Here Comes Trouble

Chapter 5

5

Jess couldn’t sleep. Again.

Her body hummed with unsettling sensations after spending the most sexually charged day of her life with the most disquieting man in the world – who she was pretty sure would have kissed her in the car if she hadn’t freaked out and run away from him. The trouble with being around Xander was that he was such a tactile person she wasn’t sure whether she’d read his intentions all wrong. Maybe he’d meant nothing by it.

The memory of the humiliating jumper incident in the restaurant made her whole body flush hot with embarrassment. Xander had been so cool to whip off his own shirt like that to protect her modesty and then she’d been cold and weird with him in the car afterwards.

He must think she was a total loon.

And what the hell had possessed her to tell him about her eating disorder? It felt now as if she’d opened up the most delicate part of herself and there was a cold draught blowing in, chilling her to the bone.

Not that he hadn’t been sensitive about it. In fact, he’d been lovely about that too, which only made her want him more.

Because she did want him.

More than she’d wanted anyone in her entire life.

And the idea terrified her.

She knew deep in her bones it would be a disaster for her to get emotionally involved with him. He was too wild for her; too… what was the phrase? Too hot to handle.

She’d get badly burned; she knew it.

The most sensible thing to do would be to keep it strictly business for the rest of her time here in case she made even more of a fool of herself. But she didn’t really want to be sensible. Not this time.

Trouble was, she had a feeling her standoffishness was all that separated her from pretty much every other woman he came into contact with, and she’d be a fool to squander the advantage of his remarkable interest in her by making herself too available.

All she had to do was keep things in perspective.

Yeah, good luck with that Jess.

Oh, my goodness, this assignment was hard work.

She sighed and rolled over in bed, trying to quell the deep, vigorous throbbing between her legs at the thought of him sleeping just along the corridor.

Impossible.

Never in all her life had she felt so wildly out of control and it scared the hell out of her.

* * *

The next morning Jess got up early and took herself off for a drive around the lake.

She needed a breather from being around Xander in order to mentally get herself to a place where she could handle the developing situation without freaking out again.

A bit of peace and calm and normality was just the ticket.

Stopping off in a few of the charming towns along the way, she took photos and made notes for the travel piece she needed to write. Each place was very different from the last – with its own unique atmosphere and character – all bordering the amazingly clear, aquamarine coloured water of Lake Garda. She could totally see why the place lured so many visitors to its shores each year.

A tantalising window display in one of the women’s clothes shops drew her in and she found herself trying on and buying a couple of reasonably priced tops – one white and one in a vibrant pillar-box red – a stylish, black fish-tail skirt that fell to just above her knee and a couple of mid-length, sleeved summer dresses. All the clothes were more fitted and flamboyant than the things she’d usually wear, but some, strange compulsion made her hand over her credit card and buy them anyway. She justified the expense by telling herself she needed some more clothes since it looked as if she was staying longer, and it would be unprofessional to keep turning up in the same sad outfit every day.

After gathering as much information as she needed, she finally made her way back to the villa, feeling drowsy now in the afternoon heat.

As she pulled the car onto the driveway, she could see Xander in the distance, a mug of coffee in one hand and a paintbrush in the other, standing in front of an easel set up on the lawn, overlooking the lake. He must have heard the car’s engine because he turned round to look her way, dropped his paintbrush onto the grass next to a pallet of paints and strode towards her, waving.

‘Hey, Jess, there you are.’

He stumbled as he walked towards her, spilling coffee down his trousers.

Jess shot him a grin, glad for the distraction from the anxiety about facing him again after the debacle of the night before.

He raised a questioning eyebrow. ‘What’s so funny?’ he said, brushing at the stain with his fingers.

She shrugged, nerves making her jittery. ‘It’s nice to see you making mistakes too. It just proves even the most self-possessed people mess up. I like that, it makes me feel better about myself. If you can spill coffee all over your crotch then it’s okay for me to rip my clothes off in a restaurant. Or something.’

He gave her a puzzled look. ‘You’re a very strange woman, you know that?’

She snorted. ‘Actually, I do. It’s not a new observation.’

