Chapter 21
Jax stared unseeing into the room. The bed trembled as he listened to Jessa cry.
Not that he had a lot of sympathy for her.
She deserved anything that came her way after what she had done to him.
He still couldn't believe it. Sweet Jessa, who'd never hurt anyone in her life as far as he knew, had planned and schemed to take keep his child from him.
Was there anything worse in the world?
His eyes closed of their own volition.
I want you to come inside me, Jax.
God, how those words had turned him on. He'd wanted to lay claim to her, to have his body mix inside her — hell, yes, maybe have the potential to change everything.
He sighed. Not that he knew she was going to get pregnant, of course not.
But in that moment, if she had told him she wanted a baby, he would happily have obliged.
Not if you knew she intended to cut you out of that child's life forever.
He hadn't given her hatred enough credit, hadn't realized how truly and completely she had wished him ill. He'd known she was angry, sure. He'd known she was hurt, grieving, even. But he had not understood the lengths to which she would go to get back at him.
So what the hell was he going to do now?
He wanted her to have the baby. There was no question about that.
That little boy or girl was so tiny right now, but already he loved it.
That was the hardest part. Because right now, he could not see a way that this would work out as a happy family for his child.
Whether the baby ended up with Jessa alone or with him alone or with some awkward and hellish arrangement in between, he couldn't see a happy life emerging from this mess.
A child of his deserved better than that.
He rolled over and looked at the ceiling, staring at the shadows there as if they might hold the answers to the universe’s major questions.
A baby.
God, it was hard to believe. He'd wanted to be a father for as long as he could remember. Now somewhere inside Jessa was a tiny human being made of her and him.
He smiled in the darkness.
He had to find a way for this child to have a good life. And, much as he didn't want to admit it, the baby's best chance for happiness depended on his own ability to live with the child's mother.
I may never be able to do that.
He wanted to kill her.
He looked over at the silhouette of her body outlined by the covers. Just yesterday, he'd been fighting for her life. Willing to lay down his own if it meant she would be okay.
Thank God that was over. Yes, the rotten liar was safe, and he would do whatever he had to do to make sure she stayed that way. But live with her? Trust her and let her get close to him?
No way.