinks you’re her key to doing that.
She thinks just because she’s been sick all these years, she needs to do something wild now.
This is an act of rebellion because she wants to catch up on all the shit she didn’t get to do.
” He snorts. “You’re not real to her. You’re just something to knock off her bucket list.”
My mouth is suddenly dry. “Her bucket list? Rose is sick still?”
He sends me a mocking smile that sends chills down my spine. “She hasn’t told you, has she? That she had Hodgkin’s and almost died? That it could come back again?”
“Hodgkin’s?” I ask faintly. Fear invades every cell of my body. “What’s that?”
He sits back in the chair and some of the cockiness fades.
“You really don’t know?” He shakes his head.
“That’s so like Rose not to say anything.
” He leans forward again. “Hodgkin’s lymphoma is cancer.
She was diagnosed at fifteen. Then it came back at seventeen.
She’s only been cancer-free for a couple of years now.
” He pushes a hand through his hair. “Almost lost her like I lost her mother,” he mutters.
There’s true sadness now in his dark eyes. His manicured hands beat a soft rhythm on the table and the lines on his face are suddenly readily apparent to me. He’s just a dad. A dad that almost lost his daughter.
“Shit, I had no idea. Is she going to get sick again? How can I help? What do I need to do?” I feel sick. The thought of my Rose laying in a hospital bed dying makes me feel like something is going to break inside. I guess more specifically my heart.
“She’s cancer-free for now. It could come back.” He drums his fingers on the table again. “But I do need something. I need you to stop seeing her.” He studies me across the small table. “I actually think you might care about her. Which means you’ll do what’s best for her. You’ll stay away.”
“How is staying away from me going to solve anything?” I ask in a subdued voice. I can’t stay away from her. It would be like ripping my heart out piece by piece.
Bob stands abruptly and starts to pace the linoleum floors.
“Because you have no purpose in life. You’re not a man of God.
You’re not a man of anything. You’re a biker with no family, no real job.
She should be with someone better. Someone that will be her equal.
Not you,” he says in a stinging manner. “Anyone but you. You’re a loose cannon. ”
He stops and looks at me with color high on his cheeks.
“I had the sheriff look into you. I know all about you. I know you were in the Army and got tossed out on your ass for assault. I know your best friend died and some of the people around him blame you.” He drops those words like a bomb exploding right there in my kitchen.
It feels like I can’t breathe as the memories come back to me in a rush.
The way Gabe looked that last night. The pain that ripped through me right after I heard the words that he was gone.
And finally, the face of the man who gave him the drugs that night and the way he screamed in agony as I beat the shit out of him.
“You know nothing. Absolutely nothing.” My words are cold, but inside…inside I’m a mess.
He places his hands on the table and leans forward. We’re eye to eye now and I see the way his nostrils flare as he says the words, “I know you’re not good enough for my daughter. I know she deserves a hell of a lot better.”
“That’s for her to decide. Get the hell out of my house!
” I stand and stalk through the living room.
I throw open the front door. “Get out! I don’t have to listen to this shit here.
” I’m practically snarling with anger. But underneath that anger there’s fear.
There’s true fear because I know this man is right. I’ll never be good enough for Rose.
He leaves without another word but there isn’t anything else he needs to say. I guess he’s done what he came to do. I know the truth in his words.
I haven’t cried since Gabe died. Not since I sat in that sterile hospital and the doctor walked off after saying those final words.
Now I can feel the fear and pain rising, threatening to overtake me.
Rose is sick. Gabe is gone. I’m not good enough.
I’ll never be good enough. I couldn’t save him. I won’t be able to save her.
I sit down on my couch and hold my head in my hands. Then I let the first tears fall.