He smiled and her blood heated. There was something in his gaze she hadn’t seen before. Something that made her insides flip.

‘Where have you been today?’

‘I went for a drive around the lake. I’m writing a travel piece too, while I’m here, so I wanted to get a feel for the place.’

‘Man, they keep you busy there don’t they?’

She shrugged. ‘I like to keep busy. Keeps me out of mischief.’

He nodded but didn’t say anything, his gaze flicking down to her mouth. She tensed under his scrutiny. He seemed to move closer to her, just a fraction as if he was thinking about going in for a kiss and she froze with anxiety, not at all sure what to do with herself. Her lips tingled at the thought of his mouth, hot and hard against hers.

‘But I-I’m a professional,’ she stuttered in panic and his gaze flicked back to meet hers, amusement clear in his eyes.

‘A professional what?’ His expression was full of barely contained laughter.

Jess straightened her T-shirt. Smoothed down her hair. ‘Here in a professional capacity, I mean, so please don’t feel you have to, you know, look after me or anything.’

He nodded a couple of times, still looking at her as if she was the funniest thing he’d ever encountered. ‘What if I like looking after you?’ His eyes suddenly lit with an idea before she could respond. ‘Hey, why don’t we bring a picnic down to the cove later. It should be warm enough and if we’re lucky we might get a pretty amazing sunset,’ he said, cocking his head to one side while he waited for her to agree.

It sounded much too romantic an idea for her liking, but she couldn’t spend the next couple of days hiding from him like she had today. She still hadn’t got everything she needed in order to write the column, and it would be a good opportunity to ask him some more questions whilst he was relaxed and happy in her company. ‘Yeah, sure, that sounds like fun,’ she said, not giving her cowardly alter ego a chance to interfere.

‘Great. I’ll get Rosa to make a hamper up for us. Shall we say eight o’clock again?’

She nodded dumbly. ‘Yes. Eight.’

‘Okay then.’ He was looking at her so intently she wondered whether there was something on her face.

‘Listen,’ he said, finally breaking the silence, ‘I hope you didn’t think I was being insensitive last night, after we’d talked about your… eating issues.’

He looked genuinely concerned and she felt a rush of affection for him.

‘Nah, don’t worry about it. I think we were both a bit freaked by what happened in the restaurant. I don’t suppose it’s often you have to strip off to save your date from dying of embarrassment.’

He laughed. ‘As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I don’t have a problem with stripping off.’

Jess felt the inevitable warmth creep up her neck at the thought of his naked, toned torso in such close proximity to her. ‘Yeah, well, you don’t need to rein that in on my account,’ she said, flashing him, what she hoped, would come across as an affable smile. She wanted to show him she did still have some vestige of control in the flirty banter stakes.

He raised a dark eyebrow and tipped his head in appreciation. ‘Noted,’ he said, before turning away and walking back to his easel.

* * *

Jess paced the floor of the hall, waiting for Xander to turn up and collect her for their picnic tea.

She’d put the pillar-box red top and fish-tail skirt on for tonight, then taken the whole ensemble off again. Then a minute later put it back on, telling herself it was a step in the right direction to push herself out of her comfort zone.

To unstuff herself.

But then again, she needed every ounce of confidence tonight if she was going to get through the evening with her pride intact.

She was about to take it off again when she’d caught sight of her wild-eyed reflection in the mirror.

Whatever was happening between her and Xander was making her lose her mind. She was ninety per cent sure it wasn’t all in her head. Okay, maybe eighty, but he’d definitely kicked his flirting up a notch recently.

What the hell was going on? She could have sworn he would have kissed her last night if she hadn’t wrecked the atmosphere by flapping about like a headless chicken. Or was that just a figment of her overactive imagination? In the past she’d been prone to reading more into a situation than was actually there, and it had made her wary about taking anything for granted when it came to men and relationships.

Another thing she hated – making a fool of herself.

Not that she hadn’t already managed that multiple times in the couple of days she’d been here.

When he finally turned up at five past eight, looking oh, so divinely edible, she was so nervous the first thing she said was, ‘You’re late. Again.’

