Theo
THEO
Staring, felt his brain stutter and grind to a halt. He’d known a doctor from one of the hospitals would be coming in, but he hadn’t even thought to ask which hospital. Hell, even if he’d known which one, he would have regarded the chances of it being Grant as next to zero.
What had started as trying to find out how long the doctor would take with Virginia had rapidly devolved into an impromptu staring contest. And God save him, Grant still looked good. There was some scruff on his face that wasn’t there usually, and the bags under his eyes were heavier. Yet, he was still the same tall man, arms filling out his coat nicely, his blue eyes catching and reflecting the light.
“Hi...Grant,” he managed.
Grant flashed him a neutral and professional smile. “So you’re the one Mrs. Walsh was talking about.”
blinked, cocking his head as he tried to wrap his thoughts around the statement. A few seconds later, he remembered that was the name of the woman who ran the Center.
“Oh, right. Her,” managed.
Grant raised a brow. “Are you in need of being checked out as well?”
That sent ’s brain firing again, though not in the direction Grant had probably intended. cleared his throat, shaking his head as he tried to stop the sudden onslaught of memories. He was also privately happy that he’d chosen to wear looser pants than usual. Otherwise, the memories of Grant’s hand and mouth on him would have outed him easily.
“?” one of the kids called, sounding irritated.
waved at them. “Go on, behave yourselves with Mrs. Walsh. I’ll catch up.”
It was met with a chorus of groans, bringing a smile to his face. Blair had been right, the visit had been something he shouldn’t have put off for so long. Donating a considerable chunk of his income to the Center was all well and good, but the kids needed more than just money thrown at them.
“Didn’t know she’d talk to the visiting doctor about me,” muttered once the kids were out of earshot.
Grant gave him another professional, if somewhat strained, smile. “She spoke highly of you, practically sang your praises. Seems you saved this place from falling under.”
“She said that, huh?”
“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”
“And why’s that?” asked, wondering if he wanted to hear the answer.
Grant’s smile flickered, his lips going thin. “Because you’re a passionate man who wants to see something good in the world and bring hope. It shows a little in the way you paint, and I’ve suspected for a while that you’ve wanted to make that more apparent but just haven’t figured out how.”
took a deep breath, resisting the urge to back out of the doorway and flee after the kids. He’d never given Grant enough credit, apparently. Even hadn’t completely realized what he’d been trying to achieve with his new work, but Grant’s words echoed powerfully in his head, ringing with truth.
As for the assessment of his character? could only acknowledge the dull ache it brought. Grant was a good man, and he’d treated beautifully. Staring the man in the face and hearing him speak only praise was almost too much.
Fuck, what had he done?
“Thank you,” said softly.
Grant gathered up his folders, taking time to inspect them. “I’m glad the kids have someone like you to show up and spend time with them.”
“It’s a good laugh or two for them,” said.
Grant looked up, dark eyes sweeping over . “Do they know?”
took a minute to understand what he meant. “That I’m bi? Yeah, they know.”
Grant nodded, gathering up his folders. “Then they know they can be themselves completely and still get somewhere in life. Whether that means their sexuality, gender identity, or whatever else might mark them as themselves.”
had a feeling that was a comment aimed at his less-than-conventional appearance. He’d known the other man had always loved his tattoos, considering how often Grant’s fingers found their way to ’s arm, tracing their shape. It had been one of the things that endeared to him, this seemingly uptight and high-class man, adoring ’s lifelong adornments.
Realizing Grant was trying to leave, stepped out of the doorway to let him pass. The older man flashed him what was probably meant to be a grateful smile but looked more pained than anything. watched him as he made his way toward the front entrance.
“Wait,” called, taking a step forward.
Grant turned to face warily. ’s heart pounded as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say. Grant’s eyes on him felt incredibly heavy, almost rooting to the spot.
opened his mouth, trying to find the words, any words at all, to cover what he was feeling. The Center was silent for the first time since he’d arrived earlier that day, and it felt impossibly loud to his ears.
“I-I’m…” began, freezing when he realized what he was going to say.
Grant swallowed hard. “I know you’re sorry, .”
It wasn’t quite the reaction he’d expected from Grant, but then again, hadn’t deserved anything less. With only a few feet between them, couldn’t help but stare. They had been good together, and Grant had been perfect for him. Never pushing, never prying, letting be , no matter how difficult or strange it was to deal with.
Here was the first person who had never demanded be anyone else. Here was a man who had taken the time he’d spent with as a gift, to be treasured rather than expected. Grant had always made time for him, being his warm, kind, and eternally patient self.
And had given him a pitiful letter in return.
Grant’s face twisted into a pained facsimile of a smile, giving another nod before turning away. darted forward, unable to stop himself. If Grant got away, would never be able to say what needed to be said. If Grant walked out the door, would never have the courage to hunt the man down again. Everything would be left scattered across the floor, stepped and trodden on where had dumped it.
He caught Grant’s arm and tried to pull him around. Grant stiffened under his touch, freezing in place.
“Don’t,” Grant said, voice low and trembling.
“Grant,” began.
Grant’s blue eyes flashed to ’s face, color giving way to black. “Don’t, . Don’t touch me. Not unless you mean it, not unless?—”
swallowed hard as Grant took a deep breath.
“Just don’t,” Grant said, voice bitter. “I can live with what happened, and one day, I might be able to stop hurting from everything that could have been. But I can’t do that if this lingers. I can’t linger...I won’t. So please, don’t.”
watched his fingers release their grip on Grant’s arm and took a step back. His throat was too tight to say anything, looking down at his feet rather than at Grant’s taut features. The other man took a moment, adjusting his coat and readjusting his hold on the folders and bag. Grant stared at him a little longer, and could feel him gearing up to say something.
Instead, Grant walked off, pace brisk and steady. ’s heart sank as he realized he could practically taste the professional image Grant had carefully built around himself for years. It was nothing but a veneer, carefully constructed around the warm and gentle person Grant was, so willing to give himself to another. It was a facade that had only shown itself at the beginning of whatever they were, and now it was glaring him in the face.
God, what had he done?
Running his shaking hand over his face, forced himself to take a deep breath. Whatever he had intended to say to Grant would have to go unsaid. Without something more in the works, Grant didn’t want to hear . Didn’t want to know his regrets.
And didn’t Grant deserve that? Didn’t he deserve someone to give him that without running for the hills?
The thought made sick. His stomach twisted as his mind ran away from him, calling up images of some unknown guy curled in Grant’s bed. Someone who could summon that private smile Grant had for him, so full of soft happiness and boundless hope. Someone who would give Grant everything, the things he should have had with .
“Fuck,” said shakily, putting one foot in front of the other to catch up with the group.