Ethan
ETHAN
Misery didn’t seem appropriate to define what hung over in the days following the incident. The horror of watching Keith pin Matt down and feeling helpless as he tried to separate them. The terror he’d felt, staring at his big brother as he’d raged, having found and Matt kissing. All of it tied into the shame of how badly he’d failed, though whether he thought he’d failed his brother or Matt depended more on some mercurial switch inside his head, he had no control over.
Keith barely spoke and did his best not to make eye contact with . His brother had said nothing about the entire incident. He had merely lurked around their shared apartment, face bandaged, eyes black, and growled and snapped at every little thing that annoyed him. When he’d been told he was being suspended for a couple of weeks, his temper had grown so fierce had spent more time out of the apartment than in it.
had to begrudgingly admit that his brother’s silence, while painful, was better than his anger. At least hadn’t been thrown out, even if his brother seemed determined to pretend he didn’t exist.
Matt, though, weighed on ’s mind. Through listening to a loud conversation between Keith and Davis over the phone, he heard that Matt had also been suspended for the same amount of time. Apparently, the chief had determined that the two men had got into a ‘personal disagreement’ rather than what could have easily been a discrimination accusation laid at Keith’s feet.
Thinking about it only made him miserable and restless, and had taken to roaming around Port Dale aimlessly. Sometimes, he wandered the more crowded areas, where strip malls nestled between fast food places and other places where high-end boutiques shared a wall with artisanal bakeries and cafes. When those grew irritating, with all their sounds and crowds, he’d go to the beach, but he always avoided it around sunset.
After a few days, he changed his pattern and finally drifted into the less popular areas of the city. He had no idea what each district was called, but he eventually found himself wandering into what could only be described as the factory district. Though there weren’t just factories and warehouses, there were homes and apartment buildings, looking as gray and rundown as the production facilities. The people walking around erred toward the rough, some gloomy or mean-looking, others friendly but still rough around the edges.
It was a familiar sort of place for him. It reminded him of the neighborhood his parents had lived in before his father took off, and his mother eventually drowned in enough drugs to kill herself. And the people, as rough-looking and sometimes mean as they were, seemed friendly enough, if a little wary. Some reminded him of the people he’d grown up seeing, and others could have fit into any Marine infantry squad if they were handed a gun and tossed in the desert.
Eventually, his legs called for a rest, and he wandered into the first bar he found. He bought a beer he didn’t want and slipped out onto what was supposed to be a back patio. To his surprise, he realized it faced the ocean, though there was no beach beneath it, just rocks that splashed the water up between the gaps in the wood.
After deciding the deck wouldn’t collapse beneath him, he sat on a chair in the corner. Sighing, he propped his feet onto the railing, set his beer on the table beside him, and stared at the sea.
Purple was heavy behind dark clouds, with only a few streaks of red. It wasn’t nearly as beautiful as the sunset he’d seen walking with Matt, but he thought that was only fair. This one was far more somber and melancholy, or maybe that was just his mood interpreting it. He didn’t know, and he supposed it didn’t matter. Things had fallen apart, and he was more than happy to wallow.
“Good God,” a voice said from behind him. “I came out here to one of my favorite spots, and what do I find? A damn good-looking man...and the saddest son of a bitch I’ve seen in a while.”
jerked, turning toward the voice to find a man standing a few feet from his table. His hair was dark near the roots, with brilliant streaks of magenta and violet. Piercings littered his face, and ink coated the skin showing under his tank top.
“Hi,” the man said, and saw a flash of a tongue ring.
“Uh, can I help you?” asked.
The man flopped down on the chair opposite . “No, but it sure does look like someone could help you or at least try.”
“Uh, thank you? But I’m alright,” said, unable to help but stare.
“Name’s Theo,” the man announced, holding a bottle up in salute. “And you happen to be in my happy place, and you’re anything but happy. So think of me helping you as helping myself too.”
“I can just go,” grunted.
Theo looked over him, his mouth turning up into a smirk. “Oh, stay. Sad or not, you’re good eye candy.”
“Are you always this bold?” asked.
