Chapter 14 #2
Not until the people around him began to catcall, and his eyes met mine, wide with shock.
“Um —” I looked down at Hannah. “I think I’m going to go outside for a minute. It’s, uh, warm in here. Loud. I just need a little break.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Hannah asked.
“No, uh —” I waved vaguely at the dance floor. “Girls dance with each other, right? This is a good song. Just — I dunno. Dance with your friends, maybe?”
And I turned, leaving her behind.
Out of the ballroom, through the maze of corridors, carpet under my feet. My rented shoes pinched, but I kept walking. Shirt collar too tight. The greasy scent of two hundred plates of chicken marsala. Four more steps, three — the door swinging under my palms.
Out. Out into the night, balmy May air. I’d left my jacket in the ballroom, thank goodness, because there was a breeze, cooling my skin. Ears ringing away from the speakers, away from the noise — my hearing catching up to the quiet —
“Ezra.”
I didn’t turn around. I kept walking, around the corner, away from the door. “Not here, Cole — not now — just needed air —”
“Ezra, don’t do this —”
“I’m not doing anything, just needed a break — air was too close in there and the music was too loud —”
“Ezra!” He grabbed my wrist, turning me to face him, and I flinched. “You saw what happened, she kissed me —”
“And you didn’t stop her —”
Cole’s eyes flashed with anger. “It’s her prom night! I didn’t want to embarrass her when everyone was looking —”
“Are you going to fuck her, too? People fuck at prom. Can’t let her miss out.” I couldn’t believe what I was saying. Why was it bothering me so much?
“That’s not fair —” Cole hissed. “Besides, I had to spend the whole night watching you batting your eyelashes at Hannah —”
“It’s not like — I mean, I wasn’t —”
We both froze, glaring at each other, the moment stretching between us. But then, Cole began to laugh.
“Why the fuck are we fighting over girls?” he hiccupped. “I mean, I’m gay as fuck, and I know how much you like sucking cock, and Hannah doesn’t have one as far as I know —”
My lips twitched. “Wouldn’t want it if she did.”
“God, I love you —”
It felt so good to kiss him after all the tension, all the hours of uncertainty, of watching him with Courtney and wanting what I couldn’t have.
We crashed together with a groan of pleasure, me gripping his waist, him crowding me against the wall, one hand cradling the back of my head to keep me from bashing it against the rough brick.
It was madness, all teeth and tongue, both of us pouring out all the tension of the last few minutes.
He was hard against my thigh, and I wondered deliriously if we should take this to the car, if I could get him off before they missed us, if I could —
“You two are gay?!?”
Cole pulled away like I was on fire. Courtney was standing just past the corner of the building, her hands balled up in fists, all five feet two inches of her trembling with rage. Behind her, Hannah was frozen in place, both hands covering her mouth.
“Courtney —” he breathed. “Courtney, it’s not his fault —”
“I don’t want to hear it!” she shrieked, and spun around, stalking back around the corner toward the entrance to the banquet hall, with Cole hot on her heels.
“Courtney, please don’t make a scene —” Cole pleaded, his voice low and urgent. “Please, we can talk about this —”
We were just outside the door to the room now, and people were starting to file out to watch the commotion.
“Don’t make a scene?!?” Courtney wheeled and slapped Cole across the face. “How’s that for not making a scene?”
Cole pulled back in shock, his hand pressed to his cheek.
“All night — all fucking year — you’ve let me think you wanted me, and you’ve let me make a fool of myself over you! Then I leave you alone for five minutes and I find you sucking face with — with him!”
She pointed a shaking finger at me, and suddenly Hannah was at my side, wrapping both hands around my elbow and pulling me back into the shadows.
“Leave him out of it!” Cole thundered. He paused, casting his eyes up toward the ceiling as he bit his lip, and then squared his shoulders. “I’m the asshole here. Ezra is straight. I told him I loved him and I tried to kiss him, but he — he pushed me away —”
“Do you think I’m stupid?” Courtney’s eyes were narrowed, her voice dripping venom. “I know what I saw!”
“Do you really?” Cole took a measured step forward, towering over her. “Are you sure about that?”
For a moment they were both frozen, breathing hard. Then Courtney lifted a single finger, poking Cole squarely in the chest.
“Stay the fuck away from me. You’re disgusting.”
And then Melissa was by her side, leading her away.
I couldn’t breathe. I was frozen to the spot, my feet made of concrete, Hannah’s fingers digging into my arm.
Cole was haunted, dazed, an animal caught in a trap, all of our classmates gathered to watch what he would do next.
His eyes floated over mine, but it was as if he barely saw me.
Slowly, he pushed through the crowd and back into the room where the music was still playing.
A moment later, he reemerged, his tux jacket slung over his arm, and he began to stride toward the exit.
“Cole.” The word barely escaped my lips, a crackle of dry leaves. “Cole, wait!”
I lurched forward, willing my limbs to move, as if I was walking for the first time. He was already out the door, and I stumbled after him, not caring who saw or what they thought. I just knew I had to stop him, had to tell him —
He was halfway to the car by the time I stepped out into the night. “Cole, please — COLE!”
He stopped and turned in place. “Just leave me alone, Ezra.”
“No, I don’t want that — please, can we talk?”
“No.” Cole started suddenly, grabbing his hair with both hands.
“Ezra, don’t you see? You have a choice.
You can fit in if you want — and it looks like you have somebody waiting for you back there who wants to help you try.
Me? I’m fucking poison. I fuck up everything I touch and I will ruin your life.
Unless you’re gonna go back in there and tell everybody how many times we’ve fucked —”
My mouth was opening and closing as he glared at me, but the words were stuck.
Cole snorted. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Just — do me a favor and try to forget you ever met me.”
And he climbed into the car and peeled out of the parking lot, leaving me alone.
I watched him go, my brain a block of ice. I knew I should do something — move my feet, call him, make him come back. But I couldn’t — I didn’t —
“Ezra?”
Hannah was standing a little bit behind me, holding my jacket.
“Um — I called my mom to come and get us. It’s gonna be maybe half an hour, but she’ll be here. Just — come and sit down, okay?”
Mutely, I followed her, and we settled down on the curb next to the banquet hall. I wrapped my arms around my knees, hugging them to my chest, and Hannah moved a little closer, resting her head on my shoulder.
Cole had to listen to me — he had to — he’d cool off and we would face this together and somehow we would — we would —
We wouldn’t see each other again. Not for another twelve years.