Theo
THEO
A flash of pain lanced through his head, drawing a gasp from as he rolled over. To make matters worse, the light pouring in through the east window mocked him with its cheerful glow. His tongue felt like sandpaper, and he couldn’t even begin to describe the foul taste filling his mouth.
Blinking blearily at the bedside table, he frowned. There were two bottles of water and a couple of pills sitting next to what looked like a bar of some sort. Getting up, he realized it was a protein bar with a small, folded letter next to it. Ignoring the pounding in his head, he picked the paper up and read the small, neat writing.
Drink a whole bottle with the pills and eat the bar. Then, drink the other bottle. Come on down when you’re feeling better.
There was no signature, but didn’t need one. A small smile quirked on his lips as he did as he was told, though the protein bar took longer than the first bottle of water. Thankfully, nausea wasn’t something he dealt with when hungover, but the protein bar wasn’t all that tasty.
He allowed himself to sprawl on the bed, propping his back up with pillows. took his time sipping the second bottle of water. He wasn’t sure if he should feel guilty or touched that Grant had dealt with his shit last night, dumped him in bed, and left out hangover aids for him. Only under the morning light did he realize Grant had lied to him about not needing more sleep.
Well, maybe he would settle on both emotions.
wouldn’t have blamed Grant if the man had turned him away. What had started as a few drinks to try and purge his thoughts following the awkward meeting in the Center had quickly morphed into far too many drinks. The time between leaving the bar and getting to Grant’s place was a little blurry.
He remembered talking to Grant, though, pouring out his heart and soul as the world spun around him. The edges of the memory were fuzzy, but he’d offered Grant the truth in a way had never offered anyone else. Yes, had been drunk, hell he’d been absolutely wasted, but he remembered.
And he’d meant every goddamn word he’d said.
Of course, what followed would be what really mattered. would have to get out of bed and find Grant to find that out, though. closed his eyes, letting the headache slowly bleed out of him as he braced himself. Grant could say whatever he wanted, do whatever he wanted. If he turned his back on , it was exactly what deserved.
There was still a pulse of pain in his head when he stood up. It was manageable, though, and the water and protein bar had taken the edge off the ache and discomfort. The stairs were cool on his bare feet as he descended, keeping a hand on the railing to steady himself.
He found Grant sitting at the dining room table, a laptop in front of him. A pen was held between his teeth, a pad of paper beside him. stared for a few seconds, charmed as he watched Grant’s fingers tap the keys comfortably, only to pluck the pen from his lips to jot something down.
The only sounds were the tapping of Grant’s fingers and the TV playing softly in the living room. glanced at it, faintly amused, as he saw the local news station logo in the bottom corner. His eyes flicked over the banner at the bottom, catching the word ‘arson.’
“Huh,” he grunted in mild surprise. “They caught him.”
Grant looked up, blinking as he spotted . “Oh. Good morning.”
“Hey,” said, voice a little rough.
“On a scale of one to death, how’re you feeling?”
gave him a crooked smile. “I’m okay, been a lot worse.”
Grant cringed. “I remember a few choice nights back in university. I’ve felt beyond death before. There’s coffee if you want some.”
took the offer, pouring himself a cup. “Really? You don’t strike me as the party type.”
Grant chuckled. “I let myself have some fun here and there. Mostly when I didn’t have a lot to do or when nothing important was happening the next day. Well, there’s still a lot you don’t know about me,” Grant said softly.
hesitated while taking a drink. Were they going to do this now? Well, apparently, they were.
“I’d like to know those things,” said, refusing to acknowledge the squirm in his gut.
Grant’s eyes met his, gaze steady. “Would you?”
took a deep breath, then nodded. “Yeah.”
Grant cocked his head, brow stitching together slightly. With precise, even movements, he set his pen beside the pad of paper and closed the laptop lid. One hand wrapped around his cup of coffee while the other lay on the table.
He was waiting.
Wincing, sat in the chair opposite Grant. Taking a sip of the coffee, he watched Grant’s blue eyes, heart skipping a beat at the vibrancy the morning sun gave them. It might have taken liquid courage to get him to Grant’s house and get him to start talking, but knew he was going to have to do a lot better than that. The past two weeks had been utter hell, and it was time to stand up and admit why.
“I’ve missed you every single day. I told myself why it was a good idea and that it was better the way things were,” blurted.
“Better for who?” Grant asked softly.
gave him a sick smile. “I thought it was better for both of us, but it wasn’t...was it?”
Pain flickered across Grant’s otherwise impassive features, but he remained silent.
sighed. “It wasn’t better, not for me, and I don’t think it was for you either.”