Despite her snippy tone, he gave her an amused grin. ‘Are you going to spank me with your ruler, Headmistress? Because I’ll take whatever punishment you choose to dish out.’

She kept her gaze locked with his. ‘Don’t be so facetious,’ she murmured, her body tense with the sudden desire to throw herself at him and consequences be damned.

He took a step towards her, closing the gap between them. ‘Ooh, yeah, keep using those long words on me too, I like that.’

She slapped him gently on the arm. ‘You’re incorrigible.’

He slapped her gently back, a seductive eyebrow quirked.

Narrowing her eyes in jest, she did it again, feeling the rock-hard muscle of his triceps vibrate under her touch.

Before she could react, he wrapped his hand round hers and, trapping it against him, walked her backwards until her back touched the wall. The heat from his body radiated over her skin, sending zingy electric currents through her limbs.

‘This is just like being back in the school playground,’ she barely managed to struggle out. Her tongue felt like a lead weight in her mouth and her lips were tight with tension.

He moved his body closer to her and a flood of longing rushed through her. ‘Did you ever play kiss chase at school?’ he murmured, dipping his head so he could look directly into her eyes. His pupils looked huge against the bright aqua of his irises.

‘Of course,’ she said, her voice husky and broken. ‘And I’m guessing you were always the first kid to suggest playing it?’ Staring defiantly back, she attempted to hold her nerve, determined not to be the one to look away first. He was teasing her, trying to trip her up and get her to admit how much of an effect he had on her. He wasn’t going to win though; she wouldn’t let him.

He shifted even closer, bringing with him a waft of his fresh citrus scent.

It was no good, she just wasn’t as good at this game as he was. She closed her eyes as an onslaught of lust nearly brought her to her knees.

‘Somebody has to take control,’ he said quietly.

She glanced up at him, straight into those unfathomable eyes. ‘I’d have fought you for it,’ she practically whispered, her throat tight with tension.

He smiled in a way that made her whole body ache with longing.

His hand was still trapping hers against his body and she could feel the faint pulse in his fingertips. Or was that her own pulse that seemed to have taken her over? She throbbed to the beat as it concentrated deep in her pelvis. She was so turned on she felt faintly queasy.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped to one side so he had to release her from his grip. ‘Shall we go?’ she said.

His expression flashed with a mixture of surprise and something else. Disappointment?

‘Okay, if you like,’ he said, his voice rumbling low in his throat. ‘I’ll grab the food from the kitchen.’

He came back a few moments later with a hamper and a folded square of material, which she assumed was a picnic rug.

Jess reminded herself not to get too excited about how special this all felt. Xander had probably done things like this a million times before with a million other women.

He turned to smile at her. ‘Okay, we’re set.’

She nodded in agreement and joined him as he walked through the large patio doors, which opened onto the rear garden of the villa, and traversed the path that led down to the cove.

They walked in silence through the muted evening light, Xander cradling the picnic hamper close to his chest. The air was balmy and close with a threatening rainstorm, the atmosphere electric with the promise of a much-needed purge of humidity.

They picked their way over the warm sand of the cove to the far side, just back from the water, where they had a spectacular view of the opposite shore of the lake, which was beginning to glow and twinkle with colourful lights as the sky darkened.

‘I hope it doesn’t rain,’ Jess said, gazing at the ominous-looking clouds in the distance.

‘We’ll be fine for a while,’ Xander said, putting down the hamper and flapping open the thick rug, smoothing it flat before gesturing for Jess to sit down on it.

Once she’d made herself comfortable – yanking down hard on her skirt so it covered as much of her legs as possible – he dropped down next to her, so close she could feel the heat of him radiating towards her.

Pulling out cartons of cold meats, salad, olives and a wealth of other local delicacies, he laid them out carefully on the rug and handed her a plate.

‘Dig in,’ he said, motioning towards the feast in front of them.

While Jess picked out a few things for her plate he reached into the hamper and came out with a couple of oil-fired lamps and lit them with a long match. They cast a soft glow over the area where they sat.

If she hadn’t thought it ridiculous, she would have assumed he was deliberately setting up a romantic atmosphere. As it was, she was so nervous she could barely eat a thing. Xander didn’t remark on it though, he must have thought talking about food and eating was a no-go area after her confession the night before.

