Chapter 13 Rebel
M y fingers twitched as my hands clasped together, and I sucked in a deep breath, watching Heron’s reaction. I told him everything once we woke this morning, staying in our room to have the conversation we both dreaded but needed. Well, almost everything. I didn’t tell him about the baby I lost yet. It hurt more than all the rapes and beatings combined.
Heron paced the floor, long since moving from my side since his anger made it impossible to remain still. His neck cracked, and the muscles on his back and shoulders popped and rolled as he tried to wrangle that veracious, bloodthirsty beast inside him that craved vengeance.
“You’re not saying anything,” I pointed out, becoming increasingly nervous the longer it went without him speaking.
“I don’t want to yell, curse, or overwhelm you,” he admitted through clenched teeth. His jaw seemed so tense I thought he might break his jaw.
“Heron, look at me.”
He paused, curling his hands into fists as our eyes met. “Babe. I need to do something about this.”
“Do what? Go after Paul?”
“Hammerhead is a dead man,” he growled.
“And what of you, huh? Do I risk losing you right after we find each other? Because I don’t think it’s necessary to chase him down. You don’t need his blood on your hands.”
“Yeah, I fucking do,” he argued, resuming his long strides across the carpet, wearing it thin from his shitkicker boots and relentless fury. “He doesn’t get away with hurting you.”
“God, I love that you’re my dark knight. I can’t tell you how many times I wished someone would save me from Paul. I begged God, pleaded for rescue, and wished on every fallen star.”
He nearly stumbled as those words left my mouth, staring at me with raw pain visible in his eyes. “I would give anything to meet you before he did. I would have loved you from the beginning and saved you from him.”
“But not my father,” I replied in a soft voice.
Agony stretched across his features. “I’ll kill him too. They’ll both suffer.”
“You can’t kill everyone who’s ever wronged me, Heron.”
“The fuck I can’t.”
A sigh escaped my lips. “Babe, I need you to drop this and let it go. Focus on what we have instead of the past.”
His chin dropped, and I saw the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He wanted to argue and fight for me, and I loved that he wanted to burn the world down for me and vanquish every enemy. He was everything I ever wanted or needed, the yin to my yang and the other half of my circle of life that completed me in every way. I never knew how powerful love could be until we met. Now, I couldn’t live without it.
The hardest part still remained, but I didn’t have the courage at this moment to reveal the final piece of my tainted story. It had to wait until I felt I could reveal my sorrow and the painful loss of my child. Heron wouldn’t be able to hear it today without walking out the door and hopping on his bike.
He’d hunt Paul down, and I couldn’t let it happen.
“I want to stay angry for you, Babe. I don’t want to let that slip from my focus because if I do, it’s saying I’m okay with what happened to you. And I’m not fucking okay with it, Rebel. I never will be.”
“That makes two of us,” I admitted.
He sank onto the mattress beside me, reaching for my hand. His fingers tethered with mine as he breathed, trying so damn hard to give me what I asked. “How do we move on from this?”
“Together,” I replied firmly. “We get through every minute, every hour, and each day until it’s far into our past. Side by side. Holding hands, just like this.”
His forehead lowered to mine as we breathed in tandem. “Okay. For you, I’ll try.”
ABOUT A WEEK LATER , we stood by the bar, joking with Crow, Bella, and a few others, when Hawk entered, followed by that big behemoth of a man, Brax. I noticed him before Heron did.
Hawk called out, “Hey, Heron, you’ve got a visitor. Get over here.”
Heron shook his head as he turned from Talon, catching a glimpse of Brax as Hawk pointed at him.
Why the fuck was he here? Maybe that seemed rude, but the rally had been horrible for multiple reasons, and meeting Cerys and Brax had been one of them. I didn’t hate either of them, but I also wasn’t comfortable with Heron’s beautiful ex-girlfriend.
Heron blinked in surprise and seemed as apprehensive as me. He frowned as he saw the tense expression on Brax’s face. The guy seemed wound tight, and it showed.
He didn’t reach for my hand before slowly heading for Brax and Hawk, which irritated me. Irrational, sure, but I still felt uneasy about Cerys. He could have paid attention to me following him, but I think he must have been curious, and that stole his focus.