“No,” Grant said so quietly that strained to hear him. “I suppose it wasn’t.”
stared down at his steaming cup of coffee. “It wasn’t better. It was so much worse. I thought that by...getting away, I could just swim for shore. But all I did was start to sink.”
“Keeping the metaphor, I see,” Grant said, carrying a tone of faint amusement.
sighed. “Kind of the best I’ve got right now. I just...I got worse. I got mean . I thought it would pass, but all I did was kick myself up and down for what I’d done. I mean, for fuck’s sake, being with you was the first time I ever felt accepted by someone, cherished by someone, wanted by someone. And when I realized where things were going, I ran like a coward.”
“No!”
The anger in Grant’s voice jerked ’s head up. Grant’s features were no longer calm but shadowed with frustration.
“Grant, I’m…” said, trying to apologize.
Grant’s jaw tightened. “Stop saying you’re sorry. I know you’re sorry.”
looked down at the table, nodding slowly. He’d known Grant would be angry, and as much as it pained him, he knew he deserved it.
“You’re not a coward.”
froze, unsure what to say.
Grant leaned forward, waiting until finally pulled his gaze up before he continued speaking. “You’ve been dealt a shitty hand in life, . You never got to have the family I had, the support and the love. You’ve had to be alone for so long you don’t know how to be anything else. Despite all that, you’ve learned how to stand on your own and live your life the way you want to, on your terms. You’ve practiced your art and followed your passions, yet you throw most of what you have at a bunch of kids who need someone like you. Those aren’t the actions of a coward, and they’re not the actions of someone who doesn’t give a shit. You do care and feel, probably with greater depth than I can ever understand. So yes, you ran, but that doesn’t make you a coward. It makes you a person who’s terrified of someone hurting you deeply again. Wanting to be safe isn’t a crime, .”
The strength drained out of with every word. His eyes stung, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Grant’s determined face. had been the one to run, take whatever fragile thing they’d been building, and shatter it on the floor. Why was Grant the one doing the comforting?
Grant stood up, marching around the table. “I knew you were scared, but I didn’t talk about it. I left you to it. I left you alone to deal with those things because I was too scared of what it would do. I was selfish, wanting what we had to go on for as long as it possibly could.”
’s hands lay limply on the table. “Grant, that wasn’t...you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Grant knelt beside him. “I left you alone to deal with things. I should have reached out. I should have been there.”
gave him a hollow smile. “I would have just ignored it or run sooner.”
Grant reached out, taking ’s hand in his. “Maybe, or maybe it would have given you a reason to stay. And that’s what I wanted, . Not a good time, but a long time. You’re a wickedly smart, passionate, and caring man. I wasn’t looking for something like you, but you barreled into my life with a flash and a bang.”
“And a tongue piercing,” ’s chuckle watery.
“And you brought color and life to my world. I would’ve never thought it, but you fit, we fit. And if that scared you so much, you should have known that you could always come to me, to talk to me. Just like we’re doing now.”
looked up, unable to help the twinge of hope budding in his chest.
Grant brought ’s hands between his own, holding them in ’s lap. “And if you meant what you said last night and a little bit ago, then we still have that chance. I promise you, we can do that together. And you will never have to go through life feeling like you have nowhere to turn, that you’re not wanted or loved.”
’s eyes widened. “Uh, um, Grant, I?—”
Grant tightened his hold on ’s hands. “I’m not kneeling here, professing my love for you, .”
“Oh,” muttered, unsure if he was relieved or disappointed.
“But I am saying that I could love you. You’re not the only one who felt like they were falling.”
leaned back. “Oh.”
Grant laced their fingers together. “And if you’re willing to do this, I’ll be there to help you swim every time you feel like you’re drowning. But, you have to be willing to talk to me, to trust me. Do you think you can do that?”
looked deep into the dark blue eyes glittering up at him. Grant was promising more than had ever dared dream of having for himself, let alone have offered to him. It was terrifying in its immensity, in both the threat and promise it presented.
Yet, had meant every word he’d said to Grant. He’d never known anyone quite like Grant, nor had he ever known someone to accept him so completely. Even after ran, Grant was offering even more than before, forgiving him in the same breath that he promised to take care of him, to be there for him. This man was offering him a world where he could just be .
leaned forward, cupping Grant’s face and drawing him close. He sighed softly as their lips met, warmth flooding his chest and washing the nerves loose. With Grant, he was safe. He was whole. Perhaps it was the scariest thing he’d ever felt, but it was also the greatest. There, with Grant’s hands in his, his lips upon his, could find something that felt like home.
“Yes,” whispered gently. “I can do that.”
“You and me,” Grant insisted.
“You and me.”