It was kind of him – thoughtful – and she felt a glow of affection towards him.

‘You know, you’re nothing like I expected you to be.’

He raised a questioning eyebrow. ‘No?’

‘The press make you out to be some badly behaved lout, but they’ve clearly got you pegged all wrong.’

He frowned in mock disgruntlement. ‘Don’t say that. I was rather enjoying living up to my bad boy reputation.’

She laughed. ‘What was it that made you so wild in your youth?’ she asked casually, holding her breath as she waited to see whether Xander trusted her enough yet to tell her something that personal about himself.

Those beautiful eyes of his seemed fathomless as he stared at her, his gaze raking her face for signs of… what? A set-up?

Her heart whammed against her chest like a malfunctioning metronome as she waited to see whether he’d answer her question. She needed some interesting backstory to make the piece shine, but somewhere in her brain a small voice told her she really wanted to know for herself. She wanted to think the best of him, because despite the arrogance – which she was beginning to suspect was actually a defence mechanism – she really liked him. And not just because he was so gorgeous, but because she sensed there was a whole lot more to him than he ever let anyone else see.

The optimistic side of him must have won because he leant in, his gaze capturing hers and said, ‘What do you think it was?’

A slow trickle of excitement percolated through her veins as she realised this could be it – he was letting her in. ‘Did you have a tough upbringing?’ she asked, desperately hoping she hadn’t read him all wrong.

He folded his arms across his broad chest, making the muscles in his shoulders and arms bunch beneath his T-shirt. He looked down at the flickering candle between them. ‘You could say that. My parents never intended having a child. I was an accident – which my father liked to remind me of every chance he got.’ He looked back at her and she was shocked to see insecurity in his expression – something she’d not encountered before. ‘My mum died giving birth to me.’

Xander’s voice had taken on a steely edge, which sent a shiver of horror through her. ‘I paid my way in that family by spending most of my childhood working at shitty, cash in hand jobs to keep myself fed and clothed – until my dad kicked me out when I was sixteen. He’d spend most of his time down the pub or the betting office, so I hardly saw him anyway.’ He leant back on the rug, anchoring his arms behind him and readjusting his body before looking at her. There was nothing on his face but a closed expression now, as if he’d drawn down the shutters.

‘Jeez, how awful.’ She could picture him as a child not being allowed to do the things that normal kids do – not being allowed to be a child – and it made her chest ache.

He shrugged. ‘It was tough at times. I got into a lot of trouble, for shoplifting and fighting and then for spraying my graffiti tags around the city and got myself a bad reputation. The teachers wrote me off after a few years of failing to straighten me out.’

She’d known children like that when she was at school. Loners. Lost souls. People who had difficulty fitting into what everyone else thought of as normal life because they’d never had the opportunity to experience it.

The atmosphere had dropped dark now, and she wanted to pull it back before the hard pressure behind her eyes became real tears for that young boy.

‘But look at you now.’ She managed to catch the wobble at the end of the sentence and turn it into a gentle clearing of her throat. ‘Everyone wants a piece of the great and talented Xander Heaton.’ She finished on a deeply concentrated frown as she battled to conceal her need to jump into his lap and hold him close.

‘And which piece are you after, Jess?’ he asked, giving her a seductive grin, the heavy atmosphere of the last couple of minutes evaporating into the air around them.

He was king of the suggestive comment, this guy.

All she could think about now was exactly which bits of Xander she’d like to get her hands on. Her mind flew to an image of his magnificent body, prostrate on her bed, with him wearing only that mesmerising smile. She pictured herself leaning over him, lowering her lips to his as she attempted to kiss away all the pain that kept him so distant from the rest of the world…

‘Jess?’ He was frowning at her now, as if he was afraid she’d walked through a door marked ‘Away with the Fairies’ and wasn’t coming back.

‘Yeah?’ she smoothed her hands over her hair in an attempt to straighten herself out. Neat hair, neat mind.

‘You okay?’

‘Fine.’ She stared out across the lake, attempting to bring herself back to reality.