I could see the hesitation warring on his face as he lifted his hand to shake with Brax. They shook, neither man appearing to try to overpower the other. “Hi. This is a surprise. What can I do for ya?” The cautious question proved he wasn’t comfortable with Brax showing up either. Good.
“Hi, Heron. Hello, Rebel.”
His greeting eased a little of my tension.
“I know this is unexpected. I’m sorry. I had no phone number to call you, and I’d like to talk to you alone.”
As soon as those words left his mouth, worry spiked in my veins. Why alone? What did he have to say that I couldn’t hear?
Heron glanced my way and shrugged. Fucking shrugged. “Sure, follow me. Spark, stay here. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Before I could reply, he placed a tender kiss on my lips and walked away. Brax followed.
Everyone in the bar had stopped what they were doing to stare at Brax, and he felt it. His broad shoulders straightened as he called out greetings to the members he met at the rally. Questioning glances were thrown his way, but no one interfered. They wouldn’t.
I stared at the closed door after they entered a room, equally annoyed and curious as to the reason for Brax’s visit.
“Hey, Rebel.”
I didn’t turn my focus from the door as Bree approached me. “Hey.”
“I’m sure it’s going to be okay.”
Maybe. “He didn’t show up here for nothing.”
“No, he didn’t,” she agreed, “but maybe we go grab a drink from the bar while they hash out whatever needs fixed.”
I couldn’t help the soft sigh that escaped before I followed Bree to the bar. She sat on a stool, facing the bar, and patted the one beside her. I sank onto it, lifting my chin so I didn’t appear as concerned as I felt.
“Heron loves you,” she informed me, keeping her voice low.
The bar had resumed its normal volume when Heron and Brax left. Around us, conversations grew loud, jovial, and downright crude in some corners.
“I know.”
“Whatever you’re feeling, I think it’s justified. I’d have a hard time with it, so I can’t tell you to act like it’s nothing.”
“I appreciate that, Bree.”
“But I also know Heron is in love with you. That man is so far gone for you I don’t think he’d notice a naked woman in front of him unless it was you.”
I snort at that. “Nice try, Bree.”
“Seriously. I’ve seen club girls walk around in thongs and nothing else, and he doesn’t give them a glance. He doesn’t care because he has all he wants with you .”
That warmed me more than I cared to admit. “Wow.”
“He’s a guy, and all our men are sex-crazed, but I have noticed once a member finds his woman, she’s it for him. No one else has a chance.”
She wasn’t wrong. I had observed the same with all the members who had ol’ ladies. The pool of club girls grew smaller simply because there wasn’t a demand.
“You’re saying I need to trust him, and I do, Bree.”
“Then the worry you’re feeling in your gut? It’s gotta go.”
Damn. I never felt so called out in my life.
“Hey,” she laughed. “Don’t look like I kicked your kitty. I’m just speaking from experience. I got jealous a while back with Raven, and he set me straight. Best sex of my life, too,” she admitted with a blush staining her cheeks.
I couldn’t help snickering. Heron had done the same for me. He didn’t know how much he helped me to heal with his patient love. I’d spent a long time screaming into the night after the wolves had found me in Vegas. Most of the women captives hated the underground cells they kept us in, only opening the gates to hunt us or let us roam like cattle.
We weren’t taken for breeding, only for sport. I could handle that. Sexual trauma had left a stain on my soul, but in those woods, running, taking back control of my body began the process of healing and brought me to a point where I could finally accept Heron. Did it happen overnight? No. I fought my way out of the hellhole I had sunken into for an additional year after we met, but he never gave up on me.
I couldn’t give up on him, not that I ever would.
“He’s my everything,” I admitted, laying it all out. “To lose him would devastate me. There’s so much in my past, Bree. Too much to get into now.”
“I know.” She reached for my hand and squeezed. “More than anyone else here, I think I know what you’re going through. We’ve got similar pasts. When you’re ready to talk about it, I’d like to be there for you.”
Touched, I squeezed back. “Thank you, Bree.”
“Just don’t sit on it too long. When you feel that never-ending scream clawing at your throat, the one that won’t be silenced, let it out and come find me.”
“It’s still brewing in my gut,” I whispered.
“And it will until you’re ready.” She released my hand and smiled. “You’re never alone. Reach out. It’s good to know you have a lifeline.”
Truer words were never spoken.