“Usually. Works out pretty well for me, but don’t worry, I’m not trying to make a move. I’m happily claimed, if you can believe it. Me, claimed, and happy about it. God, there’s some former fuck buddies of mine out there who would shit themselves at the idea,” Theo chuckled, taking a drink. “But it’s true. And I’m more than happy to brag about it. But I also know when I see something nice looking, kind of comes with the territory, I guess.”
“Uh, the territory?” asked, blinking.
Theo held up a stained hand. “Artist. We deal with the aesthetic.”
“You’re calling me good-looking because you’re an artist?”
“Well, no, it’s because you’re hot. But I can appreciate it as an artist too.”
“So you’re just horny.”
“And harmlessly flirtatious. Well, mostly harmless. I think the boyfriend would disagree some days. Swears up and down I’m going to give him a stroke.”
For the first time in days, laughed. “I think I can see why.”
Theo grinned. “I take that as high praise. I’ve been a pain in the ass for as long as I can remember, and at this point, it’s a badge of honor. I get to go to bed every night, knowing I’m a disappointment to my parents and that I have a great man who puts up with me and, hell, loves me for it.”
smiled a little sadly at that. “Sounds great.”
Theo glanced at him. “Ah, girl trouble?”
“A guy, actually,” said before he could stop himself.
Theo nodded. “A guy, good, good. Oh, not because you’re having problems. I just don't know what to do about girl problems. Had plenty of guy problems, though, so I can speak with far more experience and confidence.”
“I’m not sure what to say to that,” admitted.
“Yeah, well, don’t say anything then. I was a bit of a slut, or, ya know, a lot of one. But that’s in the past,” Theo said, waving it off with his hand. “So what happened? One of you do something you shouldn’t have? Parents that hate one of you, both of you?”
“Uh, a bit of both, sort of,” said, wondering why he was talking to this stranger. “But it’s not your problem.”
Theo shrugged. “I like people, I like their lives and hearing their problems. It’s why I like coming to this side of town often, instead of spending all my time in my boyfriend’s nice house by the coast. And if there’s anything I’ve learned, sometimes a complete stranger can be the best person to talk to about your problems. What are the chances you’ll run into me again in a city this big?”
There was a logic there couldn’t deny. And there was something incredibly endearing about the other man. Sure, he was a little loud and pushy, but also genuine. supposed that if he had to talk to someone, it should at least be someone who wasn’t invested and wasn’t likely to cause further trouble.
“It’s not our parents,” explained. “It’s my brother. Who was like a brother and a parent to me growing up.”
“Doesn’t approve of the boyfriend?”
“We weren’t...we hadn’t got that far yet.”
“Ah, fresh and new, gotcha.”
sighed, looking down at his beer and deciding to take a drink. “He’s, uh, not big on the whole gay thing.”
“Oooh, I’m sure he’d love to meet my family. They’re pissed that I’m ‘living in sin’ or whatever bullshit it is.”
“Not a religious thing with him. He just...he doesn’t like it,” said, willing to tell this stranger about his problem but not his brother’s problems.
“Ah, right, fun.”
“And he didn’t know...about me.”
“Ooh, okay. I’m guessing he didn’t take the news well.”
grimaced, taking another drink. “He found out because he saw me and his co-worker kissing at work. Words were thrown around, my brother got in Matt’s face, and the next thing I knew, Matt was?—”
Theo looked at him sharply. “Is he okay?”
snorted. “Heartbroken. But he’s physically okay. He just...lost it, took my brother down, and railed on him. I never thought he would or that he could?—”
“So, your brother got pissed, picked a fight, then lost the fight?”
“That about sums it up.”
“Well, I know he’s your brother and a big deal to you, but uh, sounds like he got what was coming.”
sighed. “Yeah, not arguing that. And I’m not mad at Matt for doing what he did. But that never should have happened. Even the other guys who work there, who saw it, were shocked and had to pull Matt off him. To see him that angry, I realized how much crap he must have been putting up with this whole time from my brother. He didn’t deserve that, and it shouldn’t have gone that far.”
“This guy, Matt, what’s he like?”
smiled at that. “Sweet, patient, good, and kind.”
“And apparently one hell of a fist-fighter,” Theo noted.
had to laugh softly at that. “I guess everyone has their breaking point, and that was his. He had every right to lose his temper, and my brother had it coming. But...if I’d been quicker to stop my brother, or shit, even told my brother I was gay, I could have saved so much grief. But instead, I kept my mouth shut and let things happen. It was Matt who ended up paying the price.”