‘Did you go to college or university to study art?’ she asked to fill the uncomfortable silence.

Putting his plate down, he leant back on his arms and looked out across the water. ‘Neither; I’m mostly self-taught. I left school when I left home at sixteen without any qualifications so no college would have touched me with a bargepole. I messed up a lot at school because of having to work late into the evenings and being too tired to concentrate. Then I started skipping a lot because I couldn’t keep up with the lessons and ended up feeling stupid, and I hated that. So when I left, I didn’t exactly have a bright and shiny future ahead of me. Art was the only subject I enjoyed at school. It was the one thing I felt I was actually good at, and I had an amazing teacher who really encouraged me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in the right mind-set at that age to put enough effort into my lessons – I didn’t think for a second I could make any money out of it, and that’s all that concerned me at the time – so it just became a hobby. After I left school, I used to go out in the dead of night with a crew and paint my street art on the walls of public buildings as a kind of release from the boredom of my existence. Art helped me channel the rage I felt that I didn’t feel able to express in words.’

Jess experienced a swell of outrage for him. ‘I can’t believe no one at the school realised you needed more help and support.’

‘Yeah, well, it was an underprivileged area and there were other kids a lot worse off than me. And to be honest, I wasn’t interested in their help. I wanted to prove to myself I could manage on my own.’

Jess thought about her own cushy upbringing. Despite the feeling of never managing to become the daughter her mother wanted, she’d never had to worry about coping without enough food or sleep.

Shame washed over her in a hot wave, prickling at her skin, as she realised she’d allowed herself to pre-judge Xander, before finding out the reasons for him acting the way he did. It wasn’t because he got off on it and enjoyed the notoriety – although that obviously played a small part – it was because he was trying to live his life at triple the speed to make up for what he’d lost in the past.

She couldn’t fault him for that.

‘Well, I think you’re incredible,’ she blurted. ‘Look at what you’ve done with your life. You’ve made it count with no support and no qualifications.’

‘Yeah, well, I’m stubborn like that,’ he said with a smile.

‘It’s impressive.’

‘Thanks.’ He readjusted his position on the rug, drawing his body closer to her.

An intense longing rushed through her, taking her right to the edge of her comfort zone. If she thought she’d wanted him before, it was nothing to how much she wanted him now. These insights into his character both fascinated and terrified her – she could totally see why he kept himself so emotionally distant from his partners – but did that mean he’d never be able to settle down with one person?

From what he’d said the night before, it certainly sounded as if he’d decided that was the case.

But was there scope to change his mind?

Don’t even think about it, Jess.

‘How did your father react when you became so successful?’ she asked, trying to steer her thoughts back to safer ground. ‘He must have been proud of you for what you’ve achieved?’

Xander barked out a harsh laugh, making her jump. ‘Are you kidding? He never turned up to see any of the stuff I showcased. He thought art was a waste of time. He thought I was a waste of time.’

‘So you never reconciled things with him? Even after you left home and hit the big time?’

‘You could say that. The last time we laid eyes on each other he told me he wished I hadn’t been born because then my mother would still be alive.’

‘Oh my God, Xander, that’s awful.’

He shrugged, clearly going for cool nonchalance but as she continued to look at him he turned away so she couldn’t see his face any more.

‘But he raised you. He must have cared about you in some way,’ she said, quietly.

‘It was a long time ago, Jess, I barely even think about it any more.’

He was lying, she could tell. It was obvious from the clip in his voice and the way his body had become rigid with tension.

She put a hand on his arm but he pulled it away and threw his plate back into the hamper.

‘Is this the kind of thing you’re after to impress your editor?’ he asked, his voice tinged with scorn.

Clearly, she’d hit a nerve.

She shook her head quickly. ‘I want to try and understand what it is that drives you, to round the piece out and give a fair and honest representation of you as a person.’

‘Am I not interesting enough to write about without you feeling the need to expose my deepest shittiest secrets?’

‘Of course you are.’

Tears welled in her eyes and shame landed in her stomach with a thud as he turned back and she saw pain in his expression.

‘I won’t write about any of that, I promise. I’m sorry for prying, it wasn’t to get some salacious gossip out of you; I was genuinely concerned.’

