Cade
CADE
’s fingers shook as he brought the cup of tea to his lips, his mind so caught up in the fury of his thoughts he didn’t notice the people around him at the cafe. Had he really told his mother to fuck off? It wasn’t like it was the first time he’d wanted to, but he’d always clamped his tongue through her bullshit.
still didn’t know how he felt about Elias, but he knew damn well he wasn’t going to listen to her speak about him like that. knew full well that Pamela Masters had never liked Elias and disapproved heavily of ’s close friendship with the man. None of that excused the god-awful, gut-wrenching, cruel things she’d said. His sexuality was up for question, not his loyalty.
“Damn her,” he hissed.
A shadow fell over him, forcing him to look up into the face of one of the last people he wanted to see.
Christine chuckled lightly. “My, my, I never took you for the sort to drink tea, . You continue to be full of surprises.”
“Oh, Christ, not now, Christine,” he snarled.
Her thin brow shot up. “Oh? Having a rough day?”
“I’m having a rough fucking time in general, no thanks to you, and no thanks to my goddamn mother. So maybe you can come back when I feel up to doing the stupid subtle jabbing back-and-forth thing you’re so fond of. Because right now, all I’m willing to do is tell you to fuck off with your games and go back to your goddamn penthouse while you plot how to ruin my life even further,” he spat furiously at her.
That was when he expected her claws to come out, and she’d give him another target to take his anger out on. To his surprise, she tilted her head, her expression softening. Reaching out, she waved to someone in the cafe behind him before sitting carefully in the seat across from him.
“What are you doing?” demanded.
“Tell me what’s going on,” she said, placing her white, gold-trimmed wallet carefully on the table.
“Why?”
“Because you obviously need to talk about it.”
“What about my face, my words, my anything , says I need to talk?”
“All of it. For all the faults Pamela might lay at your feet, you’re not a man to react cruelly or out of anger. If you’re willing to lash out at me, I would say that’s a strong indication something is bothering you.”
narrowed his eyes. “Been speaking to my mother again? Have a nice little chat?”
She laughed softly. “Please, no one speaks with your mother. They listen to her and simply throw in a word here and there to make her think they’re listening. But yes, she’s spoken to me a handful of times over the past week. She’s not happy with you, and from the sounds of it, the feeling is mutual.”
The realization that Christine treated his mother much like did cooled the sharper edges of his anger. He stared at her, trying to figure out what she wanted and what her angle was. A server appeared, placing a steaming cup of something on the table in front of her and then slipping away as Christine murmured her thanks.
“This, what is this?” asked, motioning to her and then to himself.
Christine arched a delicate brow as she brought the cup up to blow on it gently. “This is called concern, .”
“Since when?”
“Rudeness again, I see.”
“You play games, Christine. We both know that, let’s not pretend.”
Christine took a small sip, sighing contentedly as she set the cup down. “True, very true. I won’t sit here and pretend otherwise.”
“Including trying to catch Elias and me in some sort of lie.”
“Also true.”
“And threatening our jobs if you don’t get what you want.”
She paused, tilting her head gently to one side. Her brow creased as she looked him over.
“False,” she said softly.
blinked. “What?”
“False. I had no intention of causing you to lose your job, , nor do I intend to harm your friend. I approached you months ago because I was interested in you. Your continued attempts to evade me were amusing, though less so when Pamela became involved. In truth, I’ve been waiting for you to, what’s the phrase, sack up, and tell me the truth.”
“You...what?”
Christine laughed. “Honestly, , despite how amusing it all was, I was growing a little irritated that you weren’t honest with me. At least if you were, I could tell Pamela it wasn’t going to happen, and it would have spared us both the hassle. Instead, you had to drag it out with excuses, culminating in this latest falsehood.”
stared at her, disbelieving. “You...then, why do all this shit? Why tell the chief and make him think you’d make life hard on him if we were found out as liars? Why throw that stupid fucking party?”
Christine shrugged. “Because this last lie was just so...ridiculous, I couldn’t help myself. You repeatedly made this harder than needed, so I admit, I wanted to see how far you’d take it. Of course, I never expected...is that why you’re so angry?”
“My mother,” hissed at her.
Christine winced. “Ah, yes, of course. Not my finest moment. And where I’ve clearly gone too far. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking. As you said, I enjoy my games, and this one went further than I intended. But I can promise you, you were never in danger from me.”
He felt as relieved as the proverbial man who goes from fryer to freezer. Now was left with the realization that everything he’d done, everything he and Elias had gone through, was because he’d been too scared of telling Christine the truth. Even worse, it had happened because he’d been so sure Christine was out to get him.
“Fuck,” he muttered, rubbing his face.
Christine watched him. “It’s because of what I did, isn’t it? I’m so sorry, , I never meant that to happen. I’ll personally explain to Pamela and Chief Irons.”
snorted, shaking his head. “My mother has bigger issues with me right now than that.”
She nodded in understanding. “I see I’m not the only one who faced your acid tongue today.”
“No, and she’s...well, what’s done is done.”
Instead, he had a bigger problem. Despite hating his life slowly falling apart before his eyes, he was more worried about his...friendship, relationship, whatever the hell it was called, with Elias. Everything had happened so fast, and he still wasn’t sure what he was supposed to think and feel. Now he had the chance to finally be free of it, to have him and Elias return to where they’d started.
But did he want to?
“I don’t want to date you,” he blurted.
“Color me surprised,” she said dryly.
“And I wasn’t dating Elias.”
“I see. Was that so hard?”
“Not now. Not when there’s bigger problems.”
“Like Pamela?”