Cowardice, that’s what had to call it. He had been a coward for far too long, and it had finally come back to bite him in the ass. Which would have been bad enough, but for someone like Matt to have been caught in the crossfire made it even worse.
“He hasn’t texted or called,” said softly. “And I don’t blame him. I’d probably stay away from me too, after that.”
“Wait, wait, hold on a second. You’re saying this guy is like, super nice and patient.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“And you think he’s going to hold this shit against you?”
blinked. “Wouldn’t you?”
Theo shrugged. “Maybe, probably. I don’t know. But I’m not super nice and patient. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a bit of an ass. But from the sounds of it, he isn’t . I mean, shit, if he can compare to my boyfriend in that whole nice guy territory, he’s probably a lot less angry at you than you think.”
“And he’s what, giving me space?” asked in confusion.
Theo gave him a dubious look. “You hit your head at some point in your life?”
“Several times,” told him.
“Oh, one of those, alright, here. Let me lay this out for you,” Theo told him. “Now, mind you, I don’t actually know you guys, but here’s what I’m seeing. If anything, he’s probably worried you’re mad at him.”
“What, why? He didn’t do anything wrong,” protested.
“Yeah, well, neither did you.”
“I could’ve?—”
“Told your homophobe brother the truth. Yeah, I know. Thing is, you don’t owe anyone that kind of information. Well, except this Matt guy, but your brother? Fuck that. He didn’t need to know, especially if this is the way he’s going to act. You not telling him? You’re not wrong about that, dude, let it go.”
“And if I had,” insisted, “this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But that doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong. But I bet this Matt guy, if he’s the kind of person you say he is, feels all torn up about it. Probably thinks it’s his fault because you two kissing is what outed you to your brother. And I mean, hell, you guys were doing it at your brother’s workplace. That was pretty risky.”
scowled at him. “That doesn’t make it his fault. He was just being affectionate.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with that,” Theo agreed, still sounding amused. “And that’s kind of what I’m telling you. You did nothing wrong. He did nothing wrong. Your brother’s an asshole who needs to get over himself. And you need to talk to Matt...and eventually your brother.”
“I don’t know which one scares me the most,” admitted.
Theo shrugged. “You love your brother?”
“Absolutely, he was everything to me growing up, and I was all he had too.”
“So he loves you.”
“Yes.”
“Then maybe this is the chance for him to finally see how much of a prick he is with all this anti-gay shit. And if not well, it’s his loss,” Theo said, draining his bottle. “If he really loves you, he can love you for who you are and what you are. But you shouldn’t live your life based on his standards.”
“Easier said than done,” muttered, tapping his bottle nervously.
“Eh, most things in life are. Relationships, whether family, friends, or love, are messy and difficult. Doesn’t mean you can’t demand better for yourself and give the same to other people.”
“And Matt?”
“That,” Theo said, standing up. “Is the easy part. Talk to him. Find out if he’s as mad as you think he should be or if he’s mad at himself. You might not be able to talk him out of either, but you’ll kick yourself if you never do it, and if you go for too long, it’ll be like you never did it at all.”
“He deserves good things,” said softly.
“Then give him that. Otherwise, you’re both going to be sitting alone, miserable and staring off into the distance. And trust me, as good-looking as you are, you look better when you laugh. Broody doesn’t suit you,” Theo said, plucking his bottle from the table.
chuckled. “Thanks, Theo. You off?”
“I happen to have a hot date with the sexiest doctor in the city. I plan on getting very drunk with him over a fancy dinner and then copping a feel in the Uber home,” Theo said with a wink.
“Good luck with that,” told him.
“Oh, there’s no luck involved, I’m just that good,” Theo said with a chuckle, turning away. “Take care of yourself, and take care of your boy while you’re at it.”
settled back into his seat with a frown. He had been telling himself for the past couple of weeks that all he wanted was to take care of Matt. Matt deserved to have someone take care of him, help him, and be at his side.
“Thanks, random stranger,” muttered into his bottle before draining it.
Theo was right, his brother could wait, but Matt deserved better.