‘Well, you don’t need to be. I’ve coped fine without your pity up until this point.’

They gazed at each other in silence for a moment, before Xander turned away to stare back out across the lake.

Now she was beginning to see the real Xander, she felt a desperate urge to keep that side of him as protected as he did, to keep that version of him just for her.

What was happening to her? She’d been so determined not to fall for his charms when she first arrived here and now all she could think about was how to get closer to him.

How could she want something that terrified her so much?

She picked at her food some more, eventually laying the plate down on the rug in front of her in defeat. It had been delicious, but she just couldn’t bring herself to eat any more of it, not when her stomach felt like it was full of rolling marbles.

‘You had enough?’ he asked, nodding at her abandoned plate.

‘Er, yeah.’ She was glad he couldn’t see how flushed her face was in the growing darkness.

After packing the remainder of the food back into the hamper in silence, he lay back on the rug and gazed up at the sky.

Jess couldn’t stop looking at him, thinking about how his powerful body would feel under her hands and how overwhelmed by his enigmatic presence she was. He did something to her she couldn’t explain.

Turning his head, he caught her gawping at him.

‘Sorry for flipping out like that. Don’t take it personally, I’m just in a bit of a funk today,’ he said.

Shaking herself out of her trance, she fumbled around for the wherewithal to get her feelings back under control.

‘I can understand why you don’t feel comfortable talking to journalists about your past. It must have been really hard growing up like that.’

He sat up, turning to face her and brushing his hands together before carefully laying them on his lap. ‘Yeah, well, in my experience some journalists make it their life’s work to route out your most embarrassing secrets just to further their own career.’

‘You have some embarrassing secrets? Can you tell me about those so I can cash in and make my fortune?’ she said, willing a gleam of mischief into her expression.

He raised an eyebrow at her but smiled. ‘I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,’ he said, leaning forwards and looking into her eyes.

The smile dropped from her face as she struggled to deal with the sudden intimacy. That feeling was back, the one from earlier, when she’d thought he was going to kiss her.

His gaze flicked from her eyes to her mouth and the surge of need to be kissed nearly floored her.

As if sensing her desperate want, he leaned in further, his seductive gaze locked with hers, closing the distance between them.

Her breath came shallow and fast from her lungs and her heart raced in her chest as his mouth came so close to hers, she could feel the whisper of his breath on her lips.

She was frozen. Captivated. Caught. She daren’t move a muscle in case she turned to dust in front of him.

‘What do you want from me, Jess?’ he murmured against her mouth so she felt the vibration of the sound on her skin.

Closing her eyes, she grasped for a thin thread of courage to say what she wanted out loud, but the words wouldn’t come. They were stuck hard in the back of her throat.

‘Say it, Jess. Stop being such a coward and say it,’ he teased.

‘I want to touch you,’ she whispered. ‘I want to know what your body feels like.’

Opening her eyes, she saw he was looking at her intently. There wasn’t a trace of the condescension she’d expected to see, only acceptance and approval.

‘Go ahead.’ He drew away from her, leaving a chasm of cool air where he’d once been and tugged his shirt over his head, revealing his amazing body.

Taking a deep, shaking breath, she stared at him in shock for a moment, her brain taking a second to catch up with the sudden and stupefying turn of events. Had he really just offered up his body for her to fondle?

Please let it be so.

‘Go on,’ he urged, taking one of her trembling hands in his and placing it against his warm chest.

His skin glowed in the lamp light, and it felt as soft as she’d imagined, more so if that was possible and the hard muscle underneath moved gently under her touch as he readjusted his position.

Putting his hand over hers, he lay back on the rug, pulling her with him so she had to kneel up and lean over him.

He nodded at her as if urging her on and she slowly moved her hand down his chest to the top of his stomach where the muscles swelled against his skin like perfectly formed snow moguls on a ski run.

‘Is it everything you expected?’ he murmured, giving her a slow smile that made the blood rush and fizz between her legs.

‘Uh-huh,’ was all she managed as her whole body shook with the effort of not collapsing against him.

‘Okay, my turn.’