“Like—”
He hesitated for a moment, and then it spilled out of him. The ease of their friendship and the casualness of their contact and affection for one another. The way things had begun to change rapidly making them more aware of every little thing they did. Sometimes, it was just awkward, and sometimes it was awkward because it was comforting.
“Then, the night of your so-called congratulatory party?—”
Christine’s eyes widened slightly, but to her credit, she showed only mild surprise and listened attentively. skated over the intimate details of that night but made sure she knew that more had happened than in two years of friendship. How they were left to drift apart while still pretending in public, never really knowing what that night meant.
How even the fire, and how badly it had struck the fear of God into almost to lose his friend, hadn’t done anything more than confuse him further. He was a man who’d been firmly in the heterosexual camp his whole life, but now he found himself wanting someone else. And not just someone else, his very straight friend, who seemed more interested in the strange attraction that had seemingly sprung up overnight than was.
When he was done, he was left to stare at his half-drunk, cold cup of tea. He realized he’d never put everything into words before, leaving everything to stew in his head for days. And he certainly hadn’t expected to tell the whole story to Christine, of all people.
Christine took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “That was...quite the story, .”
“It’s true. Every word of it,” said hurriedly.
“Oh, I don’t doubt for an instant that this is the most honest you’ve ever been with me. And I also don’t doubt that everything you’ve been feeling toward Elias is genuine,” she said.
snorted, taking a hasty drink. “Right, the lifelong bachelor and womanizer, Kaidan Masters, is suddenly into his best friend, who, for the record, is also straight.”
Christine shook her head, tapping the table gently. “You’re focusing too much on whether or not it makes sense, not whether it feels right. Are you honestly so hung up on your heterosexuality? Is that it?”
wrinkled his nose. “This isn’t about being against gay guys.”
“Well, no, I imagine not. When I spoke to Chief Irons the night of the party, he was adamant that you and Elias have both been excellent when it comes to your gay co-worker.”
“Well, yeah. Matt’s a good guy.”
“But?”
scowled. “It’s different when suddenly you find two straight guys wanting to...do not so straight things.”
“I believe you can just come right out and say that you’re experiencing sexual and romantic attraction to Elias.”
“Geez, Christine, if you’re going to be that blunt, you might as well just say ‘fuck and date’ while you’re at it.”
She chuckled. “The end result is the same.”
“And hard to wrap my brain around.”
Christine ran a finger around the rim of her cup. “Look, I’ll make it simple. Do you care about him?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want him to be in your life for the rest of your lives?”
“Damn right.”
“Do you share your lives and want to continue to do it?”
“Yep.”
“And does being around him, spending time with him, showing affection, physical and otherwise, make you feel good, happy, and content?”
’s mouth worked before finally nodding. “Yes.”
Christine smiled wide. “And are you sexually attracted to him?”
’s mouth slammed shut, and he brought his eyes to the tabletop between them. His cheeks burned, but he kept silent as he tried to figure out how he wanted to answer that.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about that night since it happened. It had been so different, feeling so much strength in the grip of someone holding onto him. How it had been so weird, yet somehow natural, to dance and grind with Elias as they tried to put on a show for the masses. Then the kiss. What should have been awkward had instead left feeling dizzy and off-balance.
Then they’d been alone. And sure, had no doubt the alcohol in their system had played a part, but he couldn’t pretend it was just that. No, it may have been the catalyst that pushed them over the edge, away from their inhibitions. Elias’ mouth on his, holding them tightly together as they pushed, ground, and finally shot over the edge into...well, probably one of the best orgasms had ever had.
Did he want that again? Did he want to strip Elias of his clothes carefully, or maybe even roughly? Did he want to feel Elias’ mouth on his body again, maybe lower than before?
Christ, did he want to know what it felt like to have Elias inside him and for him to be inside Elias?
answered the only way he could.
“Yes.”
It was soft, but the impact of the admission rocked him. He’d been flinging himself internally, back and forth, between wanting to admit his feelings, new and strange as they were, and desperately trying to get back to normalcy. In all that time, he had never laid out exactly what he’d been feeling, only sensing it at the edge of his thoughts and hurriedly running away.
Christine parted her hands, smiling again. “Then I suppose you have your answer. You have everything you need to take the step of turning your lie into the truth. If he wants it, and you want it, that’s all you need. Everything else is just an existential crisis.”
“That sounds so...middle school,” protested.
Christine chuckled, shrugging her thin shoulders. “We all have our existential crises from time to time. From what Pamela has told me, you’ve spent most of your adult life knowing what you wanted, which wasn’t what your family wanted. And what you didn’t want, which was the life you had before. Now you’ve hit a point where what you thought you should want and what you actually want have clashed.”
smiled. “So, I’m being dramatic and stupid?”
“Of course, you’re human. We’re all stupid and dramatic creatures. It’s in our nature. That doesn’t make it wrong.”
pushed his cup away. “You know, I never once pictured it would be you who made me feel better about this.”
“And never once did I picture my little joke would spiral into this. Then again, if this works out for the two of you, maybe I’ll feel a little less guilty.”
stood up. “Just...don’t let it go completely.
Christine gave him a bright smile, perhaps the truest he’d seen from her. “No. One must learn from their mistakes. Even if the results turn out well.”
Before leaving, he bent down, kissing her on the cheek gently. “Thank you, Christine. You gave me a lot to think about.”
Christine winked, picking her teacup up. “Go and think, . Take the time to learn how to deal with what you’ve just said. But one last piece of advice, if I may be so bold?”
stopped. “What’s that?”
She met his gaze. “Maybe, don’t leave him out of the process. Talk to him too.”