Before she knew what was happening, he sat up, grasping her shoulders and flipping her onto her back underneath him, trapping her legs between his knees and putting his hands either side of her head.

‘Just say the word, Jess and I’ll let you go.’ He leaned in closer, ‘But please don’t,’ he begged, ‘I think I’m going to go crazy if I don’t get to touch you.’

She just stared up at him, befuddled and entranced by the fact she had the ability to drive him crazy.

Had the world gone mad? Since when did she get to hold all the cards with a man like this?

Since now, Jess.

‘Okay, you can touch me,’ she whispered.

He smiled and sat back, moving his hands to stroke along the tops of her shoulders, before sweeping down and pushing up the sleeves of her top to uncover her arms.

It had been such a long time since she’d been touched like this that her body nearly melted with joy.

His touch was feather-light and slow, his fingertips sweeping over every inch of her bare arms, tracing the lines between her muscles and pausing on one of the many dark moles on her skin.

‘I love this arrangement of moles here,’ he said, quietly. ‘It’s such an interesting pattern. Like a constellation of stars. Beautiful.’ Moving on down her arms, he dipped his fingers into the well of her inner elbows. ‘Your skin is so soft,’ he murmured, swirling the pads of his fingers around the sensitive skin there until she thought she’d go crazy with it. ‘You have an amazing body, Jess,’ he said, his gaze moving down to take in the swell of her breasts as they pushed against her new – lucky – red top. ‘I’ve been thinking about it all day.’

Had he really?

Shuffling down her body, he released her legs, gently pushing his knee between her thighs to open her up to him.

Her heart raged in her chest as she realised what he was about to do, his hand dipping down to caress the skin of her outer thigh.

‘Wait,’ she whispered so quietly he didn’t hear her.

Both of his hands were on her legs now, making gentle stroking sweeps up from her knees towards the soft, plumpness of her inner thighs, his thumbs drawing erotic figures-of-eight across her flesh.

Great crashing waves of need flowed over her, making the space between her legs ache and pulse with the demand to be touched.

Any second now, he’d move higher, to the line of her knickers, then higher… The thought brought her crashing back down to earth.

‘No.’ Her voice was loud this time, loud enough to make him stop what he was doing.

‘Jess?’ his own voice was ragged and low and not at all steady. ‘What’s wrong?’

Shuffling away from his touch, she pulled her skirt down to her knees before scrambling to get up. Her legs were like jelly as she backed away from him, stumbling on the uneven ground.

‘Jess? Where are you going? Are you okay?’ His voice was filled with genuine shock and concern.

‘I have to… I need to…’ She couldn’t form the words. They wouldn’t come. She had to get out of there, but she couldn’t tell him why. She just couldn’t. It was too humiliating.

* * *

Xander stared after Jess’s retreating figure until she was swallowed up by the darkness.

He’d never been so frustrated in his life. His hands shook with the need to touch her again and the hard press of his erection against his trousers was almost painful.

He thought he was starting to get through to her, to help her realise just how sexy and attractive she really was, but she’d thrown up her defensive wall again and he’d run right into it.

Goddamn it.

Perhaps he’d pushed her too hard too soon? But he couldn’t see how that could be the case. He’d been taking it way slower than he wanted to, and she’d been there with him right up until the end.

The bullshit with her mother and those awful beauty pageants had obviously had a huge psychological effect on the way she saw her own body, because from what he’d seen, she had a fantastic figure; all soft curves in the right places but toned and sculpted from regular exercise. Out of bounds though, obviously.

Or was she afraid of what was happening between them and protecting herself? He couldn’t blame her; he didn’t exactly have a great reputation when it came to women and relationships.

But Jess wasn’t like the other women he’d dated.

This felt more special, more real. Partly because he was having to work hard to get her to trust him, but also because he wanted her to understand where he came from.

He wanted her approval.

And he wanted to go after her – like nothing he’d ever wanted before. He felt some deep connection with her that he’d never experienced with anyone, and he ached to explore it.

He needed to reassure her that there was nothing to be afraid of.

Jumping up, he pulled his shirt back on before heading off in the direction she’d disappeared.